puke alert..."amazing connection"

[OWoman]

If you were in danger and I could help, I would. If you were hungry and needed a meal, I'd give you one and if you were cold I would try and make sure you had a warm place to sleep. I wish you no harm nor hurt.

I'm just sorry that you can't give that same respect to the wife of the guy you are having the affair with..

 

I'm sure most OWs would extend the same kind of compassion to their MM's OWs - they'd help them out of danger, they'd feed them if they were hungry, and they'd shelter them if they were cold.

 

But that wouldn't necessarily stop them (the OW) from having sex with the MM.

 

The two are not contradictory.

[OWoman]

Live your wife the way you see fit...we all do

 

:lmao: nice Freudian undergarment there, bent! :p

[Snowflower]

No one understands him the way I do.

Our love is so amazing

We are soul-mates

No one has ever had a love like ours

 

and of course all of the lines about how he's misunderstood, staying for the kids, his wife doesn't understand him, that he has told her... etc. etc. etc.

 

Back on topic...

 

And there are these types of posts-ad nauseum-here on LS. And that's why I give this the barf bag alert!

 

It's always these same lines...and the poor OW is so focused on the MM's marriage and what the wife is doing or isn't doing. Heck, I saw a post where the OW described the sexual positions her MM and his wife used in bed . I mean, yuck! Who really wants to know all that about the person they love, in this case, the MM??

 

 

The fact that someone who is cheating with a married man/woman is perfectly fine with their choice does not make it any less painful to that person's spouse.

 

Well said. And it can be applied to the MM/WH, too. It didn't matter why they cheated...it is still painful.

[bentnotbroken]

:lmao: nice Freudian undergarment there, bent! :p

 

 

Indeed.:lmao:

[OWoman]

ah....so they would extend those basic human compassions and not wish to see them suffer but not extend the compassion of not participating in something that will emotionally devastate them and cause them intense immense suffering.

 

And there you have it folks... the double standard.

 

sure... sometimes.

 

And sometimes it's cognitive dissonance.

 

And sometimes it's just a paradox.

 

The same way people can be deadly foes in business, or on the sportsfield, but be good friends outside of that. The same way WWI soldiers from opposite sides climbed out of the trenches and shared christmas treats together, before resuming trying to kill each other the next day. The same way one can actively campaign for a politician one personally dislikes. Humans can tolerate contradictions, especially when some form of compartmentalising is involved.

 

(I'm pretty good at compartmentalising - it's the only way I could juggle all my roles successfully over the decades - but I must confess, if my H's xW was in danger, hungry or needed shelter... I would need to override my knee-jerk instinct in order to help her out. More likely, I'd convey the need on to some agency / third party, rather than have to help her myself.)

 

The fact that someone who is cheating with a married man/woman is perfectly fine with their choice does not make it any less painful to that person's spouse.

 

Nor should it. The two are separate issues, IMO.

[BB07]

Being on LS has certainly proved to me that moral relativism exists, because the moral lows (IMO) that the pro-marriage/anti-affair posters continuously hit are unbelievable to me. And yet they remain self-righteous. Unbelievable!

 

You know what I don't get JJ? It's that you and your views are in the minority. That's a fact! That's just the way the world IS. I don't see why you don't just accept this and it seems pointless to argue about it or pick out little teeny things to try to discredit someone whose views are different than yours. Heck........ OWoman has similar views as yours but she isn't here defending herself everyday, she is what she is and she makes no bones about it. So why do you feel the need to try to make people see it your way? Why don't you just accept that they don't and no matter what you say they aren't going to change their mind. Also you gotta know that you are going to catch some flack for it?

 

Just roll with the flow............ya know.

[Spark1111]

I can feel compassion for your pain and empathy for your plight, but why do I have to respect your choices if, in fact, they go against what I would ethically choose for myself or my daughters, family and friends?

 

If you lived down the block and were having an affair with a MP, I would treat you with the same respect I do all my neighbors, presumably, because I wouldn't know, nor care to know, your personal love life choices.

 

But if you came to my kitchen table and told me your personal love life choices, I would question my ability to respect you, though I still may be able to show compassion to you.

