So tempted to contact her

[SimonSerenade]

I haven't talked to my ex for about 2 weeks, We've been broken up for just over 3 months, For the first month and half I tried my hardest to get her back and was quite a state then for a month I tried to be her friend and we got along fine though I knew just how hard it was keeping the feelings from reaching the surface, I unfortunately spilled after that month n told her I missed her, I bought her many of gifts including Fable 3 and nothing seemed to work, One weekend she decided to go funny with me cause I was ill and couldn't pick my son up in the week with the rate I was feeling, She insulted me to my parents that weekend because of it which started an argument and I said I wouldn't contact her again as I needed to find myself and felt unappreciated as I was making the effort to have her in my life and felt she couldn't give a rats ass if I was lying dead in a gutter, I did it nicely though and hoped she would understand.

 

Basically my problem is... I want her back and I miss her being in my life, It's usually the worst at the weekends as that's when I'd see her and I still haven't got used to not seeing her, I keep waking up in the morning missing her so much lately, In a way I want to take people's advice and move on and I want to be happy for her with whatever she decides to do and let go of these feelings and just hope for the best, I just don't know how to let go.

 

I don't know what to do... Do I shallow my pride and contact her in an attempt to be her friend? or do I just hopelessly wait for her to contact me?, What worries me most above anything else is that I took her virginity and to me that's a bond as is our beautiful son, I don't want to lose either of those bonds cause I know if she slept with somebody else I would never be able to look at her straight again let alone take her back, How likely is it that she will?, Will she know better than to throw all that away? I hope so.....

 

I've had plenty of opportunities to have sex but have rejected every single one of them as the very idea of being intimate with anyone else just rips me to shreds, I just hope it's the same for her, I don't know if I should try and get her back again or just stay silent and hope she'll come for me.

 

I've asked her to pick up some wardrobes that she left behind and return her key, She kept saying that she would but she has yet to do so yet... Does this mean anything? or am I misreading the fact that she's lazy...?

 

Either way I just need a way to cope and to prevent me contacting her, I've deleted all her contact details but unfortunately I know her email address of by heart and that just can't be erased Need help please?

[stopthemadness]

Yea its hard. I know your pain!! They dont wanta be with us and it hurts. But at the end of the day, we cant make them love us and want to be with us. I think its best if we stay strong and just let them be. You guys have a child together so youll always see eachother at some point. I dont have that. I guess done is done for me..

[SimonSerenade]

I think the hardest part of all of this is the fact that I have a child with her, I think I'd be able to move on if I had nothing tied to her, I had such big dreams and ambitions for us, I don't want to give up on her, I just want my family... I can only wait and hope that she'll one day want the same, Don't think I'd cope with somebody else kissing her and my son goodnight...

[bl22]

I Know the feeling, I was my ex's first time also, and the thought of her doing that with someone else kills me. She made so many promises to me that shes broken and Id love to get her back but it'd kill me to know she's had someone else after me.

[bl22]

also to give you abit of advice

 

if shes got the G.I.G.S or a lot has happened during/since the breakup then you need to think long term.

 

By that i mean, its probably unlikely you will get her back anytime soon, so dont contact her whatsoever. It will be hard cause you have a child but use mutual friend or a relative to help you out here so you dont have to see her.

 

Obviously your son comes first but now its it time to make you 2nd priority not her. Think about what happened at the breakup, have you changed in anyway since you 2 got together? If so you need to get back to how you was before , that initial attraction that got her to you. You need to regain that, but if your seeing her and contacting her whilst she is in this state of mind, youll NEVER regain that, in fact she will completely forget about the initial love and attaction.

 

You say you was her first, yes i was my ex's first and that makes me think....Can a women go through their entire life only having 1 man and not feel like theyre missing out???? Thats what i want to know. Because I feel like I've done nothing wrong in this relationship and its by far the best relationship I've ever had and ive had tons before, Her on the other hand this was her first serious relationship, she had nothing to compare me too.

 

But yeah, treat yourself, join a gym, eat right (i see you have a liverpool top on, im a united fan and from manc myself so technically I should hate you...jk)

[SimonSerenade]

also to give you abit of advice

 

if shes got the G.I.G.S or a lot has happened during/since the breakup then you need to think long term.

 

By that i mean, its probably unlikely you will get her back anytime soon, so dont contact her whatsoever. It will be hard cause you have a child but use mutual friend or a relative to help you out here so you dont have to see her.

 

Obviously your son comes first but now its it time to make you 2nd priority not her. Think about what happened at the breakup, have you changed in anyway since you 2 got together? If so you need to get back to how you was before , that initial attraction that got her to you. You need to regain that, but if your seeing her and contacting her whilst she is in this state of mind, youll NEVER regain that, in fact she will completely forget about the initial love and attaction.

