Pink_orchid Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 This guy texts me all the time but seems to hesitate to take it further. He must have sent me 400+ plus texts. He's involved with someone else. He was single when I met him in July, but after he and I got together briefly he ended it to go back with his ex. I was a bit disappointed but no big deal. I see him around as he works by where I live, he lives 10 miles away, and I saw him a few times around and we were both friendly to each other. There is a definite sexual attraction and we have a laugh. We did actually sleep together in July. So anyway after he said he wasn't ready for anything and he went back with this other girl we would smile and chat briefly and stuff when we bumped into eachother. I still fancied him but left it alone and didn't persue him in any way. No texts nothing. Fast forward a couple of months and he knocked on my door out of the blue on his way home and asked me how I was. I got the feeling he wanted to say SOMETHING if you know what I mean but he didn't, just kept it casual and friendly, as I was to him. I thought it was interesting he's knocking my door but seeing as he didn't ask if he could he see me again I thought no more of it and I didn't ask him in, I just said bye bye, nice to see you etc and it was all pleasant. Another two or three weeks later - first week of October, and he turns up again. This time he tells me it's not going well with the ex (who he has only known a few months and doesn't live with) and says he's sorry he lost me/dropped me. He said he would love to take me out etc and 'you learn by your mistakes' referring to his decision to go back to the other girl. I still liked him and was interested in going out with him but only if he was totally single. He understood. He said he didn't know what to do. The other girl was in love with him and had a young child who was fond of him. He started to text on a regular basis and I texted him back most of the time but I kept my distance. Just chit chat with some flirting. He then came round at my request one day and we had sex again, it was totally my instigation, before you say I was his booty call! I felt like ripping his clothes off, so I did, and it was nice!! LOL. He's popped round for a coffee a few times and we've kissed. I said no sex, that I was looking for more than that, and he said he wouldn't do that anyway, we had a laugh about it, saying what are we like and stuff (Although I am sure he would do it if I asked, he drops enough hints that he fancies me and I do the same!!). I was just seeing where things went really without putting any pressure on him, and giving him time to come to his own conclusions. Then the bomb dropped, he told me later that day that his girlfriend had found a text from me (the day of the sex we'd been texting a lot) and she had told him she was pregant and it's due in May. I thought it might be a ruse at first (from her) to 'keep' him if you like, and it might not be true, but apparently it is. So at this point I am thinking ok, end of story, a pregnant girlfriend and he doesn't know what he wants. Best leave it. I said to him I still liked him and would be happy to hear from him if things changed. The thing is he hasn't left me alone. I don't mean in a stalkish way - I like him and find him attractive. But he texts all the time, how are you, what are you doing, he has brought me round a cd and some films. The texts are flirty and nice and he hates it if I don't reply, he moans that I ignore him and jokes is anyone there and silly stuff. I told him about a date I went on last week and he didn't like that one! Aren't you interested in me any more he said?? Can I see you tomorrow?? I have to say I said yes I am still interested and so he came round the next day. And... doesn't know what he wants to do, regards us two. I really did think this is getting ridiculous and told him so and that we want different things etc. Stop texting me etc if this was all it was going to be. I was quite sad to blow him off but I can't see the point in carrying on with this game. He said ok at first. Then said he was upset, that I was always ignoring him, and he didn't know whether I wanted him to text me. I said yes I DO, but I want more than just texts! The thing is, he's still texting, saying hello and sending smiley faces, saying have you fallen out with me, talk to me, what's up etc. Has anyone ever dealt with this situation. Just wanted some thoughts and to know what the outcome was. I actually feel quite baffled. I really like him and fancy him but I don't know what to do? Ignore? I've told him I don't want just sex, I want a proper relationship, with someone I could be with and so things are clear from my point of view, and he still keeps texting but not doing anything like arranging anything. He actually said last week he would have liked us to go for a drink last weekend LOL, but didn't actually ask me beforehand. He's not young he's 35, slightly younger than me by a few years. Last night for instance he texted me hello + smiley face + kiss. ?? I said what do you keep texting me for because I've reached the end of my tether with it! He said that's not very nice! (LOL WTF?). Then I get another text from him asking if I am not talking to him and asking if I have fallen out with him. I then get yet another text asking what my plans are today/tonight which I didn't respond to. Today he said what's up? I said I am upset because we just seem to do each other's heads in. I said I would like to see him. Which I would. He hasn't got back to me yet... I know the obvious one is to ignore ignore ignore any future contact from him but something has stopped me doing that, I like him I guess, although not the way he's behaving. Your experiences would be appreciated on this one! Male and female point of view.