She's "busy" for the rest of the yr. LOL!

[phineas]

The woman I thought I had just started dateing told me she is working 60 hr a week & won't have time to see me until next yr.

 

But, she expects me to talk to her on the phone every day.

 

No fricken way.

 

I mean I just spent 2 months hanging out with her taking it slow at her request because she is afraid of getting hurt.

This is also my first attempt at seriously dateing after divorce & though going slow would be a good idea also.

 

But, I got other women showing interest & I told her I felt like we were going nowhere because she isn't actually dateing me.

 

She made time for a date immediately. came to my house for dinner & a movie, got a little touch feely on the couch. saw me for another date. kissed me both times calls me way too much though instead of meeting up with me.

 

She's a single mom that manages a clothing store with black Friday & Christmas coming up.

I get that.

 

But she expects me to believe she can't fit me in even one day a week for the next month & a half?

 

either she is an attention whore that felt I was about to bail so she fed me some scraps to keep me paying attention to her.

Or she just isn't ready for a relationship.

 

Either way I feel like i'm wasting my time.

 

Should I launch?

 

Should I tell her if she wants to talk to me she can schedule a date because I don't want to spend my time on the phone with someone who can't make time for me?

 

Should I tell her to call me next yr when she can date again?

 

I'd just ignore her, but she knows when i'm home with my kids & knows where I live. LOL!

[flashy]

bud....60/5= 12 hour days. I'm an entrpreneur I work 18 hour days and still find time for someone. Please move on. I hate to say that, but I think your coming here to hear what you want to hear. We are all guilty of that at some point. It's human

 

Should I tell her to call me next year? come on bro

[Art_Critic]

No fricken way.

 

This...

 

No way in heck would I be an emotional phone tampon for someone who has already friend zoned me and has zero intention of dating me seriously

 

Just tell her to call you when she can go out sometime next year.. or even the year after

[xpaperxcutx]

Considering the next month and a half are the busiest times of the year, I'm going to take her word for it that she's extremely busy. But if that's the case, she shouldn't even be dating.

[SignalFlare]

You don't have to be that harsh about it. Just tell her you are not a fan of phone conversations and prefer speaking face to face. If she is the kind of person who is so into her career that she can't make time for other people then it's not the kind of person you want to be with. She'll understand and adapt accordingly or accept the goodbye.

[flashy]

come on Signal this girl is giving him the bisggest line of crap I've ever heard. he needs to know that.

[alexlakeman]

She could make it happen if she thought that you were a hot commodity and didn't want the chance of loosing an opportunity with you, especially during the holidays; no one wants to b alone.

 

She could say "let's have a lunch date" so easily. Come on she has to take a break during d day.

 

I would just NOT call nor text her back. If she contacts you just say "you have a busy schedule & u can't pencil me in, sounds like u don't have time to explore a relationship at dis time", Ball's in her court, period. She knows you will only want to hear from her if she can make time.

 

Don't burn the brdige completely in case she does reach out later you'll have an alternative or a backup.

[BackUpOrGetStung]

"Should I tell her if she wants to talk to me she can schedule a date because I don't want to spend my time on the phone with someone who can't make time for me?

 

Should I tell her to call me next yr when she can date again?

 

I'd just ignore her, but she knows when i'm home with my kids & knows where I live. LOL!"

 

I think any of these options are good. The first one speaks for itself. The second one is good too, as long as you just forget about her and pursue other women, and if she does call you later on, then cool. I wouldn't worry so much about ignoring her, because she doesn't have time to come over to your house and check on you.

[NoLongerSad]

Phineas,

 

obviously total unavailability is a subterfuge.

 

She has decided to see someone else for a while but wants to keep you as a back-up option. That's the ONLY reason that explains her behavior.

[carhill]

'I enjoyed dating you but I'm hearing from you that you are currently too busy to date. When you have time to date, give me a call. I enjoy talking with the ladies I'm dating while I'm dating them. Happy Holidays'

 

This sets a firm boundary and leaves the door open for the future. If she calls for 'phone dating', just cut the conversation short without rancor or explanation. She already heard your boundary and a mature adult can comprehend such things. No need to hold her hand like a child.

 

In the meantime, enjoy the attentions of other ladies you wish to date. Remain focused on those ladies who show *clear* and *consistent* interest. Don't feed the Hoovers. Good luck

[dispatch3d]

god the word launch irks me.

 

Dating guidelines for girls are NOT the same as for guys.

 

Obviously don't call her everyday. If she doesn't want to see you until next year I'd say that's the end of it. Just tell her she's too busy to be dating, and you aren't interested in continuing things like that.

