This is my story

[Obsti]

So I've met this girl a few months ago and we had this amazing connection the moment we've met. Unfourtenatly she had a boyfriend. but I was OK with us just being friends. because the chemistry was so great and all. we've started escelating our "relationship" 'till we were talking on the phone every day for almost 2 hours, everyday.

 

Now I'll also mention that her boyfriend is abroad the entire time

 

Me and her talked about everything. she helped me go through a breakup and I trusted her like she's my girlfriend. and she acted the same way. and we went out with mutual friends we were unsepretable and acted like BF/GF. with her clinging on me everything. although never once did we actually kissed. although we were very close.Also,the entire time. although I've never brought up the boyfriend issue. she not once said she's really confused about him and a part of her doesnt want him to come back...

she also said that if she and I were together she'd never give up on me.

 

obviously as the months passed I became too attached to her, I started picturing her as my girlfriend. I was still in the "FRIEND ZONE" (I think..) so I never did anything about my feelings and went on like Im used to.

this was my downfall - I never looked at other girls... I started getting jealous. I was nervous and I hated myself for it, I had to do something - so I confessed - only to ease the burden from my heart. I didnt want her to break with her current BF. I just wanted her to understand that Im walking away because this has become too painful for me.

 

so she understood. and cried a lot. and told me im one of the most important people in her life. and that she and I complete each other.. BLAH BLAH BLAH... she didnt meet my excpetations by being forward with me. even telling me that she "sees me as just a very good friend" would be ok with me! I wont have any question marks and I could go on..

 

A week passed by.. we've randomly met at a pub.. she said this was too painful for her and how she really missed me and how a week without me was a nightmare... and then, thats when I lost my spine. I let her kiss me.. and she did it again afterwards.. and again.. and I knew that I went 2 steps back... the day after I called up just to check on her.. she told me she doesnt remember much from yesterday but she remembers what she did and she isnt sorry for it.. she is sorry though that she confused me once again because the situation for her hasnt changed.. she has a boyfriend (still LDR). and then we stopped talking again.. and then she sent me a goodbye letter saying in the end that "she trusts me that someday ill listen to my senses and go with my heart"...

 

I'm devestated.. her BF is coming back in 2 weeks.. I dont think I can see the image of them together.. and EVEN MORE.. how can kiss me and then still be ok with her BF??? how can he even look at her?

 

I understand the problems in long distance relationships... but I feel I was being used to fill a gap in her life... I know it may seem like she was trying to "save" me for the moment she's gonna break up with her BF. but I know its really unhealty for me to think that way... I've lost faith in her.. I hope guilt over what she did floods her heart... damn her.

Edited November 19, 2010 by Obsti
typo

[TigerCub]

I understand the problems in long distance relationships... but I feel I was being used to fill a gap in her life... I know it may seem like she was trying to "save" me for the moment she's gonna break up with her BF. but I know its really unhealty for me to think that way... I've lost faith in her.. I hope guilt over what she did floods her heart... damn her.

 

That's how most OM/OW feel. The committed AP is using the OW/OM to fill gaps in their life and to give them things that are missing from their world - things that their Rs don't fulfill.

 

Concentrate on how you lost faith in her, concentrate on how you don't want to be a place holder or someone that's just "filling a gap", and hopefully those thoughts will help you get over her.

 

But most importantly, if she wants tries to get you back when her BF leaves, I hope that you're stronger than that, and that you don't fall for it. Don't let her crying and her letters and her BS manipulate you.

 

I know that you have strong feelings for her, and I know that you've grown attached to her, and that you've made yourself vulnerable for her, but right now what she did was cheating, it was a few kisses, don't let it become a full blown affair (somewhere down the road).

 

You told her how hanging out is too much for you - so stick to that, you need to be ok, you need to look out for yourself, and if she contacts you when her BF leaves again and blah blahs about missing you and all that crap, stay strong, and stay away from her.

