HeavenOrHell Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 In your case I wouldn't break it unless she contacts you cos she wants to talk things through. I went NC when I knew for sure there was no hope of my partner coming back to me, by that time he fancied someone else and so it was more painful to see him than to not see him (we were meeting up regularly after we split). I started to let go of us and move on after a few days of NC, the first few days were the worst, they were hell, but the previous 6 or 7 months post break up were hell too. I felt more at peace once I had made the decision to go NC, cos for months I thought about what was the best thing to do constantly and it did my nut in. I only went NC for about 5 weeks, it gave me time to adjust to the situation and I also started a close friendship with someone in the same boat around that time and we got closer and closer and became a couple. I was able to friends with my ex again too. Your situation may be different as you don't know for sure this isn't all about her stress at work. Have you told her you need NC in order to move on? She can't expect you to stay in limbo for too long, maybe she's given you no false promises? Is she acting like it's definitely over? Then when is the best time to break NC?
Author Scott Clifford Posted November 24, 2010 Author Posted November 24, 2010 In your case I wouldn't break it unless she contacts you cos she wants to talk things through. I went NC when I knew for sure there was no hope of my partner coming back to me, by that time he fancied someone else and so it was more painful to see him than to not see him (we were meeting up regularly after we split). I started to let go of us and move on after a few days of NC, the first few days were the worst, they were hell, but the previous 6 or 7 months post break up were hell too. I felt more at peace once I had made the decision to go NC, cos for months I thought about what was the best thing to do constantly and it did my nut in. I only went NC for about 5 weeks, it gave me time to adjust to the situation and I also started a close friendship with someone in the same boat around that time and we got closer and closer and became a couple. I was able to friends with my ex again too. Your situation may be different as you don't know for sure this isn't all about her stress at work. Have you told her you need NC in order to move on? She can't expect you to stay in limbo for too long, maybe she's given you no false promises? Is she acting like it's definitely over? She wanted to call me after a month. & She didnt want to lose all contact with me.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Less than a month to wait now then, then you'll know where you stand, at least you have a time scale She wanted to call me after a month. & She didnt want to lose all contact with me.
PhyB Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Scott, I understand your feelings. Although I am still in a relationship with my bf, I don't feel he cares about me anymore. I am so determined. It seems that the more determined I am, the more he sits back. I don't know, I, I believe you too, am so committed to him/her and do nothing wrong. But just, he is still hesistating. He no longer initiates to talk to me and always uses busy as an excuse, although he is. But if you love someone, you will always want to see him/her, right? No matter no bysu you are, you will find time for him/her. I know what exactly you feel. You wait for her call, sms, messages, email, etc, but she may disappoint you in the end. Same here. Sometimes I am thinking if distance really matters? My boyfriend and I get along well. We have a lot in common. I definitely don't want distance, this controllable fator, to defeat us. I have thought that he may come back to me and seek for affection one day like you. I hope he will realize how much I have done for him. I do believe it. But I really don't know... I have and you too have done the best. I can't think of anything I can do. Let's wait and see. God will do the rest. I have a hard time too. This is even worse as my boyfriend loses motivation and faith given that he was very determined in the beginning. I cry everyday for months. I am tried. I don't feel I am pretty anymore. I don't feel like I have his soul anymore. But one thing I know is that I love him more than much. Tomorrow is my birthday. I dare not to expect something from him, but I do wish I am with him. Good luck to you! I sincerely wish you all the best. Good things come to good people. She will appreciate your effort!
Author Scott Clifford Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 Scott, I understand your feelings. Although I am still in a relationship with my bf, I don't feel he cares about me anymore. I am so determined. It seems that the more determined I am, the more he sits back. I don't know, I, I believe you too, am so committed to him/her and do nothing wrong. But just, he is still hesistating. He no longer initiates to talk to me and always uses busy as an excuse, although he is. But if you love someone, you will always want to see him/her, right? No matter no bysu you are, you will find time for him/her. I know what exactly you feel. You wait for her call, sms, messages, email, etc, but she may disappoint you in the end. Same here. Sometimes I am thinking if distance really matters? My boyfriend and I get along well. We have a lot in common. I definitely don't want distance, this controllable fator, to defeat us. I have thought that he may come back to me and seek for affection one day like you. I hope he will realize how much I have done for him. I do believe it. But I really don't know... I have and you too have done the best. I can't think of anything I can do. Let's wait and see. God will do the rest. I have a hard time too. This is even worse as my boyfriend loses motivation and faith given that he was very determined in the beginning. I cry everyday for months. I am tried. I don't feel I am pretty anymore. I don't feel like I have his soul anymore. But one thing I know is that I love him more than much. Tomorrow is my birthday. I dare not to expect something from him, but I do wish I am with him. Good luck to you! I sincerely wish you all the best. Good things come to good people. She will appreciate your effort! Happy Birthday. I am not a ''good person'', so I wont have anything good coming. But I do hope she will realise she misses me and wants me and that she calls. I feel bad for not hearing from her, I hope the pain of living in the unknown will pay off. But knowing my luck I doubt it.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 No offence to anyone but the phrase 'good things come to good people' isn't true bad things happen to good people too and good things happen to 'bad' people! I know the poster meant well though. Happy Birthday. I am not a ''good person'', so I wont have anything good coming. But I do hope she will realise she misses me and wants me and that she calls. I feel bad for not hearing from her, I hope the pain of living in the unknown will pay off. But knowing my luck I doubt it.