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 (edited) Let's try to break this down, shall we? This guy texts me all the time but seems to hesitate to take it further. He must have sent me 400+ plus texts. He's involved with someone else. He was single when I met him in July, but after he and I got together briefly he ended it to go back with his ex. I was a bit disappointed but no big deal. I see him around as he works by where I live, he lives 10 miles away, and I saw him a few times around and we were both friendly to each other. There is a definite sexual attraction and we have a laugh. We did actually sleep together in July. Red Flags. So anyway after he said he wasn't ready for anything and he went back with this other girl we would smile and chat briefly and stuff when we bumped into eachother. I still fancied him but left it alone and didn't persue him in any way. No texts nothing. Wouldn't the logc be, If he wasn't ready, he wouldn't be a relationship? Fast forward a couple of months and he knocked on my door out of the blue on his way home and asked me how I was. I got the feeling he wanted to say SOMETHING if you know what I mean but he didn't, just kept it casual and friendly, as I was to him. I thought it was interesting he's knocking my door but seeing as he didn't ask if he could he see me again I thought no more of it and I didn't ask him in, I just said bye bye, nice to see you etc and it was all pleasant. Another two or three weeks later - first week of October, and he turns up again. This time he tells me it's not going well with the ex (who he has only known a few months and doesn't live with) and says he's sorry he lost me/dropped me. He said he would love to take me out etc and 'you learn by your mistakes' referring to his decision to go back to the other girl. I still liked him and was interested in going out with him but only if he was totally single. He understood. He said he didn't know what to do. The other girl was in love with him and had a young child who was fond of him. Really? If some guy tells me this, I'm going to feel like second best. Why would I want a guy who doesn't want me in the first place? He started to text on a regular basis and I texted him back most of the time but I kept my distance. Just chit chat with some flirting. He then came round at my request one day and we had sex again, it was totally my instigation, before you say I was his booty call! I felt like ripping his clothes off, so I did, and it was nice!! LOL. He's popped round for a coffee a few times and we've kissed. I said no sex, that I was looking for more than that, and he said he wouldn't do that anyway, we had a laugh about it, saying what are we like and stuff (Although I am sure he would do it if I asked, he drops enough hints that he fancies me and I do the same!!). I was just seeing where things went really without putting any pressure on him, and giving him time to come to his own conclusions. Then the bomb dropped, he told me later that day that his girlfriend had found a text from me (the day of the sex we'd been texting a lot) and she had told him she was pregant and it's due in May. I thought it might be a ruse at first (from her) to 'keep' him if you like, and it might not be true, but apparently it is. That has to be the understatement of the year. It doesn't matter who instigates, if your interactions involves around flirting and- you guessed it!- sex, you're a booty call. Only now in your position, you are also the other woman. So at this point I am thinking ok, end of story, a pregnant girlfriend and he doesn't know what he wants. Best leave it. I said to him I still liked him and would be happy to hear from him if things changed. I wish you would repeat this phrase to yourself as much as possible. The thing is he hasn't left me alone. I don't mean in a stalkish way - I like him and find him attractive. But he texts all the time, how are you, what are you doing, he has brought me round a cd and some films. The texts are flirty and nice and he hates it if I don't reply, he moans that I ignore him and jokes is anyone there and silly stuff. I told him about a date I went on last week and he didn't like that one! Aren't you interested in me any more he said?? Can I see you tomorrow?? I have to say I said yes I am still interested and so he came round the next day. And... doesn't know what he wants to do, regards us two. I really did think this is getting ridiculous and told him so and that we want different things etc. Stop texting me etc if this was all it was going to be. I was quite sad to blow him off but I can't see the point in carrying on with this game. He said ok at first. Then said he was upset, that I was always ignoring him, and he didn't know whether I wanted him to text me. I said yes I DO, but I want more than just texts! The thing is, he's still texting, saying hello and sending smiley faces, saying have you fallen out with me, talk to me, what's up etc. By allowing his behavior, you are basically letting him play. If you want out, you step out. Has anyone ever dealt with this