youngnconfused Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 I have been married 4 months now. My husband is US Marines so we have been apart most of our relationship which is a 6 year long relationship. He used to be the nicest, caring, person I knew. He would never raise his voice at me, and he would do anything to see me happy. But, since he's come back from Afghanistan and we've moved to another state away from family, he's changed. He constantly yells at me, cusses at me, makes me feel like i'm not good enough for him. Tells me that if I leave him that MY car, MY cell phone, MY everything stays with him. He's basically made me feel like nothing belongs to me, and I have no way out. Marriage is a partnership, and he only wants everything for hiself. He is trying to take the only things from me that make me feel like I have a little independence. I know that the first year of marriage is the hardest, but at this point I feel like divorce is my only way out. Should I stick it out, or should I leave?
ColdFox Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 You have said your husband was at war in Afghanistan, and came back a changed person. To me that sounds like he might have something like PTSD, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. He probably needs help, is there any way you can get him to see a doctor/counselor? If he starts to become really abusive and you are afraid for yourself, leave him and take care of yourself first.
carhill Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 So, you were together for a number of years while he was in the Marines and, since being married, things apparently have changed, I presume, or else you wouldn't have married him, right?. Was he deployed in active combat in the past, prior to marriage? During that period, were you stationed near his family? How old are you and he? You and he have access to help through military and civilian channels. Given your long history, absent other compelling information, I'd pursue those channels of help (medical evaluation and counseling would be my suggestions) before pursuing divorce. Welcome to LS
tallman Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 I never thought I would post in these forums again. I came in here for opinions, got them, and thought I was done. However, after reading your story, I feel I have to respond. I am assuming your husband had friends die in Afghanistan. When I was 20 years old, my girlfriend and I had a traffic accident in which she was killed. I was in love with her and losing her, especially in the way it happened, caused me a lot of anger. Anger at everything and everybody. It always was right there just under my skin. I began dating my wife about a year after the accident. About a year into our relationship, she told me she was leaving. I said, "Fine. There's the door." She walked out, and I was unaffected... Until I slept alone for two nights, and then I began to realize what I had done. What I had lost. I called her and agreed to go to the counseling she had been telling me I needed. The counseling saved my relationship, dissolved my anger, and returned my happiness. And as I already stated, she is now my wife. We have a wonderful marriage that I have never taken for granted. But the point is this. I would never have gone to counseling if I had not been faced with an ultimatum. I didn't believe in counseling then, but I sure as hell do now. Regardless, HE has to be willing to go. Talk with him. Ask him. Beg him to go. But if push comes to shove, I think you should be prepared to make him face the real reality of life without you.
tinktronik Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 So, you were together for a number of years while he was in the Marines and, since being married, things apparently have changed, I presume, or else you wouldn't have married him, right?. Was he deployed in active combat in the past, prior to marriage? During that period, were you stationed near his family? How old are you and he? You and he have access to help through military and civilian channels. Given your long history, absent other compelling information, I'd pursue those channels of help (medical evaluation and counseling would be my suggestions) before pursuing divorce. Welcome to LS I absolutely agree. OP you have family services available to you on base. Your husbands command need not know why you and he are seeking family counseling and should have some autonomy provided.
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