Gwendolyn Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 I've recently (er...more like 6 months) been going through some emotional issues. I've finally decided that these issues need to be fixed before I begin to fix my LDR that I've taken for granted over the past 6so months. I've tried to explain to him how selfish it is for me to keep him on the back burner during this time. How he will begin to resent me sooner or later if I don't bring the relationship back up front. How I need to learn to control my own emotions before I can supply enough energy to maintain the emotion that goes into a meaningful relationship. I don't want to break it off with him, but at the same time I know that if I don't try, I'm taking a step in the wrong direction towards my own stability. It makes me selfish and disgusting. But.... As I've tried to tell him these things and explain why I can't contribute to the relationship right now, he continues to tell me that he's fine with waiting. That he "has nothing better to do" and that it would take something much bigger than this for him to even consider a break. It makes me feel awful for him to be fine with it but at the same time... ffs... I found a great guy who is wanting to be there for me no matter what or how long it takes. How would you handle this situation? I don't know if I can deal with the guilt, but he isn't going to give up on me regardless of how I treat the relationship at this moment. I love him to death, but I need to work on me, as I've stated. I just don't know if I should accept it and keep him burning in the back or slam my foot down and say that it's going to be like this... - It's a confusing situation to me.
madjac74 Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 If my GF came to me with this, I would appreciate her honesty and concern for my feelings and of course I would tell her that I will be here for her if she needs me. So my question to you is do you want him to move on and not bother you while you do this personal maintenance? I would think you would want his support. Although it would kind of annoy me that he said "I have nothing better to do". I'm sure he didnt mean it like it sounds but it would make me feel like the relationship is just something to do for now rather than a commitment.
Author Gwendolyn Posted November 20, 2010 Author Posted November 20, 2010 If my GF came to me with this, I would appreciate her honesty and concern for my feelings and of course I would tell her that I will be here for her if she needs me. So my question to you is do you want him to move on and not bother you while you do this personal maintenance? I would think you would want his support. Although it would kind of annoy me that he said "I have nothing better to do". I'm sure he didnt mean it like it sounds but it would make me feel like the relationship is just something to do for now rather than a commitment. Hell yes, I'd love his support, but what I *don't* want is for him to be doing it for the wrong reasons. I don't want him to be doing it for me because he's not going to be able to help in the ways all guys want to (save the damsel in distress, right?). If he wants to stick around for himself, then that's just wonderful. Am I wrong to still feel guilty regardless of this?
Romance Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 im in a similar situation. Except, my boyfriend is acting like you and Im acting like your boyfriend is. he is having severe emotional issues (depression, suicidal thoughts) and is treating me badly in a neglectful way. It's so so hard. He suggested a break on the phone..then immediately took it back and he just doesn't know what he wants. But, I'm waiting for him because he is worth it. I havent seen him for a long time and contact has been minimal.I know he isn't cheating, he's just working on himself. He's just so emotionally distressed, he can't focus on our relationship at all.
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