 

You say you was her first, yes i was my ex's first and that makes me think....Can a women go through their entire life only having 1 man and not feel like theyre missing out???? Thats what i want to know. Because I feel like I've done nothing wrong in this relationship and its by far the best relationship I've ever had and ive had tons before, Her on the other hand this was her first serious relationship, she had nothing to compare me too.

 

But yeah, treat yourself, join a gym, eat right (i see you have a liverpool top on, im a united fan and from manc myself so technically I should hate you...jk)

 

 

Nothing's really happened since the break up, I begged and pleaded for near enough 2 months and attempted to be her friend afterwards as I didn't want to cut her out of my life, We got along fine but then she started bad mouthing me and I felt I deserved better than that so have since stayed quiet and out of the picture just hoping she'd want me in her life and make an effort for me to be there, I'm not sure how to show her the changes though as I don't see her and she don't hear of me through any of her friends, Also I've blocked and deleted her from my Facebook so she can't check up on me like she was doing at the start of the break up aswell as everything else.

 

At the moment my step dad is picking my son up thankfully so I don't have to see her, I always felt uncomfortable picking him and in most cases just wanted to burst out crying after I'd see her, Sometime's looking at my son is hard cause he looks so much like her, Just reminds me of good times and the times we could have and should have had, Really thought this was the one.

 

I always wonder the same thing, I think back in the old days people used to be happy just having one but in this day and age I suppose people can wonder what there missing out on, I can't say I was perfect in the relationship and she wouldn't be able to say the same, She became very distant towards me after she left when our son was born, We argued alot because of it and eventually she stopped touching me and pushed me away when I tried to hug and kiss her, She threw me away most of the time and when I needed her she'd just become this horrible person who couldn't care less, Towards the end of the relationship I joined my friend on vampirefreaks to talk to some old friends as I felt lonely being in house on my own, I made a mistake by flirting with some girls on it, Some random people started contacting me through comments and I contacted back, In a way it felt good to feel like I was wanted and still attractive as she made me feel ugly and meaningless, I eventually realised I was doing wrong and stopped and when we broke up she mentioned that she saw it, I never felt so guilty and horrible, I'd never take it further than flirting but if I saw that in her shoes I'd be devistated so goodness knows how she spent time with me knowing that especially when she was keeping what she found out to herself.

 

Being my ex's first time mean't the world to me, She had some horrible ex boyfriends before so thank god she didn't do anything with them, I've had a couple of ex girlfriends who were horrible especially after having sex with them, I've never had a one night stand or a fling but from what I heard it's not nice and I never wanted her to experience that, She was the best thing that ever happened to me, Would hurt too much to know she'd dragged herself down to that level, I don't know what I'd do, Just hope she won't.

 

I grew up with my mum not being with my dad and it was awful, I felt my son deserved a better start in life than this, I geuss what I never let go was the fact that she left when he was born almost like she was giving me everything I ever wanted just to take it away from me, We had 2 very important bonds to me, Being her first love and first time and having our first child together, I just know I'd never be able to take her back should she be with anyone else as it would all change, That's what happened with my mum and dad, My dad was my mums first time and after she got sick of life on her own and G.I.G.S a couple of months later she wanted him back but cause she was with somebody else when they were apart he just couldn't do it, Eventually a couple more months went by and they tried again but he just couldn't forget.

 

I'm not a Liverpool fan by the way lol I used it for working out in, Only cost me a fiver (figures cause its Liverpool don't it haha), I support Tottenham and after today's result my mood has certainly been lifted lol so what's your story with your ex? if you don't mind me asking.

 

Ain't it funny how Wayne Rooney can cheat 3 times and get his wife back and never have love lost for him and we do nothing and never get the love of our live's back, Amazing how life works out, Maybe I'm praying to the wrong god or just not playing hard enough, Gonna pray for a shrek head at this rate.

[SimonSerenade]

I should mention that everyone of my ex girlfriends have come back at some point apart from one... the only one that didn't is the one who broke up with me properly, Who kissed me one last time, Who gave me proper reasons, Who promised she'd be smart in the future and wait till she found someone who loved her till she slept with anyone else, She was the only one to tell me how much I mean't and gave me understanding as to why she made the decision and that deserves respect in my books, She got with a new guy and has been with him since 5 years down the line Couldn't be happier for her.

 

My recent ex finished me over the phone, Didn't give me much to go off and didn't give me anything to go off regarding all this time meaning anything, Can't help but feel it's not quite over just yet, Maybe that's me being hopeful though.

[bl22]

Yeah just reading your posts i see so many simarlarities between yours and my situation except there is no child involved in mine.

 

Thing you gotta rememebr about yours is, yes you do have a child together, that means you and her will always hold a lifetime bond. So YES you will get chances to show her how much you've improved...but like I said it won't happen anytime soon unfortunately for you and me...and in that time god only knows what theyre doing, it hurts me so much to say.

