SunsetRed Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Many of us are on here due to our break up with a MM. In my case, I didn't even consider my guy to be married, as he had been separated for 3 years and was "working on" divorce papers. Well, obviously I've learned the hard way that separated is married. While "working on" the financial arrangements involved in the divorce she asked him to come back and he jumped at the chance. This was 2 months ago. Up until recently, I was expecting him to come running back to me, saying that it would never work with her and he realized it was me he loved. After all, we were together 1.5 years and he'd been away from her for 3. I still don't see them living happily ever after or even living together for very long. They will separate again but that doesn't mean he'll ever be mine again. Probably what will happen is that he'll continue to live in a state of limbo with her forever, never getting a divorce but never becoming fully committed to anyone else either. I do expect that they will be living apart soon, but due to the fact that he's military, any woman he dates will still not be able to attend certain functions with him due to the fact that the military honors (and pays for) the legal marriage that he has. So, this is it. 2 months post break up I have no other choice than to accept that it's over and to stop waiting for and hoping for him to come back. I thought NC would bring him back. It did, but only for a brief moment of stupid sex and now he's back being someone else's husband. Well, sorry for the rant. But I did want to get a feel for how many of us have reached the point where we realize what we had is over and it's never coming back. I don't know where to go from here except to focus on improving my self and life and hope that God has something else in store for me in the love/romance dept.
siuys Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Sunset, I feel for you. i gotta admit that I am quite surprised since he'd been separated for 3 years. Perhaps he hasn't quite dealt with the issues... I wonder. Wow, I am sorry. I know a couple of people seeing separated men (like in your case, separated for 3-4 years). They all seem emotionally stable and know exactly what they want, and the reason they are not divorced yet (one has filed), is because of asset split. I think I am at the stage where I think it's never coming back. My guy was separated too (but only for 6 months) and is now back with his W. Tho he told me only days after he moved back that he has made a mistake... I don't believe him anymore so we're on NC. I think I'm working on it being FINAL, rather than it actually is because i would never know what his actions might be. But as long as it's so f*cked up, it's final. I am crushing the hope, and do not want to get involved. Maybe it's best for you too... every situation is different but the sooner and more willing you're to accept the situation and move on, the easier it will be for you, the healthier it will be for you. Take care of yourself.
BB07 Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 That sucks sunsetred, it really does. You would think, almost anyone would think after 3 years that you'd be pretty safe in that regard. My experience was a little different than yours as I thought I was dating a separated man for almost 2 years but it turned out he wasn't separated at all, (well until the very end). He was a liar about almost everything.
pureinheart Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Many of us are on here due to our break up with a MM. In my case, I didn't even consider my guy to be married, as he had been separated for 3 years and was "working on" divorce papers. Well, obviously I've learned the hard way that separated is married. While "working on" the financial arrangements involved in the divorce she asked him to come back and he jumped at the chance. This was 2 months ago. Up until recently, I was expecting him to come running back to me, saying that it would never work with her and he realized it was me he loved. After all, we were together 1.5 years and he'd been away from her for 3. I still don't see them living happily ever after or even living together for very long. They will separate again but that doesn't mean he'll ever be mine again. Probably what will happen is that he'll continue to live in a state of limbo with her forever, never getting a divorce but never becoming fully committed to anyone else either. I do expect that they will be living apart soon, but due to the fact that he's military, any woman he dates will still not be able to attend certain functions with him due to the fact that the military honors (and pays for) the legal marriage that he has. So, this is it. 2 months post break up I have no other choice than to accept that it's over and to stop waiting for and hoping for him to come back. I thought NC would bring him back. It did, but only for a brief moment of stupid sex and now he's back being someone else's husband. Well, sorry for the rant. But I did want to get a feel for how many of us have reached the point where we realize what we had is over and it's never coming back. I don't know where to go from here except to focus on improving my self and life and hope that God has something else in store for me in the love/romance dept. Oh Sunset, I am so very sorry...I too thought for sure that my life was set and all was a go, but I was mistaken. God does have wonderful things for us, no matter what we do not stand alone..."if God be for us, who then could be against us?" It is important to me to accomplish many tasks everyday, I need to feel good about me, and actually staying away from LS would mostlikely be one of the most supportive acts I could do for myself, as there is not much here (I hope it is different for you). Yes Sunset, after a million stops and starts, this time it's really over and I know it. Some things that jennie-jennie had to say yesterday and your thread are causing me to really realise that yes it is over. This is very good because now I can seek support. Take care Sunset....and God will send you another:)
TurboGirl Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 (edited) Sunsetred I feel for you. I was there too some years back. Keep this in mind for the future - if you meet a guy and he is separated, RUN don't walk away from him. I have been through this and seen this or a similar scenario time & time again. 3 years... he was just hangin' out. He never pressed forward with divorce proceedings, right? A guy is never "yours" until you walk down the aisle with him and even then, maybe not. He sounds spineless to me. You deserve more than that. Please give yourself some time to heal. You will meet someone much more deserving of your devotion and love. I finally met someone and have been married for 10 years now. Please stop "waiting" for him to come to his senses. Take your power back... if he does contact you, please resist. As for when you might feel better, it is up to you. You have your future ahead... this guy was the past. Be aware that he will probably contact you again, but it is up to you to be strong and think of your needs first - your needs that he was unable to meet. Edited November 20, 2010 by TurboGirl
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