[fishtaco]

Keep her on low maintenance while you date other women. A txt msg or a phone call say once or twice a week doesn't cost you much. Just make sure don't let her drag you into hours of phone conversation, unless you're bored and have nothing else better to do.

 

Basically same as carhill's suggestion, except he's more straight forward, and I prefer ambiguity. Personal preference. Most important point here is don't feed the hoover, like carhill said.

[sanskrit]

Move onto other prospects without any sort of declaration or bridge burning.

[ColdFox]

Move onto other prospects without any sort of declaration or bridge burning.

 

This. And see what happens when the holiday season is over.

 

It is not fair of her to expect you to hang around waiting and calling her every day, but I think most of the people who are responding to you don't have any idea what it is like to be a single mother during the holidays which are all about kids and family. If you are not at the stage yet where you spend time with her kids, I can understand why it may be just about impossible for her to find any extra time for you right now, since her work is about to go crazy too.

 

She's asking too much for an early relationship but I don't think she's evil. She's a single mom who is about to have a really tough couple of months. My work often slows down around the holidays and I am still overwhelmed with trying to be everything for my son for the holidays.

[ascendotum]

She could make it happen if she thought that you were a hot commodity and didn't want the chance of loosing an opportunity with you, especially during the holidays; no one wants to b alone.

 

She could say "let's have a lunch date" so easily. Come on she has to take a break during d day.

 

I would just NOT call nor text her back. If she contacts you just say "you have a busy schedule & u can't pencil me in, sounds like u don't have time to explore a relationship at dis time", Ball's in her court, period. She knows you will only want to hear from her if she can make time.

 

Don't burn the brdige completely in case she does reach out later you'll have an alternative or a backup.

 

Exactly what I wanted to say. I've been in similar scenarios as have my friends, and the 'want to take it slow' & I've got a lot going on at the moment' goes right out the window when a better looking guy comes into the picture. She likes you but you are her alternative for into the next year, which as the above said, is what you should make her.

"No fricken way", = what you really feel, but are trying to hope it wont have to be this way.

[Mad Max]

If she was truly interested, she'd make time. Dinner, quick lunch, drinks, coffee, something. In the next 6 weeks, she doesn't have time for ONE get together? GTFO. I can't speak for the OP, but I am NO ONE'S backup.

[OceanGirl]

If she was truly interested, she'd make time. Dinner, quick lunch, drinks, coffee, something. In the next 6 weeks, she doesn't have time for ONE get together? GTFO. I can't speak for the OP, but I am NO ONE'S backup.

 

For the first time ever, I agree with Mad Max

[phineas]

'I enjoyed dating you but I'm hearing from you that you are currently too busy to date. When you have time to date, give me a call. I enjoy talking with the ladies I'm dating while I'm dating them. Happy Holidays'

 

This sets a firm boundary and leaves the door open for the future. If she calls for 'phone dating', just cut the conversation short without rancor or explanation. She already heard your boundary and a mature adult can comprehend such things. No need to hold her hand like a child.

 

I did this. was surprised by the outcome. but waiting to see if it actually happens.

She agreed i've been very patient with her. (2 months patient)

We picked a night next week when I don't have my kids & she invited me over.

Offered kid free time after her oldest goes to bed if I don't mind a semi-late night.

 

So we will see if she bails on me.

 

In the meantime, enjoy the attentions of other ladies you wish to date. Remain focused on those ladies who show *clear* and *consistent* interest. Don't feed the Hoovers. Good luck

 

I've been asked what I was doing Wed night before Thanksgiving by two women I know but I had plans with friends so i'll give them the option to meet me.

[phineas]

If she was truly interested, she'd make time. Dinner, quick lunch, drinks, coffee, something. In the next 6 weeks, she doesn't have time for ONE get together? GTFO. I can't speak for the OP, but I am NO ONE'S backup.

 

I agree. This is my first foray into real dating in close to 9yrs.

So I know I became to available to her at first.

 

But I am learning.

[phineas]

So, I was supposed to spend the night at her place Tuesday.

Monday she remembers her 5 yr old sleeps in her bed so I can't spend the night. But, it's something she is going to work on when she gets her tax return. so she can make his room cool & he'll want to sleep there. (holy dangling carrot batman)

 

Before I suggest anything else she also tells me it's that time of the month so she can't do anything anyways.

 

So I ask her what are we going to do?

She says she doesn't know.

 

The only reason i was going to her house was to be with her. We were clear on that.

She also tried to say I said we were going to do more than just kiss when she said it herself.

