Getting a girl, is it something that just usually happens naturally on it's own...

[Ross PK]

without thinking about it?

 

Or do you usually have to conciously make it happen and be aggressive?

 

In what way has it usually happened for you?

 

And when I say getting a girl, I mean anything from a ONS to a relationship.

[deebeechrisyo]

For some guys sure, for others: if you have spent 10-20 years letting it naturally happen on it's own and it hasn't, then it's time to realize that you have to change-up what you are doing.

[Ross PK]

Surely most of you guys know the answer to this?

[TouchedByViolet]

Im a guy and it has never happened naturally for me. I have to put in some effort and work to get a girl.

[JohnnyBlaze]

For me, it has usually just dropped in my lap, so to speak. It all depends on what your strengths are, I guess. If you're charming from the start, you'll probably have more success approaching women. If (like me), you're not the smooth talker, you'll have to rely on other characteristics to draw them to you. Things like size, shape (particularly if you're ripped), tattoos or attire (among other things) can all work.

 

In my case, it's that I'm an outsider. Although I do have Brothers who ride, most of my local friends are non-riders and dress "normally". So when we meet up somewhere (usually a non-biker bar) and I pull up on my Harley, wearing a leather jacket and sporting tattoos and a shaved head, I do tend to stand out. Once in a while, there happens to be a girl in the bar who wants to walk on the wild side, so she'll come over and start chatting me up.

 

Point is, if you're not successful at going and talking to them, you have to give them a reason to want to come and talk to you.

[ConstantCraving]

without thinking about it?

 

Or do you usually have to conciously make it happen and be aggressive?

 

In what way has it usually happened for you?

 

And when I say getting a girl, I mean anything from a ONS to a relationship.

 

While an attractive woman doesn't really have to do anything to get men to approach her, a typical guy really has to work at it.

 

If I hadn't made considerable efforts to find a girlfriend in the past, I never would have had one at all.

 

Apart from my last long-term girlfriend, no woman is going to proposition me, flirt with me or ask me out.

 

I'm not actively looking for a woman at the moment since I have other crap to deal with (like unemployment) but I have done that with the full awareness that barring some kind of miracle, I won't find anyone until I resume the search.

[Ross PK]

So let me get this straight. You guys don't mean working at it as in, just getting out there and being around plenty of other people, and then it'll just naturally happen, but working at it once you have got out there?

[flickster42490]

My gf actually came up to me and started chatting me up. Then, I followed the signs she gave me and used them to start a wonderful 4 year-long relationship! On the other hand, I've had and still have girls giving me discreet signals that are sometimes so hard to decipher even without chatting me up first.

 

What I'm trying to say is that you probably should pursue the girls if you only get some sort of signals that they are, indeed, into you. If you do so without receiving the signals, it's gonna be damn hard and near impossible.

 

Good luck.

[mohdhm]

sometimes if you are lucky, they fall into your lap. happened to me once in a lifetime though and i kind of rejected her. If i never made the effort, i would never get a girlfriend. for all the guys that say it just happens, well... it is because they are so "experienced" in a sense, that they don't feel like they've worked for it at all.

[Ometeotl]

Now you see, we here about, getting out there and standing out, working for it, being assertive and chatting with a woman (buy her a drink, just do it), or having them fall into your lap (generally through a friends party/get together, I find.

 

There are also places that are better than others,for example, for sex, you may find that, and this may sound funny, but a gay/lesbian club or bar will generally have woman that are A) Awesome (my own opinion) B) Open minded C) More forward D) Less Sexually inhibited. I really only recommend this if you have gay/lesbian friends that can go with you since thats all teh experience I have.

 

The next thing that I do not know if this is mentioned, is friendship, if your not looking for just sex, trying being a womans friend for a while.

 

I would say this is the best way to really get to know her and trust eachother, you can see eachother through ur other breakups or whatever and start to get a feeling of who that persons and such.

 

Then there is of course just asking a friend to hook you up,

 

if you are friends with a gay man, he most likely knows some woman, and you can just sorta send the word out that you are interested in dating an awesome girl.

 

Of course, any friend will do.

 

But, put all this information aside, and realize, If you arent keeping one eye on you and what makes you happy at all times, and have both eyes on get into a relationship, you better make sure you got ur situation handled and your side of things, meaning you are goal oriented, a good person, know what you want out of life so forth and so on.

 

I could be wrong about all this though, probly just talkin out my ass

 

And just as a personal aside, dont get into it with a coworker!

Peace

Edited December 8, 2010 by Ometeotl

[spiderowl]

I think the guy has to be the actor, to take the initiative. Women are not taught to take the initiative but more are doing it these days. However, if you rely on that I think you'll waste a lot of time and miss out on the women you particularly like.

 

I'd wait until a woman really interests you but in the meantime practise making that initial contact and engaging women in conversation. It's not difficult to make contact, a few words in a friendly way can break down barriers. If in a bar or restaurant, "how are you today?" or "haven't seen you here before, perhaps I should introduce myself". Comments on the place, weather, anything, just breaks that barrier of two people not talking to each other.

 

Next time you see her, she'll 'know' you and be more likely to be friendly and say hello and you can have a chat. Next time, well, if she likes you, she'll linger and it's up to you to suggest ways of spending time alone with each other, a coffee somewhere or trip to a gallery or show. Build things up gradually and in a relaxed manner and it won't seem like you're having to put yourself out there all the time. Be subtle but friendly, moving forward at a comfortable pace. You'll make friends at least and if you take that step further of asking her out (which many men daren't do, in fact, and therefore miss opportunities), you'll make progress.

 

Good luck!