thomasb Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 (edited) [1. An exaggerated sense of self-importance 2. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love 3. Believes he is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions 4. Requires excessive admiration 5. Has a sense of entitlement 6. Selfishly takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends 7. Lacks empathy 8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him 9. Shows arrogant, haughty, patronizing, or contemptuous behaviors or attitudes. I was rather shocked to read this as it is basically the same as the behavior and reasoning of a person cheating. Not to worry. A few will inevitably show up here to disclaim it, and then try to make this about them! Too funny. Edited November 20, 2010 by thomasb
jennie-jennie Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Being the child of a narcissistic mother I have vast knowledge of what being a narcissist means. Being a WS and being a narcissist are two completely different things. Sure some MM may be narcissists, just like you will find a percentage in any group being narcissists. But that's all.
BB07 Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Most people have at least some narcissistic traits Thomasb. Perhaps those same traits make themselves more prominent when someone is cheating. Of course a true NPD has no qualms at all but that is different.
bentnotbroken Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Mr. Messy is a diagnosed NPD personality. I didn't know anything about it until I sought counseling to deal with all the mess thrown at me and caused by me. I have also studied it at great lengths( along with depressive disorder). Some of the people with the most severe cases of NPD are so destructive to themselves and others they should have a warning tattooed on their forehead.
NoLongerSad Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Mr. Messy is a diagnosed NPD personality. I didn't know anything about it until I sought counseling to deal with all the mess thrown at me and caused by me. I have also studied it at great lengths( along with depressive disorder). Some of the people with the most severe cases of NPD are so destructive to themselves and others they should have a warning tattooed on their forehead. In a way they do have that. By the way they talk and behave. Unfortunately if one is inexperienced with NPD or in love with someone with it the signs can be hard to see. No doubt now, with your experience, the signs of an NPD person are as easy for you to see as an actual tattoo. Can you tell that a certain number of the posters at LS seem to have it tattooed on their foreheads, by their words and attitudes? Shhhh....don't say who they are.
NoLongerSad Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 [1. An exaggerated sense of self-importance 2. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love 3. Believes he is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions 4. Requires excessive admiration 5. Has a sense of entitlement 6. Selfishly takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends 7. Lacks empathy 8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him 9. Shows arrogant, haughty, patronizing, or contemptuous behaviors or attitudes. I was rather shocked to read this as it is basically the same as the behavior and reasoning of a person cheating. Not to worry. A few will inevitably show up here to disclaim it, and then try to make this about them! Too funny. Yes they have the "tattoo" don't they?
BB07 Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Mr. Messy is a diagnosed NPD personality. I didn't know anything about it until I sought counseling to deal with all the mess thrown at me and caused by me. I have also studied it at great lengths( along with depressive disorder). Some of the people with the most severe cases of NPD are so destructive to themselves and others they should have a warning tattooed on their forehead. I don't think that I had ever came across that term (NPD) until I came here. I did read up on it and it's interesting. Since reading that information I've wondered if one of my x's is one. He seems to have a lot of the traits. Of course I'm not capable of diagnosing him, but I wonder. One of his little things that always struck me as the oddest thing is how he would blatantly brag on himself, even talking about his appearance. It was just so odd! Usually people who demonstrate bragging and like characteristics are such a turn off to me that I normally wouldn't have gave him a second look, but it was in the aftermath of you know who after the 1st go around. Did I mention how much I like being alone now? lol I'm sorry that you had to live with that Bent and suffer because of it. As we know life is not fair sometimes.
jennie-jennie Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 In a way they do have that. By the way they talk and behave. Unfortunately if one is inexperienced with NPD or in love with someone with it the signs can be hard to see. No doubt now, with your experience, the signs of an NPD person are as easy for you to see as an actual tattoo. Can you tell that a certain number of the posters at LS seem to have it tattooed on their foreheads, by their words and attitudes? Shhhh....don't say who they are. I'd bet you and I have completely different opinions about who the narcissists on LS are.