Author Scott Clifford Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 I broke NC, send her some flowers with no text. Nothing more.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Sounds ok, can't see a problem with that I broke NC, send her some flowers with no text. Nothing more.
Author Scott Clifford Posted November 28, 2010 Author Posted November 28, 2010 Sounds ok, can't see a problem with that 2.5 weeks till I hear her again. I might get some more answers. Its killing me being without her.
Author Scott Clifford Posted November 29, 2010 Author Posted November 29, 2010 I think I saw her FB active today from another account (bad me), however I can not even see the page with my own. So she must have blocked me, this is a new blow. It could even mean she has someone else, I'm trying not to allow myself to get too ****ed up but it does. Maybe she just blocked me because it is also difficult for her. I'll call her tonight, it has been 2 weeks, maybe she will pick up. I need to try to find closure or she should create an opening. Amazing how you can become no more than a delete button after 3 amazing years where you shared everything.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 If she has blocked you without good reason, and don't assume she has, then it's pretty insensitive and cowardly of her. If she really wants to stop contact with you OR wants to be with someone else then she needs to be honest with you, she owes you an explanation, assuming you've always been honest with her and have done nothing to warrant her behaviour. It's all ifs and buts though, you don't know what's going on, yes maybe she blocked you (if she has blocked you) to make it easier for herself so she focus on work right now rather than thinking/worrying about you two, but speculating rarely does any good. Being in limbo sucks big time, I was in limbo for about 4 months with my ex while he decided whether he still wanted to be with me, he was still living with me at the time, it was horrible. In the end I said I can't cope with this anymore and he said he'd better go then, I think he wanted me to make that final decision. Let me know how the call goes/went. I think I saw her FB active today from another account (bad me), however I can not even see the page with my own. So she must have blocked me, this is a new blow. It could even mean she has someone else, I'm trying not to allow myself to get too ****ed up but it does. Maybe she just blocked me because it is also difficult for her. I'll call her tonight, it has been 2 weeks, maybe she will pick up. I need to try to find closure or she should create an opening. Amazing how you can become no more than a delete button after 3 amazing years where you shared everything.
madjac74 Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 This story is so heartbreaking cuz I have been there several times with my gf and know how scott feels. I believe in the no contact thing because it gives them time to think and miss you. When you keep pestering someone to take you back, it just drives them further away most of the time. However it can be so excrutiating when its someone you have probably shared with everyday for so long and then just suddenly not be able to tell them things. There were so many times when I was no contact with my gf and something would happen during my day that I would normally automatically share with her but then I felt like I couldnt. Its so hard. And the work stress thing you mentioned earlier, I think this is the worst part of an LDR. When we get stressed and need our lovers there for us and they can't be I think doubts start to creep in and then we say or do stupid things. Im no expert on love or LDR's but I'll be your cheerleader (without the outfit) cuz I know how you are likely feeling right now. Good luck, stay strong, don't give up and keep us updated!
Author Scott Clifford Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 Thanks, I still love her I'm counting down the days till the call. There isn't much I can do right now.
flickster42490 Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 (edited) Sorry to hear your story, Scott. I'll bet the world is probably falling around you right now. But I implore you to look at all the signs--the not answering the phone, blocking you from fb, and especially telling you over email that it is over after 4 years of romantic relationship?! Unless you've been using email to express all of your romantic desires and your deepest emotions, I'd say that's pretty inadequate way to end things. Has your relationship been going downhill a while now? Maybe you haven't noticed it. But that's really the most logical explanation to her using the email to break up. I wouldn't try to build up much expectations for that phone call, Scott. It might seem like a way to reconnect somehow or gain some closure, but both seems like a terrible idea. It seems like she's over you and you should move on. As for the latter, you're never going to get closure unless you realize what went wrong yourself. Someone else telling you is just going to lead to more confusion and questions for yourself. Edited December 5, 2010 by flickster42490
Author Scott Clifford Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 Almost time for the phonecall. I'm not sure if I should send her a reminder that could seem pushy, but I'm very curious about how she is doing.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 You mentioned a while ago you were going to call her a couple of weeks ago, I guess you decided not to! You could maybe text her and say is it still ok to call? Almost time for the phonecall. I'm not sure if I should send her a reminder that could seem pushy, but I'm very curious about how she is doing.
Author Scott Clifford Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 I still didn't text or call her. I had all this time to think what to tell her, but now I have no idea what to say. I still love her tons, but I'm worried of waht she might reply if I tell her. On the other hand I've nothing to lose, except that last bit of hope.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Even if the outcome isn't a good one, it is better to know, trust me, I've been there big time. It won't feel better at first but it will bit by bit. Keep us posted. I still didn't text or call her. I had all this time to think what to tell her, but now I have no idea what to say. I still love her tons, but I'm worried of waht she might reply if I tell her. On the other hand I've nothing to lose, except that last bit of hope.
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