ronsbigadventure Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Guess this is a good place for this to go? Need advice. I've been married 10 years, 11 next week. We have 3 children all girls. My wife let me know last week after I finally pulled it out of her that her feeling for me have changed over the years. She said she doesn't have the spark or weak in the knees feeling we once had. She also said she love's me very much just not the same as it was and we're more like best friends or roomates than husban and wife. We have had a lot going on in the last 5 years. She started back to school, then nursing school which for 3 year and solid for 2 years was not home a lot and when she was she was studying which was difficutl taking care of 2 kids at the time and not having your spouse but we got through it. Once she graduated she had problems getting her liscense to work as an RN which put extra stress on things, not much longer after that my father passed away suddenlty and 3 weeks later our 3rd child was born. She also until recently just got a job she likdes after 1 year of working ot get her liscense and working a job she absoltly hated. Finally she has said she would go to counseling with me and give this one last shot. She said there are a milion reason to have it work but just can't live and not be truly in love. Seems to me she's putting to much thought into almost puppy dog or movie love and not the mature love we've built over years of trials and tribulations, kids and all other types of things. I have for the past few years still been dealing with my fathers death though not really anymore and had some medical things that took me out of being emotionally there for almost 9 months. Either way I want to work it out and know I need to cherish her more than I have. Wondering if anybody had been here or seen somebody in this type of circumstane and still work it out to continue on. Can she learn to love me the way she's lookign for?
whichwayisup Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 My wife let me know last week after I finally pulled it out of her that her feeling for me have changed over the years. She said she doesn't have the spark or weak in the knees feeling we once had. She also said she love's me very much just not the same as it was and we're more like best friends or roomates than husban and wife. Start woo'ing your wife again. Make her feel special and loved. Make time for one another as husband and wife, go on date nights. Get a sitter or ask the grandparents to babysit, do sleepovers so you two can have alone time. BE romantic. when was the last time you just held your wife and told her you loved her? Gazed into her eyes, kissed her gently on the mouth, bought her flowers, or left her a little love sexy note. Life gets busy and with 3 kids, work, studying etc, you both need to make special time for one another.. Keep talking to her, ask her what you can do to make her happier, and also let her know what your needs are as well, its' a two way street. Always be honest, respectful towards one another, even if it hurts to hear, better to handle it that way than one or both of you turning outside of the marriage and finding comfort/attention from someone else..
quankanne Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 and get to counselling or even a marriage enrichment program that helps you both understand that it's not always going to be starry-eyed romance ... and that the love she feels for you now is what keeps the relationship going, not the "in love with" feeling she seems to be seeking. The one thing I've learned is that the longer you're with someone in a dedicated relationship, the more you go through those stages where you question the chemistry ... and WHAM! it comes back because you're doing things differently than usual. That you fall in love with your partner over and over and over over the course of the relationship ... you just need to put your faith in the "love" aspect of it.
martini-mae Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Women (& maybe men but I can't speak for them) feel this way (what I've read) around the 7-12 year mark in their marriage. You're so busy working, raising kids, keeping a house, running everyone everywhere that you often lose site of yourself & of your marriage. I think it's more common than folks want to admit. If you don't already have date nights - DON'T MAKE EXCUSES (oh the kids this oh the kids that) HAVE DATE NIGHTS set aside & unless there is a fire or death in the family, stick to it.
Mr. Lucky Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Have you at least thought about the possibility that she might be involved - if only emotionally - with someone else? Oftentimes a long term partner compares poorly to an exiciting new friend or workmate. Do you guys share computers, email or phone accounts? Were I you, I'd be curious... Mr. Lucky
goingstrong Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Odds are a 3rd party is involved. Most women don't leave relationships because their bored or fell out of love. They usually leave it when 1. There is 3rd party involvement. 2. The man is physically/emotionally abusive. 3. He/she has substance alcohol abuse issues.
Mr. Lucky Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Sounds like an affair is amidst. The OP has to understand that there are different kinds of affairs. This could just be the begining stages of an emotional affair, where a "crush" or infatuation may be threatening his marriage. Most spouses don't contemplate jumping out of the marriage unless they've figured out where they're going to land. Again, I'd do some checking... Mr. Lucky
Tasmaniya Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 hello guys ... its really nice and informative post.... i just liked it.... thanks for your information guys ...........
Recommended Posts