situation. Just wanted some thoughts and to know what the outcome was. I actually feel quite baffled. I really like him and fancy him but I don't know what to do? Ignore? I've told him I don't want just sex, I want a proper relationship, with someone I could be with and so things are clear from my point of view, and he still keeps texting but not doing anything like arranging anything. He actually said last week he would have liked us to go for a drink last weekend LOL, but didn't actually ask me beforehand. He's not young he's 35, slightly younger than me by a few years. Last night for instance he texted me hello + smiley face + kiss. ?? I said what do you keep texting me for because I've reached the end of my tether with it! He said that's not very nice! (LOL WTF?). Then I get another text from him asking if I am not talking to him and asking if I have fallen out with him. I then get yet another text asking what my plans are today/tonight which I didn't respond to. Today he said what's up? I said I am upset because we just seem to do each other's heads in. I said I would like to see him. Which I would. He hasn't got back to me yet... I know the obvious one is to ignore ignore ignore any future contact from him but something has stopped me doing that, I like him I guess, although not the way he's behaving. Your experiences would be appreciated on this one! Male and female point of view. I'm sorry did you say he is 35? When I read this, I assumed he was in his 20s, but apparently even after a decade, he still hasn't grown up. Please have some respect for yourself. By condoning his behavior you're telling him that you're a pushover and a doormat. Thus, no matter how many times you tell him you want a sincere relationship, he will never take you seriously. Basically you're saying one thing ( " I want a relationship!") and doing another ( " yeah, sure I don't mind having sex"). Best thing to do now is to go NC and completely ignore him. Unless of course you don't mind being a character in his play. I'm sure all this drama would nab you an Oscar or an Emmy. Edited November 19, 2010 by xpaperxcutx
xpaperxcutx Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 I would like to add that since I don't really know you that well, my reply isn't meant to be snarky or snide, but sometimes the harsher the truth, the bigger the impact. Also, please learn to cut him off cold turkey. A simple " please text don't me anymore will do" by text. You don't need to reply to him if he texts you back, simply press the delete button on your phone. Additionally, you certainly do not need to reply to get in a last word. Everything should be made clear by your silence.
Author Pink_orchid Posted November 19, 2010 Author Posted November 19, 2010 Thanks guys. Yes I know I should have cut him off before, it's just I think why does he keep bothering! And I guess it's not in my nature to be horrible, or ignore people I like, I always try to sort it out. And I'm not having sex with him by the way. And the texts keep on coming when I ignore him (even more intense actually!).
O'Malley Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 I know the obvious one is to ignore ignore ignore any future contact from him but something has stopped me doing that, I like him I guess, although not the way he's behaving. He sees you as an option, and you're allowing yourself to be treated that way. Unfortunately, even if you were able to have a relationship with him, you can't distill his lying, his cheating, or the fact that he's going to be a parent soon. His behavior does not only apply to his girlfriend, it applies to anyone who becomes involved with him. Take over the girlfriend role and you'll be the one wondering who he is texting and seeing behind your back. You have to be the one to completely walk away from this man -- no texts, no chats, no answering the door should he come by. Change all of your contact information so that he can't contact you even if you want him to. If he approaches you in public let him know that you'd love to hang out: you'll be sure to call his girlfriend and make arrangements for all of you to catch up on things. That should send him scurrying like a cockroach from the light.
Crazy Magnet Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 He does it because you let him. You are a complete doormat in this situation. He's unhappy in his relationship so he's using (USING!!!) you to stroke his own ego and you provide the ego boost that he needs. You are nothing more than a play thing to him. It sounds like you are wanting us to say "he keeps texting because he feels something for you." Unfortunately I think that is the farthest from the truth. Honestly, with all his drama, why do you even care why he's texting? I personally wouldn't even bother to respond at this point and my silence could speak for itself.
OceanGirl Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Also, read between the lines. He may text a lot but the content of those texts clearly tell you that he doesn't give a f... None contain ANY emotion in them whatsoever. Hello with smiley face and a kiss and what's up - all meaningless. When you don't respond or respond with something negative - he doesn't address it or discuss it in any way - he just shoots you a lame "that's not very nice" - his way of avoiding any deeper conversation. He really doesn't care about you in any way other than some light text entertainment and an occasional booty call.
