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2nd choice

Cosmo

By Cosmo
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Cosmo Member

Cosmo

Posted
Posted

Hi,

 

Would you people accept to be always the second choice ?

let me explain you: a girl i really like would always ignore me when she were dating a guy, she wouldn't even reply to my messages but would always give me some fake smile when i met here in the street and be like yeah nice to see you but then would ignore all my calls and mails.

Now when she got out of a relationship she would try to contact me... not real contact just little initiations like asking my friends where i'm or adding me on some social network... .

 

the problem is: one part of me likes her very much but another part makes me feel hurt because of being choosen as her 2nd choice and all that harsh "no contact" thing.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

Generally, within the parameters of the OP, that's filler material for a Hoover; a person who takes from others to fill up the black hole of themselves. Your attention merely fills the void until a more 'worthy' receptacle happens by.

 

A good question to ask yourself is why you like her so much...

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Cosmo Member

Cosmo

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you got right !

 

but my love is fading now as i see how she really is.

 

you know why i made this post? cause i saw her yesterday, she ignored me and just passed by :laugh:

she doesn't like me, she just wants attention from me...

green_tea Established Member

green_tea

Posted
Posted

Why would you expect anything from her while she was in a relationship, and why would you be trying to call her and email her while she was with someone else? And I don't think it's wrong of her, once she was single to take an interest in you - I don't see that as you being 2nd choice, I see that as she is now single and looking, and seeing if you are interested in her.

 

Not sure if I misinterpreted your question or if you've left out any details..?

SignalFlare Member

SignalFlare

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And I don't think it's wrong of her, once she was single to take an interest in you - I don't see that as you being 2nd choice, I see that as she is now single and looking, and seeing if you are interested in her.
I would agree with you if she wasn't completely ignoring Cosmo. If she was truly interested she would have the courtesy and respect to maintain a platonic relationship with him even while in a romantic relationship with someone else.
green_tea Established Member

green_tea

Posted
Posted
I would agree with you if she wasn't completely ignoring Cosmo. If she was truly interested she would have the courtesy and respect to maintain a platonic relationship with him even while in a romantic relationship with someone else.

 

She probably would have picked up on the fact that OP was interested in her, and didn't want to be seen to be encouraging another guy while she was in a relationship. She may have thought it was easier to just ignore the calls, especially if she had feelings too, which it looks like may be the case.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

OP, how many 'relationships' has this happened during? You mentioned 'always', like this has happened more than once. Also, how old are you?

 

Next, you mentioned 'dating' and 'relationship' like they're interchangeable. How do you define those descriptions?

 

Lastly, is this a continuation of a prior thread or a different person and similar situation?

 

If you're under 25, I'll reverse my prior opinion. Hoovers dominate under 25 so you'll just have to suffer through it. Ask her out on a *date*. Leave no ambiguity. If she declines, erase her.

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Cosmo Member

Cosmo

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-what does OP mean ?

-this happened 2 times :eek:

-dating = first period of a relationship (like the first 3months)

 

-ohhh no it's not the same girl but it looks like i got problems with girls.... i live in another city now.

is it my action,inaction that causes girls to behave like this with me ?

 

yes she's under 25

 

SignalFlare understood my point.

Why does a girl COMPLETELY ignore someone when she is dating another guy ? She could have mentioned she is seeing someone but she didn't, she was evasive and cold, she ignored my calls, my mails the last year and now 2 months ago she initiates little moves like sending me invitations on social networks.

 

This is what i think:

after some time her bf dumped her and now she doesn't want to be alone and looks for male attention. i feel like i'm her booby prize.

Edited by Cosmo
carhill Established Member

carhill

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Posted

OP - original post/poster

 

Your thinking is pretty much in line with my life experience with such women, hence why I've come to nickname them 'Hoovers', since they suck the life out of you like the venerable vacuum sucks dust bunnies.

tykira Member

tykira

Posted
Posted
Hi,

 

Would you people accept to be always the second choice ?

let me explain you: a girl i really like would always ignore me when she were dating a guy, she wouldn't even reply to my messages but would always give me some fake smile when i met here in the street and be like yeah nice to see you but then would ignore all my calls and mails.

Now when she got out of a relationship she would try to contact me... not real contact just little initiations like asking my friends where i'm or adding me on some social network... .

 

the problem is: one part of me likes her very much but another part makes me feel hurt because of being choosen as her 2nd choice and all that harsh "no contact" thing.

 

Drop her man, like a hot potato!! She doesn't really care about you, don't ever settle for less. Trust me I've been through that crap before and went through 20 years of hell, lies and mistrust. She doesn't deserve you ok? You're just a last resort to her. Find someone else who ACTUALLY treats you as a real friend and NOT a pain killer. I know what I'm talking about, the world is too big to revolve around one person. Don't settle for less, life is too short for that.

Els Established Member

Els

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Exactly how much did you call and mail her while she was in a relationship?

alexlakeman Established Member

alexlakeman

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We're all 2nd choices and everyone we date is our 2nd choice, unless you or her never dated b4. She's interested now bc she dumped or got dumped. Be glad she wasn't disrespectful with d ex by communicating with you, so it'll probably be safe to say she would be a safe potential s/o.

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Cosmo Member

Cosmo

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@Elswyth: 1 call per week for 1 month and after a few months 3 mails... nothing stalkarish, right ?

 

@alexlakeman: what would you call when someone gives you her number and email address only to ignore your messages when she's dating someone??

 

I think she's now looking for a rebound guy :) i'm hesitating, should i take advantage of this ? no emotions involved , just having sex with her ? i can run this on my term.

tykira Member

tykira

Posted
Posted
@Elswyth: 1 call per week for 1 month and after a few months 3 mails... nothing stalkarish, right ?

 

@alexlakeman: what would you call when someone gives you her number and email address only to ignore your messages when she's dating someone??

 

I think she's now looking for a rebound guy :) i'm hesitating, should i take advantage of this ? no emotions involved , just having sex with her ? i can run this on my term.

 

But won't that make you a big a douchebag as her? :confused:

SlevinKalebra Established Member

SlevinKalebra

Posted
Posted
Why would you expect anything from her while she was in a relationship, and why would you be trying to call her and email her while she was with someone else? And I don't think it's wrong of her, once she was single to take an interest in you - I don't see that as you being 2nd choice, I see that as she is now single and looking, and seeing if you are interested in her.

 

Not sure if I misinterpreted your question or if you've left out any details..?

 

 

This is 100%. In general I think this is a lesson that a lot of guys need to learn sooner (at least sooner than I did). Many women despite what you'll read about at LS are faithful to the point that they are uncomfortable with even platonic male interaction wether it's out of guilt or to keep from starting arguments in their relationship. Do not take it personal, if someone takes an honest interest in you after a relationship ends that does not make you second choice. That means that they were with someone else now they're not. That's just life.

You need to ask yourself whenever this issue comes up is it an honest interest or is she an attention whore? (no offense ladies I just have too much experience with these types)

BachMFD650 New Member

BachMFD650

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sounds like a rebound situation... been there done that... it's not fun....

Mad Max Established Member

Mad Max

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No second choice for me. I'm either numero uno or no choice at all. I am no one's backup.

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