Forever2011 Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 I'll try to keep this as short as I can. But the situation goes something like this... For the past 9 months, I've been dating a girl who from the beginning warned me she has some problems. Of course I thought all she needed is someone who loved her for her for once (her main past relationship revolved around abuse). She also has a kid, which I was somewhat weary about initially, but didn't want to give up on her like every other guy apparently does in that situation. So I gave her a chance, and we got close fast. She was such a truly sweet girl it seemed, so loving and caring. Some things were inconsistent though; I could tell she had a dark side. Well, as the months passed, she began to get more "comfortable" around me and I started to see rage. Arguments weren't that frequent initially, but they grew as time passed. Eventually, she began saying the most hurtful things about her past, just to win an argument by throwing them in my face. I shot back hurtful things too, but after about 2 months, I realized the damage of this, and backed off. But she continued saying the most hell fueled cruel things she could, like things about her ex and her. I began to build a wall even after the apologies. I started to resent her a little bit, or at least fear that she would be easily set off (As usual) and flip and say cruel things that I couldn't forget. She always said after the fact that she didn't mean ANY of the things she said, but the damage of course is always done. She would flip on me if there was nudity in a movie, and claim I was looking, and then her rebuttal would be "I'm going to take off my shirt for guys to show you how it feels". Asinine retaliations that just made you step back and wonder what the hell? In public, she would always accuse me of looking at girls (and let me clarify, I don't do that. I have never been disrespectful like that to any girlfriend). She always assumes I am cheating and have girls on the side (which once again is 100% asinine, I have never and would never cheat on anyone who trusted me). She is diagnosed recently as bipolar 1, schizotypal personality disorder, and some major forms of depression. Some very bad things have happened to her in her past, as well. I do love this girl to death, I really do. I want nothing more than to take away her pain and let her have the ability to enjoy life, and hopefully maybe it'll make me a bit happier too. I don't know how to let go of the resentment and the pain and just be good to her anymore like I want. What advice do the kind people here have to give?
Surrealist Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Mate, run, run like your life depended on it. There's no future to this toxic relationship and the arguing and pain will only intensify. The real question is, have you got the balls to do it? You can still care for her from a distance, but this situation is only going to cause you some major grief until such time you are so tired and over it all, you will finally leave her! But by then, depending on how much you endure, the damage you will have will take months, maybe years, to heal from. Then you will be carrying that into new relationships, even if you are not aware of it.
zig Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 If it makes you feel any better, I'm feeling like hell right now too...because of a girl. Different reasons but the same song if you get my drift. I hope you feel better and listen to the advice above
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