threebyfate Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 The ex-husband who cheated was diagnosed by a professional with NPD. The guidelines you read are only guidelines. There are degrees of symptoms which will define whether someone has a personality disorder or not, which IMO, real diagnosis that should be taken seriously, should come from an accredited professional.
bentnotbroken Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 I don't think that I had ever came across that term (NPD) until I came here. I did read up on it and it's interesting. Since reading that information I've wondered if one of my x's is one. He seems to have a lot of the traits. Of course I'm not capable of diagnosing him, but I wonder. One of his little things that always struck me as the oddest thing is how he would blatantly brag on himself, even talking about his appearance. It was just so odd! Usually people who demonstrate bragging and like characteristics are such a turn off to me that I normally wouldn't have gave him a second look, but it was in the aftermath of you know who after the 1st go around. Did I mention how much I like being alone now? lol I'm sorry that you had to live with that Bent and suffer because of it. As we know life is not fair sometimes. Thank you. But...why not me? The good Lord only gives us what he knows we can handle even if we are going what the hell???? He suffered some too. I lashed out as a way to fight back...big mistake. Life isn't fair but it is worth the ride and alone is good sometimes.
NoLongerSad Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 I'd bet you and I have completely different opinions about who the narcissists on LS are. Yes I'll bet we would.
BB07 Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Thank you. But...why not me? The good Lord only gives us what he knows we can handle even if we are going what the hell???? He suffered some too. I lashed out as a way to fight back...big mistake. Life isn't fair but it is worth the ride and alone is good sometimes. You know I like your question, "why not me?" it changes the perspective from being a victim doesn't it? I have often asked myself, why me and I usually came up with the reasons of something that I have done wrong made me deserving of it. No I'm not talking about my relationships with men but events that happened that were completely beyond my control. I still struggle with answers on those. Maybe I should just accept that there are no good answers and look at it as you said........why not me? Attitude adjustment is needed at times. I do like my alone time.........meaning I'm not focused on a man or a relationship with a man. I have wonderful friends and a family, (the 1 1/2 year old granddaughter is the best thing since sliced bread). Sorry about the t/j.
Silly_Girl Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 [1. An exaggerated sense of self-importance 2. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love 3. Believes he is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions 4. Requires excessive admiration 5. Has a sense of entitlement 6. Selfishly takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends 7. Lacks empathy 8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him 9. Shows arrogant, haughty, patronizing, or contemptuous behaviors or attitudes. I was rather shocked to read this as it is basically the same as the behavior and reasoning of a person cheating. Not to worry. A few will inevitably show up here to disclaim it, and then try to make this about them! Too funny. Which do you identify with TB?
fooled once Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Which do you identify with TB? :eek: And yet another thread with poke at people Ya know, once again, this is the infidelity forum. If you don't like the topic, move on. If you don't like the poster, why respond? WHY respond if it is only to take jabs at someone?
WTFBBQ Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 "Which do you identify with TB?" Same as you.
Silly_Girl Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 :eek: And yet another thread with poke at people Ya know, once again, this is the infidelity forum. If you don't like the topic, move on. If you don't like the poster, why respond? WHY respond if it is only to take jabs at someone? If you don't like my post, move on! Genuine curiosity. TB (I'd imagine) found this valuable in some way else he'd not be sharing it; why copy and paste something like that if one believes it to be tripe... I wasn't rude, or offensive - why wouldn't I be interested as to the OP's take on it?
hoping2heal Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 I agree with jennie jennie said earlier. Most personality disorders have traits shown by most people, on some level or another. That does not mean the person has a full on case of it. While I do not doubt that some cheaters (serial cheaters especially, come to mind) suffer from NPD, that does not account for all of them. There are those who have personal values that are okay with cheating, many people who participate in affairs come from dysfunctional backgrounds, wether it be their growing up home life, or something they experienced in their lifetime. There was a study done that had shown very poor self image and low self esteem in nearly the entire majority of those who were on the "recieving end" e.g affair partners in affairs.
