my long sad story :(

[LostPup]

after reading all the stories on here, i thought i'd share my own in some vain hope that it will help get some things off my chest.

 

until 2.5 years ago, i had never had a relationship with anyone that lasted more than a single night. i was 24 and my mentality was all about going to clubs to gain "playa status". then i met ex GF at a party and decided to go out on a date (i was 24, she was 29/30). what i thought would be just another chance at a one night stand with a hot chick turned out to be the most beautiful 2.5 years of my life. one of the scariest but happiest 10 seconds of my life happened when a year later she looked into my eyes and said "i love you". all of her past major relationships had ended up with the guy cheating on her and mostly treating her like crap. she told me she felt like she could give me her whole heart and feel safe; and she did. my heart burst and we fell head over heels for each other. there were no lies or jealousies between us, we had complete faith in each other.

 

there were plenty of fights along the way, but each time we made up, it seems like our love grew stronger and so we moved in together. i dont remember a single day since then where she didnt say "i love you". we started talking about getting married one day, buying a house, and having a baby. she had been working years as a hostess at a hostess bar (kinda like a guy's club where they go to drink and hit on the hostesses). the money was good but she would come home an emotional wreck some days given the type of environment she worked in. but how else could she make that kind of money? she had no education and her only skill was to be able to charm customers for huge tips. i knew she wanted nothing more in the world than to quit her job and have a child in her arms. we both knew that her window of opportunity for that life was getting smaller. she is almost to her 33rd birthday and i am only just turning 27.

 

then thoughts of buying a home, supporting both her and a child started to creep into my mind. i am a fairly practical person so thoughts of saving for retirement, mortgage payments, and paying for baby diapers weighed heavily on me. i didnt expect her to be able to command the wages she does once her looks start to fade. i had only been at my job for 2 years since graduating from college and already i felt like this was it for me. my next 30 years will be spent in a cubicle without ever having had the chance to have the adventures i wanted, like experiencing the military and traveling. i wanted to see the world outside of san francisco. but i would have also been content to spend the rest of my life with this girl of my dreams. i just didnt know if i was ready for it now. i was confused.

 

then in july 2010, we had a huge fight and broke up and i went to live with my mother for the time being. i felt there was no longer anything holding me back from going on my adventure, so my brother and i both enlisted as infantrymen in the US army. a month later my ex calls me and asks me to come over, she sounded quite emotional on the phone. we spent the night together and reconciled out differences and i broke the news to her. she was devastated. i said it would be easier to end it now rather than in january when i ship out. i could not ask her to wait for me till my service ended to start a family. she will be nearly 37 by then and i only 31. but she said it didnt matter, if we are going to breakup eventually we might as well cherish our time together until then.

 

so for several months we went back to our old ways as a happy couple. 2011 still seemed so far away and we acted like nothing would change our relationship (we were both naive and in denial). everyday i still looked forward to shipping out. then at the beginning of november reality hit. i only had 2 more months left with the girl i had come to care so much for. the realization starting hitting her hard as well. then she tells me she cant do it anymore. she wasnt enjoying our time together because in her mind she was counting down the days until january.

 

we embraced each other and cried out our regrets and sorrys. i took in a final whiff of the smell of her hair. it was a hug i wished couldve lasted forever. i have only cried twice in my entire life, once when my father died, and this time. she released me from her embrace and looked at me with tearful eyes and said, "you have to go". i tell her find to someone who can giver her the life she wants, then with a kiss to her hands and a final one to her lips, i walked out the door. she asks me to call her every once in a while to say i am ok.

 

today my schedule consists of going to work where to blankly stare at a computer for 8 hours, then come home and go straight to bed. nothing was worth doing anymore, not eating, tv, or exercise. i just look forward to basic training to take my mind off but at the same time i dont want to leave anymore. i want to go back to her. i feel guilty to for crushing the dream she had wanted for so long. i feel selfish for abandoning her to pursue my own interests. i feel like a jerk for taking her love for granted and all the hurt i gave. i honestly had no idea it would hurt me so much either. for a guy who doesnt cry much, i can feel myself well up just by putting on a pair of socks she bought me or eating at a thai restaurant (she loved thai food). i see every piece of clothing in my closet and can remember the time and place she bought it for me. every time i see another attractive girl i dont even bat an eye, because there was only one girl i wanted there with me. in hindsight, if we had stayed apart after the first breakup, i think the anger actually helped me could cope easier; i still went about my regular life at that time. but on the final time, the fact that we split while knowing we still loved each other so much only kills me more.

 

i am starting to doubt if i made the right decision to enlist or if i had just thrown away a chance to spend the rest of my life with the only girl who has ever genuinely loved and cared for me with all her heart. if i stay i am afraid i will develop a resentment towards her for holding me back from the things i want to do. my final decision comes before i get on the bus in january. once i do, my commitment will be solely to the US army.

 

sorry for the long exhaustive post. i know i have many contradictions throughout my story, but im not really asking for advise. it just feels therapeutic to vent my thoughts, even if it's to complete strangers on the internet.