 

We are in an anonymous public forum. I do not understand the expectations of some people to expect more compassion here than in the streets.

[BB07]

I can feel compassion for your pain and empathy for your plight, but why do I have to respect your choices if, in fact, they go against what I would ethically choose for myself or my daughters, family and friends?

 

If you lived down the block and were having an affair with a MP, I would treat you with the same respect I do all my neighbors, presumably, because I wouldn't know, nor care to know, your personal love life choices.

 

But if you came to my kitchen table and told me your personal love life choices, I would question my ability to respect you, though I still may be able to show compassion to you.

 

We are in an anonymous public forum. I do not understand the expectations of some people to expect more compassion here than in the streets.

 

Great post Spark!

I think the term respect is perhaps the wrong term? Because maybe what we are really talking about here is not respect at all, it's more about having compassion and to not be cruel and demean someone. Does that make sense?

[YellowShark]

It's that you and your views are in the minority. That's a fact! That's just the way the world IS. I don't see why you don't just accept this and it seems pointless to argue about it or pick out little teeny things to try to discredit someone whose views are different than yours.

 

I agree with you BB07.

 

Cheating is NEVER ok. Never ever. It hasn't been an accepted norm for centuries. It is a betrayal of trust, and I don't care how bad someone's relationship is... throwing one's unsuspecting emotional and financial partner under a bus for self-gratification with another is seriously hurtful and toxic behaviour.

 

Just look at the news these days, Tiger Woods, Jesse James, Tony Parker... Who in their right mind would defend those cheating spouses? I'll tell ya who, people who are as damaged as them.

[Silly_Girl]

Cheating is NEVER ok. Never ever. It hasn't been an accepted norm for centuries. It is a betrayal of trust, and I don't care how bad someone's relationship is... throwing one's unsuspecting emotional and financial partner under a bus for self-gratification with another is seriously hurtful and toxic behaviour.

 

I don't condone cheating. I think it's morally wrong.

 

But that doesn't stop me understanding some awful situations that come about and having empathy for people in them.

 

I don't need to belittle people who cheat just because I don't approve.

[YellowShark]

But that doesn't stop me understanding some awful situations that come about and having empathy for people in them.

 

I don't need to belittle people who cheat just because I don't approve.

 

I can understand that as humans no one is perfect. There are situations where one partner is sooooo "F"ed up that they drive their partner away into the arms of another. The WS in these cases seek comfort because they desire acknowledgment and love. Everyone deserves acknowledgment and love. But two wrongs don't make a right.

 

Therefore I don't belittle cheaters because I don't approve. I just call a spade a spade and if the cheater doesn't like that, well then that's not my baggage to carry. IMHO political correctness is just tyranny with words.

 

All relationships - business or emotional - are built on trust. And if you betray an agreement you made with another party - secretively and behind their back - that doesn't say much for a person's integrity.

[wheelwright]

MM's

 

I have trouble understanding your post. Which "him" are you talking about?

 

I understand pretty well which morals my MM's wife has. I respect her right to have morals that differ from mine, but I do not live by her morals. I would never speak to her or anyone else whose morals differ from mine in the way many LS posters speak to OW. That to me is showing disrespect of another human being. That to me is morally wrong.

 

I agree with you JJ.

 

Not to say there are many I listen to who are at fault here. I just like your stance on respect for the morals of others.

 

After just over a year here on LS I have learnt a lot about what it means to clash morally with another thinker. Most of the time I have been in listening and learning mode.

 

I have certainly never condemned BS for staying in a M they are rekindling after an A. In fact I find such stories heartening.

 

I don't like if people here judge me. I don't mind if they choose a path which means they don't accept certain behaviours I have chosen.

 

And there we have the quandary.

 

People can either accept that other moral/life stances may be held and respect them for it, or they think their moral/life stance is the right one and others are wrong.

 

And then we come to the line. The line we all have where our morality says 'that's unacceptable/abhorrent'.

 

For me it's intolerance that makes me shudder.

 

For others it's something else - like infidelity or betrayal etc.

 

All these things are wrong in some way. But what makes an individual recoil varies.