Author Pink_orchid Posted November 20, 2010 Author Posted November 20, 2010 (edited) Thank you guys for the comments. I am just confused because I've not had this situation before. This guy has sent me hundreds of messages, mainly in the last few weeks, but he hasn't arranged to take me on a date, although he likes popping in for coffee. Yes I had sex with him once on one of these visits but that was after me phoning him and asking him round. I can see why you say I could be a booty call but honestly I told him that I wouldn't be doing that again! Unless we started seeing each other properly. I have told him I want love, a relationship, a partner etc etc, want to find someone special, and he's still kept coming around, even though he seems to just be drifting along not knowing what to do. I don't think I am a booty call! He was mine LOL. I like him though although he hasn't behaved very well, he is nice and sensitive and I don't think he's a bad guy. He hates it when I ignore him or don't seem that interested in seeing him - ie the other day he was asking non stop if he could come round for coffee and I kinda stalled and didn't respond directly and then he had to go home (as I say he works nearby my home). I've got fed up with him texting and not taking it further and I've gone cooler. I forgot to mention, he didn't end it with me 'to go back to his ex' as I might have inferred although it was obviously only a short gap in between, but I don't know how long. We met in July and we saw each other a handful of times and then he said he wasn't ready for anything. He said he was seeing this other girl again in mid/end August, I can't remember as I haven't kept tabs on it, I wasn't really bothered at the time. I feel bad now as I've sent him a text saying I don't know why you bothered texting me 400 times and coming round to see me but not doing any more i.e. finishing with this other girl and I'm completely fed up with the whole thing. Go away. I just don't get you. It was a bit more strongly worded actually! He hasn't answered. He might be in a bad mood and think that's not very nice (LOL). But I can't help still liking the guy! I certainly wouldn't text some guy that many times if I didn't care for him would you? It has not been a handful of texts it has been loads and loads, probably 450 or more if I counted, but I've had to delete some as my phone memory was full. I think the comments I've had on here are very useful, it's true he can't be happy in his relationship, such as it is, or he wouldn't be texting and visiting me would he, but it's also true I think that he's very mixed up and would probably be risky to get involved with? I'll probably see him around next week and I think I will want to say something. I feel quite sad, isn't that stupid?! Have I been too hasty, is it me?! Edited November 20, 2010 by Pink_orchid
xpaperxcutx Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Thank you guys for the comments. I am just confused because I've not had this situation before. This guy has sent me hundreds of messages, mainly in the last few weeks, but he hasn't arranged to take me on a date, although he likes popping in for coffee. Yes I had sex with him once on one of these visits but that was after me phoning him and asking him round. I can see why you say I could be a booty call but honestly I told him that I wouldn't be doing that again! Unless we started seeing each other properly. I have told him I want love, a relationship, a partner etc etc, want to find someone special, and he's still kept coming around, even though he seems to just be drifting along not knowing what to do. I don't think I am a booty call! He was mine LOL. I like him though although he hasn't behaved very well, he is nice and sensitive and I don't think he's a bad guy. He hates it when I ignore him or don't seem that interested in seeing him - ie the other day he was asking non stop if he could come round for coffee and I kinda stalled and didn't respond directly and then he had to go home (as I say he works nearby my home). I've got fed up with him texting and not taking it further and I've gone cooler. I forgot to mention, he didn't end it with me 'to go back to his ex' as I might have inferred although it was obviously only a short gap in between, but I don't know how long. We met in July and we saw each other a handful of times and then he said he wasn't ready for anything. He said he was seeing this other girl again in mid/end August, I can't remember as I haven't kept tabs on it, I wasn't really bothered at the time. I feel bad now as I've sent him a text saying I don't know why you bothered texting me 400 times and coming round to see me but not doing any more i.e. finishing with this other girl and I'm completely fed up with the whole thing. Go away. I just don't get you. It was a bit more strongly worded actually! He hasn't answered. He might be in a bad mood and think that's not very nice (LOL). But I can't help still liking the guy! I certainly wouldn't text some guy that many times if I didn't care for him would you? It has not been a handful of texts it has been loads and loads, probably 450 or more if I counted, but I've had to delete some as my phone memory was full. I think the comments I've had on here are very useful, it's true he can't be happy in his relationship, such as it is, or he wouldn't be texting and visiting me would he, but it's also true I think that he's very mixed up and would probably be risky to get involved with? I'll probably see him around next week and I think I will want to say something. I feel quite sad, isn't that stupid?! Have I been too hasty, is it me?! So in other words, you crave the drama and attention.
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