seaberry Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 I have been with my boyfriend for five years, we are in our early 30's. Although we love each other dearly, things have been pretty rocky from the start. His behavior is very erratic - he goes from sweet and loving to: -excluding me from social activities with his friends -lying about where he is and who he is with -withdrawing and refusing to communicate -staying out all night -not participating with my friends and family -staying up all night online doing (???) The past year he started getting treatment for anxiety, which seemed to be helping, but some of these things are still there. I can't do it anymore, so I moved out and told him that I still love him but I need to go. Here is what he sent today: "I've been trying to look at things from your perspective over the past few weeks, and I understand that you have very little reason to believe in us. But I feel like I have had an epiphany. If you would like to try this the right way, just please do so before either of us does something stupid that we can't repair from. I know your heart and I know now that I am capable of providing the stability you need. I can take losing you and not talking anymore, but I can't take just giving up out of fear. We have the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and make things better. This could be "big love" don't just give up. You went from wanting to hear what I had to say about our relationship, to making love, to deciding not to be with me. That tells me you are confused. I am not sure what you talked about with your friends at dinner, but be careful of the influence of others, especially those with their own problems. We have gotten into bad cycles, but desire and the power of love can heal all. Take a breath and get your desire back, its worth saving. Just take some time and think about what I am saying". ....I am really struggling to make the right choice. My friends and family are begging me to stick to the break up.
curiousnycgirl Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 seaberry - I am so glad you are asking this question, while only you can answer it, I hope you will be very honest with yourself, and not let your lvoe for this man, and your comfort in his arms sway your decision. The bottom line for you is what do you want out of life and can you see yourself achieving those things with this man? You are at a very critical point. If you want the "whole shebang" marriage, kids, white picket fence, etc - then you need to focus on that pretty darn quick. If you are not with the man you think you can achieve all that with then the answer is yes it is time to give up - so you can find the man with whom you can reach your goals. I am not trying to be harsh - I promise you. I am telling you this from the perspective of the older woman who misseed her chance, if she even ever had it. I wanted kids so badly I could taste it. However having been the product of a divorce when I was very young (I could not pick my biological father out of a crowd of one) I did not want to be a single parent. But I hung on to bad relationships for way too long. Then I spent way too long getting over break ups, and swearing I was done, blah, blah blah. Or being a workaholic. If you want it all, you need to make sure you are available to have it all - no one knows how hard that is that me - but do you want to be me? Trust me you don't! I'm nice enough - but not someone you want to emulate, I assure you. Good luck! We're here for you and we are rooting for you (at least I am)!
Author seaberry Posted November 19, 2010 Author Posted November 19, 2010 Thank you curiousnycgirl for your reply! Yes, I do want marriage and a family, and I feel like five years is a long time to be dating and still having these issues. My biggest fear is that he and I will get married and then divorce because of these issues or that we have children and they will suffer because of the conflict.
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