NEnative Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 My BF of 5 years and I seperated 4 months ago because he said he wanted to 'be free'. I left hoping he would realize he missed us and want us back. We have a 4 year old son together, (whom he rarely tries to contact). I just found out a couple weeks ago that he started dating someone 1 month after we left and lied about it. She is 50 years old and he is 25years old. I can't see what he sees in her other than they are both addicted to alcohol. I have been hoping he would miss us enough to want to try again and he said he does miss us and thinks about us all the time but doesn't really know what he wants (thats what he said to my face). Then on the phone he told me he is happy with his new woman and thinks "probably one day (they) will get married". I miss him terribly and we need him, I don't know why he can't realize this. His entire family is upset with him, and I miss them terribly too because they are really great to me and my son. It is just so hard and I am working on myself, trying to improve in case he does change his mind and want us back. I just don't know if I should hold onto this hope or not? Anyone have any advice or has anyone reconciled after a seperation even when one person began dating again?
BB07 Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 This is going to sound cold.........but sounds like you should say good riddance and look at the postive. Now you have a chance to find someone who takes up better space in the world. Your bf sounds like he well.......there isn't any way to put it nicely. He is a loser. You said he deserted you and your child and that he is an alcoholic and he took up with someone twice his age. Doesn't sound like much of a winner to me.
whichwayisup Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 He's shown no interest in being a parent, or a partner, or to be a family unit. His behaviour, the drinking etc, well, why do you want him back? He sounds immature! Focus on your child, your family, friends and people who truly care for you. Really think twice about what you want.
miracle252 Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 “I can't see what he sees in her other than they are both addicted to alcohol”. Here is one of the biggest problems. As I live in the country where people drink a lot and especially men, I can say that it is better to try to stop thinking about him. Alcohol addiction influences people much, so I’m not sure that you both will be happy after his returning as he will always search for the partner with whom he can open the bottle. Besides, you have 4 years old son. Just think, do you want your son to follow the behavior of his father? I say this as we know that parents always are the best example how to behave for children and children always try to copy the behavior of their parents.
DaisyLeigh Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Make sure that he is made to support his child, and move on. Find a man, not some stupid jerk asshat.
BettyBoop Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 My BF of 5 years and I seperated 4 months ago because he said he wanted to 'be free'....I just found out a couple weeks ago that he started dating someone 1 month after we left and lied about it. She is 50 years old and he is 25years old. When someone's partner says they want to be "free" it usually seems to end up meaning "I want to be free from you to explore relationships with someone else". Calling you and telling you "he might marry her one day" is just evil. He sounds immature and perhaps being a father with alcohol problems scare him. Maybe he wasn't ready for the responsibility, or wanted a "break" from being a dad. Who knows, only he does. What is of importance here is for you to do what makes YOU happy. Are you happy missing him and wishing he will come back if you improve things? No. Do what will make YOU happy. If he calls, don't speak to him. Don't let him know you want him back. Only allow communication that is about your son. Don't let him inside your heart. He has two women wanting him - that's not gonna make him change his attitude. Let him know you're moving on and that he can still be an amazing dad if he wants - but that you need to be happy, and that since he cannot make you happy you need to minimize contact with him. Surround yourself with people who make you happy.
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