 

Plenty of other girls out there - single ones

 

good luck

[East7]

Me and her talked about everything. she helped me go through a breakup and I trusted her like she's my girlfriend. and she acted the same way. and we went out with mutual friends we were unsepretable and acted like BF/GF. with her clinging on me everything. although never once did we actually kissed. although we were very close.Also,the entire time. although I've never brought up the boyfriend issue. she not once said she's really confused about him and a part of her doesnt want him to come back...

she also said that if she and I were together she'd never give up on me.

 

You happened to be there to fill her emptiness while she was waiting for her BF. The connection and sparks are your perception, not hers. She just found in you someone to talk to and go out, she never was romantically attracted. You have been a kind of "girlfriend" for her.

I have read many stories like yours, it is follows always the same pattern, the gal dumbs her "other guy" before the BF arrives at the airport.

 

 

obviously as the months passed I became too attached to her, I started picturing her as my girlfriend. I was still in the "FRIEND ZONE" (I think..) so I never did anything about my feelings and went on like Im used to.

this was my downfall - I never looked at other girls... I started getting jealous. I was nervous and I hated myself for it, I had to do something - so I confessed - only to ease the burden from my heart. I didnt want her to break with her current BF. I just wanted her to understand that Im walking away because this has become too painful for me.

 

Plus you have been to easy and available for her, you have literally killed the attraction that she might had for you. You should have been more seductive than just hanging out.

You have hit the last nail telling her you are in love with her. what's the point? She wasn't interested anyway, why humiliating yourself ?

 

 

so she understood. and cried a lot. and told me im one of the most important people in her life. and that she and I complete each other.. BLAH BLAH BLAH... she didnt meet my excpetations by being forward with me. even telling me that she "sees me as just a very good friend" would be ok with me! I wont have any question marks and I could go on..

 

Of course blah-blah. People say nice things when they feel guilty.

 

A week passed by.. we've randomly met at a pub.. she said this was too painful for her and how she really missed me and how a week without me was a nightmare... and then, thats when I lost my spine. I let her kiss me.. and she did it again afterwards.. and again.. and I knew that I went 2 steps back... the day after I called up just to check on her.. she told me she doesnt remember much from yesterday but she remembers what she did and she isnt sorry for it.. she is sorry though that she confused me once again because the situation for her hasnt changed.. she has a boyfriend (still LDR). and then we stopped talking again.. and then she sent me a goodbye letter saying in the end that "she trusts me that someday ill listen to my senses and go with my heart"...

 

I'm devestated.. her BF is coming back in 2 weeks.. I dont think I can see the image of them together.. and EVEN MORE.. how can kiss me and then still be ok with her BF??? how can he even look at her?

 

I understand the problems in long distance relationships... but I feel I was being used to fill a gap in her life... I know it may seem like she was trying to "save" me for the moment she's gonna break up with her BF. but I know its really unhealty for me to think that way... I've lost faith in her.. I hope guilt over what she did floods her heart... damn her.

 

This girl is a player ! That's all ! She knew that she was breaking your heart. But she just said "Sorry for confusing you"

 

Yes you were used dude. Why would you wait for her to "save" you if she breaks up with her BF? If she wanted you it was easy to break with the distant guy, very easy, all she lacked was attraction to you.

Just forget her and move on !

[Obsti]

The connection and sparks are your perception, not hers

 

I cant be too sure of that. she never stopped mentioning how great we are when we're together. I never initiated talks like that. are you implying she lied to me? cant be too sure of that either...

 

 

You have hit the last nail telling her you are in love with her. what's the point? She wasn't interested anyway, why humiliating yourself ?

 

Everytime I've dated with other girls she was jealous. even said that to my face... she's jealous. problem is everytime she said that it was under influence of alcohol... also, I only confessed because I wanted to close this relationship and move on.

 

This girl is a player ! That's all ! She knew that she was breaking your heart. But she just said "Sorry for confusing you"

 

You might be right. she really did confuse me. but Im not forgetting that this girl has never cheated once in her life, and I've made her do so.

 

I know it looks like I might be defending this girl. I just want to point out that she should be ashamed of herself. next time I see her I want to be her to feel that she's the one to laugh at... I didnt do anything wrong. it was her.

Edited November 20, 2010 by Obsti
typo