 

We often see here that love is an adequate reason for betrayal. It's tricky because betrayal isn't nice, but love is a real moral pull too. Personally I can accept infidelity for the sake of love. I don't think the souls involved are very evolved though.

 

I recoil more if I hear people say WSs are wimpy sh**s who deserve to be lonely all their lives. An oversimplification.

 

They need to learn to be themselves and follow the path that they choose and value. In effect the infidelity sparks that.

 

I really don't like people who deliberately hurt others for kicks. That is my definition of evil.

 

The rest is difference. I can easily tolerate that.

[jennie-jennie]

You know what I don't get JJ? It's that you and your views are in the minority. That's a fact! That's just the way the world IS. I don't see why you don't just accept this and it seems pointless to argue about it or pick out little teeny things to try to discredit someone whose views are different than yours. Heck........ OWoman has similar views as yours but she isn't here defending herself everyday, she is what she is and she makes no bones about it. So why do you feel the need to try to make people see it your way? Why don't you just accept that they don't and no matter what you say they aren't going to change their mind. Also you gotta know that you are going to catch some flack for it?

 

Just roll with the flow............ya know.

 

Did you ever consider that I post on LS just because I enjoy it?

[jennie-jennie]

For me it's intolerance that makes me shudder.

 

I agree.

.

Edited November 23, 2010 by jennie-jennie

[thomasb]

Wow that means you "won." Finally. I'm sure it was worth the 20 year wait.

 

 

 

 

"Beware the power of the dark side."

 

 

 

Or the twenty years of having half a life waiting on someone who was clearly living his.

[thomasb]

I never said anything about it not mattering that other people were hurt, I just said that suggesting the ow is morally inferior to yourself is rubbish. And also you didn't respond to the other points, just how far does your altruistic perfection go?

 

The bible not only says that adultery is morally corrupt, it also states that to disregard Gods commandments will send you to hell unless you repent. I figure, who the hell am I to argue with God?

[fooled once]

Last I checked this was the infidelity forum. A forum where those hurt by affairs can vent, cry, laugh and post. Why oh why are we once again over-run with the "happy" OW coming into a post which was done in jest, trying to stir up trouble? Why? If those "happy" OW are so intent on keeping "only" those that support OW in the OW/OM forum, why the need to come to this forum and start trouble?

 

Compassion is compassion in whatever culture or religion. It is defined as awareness of the suffering of others, whatever the cause. This is not to say you have to agree or support infidelity. You have shown compassion BNB from what I have read the brief time Ive been on these boards. Tough love, calling someone out on what they are doing can be done with compassion or it can be mean spirited. You can feel the difference just by reading someone's posts. From what I have learned, it doesnt help others to change or grow when they are judged and belittled. It helps them when they are understood and encouraged to change. When you yell at a child "stop doing that, you are bad!" it doesnt work. It only makes the child feel worse and that doesnt promote positive change. And no, Im not calling people who have affairs children, its just an analogy of how people learn and grow.

 

Now someone mentioned that this thread is cathartic for them. Okay, that makes total sense. Since this is the infidelity board, it seems fair to me to have a thread just to vent from that perspective. Thanks for clarifying .

 

Good post. Your last 2 lines said it all. This IS the infidelity forum. This forum should be 'free' of OW coming in here, stirring up trouble and defending their cheating and the cheaters they are with. The people who frequent this forum do so to help heal, to start again or to share stories of how they have recovered their marriages. So I once again do not understand the need for coming to this forum to stir up issues, to start infighting, to claim that the people on LS are less than compassionate. If you (general YOU) are so darn unhappy with LS, no one is making you come here every day, ALL day and post.

[thomasb]

I never said OW was inferior to me or anyone else. That's your projection point. Do I believe choices that are made are not only not compassionate since that's a favorite buzz word around her but those same choices aren't respectful no matter what the intent is. Perfectionism is something only Jesus can claim....I can't do that, that would make not human. I prefer human.

 

Your points:

 

Job application; If there is a job being advertised then either is open or about to become available.