Author thomasb Posted November 21, 2010 Author Posted November 21, 2010 Bent, sometimes I think God has me mixed up with someone else though!
Author thomasb Posted November 21, 2010 Author Posted November 21, 2010 In a way they do have that. By the way they talk and behave. Unfortunately if one is inexperienced with NPD or in love with someone with it the signs can be hard to see. No doubt now, with your experience, the signs of an NPD person are as easy for you to see as an actual tattoo. Can you tell that a certain number of the posters at LS seem to have it tattooed on their foreheads, by their words and attitudes? Shhhh....don't say who they are. Yes, the me, me, it's all about me is quite self evident, isn't it. Rather funny actually.
OpenBook Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Whenever people diagnose other people with NPD - like ex's, someone they got to know intimately and voluntarily committed themselves to that relationship - I always wonder if one of the traits of NPD is the ability to fool others, such as masking it with personal charisma & charm. Is that normally part of the NPD equation? If the signs are so obvious, why would anyone in their right mind have anything to an NPD-er???
bentnotbroken Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Whenever people diagnose other people with NPD - like ex's, someone they got to know intimately and voluntarily committed themselves to that relationship - I always wonder if one of the traits of NPD is the ability to fool others, such as masking it with personal charisma & charm. Is that normally part of the NPD equation? If the signs are so obvious, why would anyone in their right mind have anything to an NPD-er??? According to my counselor it is what makes them successful in their careers but fail so miserably in relationships. Mr. Messy believed his own hype...in his head he is all that and more. Hind sight and all makes the crap easier to avoid the next time one of those personalities rears it's ugly head.
OWoman Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 [1. An exaggerated sense of self-importance 2. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love 3. Believes he is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions 4. Requires excessive admiration 5. Has a sense of entitlement 6. Selfishly takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends 7. Lacks empathy 8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him 9. Shows arrogant, haughty, patronizing, or contemptuous behaviors or attitudes. I was rather shocked to read this as it is basically the same as the behavior and reasoning of a person cheating. Not to worry. A few will inevitably show up here to disclaim it, and then try to make this about them! Too funny. This is interesting. It describes accurately my H's xW, who was the WS previously (but was the BS in his A). My H is (or was) the complete opposite - a textbook co-narcissist, whose self-esteem was thoroughly depleted and who felt he had no right / entitlement to anything for himself: his role was to provide and nurture others, as the H / father / departmental leader. It was only through IC and the A that he moved to a more healthy position (of acknowledging and allowing his own needs, and negotiating in a R where needs are in conflict, etc). I wonder how many Ms which experience infidelity are characterised by at least one party exhibiting such traits, and I wonder whether it is usually / more often the WS, or whether it is equally likely to be the BS as it is the WS? Does anyone know if there have been any studies on this?
Author thomasb Posted November 21, 2010 Author Posted November 21, 2010 I did a search and couldn't find any. Definately a subject for speculation.
wheream_i Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 I can pretty much agree with this. Almost like looking in a mirror. [1. An exaggerated sense of self-importance 2. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love 3. Believes he is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions 4. Requires excessive admiration 5. Has a sense of entitlement 6. Selfishly takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends 7. Lacks empathy 8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him 9. Shows arrogant, haughty, patronizing, or contemptuous behaviors or attitudes. I was rather shocked to read this as it is basically the same as the behavior and reasoning of a person cheating. Not to worry. A few will inevitably show up here to disclaim it, and then try to make this about them! Too funny.
HalfAlive22 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 [1. An exaggerated sense of self-importance 2. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love 3. Believes he is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions 4. Requires excessive admiration 5. Has a sense of entitlement 6. Selfishly takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends 7. Lacks empathy 8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him 9. Shows arrogant, haughty, patronizing, or contemptuous behaviors or attitudes. I was rather shocked to read this as it is basically the same as the behavior and reasoning of a person cheating. Not to worry. A few will inevitably show up here to disclaim it, and then try to make this about them! Too funny. Wow you just described my H perfectly..
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