dbmystinkbug Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 My ex and I more than 4 months ago; it was an amicable split and we both affirmed that we would be friends eventually. However, every day since then has been hell on earth for me, as I miss her terribly and want her back. She knows this and told me she didn't see us getting back together, so I went NC for nearly three months. Finally broke down and emailed her yesterday morning. Just told her that I was thinking about her and missed talking to her. She hasn't responded. I wasn't expecting that. And now I don't know what to do. I don't understand why she wouldn't respond, it just seems cruel, and not like her. Even if the shoe was on the other foot, and I didn't have any feelings left for her, I wouldn't just leave her hanging if she reached out and emailed me after three months NC. Perhaps I think differently than a lot of the people on this board. But when there's no bitterness towards the other person after the breakup, and the girl tells me that she wants us to be friends, I guess I believe her. So I'm very confused now. No matter what, I'm regretting breaking the NC. I should have listened to everyone on here who said not to contact your ex for any reason.
Gironbachs Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 During the initial breakup..they keep things amicable and tell you 'they still want to be friends" to get you out of the picture without a lot of drama and less guilt. Once they have had time away, their stance quickly changes to one of hostility, resentment, or indifference, even if they were the ones who initiated the breakup. They'll even make you feel like a crazy stalker for calling them or emailing them after a period of NC. Dozens of guys on here will tell you the same exact thing. Plus, women have more a support system than guys do. While we have basically no one, they have a lot of (usually single) friends who rally around them, badmouthing ya and telling them 'they don't need you, you were an ass, etc, etc...
chuzzbug Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Gironbach's reply may describe a scenario that happens frequently, but you can never be sure what your ex's motivations are for not replying. She could be travelling and have not checked her email. She could be waiting to compose her response. She could be waiting to confer with a friend as to what to say. She could have had a strong reaction (positive or negative) which she feels she needs to work through before replying. All of these scenarios are possible. I've learned not to project my own story onto what others are doing - second-guessing is crazy-making. If she does not reply in, say, 2 weeks, then you can be fairly sure that she read the email and has no plans, in the near future, to reply. You may never know the reason, and have to be strong in that acknowledgement. If she wants to contact you, she will.
Yaz Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Amicable split... we'll eventually be friends... maybe even get back together? The dumper is the one that says this. What they mean is "please don't say mean things about me if I see you at the shops, or if you talk to my friends." I presume you are the dumpee, because you're missing her. Dumpers are happy people, who care not for the broken hearts they leave in their wake. Forget it. NC. Just let her drip out of your life, and don't expect anything. Sorry to be harsh.
Author dbmystinkbug Posted November 19, 2010 Author Posted November 19, 2010 I was actually the dumper, although I know now that if I hadn't said something when I did, she would have. It was sort of a mutual understanding that we, as a couple, weren't working. I still loved her even then, but she has issues that I can't live with. And she's not willing to compromise. Still, I've missed her terribly since we broke up and have been second-guessing our decision.
Yaz Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Not willing to compromise about what exactly? Does she have a job far, far away? Keep a horse in the court yard? If she's not willing to budge, it sounds like a serious matter...
Eternity001 Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 I wouldn't let it get to you too much if you can help it. It hasn't been that long, give it a bit more time. As previously mentioned there could be any number of reasons why she hasn't replied yet, maybe she hasn't even seen the email yet. It's always risky business contacting your ex if you still have feelings, you have to do it prepared to hear what you don't want to back or sometimes, nothing at all. That's why folks around here scream NC because seemingly, more often than not, it results in a massive setback.
Author dbmystinkbug Posted November 20, 2010 Author Posted November 20, 2010 In this particular case, it has been. A setback, that is. I guess I should have listened to everyone about the NC. I wish I could hate her. It would make this so much easier.
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