Forever2011 Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 I'll try to keep this as short as I can. But the situation goes something like this... For the past 9 months, I've been dating a girl who from the beginning warned me she has some problems. Of course I thought all she needed is someone who loved her for her for once (her main past relationship revolved around abuse). She also has a kid, which I was somewhat weary about initially, but didn't want to give up on her like every other guy apparently does in that situation. So I gave her a chance, and we got close fast. She was such a truly sweet girl it seemed, so loving and caring. Some things were inconsistent though; I could tell she had a dark side. Well, as the months passed, she began to get more "comfortable" around me and I started to see rage. Arguments weren't that frequent initially, but they grew as time passed. Eventually, she began saying the most hurtful things about her past, just to win an argument by throwing them in my face. I shot back hurtful things too, but after about 2 months, I realized the damage of this, and backed off. But she continued saying the most hell fueled cruel things she could, like things about her ex and her. I began to build a wall even after the apologies. I started to resent her a little bit, or at least fear that she would be easily set off (As usual) and flip and say cruel things that I couldn't forget. She always said after the fact that she didn't mean ANY of the things she said, but the damage of course is always done. She would flip on me if there was nudity in a movie, and claim I was looking, and then her rebuttal would be "I'm going to take off my shirt for guys to show you how it feels". Asinine retaliations that just made you step back and wonder what the hell? In public, she would always accuse me of looking at girls (and let me clarify, I don't do that. I have never been disrespectful like that to any girlfriend). She always assumes I am cheating and have girls on the side (which once again is 100% asinine, I have never and would never cheat on anyone who trusted me). She is diagnosed recently as bipolar 1, schizotypal personality disorder, and some major forms of depression. Some very bad things have happened to her in her past, as well. I do love this girl to death, I really do. I want nothing more than to take away her pain and let her have the ability to enjoy life, and hopefully maybe it'll make me a bit happier too. I don't know how to let go of the resentment and the pain and just be good to her anymore like I want. What advice do the kind people here have to give?
Fern Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Read this: http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a101.htm
Author Forever2011 Posted November 20, 2010 Author Posted November 20, 2010 Interesting. Psychology is my other major, I know all about BPD (and the other personality disorders). I have suspected that she was borderline for a while, but she took an Objective Personality Test and didn't show signs of borderline, but rather bipolar 1, schizotypal, depressions, opperant defiant disorder, and dependent personality disorder. (She gets close to others but doesn't allow them to get close to her).
ocatherine Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Very difficult situation to be in and only one that you could make for yourself given the situation. However the way I see it, there are no excuses (I don't care what kind of issues one may have, whether mentally or physically) that gives them the right to treat another person poorly. Bottom line, its a matter of you either accepting her the way she is and putting up with that kind of treatment in the hopes of making her happy at your own detriment. Personally, there is no one, and I mean no one, that deserves to be more happy than you. I don't care how much you may love and/or care for that person.
karnak Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 However the way I see it, there are no excuses (I don't care what kind of issues one may have, whether mentally or physically) that gives them the right to treat another person poorly. Very true.
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