 

But yeah, you two will meet again 1 day due to your son, and when that day comes she needs to see the 'wow factor' in you again like she did at the start. People go 2 ways after breakups, they either make changes about themselves they dont like, become motivated and a better person, or they self destruct and go the other way.

Gym for me has really helped regain my confidence after the breakup and I go pretty much 5 times a week now with a strict bulk cut meal plan. Thats how i was before i met her.

 

I knew her for about 6 months beofre we got together properly, and we got so close so fast. She was the most innocent and sweetest person I'd ever met in my life, from the start of getting to know her I thought this, and I could really sense she liked me ALOT. That put me at ease and I could just be myself around her, I could make her laugh so easily and the relationship was literally just perfect. I felt like the luckiest guy alive.

I met her family, they all really liked me, she met mine, they really liked her and after about 4 months of getting together we slept together and I was her first. She always said she was so happy and proud of herself for waiting for me cause she was so in love which made me feel so special.

 

She'd always buy me random thing and I'd do the same to her and when we wern't at each others houses we'd be on the phone or txting. This went on for about a year or so....then the first 'Red Flag' as they call it entered.

 

At the time, I trusted her a million percent, had no worries whatsoever. A new guy started at her work, she mentions him and says hes a nice guy blabla. I wasnt worried because she has plenty of guy friends at her work and I'm not the paranoid type. Few months later, they began speaking more on fb, again the relationship was stil great, we was stil talking about moving in together and engagement and going away for holidays etc etc.

 

Then he starts showing signs he likes her which made me pissed off, I said to her look its obvious he fancies you just back off please for me. I on the otherhand had almost literally no close girl mates because plain and simply she didnt like it. I loved her that much that any girl attention I had I just let them known that I wasnt interested in new friends or anything like that, I had everything I wanted in her and the friends I already have. So yeah, she tells me she would back off...

 

I believed her, but found her staying up random nights when Id be going to sleep, we'd speak on the phone before bed and she'd always go sleep same time as me, so i found this weird. Found out she was speakin to him...I'd seen him facebook and wasnt worried either. He was pretty small, 19 (shes 22 same as me) and looked weird...not her type.

 

She's always said her type was the taller dark haired slim and toned type (Colin farrel, Ryan Reynolds etc) which is what I'm like. She is perfectly my type, scarily to the point where she was like a made up girl stolen from my mind...im so picky wiht other girls.

 

But yeah, start of september, I thought things were going great, I took her out to places, gigs, she'd say how i was the love of her life stil etc etc...then end of september she tells me 'She may have feelings' for the other guy at work.

 

I was absolutely devasted but kinda refused to believe it could actually be possible. It couldnt be possible that she HAS FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE ELSE BESIDES ME??? after everything weve done and been through togheter for 2.5 years? Shes going to throw it away for some teenager who cant stop pestering her???

 

I got mad for the first time properly in our relationship and she begins crying etc etc. Few days later she tells me she's had time to think and its definately just friend ship with the other guy. I trusted her, go to meet her the next day and we have a nice day out in town together, nice food, cinema, lots of kisses hugs laughs etc...until shes leaving. She tells me shes stil unsure about the other guy...I just had to leave. Was the last time I ever saw her.

 

She does the whole begging pleading 'please dont do this' for around 3/4 days, what could I do...its funny everytime I tried to reason with her and begin working things out she made excuses. Then 1 night I txtd her saying 'can we sort this out, if so we'll talk tonight' ...she txts me back saying 'I'd love to talk tonight xx'

 

I felt so hopeful...I really felt everything would be ok...she finishes work and Im waiting for her to call...no call...no txt...doesnt show up...I had no choice but to go to bed and in the morning I wake up...stil no txt on my phone. Im so confused and ring her, she eventually answers and somethings wrong....i could tell....I ask her where she was, she was with the other guy and theyd 'kissed'

 

I was gutted and told her to never speak to me again, she says 'she felt nothing and realised how much she loves me' I didnt believe it. The next night I see if she wants to see me weekend before its too late, it was at this point she goes cold on me, feeding me excuses Ive never heard from her before 'Uni work'...yeah sure. Turns out she'd spent the night with him.

 

It was at this point it sinks in I've pretty much lost her to someone else?! I did the begging, pleading for like a week after, but she says 'shes confused' 'needs space' 'not fair on being with me whilst HAVING feelings for someone else'

 

She also says 'I wish there is a chance for 'us' again in the future, ill always love you and stil love you' I ask her can i at least say good bye after the best relationship ive ever had and the first person ive ever loved she says 'she wont be able to bear seeing the pain in my eyes and she doesnt want this to be the last time she ever sees me, im sorry'

 

Havent heard from her since, been about nearly 1.5 months NC. Hmm, hurts to rewrite that story back to be honest, stil feels like a nightmare these past 2 months.