 

So at this point i've lost all respect for this woman & asked her if I was at least going to get some boob.

 

She says "probably not"

I ask why & she tells me "because I told you, i'm kind of a prude"

I tell her very calmly "no, you are a dick tease, good bye" and hang up.

 

I drank a beer.

Watched some TV.

Composed myself.

Picked up my phone & called up the woman who asked me out a few weeks earlier but I had turned down because I had the above woman coming over for a date & i've done the multiple woman thing & it's just too much juggling them.

 

We went out last night. Had a blast. She's very attractive also. A little aggressive. Pinched my ass once when I playfully flirted with her.

 

She did start bitching about a woman at work in the car & I jokeingly told her "you know what would give (so&so) a big laugh?"

She goes "what?"

Me: "finding out your date left you on the side of the road because you kept talking about her." I made sure to grin really really big.

 

She got the message.

 

It was nice being with a woman that was actively touching me & acted like she genuinely wanted to be there with me.

She didn't mind I put my arm around her a few times either.

 

Then she gave me hug before I had a chance to make a move & told me she wasn't kissing me until she was sure I wasn't kissing anyone else in a jokeing way. (she knew I was seeing someone before & we hadn't really talked about it) I told her "fair enough"

 

She did tell me she wants to see me again.

[Stung]

So, I was supposed to spend the night at her place Tuesday.

Monday she remembers her 5 yr old sleeps in her bed so I can't spend the night. But, it's something she is going to work on when she gets her tax return. so she can make his room cool & he'll want to sleep there. (holy dangling carrot batman)

 

Before I suggest anything else she also tells me it's that time of the month so she can't do anything anyways.

 

So I ask her what are we going to do?

She says she doesn't know.

 

The only reason i was going to her house was to be with her. We were clear on that.

She also tried to say I said we were going to do more than just kiss when she said it herself.

 

So at this point i've lost all respect for this woman & asked her if I was at least going to get some boob.

 

She says "probably not"

I ask why & she tells me "because I told you, i'm kind of a prude"

I tell her very calmly "no, you are a dick tease, good bye" and hang up.

 

I drank a beer.

Watched some TV.

Composed myself.

Picked up my phone & called up the woman who asked me out a few weeks earlier but I had turned down because I had the above woman coming over for a date & i've done the multiple woman thing & it's just too much juggling them.

 

We went out last night. Had a blast. She's very attractive also. A little aggressive. Pinched my ass once when I playfully flirted with her.

 

She did start bitching about a woman at work in the car & I jokeingly told her "you know what would give (so&so) a big laugh?"

She goes "what?"

Me: "finding out your date left you on the side of the road because you kept talking about her." I made sure to grin really really big.

 

She got the message.

 

It was nice being with a woman that was actively touching me & acted like she genuinely wanted to be there with me.

She didn't mind I put my arm around her a few times either.

 

Then she gave me hug before I had a chance to make a move & told me she wasn't kissing me until she was sure I wasn't kissing anyone else in a jokeing way. (she knew I was seeing someone before & we hadn't really talked about it) I told her "fair enough"

 

She did tell me she wants to see me again.

 

THIS sounds very positive. Good luck with this one.

[fishtaco]

And this is why you SHOULD multi-date. You don't have to date 10 women at the same time, but 3 or 4 isn't all that difficult to juggle.

[GooseChaser]

It's totally within your rights to prefer someone who is able to make time with you. It's all part of finding someone who is compatible with you.

 

I like the sound of where things are going with the new lady! Who knows, maybe you'll find something good with her before the busy one finds time for you! Too bad for the other-- you snooze, you lose! I'm sure in the end you'll find happiness. Best wishes!

[daphne]

I tell her very calmly "no, you are a dick tease, good bye" and hang up.

 

She did start bitching about a woman at work in the car & I jokeingly told her "you know what would give (so&so) a big laugh?"

She goes "what?"

Me: "finding out your date left you on the side of the road because you kept talking about her." I made sure to grin really really big.

 

She got the message.

 

 

Are you sure you're in the right place to date? From other posts I've read from you, you didn't come across as someone who was this mean. But if it were me in either of this situations I'd write you off. Grin or no grin.

[Star Gazer]

And this is why you SHOULD multi-date. You don't have to date 10 women at the same time, but 3 or 4 isn't all that difficult to juggle.

 

Ding, ding, ding!!

 

Are you sure you're in the right place to date? From other posts I've read from you, you didn't come across as someone who was this mean. But if it were me in either of this situations I'd write you off. Grin or no grin.

 

I'm surprised too. It also seems controlling.