 

World records= competition. How does a BS compete if they are lied to. Make it a fair and level playing field. Give the BS the opportunity to do the same or move on.

 

Now since you wanted to use those comparisons. Who do I accept the choices of? Do I accept and respect the choices of murders, rapists, child molesters, embezzlers? After all it is a free world and we all have choices to make (good, bad or ugly). If we are talking about the nature of altruism, some pedophiles think children should have the right to decide to "love" an adult. My morals say all this is wrong. So if I begin to say adultery is okay, where do I draw the line?Do I say that murder is wrong or should I just say "oh it may not have been their intent to kill". (yes this is extreme) My morals aren't relative to the situation. Wrong is wrong(we all do wrong).

 

The examples I posted are extreme and not even in the same realm as cheating, but your examples of a sporting event and a job interview were on the other end of the spectrum, not even close.

 

Well, you might not say it but I will. The OW was inferior to my wife. I think her choices at that time were selfish, Godless and immoral. So were mine. I don't know and don't care if she has changed since then. I know I have, and have found forgiveness. With both my precious wife and my Lord. How other MM feel is completely up to them. They have their opinion and I have mine. And we all have a right to our own beliefs and opinions.

[turnstone]

Seems to me that when someone knows what they're doing is destructive and even morally corrupt, they will go over the top to defend their actions and justify themselves at every and any opportunity, even to the extent of lashing out at others to try to prove themselves right - attack is the best form of defence and all that.

 

This over the top behaviour is of course demonstrated by the WS with the excessive one liners that this thread is all about.

[bentnotbroken]

Well, you might not say it but I will. The OW was inferior to my wife. I think her choices at that time were selfish, Godless and immoral. So were mine. I don't know and don't care if she has changed since then. I know I have, and have found forgiveness. With both my precious wife and my Lord. How other MM feel is completely up to them. They have their opinion and I have mine. And we all have a right to our own beliefs and opinions.

 

 

:eek:JJ said you were a woman. Sorry again:o.

[thomasb]

:eek:JJ said you were a woman. Sorry again:o.

 

 

Really! Where? I would be interested in reading that. It hasn't been that long since I looked in the mirror. You would think I'd have noticed that change... or at least my wife would. Oh, sorry. Married people don't touch each other in private. I forgot again. Ha ha.

[datura_noir]

Really! Where? I would be interested in reading that. It hasn't been that long since I looked in the mirror. You would think I'd have noticed that change... or at least my wife would. Oh, sorry. Married people don't touch each other in private. I forgot again. Ha ha.

 

 

Not to be off track or anything, but did you see the the episode of 48 hrs where the guy was cheating with the, ahem, woman who subsequently killed his wife, and then found out that SHE was actually a HE at one time?? Blew my mind!!

[freestyle]

Does anyone even care that I just nearly peed my pants laughing at the outcome of this thread? That I can pick any thread in any relationship forum here on LS and go to page 6 or 7 or 8 and find the exact same responses?

 

I started a goofy post, to poke fun at a goofy phrase. Then comes the resident narcissist OW to defend the great affair of a lifetime. Then the bible verses. Then the...oh you get it.BTW, my H never uttered the "amazing connection" phrase, or any other such stupid shmut. I just have seen this so much lately. It seems rather cliche. Just like the contestants on reality dating shows.

 

Back on track-what about the phrase "You would really like him/her if it weren't for the circumstances"???

 

 

That's another good one.........

 

My favorite is still, "It just happened........"

 

 

Yep, I'd be happy to see the thread get back to being fun....

 

I've got silly party hats..............oh, and brownies!!!

[bentnotbroken]

Really! Where? I would be interested in reading that. It hasn't been that long since I looked in the mirror. You would think I'd have noticed that change... or at least my wife would. Oh, sorry. Married people don't touch each other in private. I forgot again. Ha ha.

 

 

Sorry Thomasb. I am still a little fuzzy from cold meds...JJ said Turnstone.

[Brandi 2]

Well I am sorry if you cannot see the humor in making fun of PHRASES uttered by extremely misguided people, Laurie. Maybe you should just ignore this thread if it gives you icky feelings.

 

This is really mean.