[mrsoda]

everything happens for a reason

we don't know what will happen in the future

for all I know

My ex literally wants me completely out of her life

imagine how that feels

 

At least there is someone there for you or still cares about you

there's some people who never get to see a true love

 

its hard to believe what to have an give away...

for me I can't do anything anymore for I have literally ruined everything

in my relationship, I can only hope that one month from now

everything has cooled down

if it hasn't then I have to say goodbye to that one girl i truly loved

more than anything else in this entire world

 

I hope you feel better I know it isn't easy but if you can make a call to her

make sure you do and keep your opportunities open

I only wish I could have a second chance with this girl

but it seems like we would both need to be fighting for our lives

just to even consider being back together

 

I hear of couples getting together for 6 years and breaking up

divorsing with families... believe me... its not easy

I wish you the best

and I read your story all through

[LostPup]

thanks for the kind words soda:)

[Don Ho]

Bro, Bro, Bro. You have major commitment issues with women. So you met this great gal and despite all your fears she fell for you and you for her? Then you worry about getting "stuck" in a life with her? But you're not worried about going to the Middle East and dying? Hmmm. Sounds like you have a bit of growing up to do and some soul searching to fix your commitment issue. I like how you sign up for the Army after you break up with her so you "can't" go back with her! That was a nice strategy to avoid commitment. You are kinda stuck. If you REALLY want to go in the Army and have "adventure" go ahead. But think really hard about it. I can bet you money that a woman at her again WILL be swept off her feet while you're gone. You may go to the Army and get out in 4 years, find she's taken and not be able to find another one like her. Then how would you feel? Sorry, Bro, I don't have the answer ... but you do, like I said, have A LOT of thinking to to. Good luck!!

[Rosberg]

even though i just got out of my first relationship...i feel your pain...

 

now bare with me, i don't give out the best advice, or anything...but you know that having a woman, and getting a baby doesn't neccessarily put you in the cubicle way of life, believe me, there are alot of other things you could easily get yourself into...

 

i've always enjoyed filming, for an example, and one of my dreams is to make a good movie...

 

Traveling also shouldn't ever be out of the question because sometimes the other person in the relationship may feel trapped becase the other half works too much or something rather.

 

i may not be perfect, and these words may not have helped, but at least i try to keep a decent outlook on life.

 

Just Don't think or even WONDER why you should get stuck in the same routine everyone else does, because they can't handle the complexity of living a good, fullfilling life.

 

just go out, do what you want, and have fun with it.

try thinking like a kid sometimes, it helps take the edge off things when life gets too real, or depressing.

[gryoe]

Okay i had observe your sad story but i think you should start life in happiness so man you live always happy and attend Vegas party im sure you will feel better.

 

 

[/url]Vegas Pool Party

[LostPup]

Bro, Bro, Bro. You have major commitment issues with women.

i dont think it's so much a commitment issue, as much as i am not ready for that baby she wants so much. i think its mainly the financial aspects of paying for a kid on a single income. i wouldnt want the mother of my child to have to prance around in mini skirt getting oogled by dirty old men every night just to make ends meet. lets face it, she is 33, her biological clock is ticking and i dont want her to wait around forever for me to get stable enough (both financially and emotionally).

 

Sounds like you have a bit of growing up to do and some soul searching to fix your commitment issue. I like how you sign up for the Army after you break up with her so you "can't" go back with her! That was a nice strategy to avoid commitment.

lol, a friend of mine told me the same exact thing. i guess on some subconscious level it may have been my whole intention all along.

 

when made the original post, i was such an emotional wreck that i couldnt even come back to re-read my own writing. last week i went back to our old apartment to get the keys she had left on the counter and get ready for check out. i opened the door to an empty space. my heart sank and i lost it again:(. in a way, that empty apartment kind of symbolized how this period in my life came as quickly as it went.

 

i think some of the grief is starting to subside and i can finally sort through my feelings with a more level head. but the hurt is still very much there. i dont think i have ever felt so lonely in my entire life. i am just so afraid that i have thrown away a good thing.

 

although i am glad i found this site:). it feels so much better just to get my thoughts in writing even if nobody reads it. kinda like a journal.

Edited November 24, 2010 by LostPup

[gryoe]

Okay i had observe your sad story but i think you should start life in happiness so man you live always happy and attend Vegas party im sure you will feel better.

 

Vegas Pool Party

[gryoe]

[quote=gryoe;

[gryoe]

Okay i had observe your sad story but i think you should start life in happiness so man you live always happy and attend Vegas party im sure you will feel better.

 

 

Vegas Pool Party

 

Edited November 29, 2010 by gryoe

[twinrexes]

I used to analyze everything to death like you, and I walked away from a few keepers because of it. If you fast forward like that in your mind, and predict the worst (being trapped, her looks fading and no income, and so on) then you'll never commit to anyone. You'll just bail out before the "inevitable" happens. Thereby guaranteeing that you're right -- the relationship didn't work. Because you made sure it wouldn't.

 

Because of all that self sabotage I didn't get married until age 40. Then I couldn't decide about children (fear of being trapped again, and you can't just 'break up with them' if it's not working out, lol). But I wound up pregnant at 45, quite by accident, and now have a beautiful 4 year old boy. He's the best thing that ever happened to me!

 

You can't move forward in life if you don't take some emotional risks. You're obviously OK with physical risks. Learn to take the leap with the other stuff and have faith that you'll land on solid ground.