Dante311 Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Hey guys - just met a new girl (a relationship type, I believe... minus the baggage) ...I've known her about 2-3 months now... she's intelligent, very fit, down to earth and all that good stuff. She would be a keeper. The thing is... she has some baggage. Her first boyfriend was abusive (physically and sexually to her) so she had issues going into her next... and conveniently she wanted to take that one slower... but as things always go, he was an alcoholic and insistant on certain things. Enough BS went down that she thinks he's insane.. he's cheated on her... begged for her back... self-destructed again with alcohol. None of this is my business so I'm staying out of it. Funny thing is.. he's said I love you to her and she's never even remotely hinted she's returned it... As for her and me... I'm just there? The first time I met her was over a beer with another one of our co-workers/fellow students... and we've all hung out a few times. Once with one of my buddies and the co-worker... both have told me they get a vibe she likes me. I try not to read into it.. Well a week ago or so we talked about going for a hike, but plans fell through so a couple of days later... she messages me and tells me I owe her. So we end up going for that walk... and she made brownies and wants me to try if I'd like. I agree to the brownies and a 20 min walk (her choice)... we walked for about 2 hours. A day later we're texting and she says she made dinner. I ask her what she made and say that sounds delicious. She invites me over to have some. I somehow agree and go. It was nice - we talked, laughed, etc... I enjoy making her laugh. Finally around 9 oclock or so.. I leave. I'm not going to make a move on her yet... Thursday night... I ask her to see the midnight showing of Harry Potter with me and some of my friends. We go. She tells me she may use me as a pillow. that's ok... because the reality of it was I used her as a pillow. lol Yeah, i totally slept through the midnight showing, but thing was... I feel like she was leaning in towards me during the movie to press her arm against mine... almost hinting that I should make a move? Or to be closer to me? I would catch her staring at me from time to time... maybe to see if I was asleep? Last night... she invites me over to watch a movie. We watched Home Alone and Elf while eating Cherry Garcia icecream... she was in her PJ's. She looked good tho. We also talked more about her history with guys... (which is how I found out everything) and she also told me although she hates being single, she wants to for awhile. She meets so many bad guys... I just kept my mouth shut. So we continue watching the movie.. I still try to make her laugh (and do) and then.... she begins tickling the bottom of my feet. I look over at her (by this point I'm lying on the couch at 6'1"... and she's seated with her legs over my knees with her at 5'3").. she smiles... and I'm like, "oh hell no"... she tickles more. I sit up as she's going, "you're ticklish".. And I go, "oh yes I am" and we playfully wrestle... (I totally think she's flirting at this point trying to give me hints that I SHOULD make a move...)... finally I tell her, "y'know.. if this continues I'm going to have to punish you!" she looks at me with a smile and laughs... so I grab her and basically end up spooning her (trapping her arms and legs under my body) and she smiles. ...so we end up watching elf with me spooning her... and I fall asleep. I finally wake up.. she's in my arms still and we talk for a bit. I think she's frustrated? I haven't kissed her. She ends up going to sleep in her bed.. I crash on her couch (with one of her pillows).. which would make sense... I'm not her boy... or boyfriend.. or guy she's dating. Just don't know if these signals are friends only...? thanks for reading and thanks for your input!!!
veggirl Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Who knows? All you can do is go by what she has told you, which is that she wants to be single for a while. She is probably just missing male affection/attention and you are offering it to her, so she is accepting it. I would back off a bit, stop acting so touchy/feely if she is telling you she wants to be single. Her signals are not "friends only" but lots of girls are flirty and touchy/feely with guys and then confused when the guy thinks she is interested in more
Pink_orchid Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 I think she likes you. In a more-than-friends way. Just speaking for myself here but I know for sure that I wouldn't cuddle up and sit wrapped around someone I didn't want to give signals to that I was interested. And doing tickling and stuff?? Everyone knows I think that sort of thing could end up in a kiss! But might she just be interested in sex without strings? Either that or she's cautious because of her past experiences. So my advice would be just hang in there, drop a few hints that you're looking for a girlfriend and she what her reaction is and take it from there.?
GrayClouds Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 D what matter is what do you want...think carefully. Listen to what she says "she does not like to be single (needed? will take want ever comes?) wants to be single (Is this honest, is she looking for just a hook-up?) Maybe yes maybe no, you can not be sure about it but what you can be is what you want so if you are interested be up front with what you want and what you expectations are. You spent enough time chasing unavailable game players who despite your best efforts.
Author Dante311 Posted November 21, 2010 Author Posted November 21, 2010 We talked about it earlier tonight before I drove her home. I'm sick.. so I'm not going to kiss her yet lol but we're both ok with just playing it by ear and going with it. We've been on date like dates... but she doesn't like "dating". We hung out - I'm not getting attached (yet) lol so we'll see. thanks for the advice/replies!!! I'll update this when things go well or bad... haha
Pfiend101 Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 I dont want to rain on your parade but.. has she been to any kind of therapy for her past abuse? If she hasnt she could turn out to have some major issues. My ex was abused in the past and everything was great at first.... She ended up leaving me for a loser that beat her. Keep an eye on it.
mickleb Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 There are a lot of warning signals going off here. My take is that she is very needy and the 'I just want to be single right now' thing is her way of attempting to cover this up. Her behaviour is directly opposed to this statement. Her head knows she should take some time out (and a spot of therapy, like the previous poster suggested, would do her no harm) but her hormones and broken heart dictate her body, so she leaves the decision up to you, to avoid facing reality. Her exes (and probably somone major in her upbringing) have made her feel unloveable, and she 'hates being single' because she really wants someone to prove to her she's worth something. N.B. NO-ONE can do this for her. I could be wrong so, like GC says, all you can do is decide what you want and need from a relationship and be prepared to walk away if you don't get this. I suggest backing right off and explaining that, for both your sakes, you need to see more of a match between what she says she wants and how she behaves. (This can be done nicely.) Good luck. I think you'll need a fair dollop. x
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