[bl22]

And yeah, if i was on Rooneys wages, I doubt I'd be on loveshack and single also! haha

 

Good result for your team today! And mine...with chelsea and arsenal both being beaten

[SimonSerenade]

It's so sad to see stories like this because you did your best and gave her everything you had and in the end she goes and does something like this, Your a strong man for being able to cope through this and get on with your day to day stuff, I only work part time and even when I'm at work I get upset, She's on my mind all day every day, I just wonder how often I cross her mind.

 

I never loved anybody as much as I loved my ex, We fell in love so fast when we first met, I was going through a hard time and it felt like she dragged me out of the dark, At first we were friends and good friends at that, I asked her out a few times with no success, She was as stuborn back then as she is now but never the less we got on like a house on fire, One day I was depressed and decided to go out and she thought I was going to do something stupid so she rang me n said she was on her way to see me, We kissed for the first time and hugged and I asked her out and she said yes, Life was perfect, 2 weeks later we had sex and I gotta say, I've never felt as good as I did in those moments with anybody but her so I knew it was meant to be.

 

We planned to get married straight away we were that head over heels but wound up not being able to afford it and a couple of months later she wound up pregnant which was amazing cause I always wanted a family and I knew I landed on my feet this time cause I knew she'd never leave me, We were the perfect couple for eachother, We eventually moved in together in our own house around christmas 2008 and out of all the christmas's I've had that one was surely the best just cause we were together, We were that comfortable around eachother she even farted on me when I hugged her christmas morning, It's moments like that when I realise just how much I love her.

 

She lived with me until our son was born which was Febuary 2009, It was only supposed to be a part time deal where she'd be back in 2 weeks once she healed up and what not though she'd stay over inbetween, Problem is she never got her confidence back and she never came back and that caused so many arguments cause I felt I was missing out on my son, I envied families on my street and envied my friends looking after there children living in the same household and I begin to resent her for that and we argued more.

 

It didn't help how her friends would always get involved saying she should stay with her mum cause other people do it and one of them said she could cut me out of her life and never let me see my son again and she didn't see a problem with that, I hate how people get involved and influence others like that, I know she'd never do that but the girl didn't even get a telling off and I felt she had no respect for me cause I'd of stood up for her, She did nothing.

 

She changed so much since our baby boy was born, She went from being loving and caring to being distant and angry, It still breaks my heart to know she changed so much when she can be so much better than this.

 

Eventually things got too much for her I geuss and after one argument too many she left me, We never did break up face to face or talk about anything as she said she wasn't ready to face me and talk to me about it properly, She said maybe in the future we could try again but that would be very far off in the future then one night when I rang up crying after having too much to drink and asked her again she said never again, I'm hoping she said that out of frustration, I've lost a family, That's the hardest thing to deal with.

 

Family means alot to me as I missed out on that with my ex, She died and I never quite got over it, I found her dead after an overdose (She owed some bad people money and never told anyone), I don't think I ever snapped out of the desperation I felt in that moment, Later on after she was pronounced dead on arrival I found out she was 4 months pregnant with my child, That's something that still keeps me up at night in tears.

 

Me and her had some good times, We were best of friends before we finally got together, I'd seen her get with some nasty people and she saw me go through the same, She used to sing Take that- Hold on to me and now I can't even listen to that song, I'll never forget the first time we made love with eachother, We listened to the whole of a Dashboard Confessional cd, The dusk and summer album, Could never talk about all of this with my recent ex.

 

She seemed to get jealous and shout at me cause she knew deep down I loved my ex who died, I miss her the most right now cause whenever I went through a bad break up she was always there to comfort me and now that she's not here I don't know who to turn to or what to do which is why I'm glad I found this forum and have the pleasure of meeting nice people like yourself, She'd be so proud right now, Shame she had to die to see her team play so well, Bolton in 4th, She'd be dancing on her own grave right now lol.

 

I feel that's where I went wrong cause without realising it I always compared my ex to my ex that died, Always said "she'd of stuck up for me", "She wouldn't of left me" etc etc, I think if I had to hear that I wouldn't cope too well either so I can sort of understand where she's coming from in a way.

 

I always wonder what she's doing just like yourself... It's hard living two different lives when you lived for eachother once upon a time, I think I miss the late night conversations and the weekends with her and my son the most, Now I dread the weekends cause I know that's the time I fear the most, I can only hope she don't go do something she'll regret just like you.

 

I'm sure your ex will realise her mistakes soon enough and regret ever setting her eyes on that fellar as no matter what he has to offer you'll always have more to offer and you'll always have that history with her and that sense of love and comfort she wouldn't find with anybody else.

 

Can only hope for the best and stay true to the one's we love, I've had one or two girls asking me out and though people say it's best to find someone else, if I'm honest I run faster than Gareth Bale against Inter. lol