juliette72 Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 hi all loveshack readers! Here is the story of my current situation, would be awesome to get some feedback from some of you to help me with it. About 5 years ago I met a guy in what I could only describe as mutual 'love at first sight'. I was out with a friend and having a good time and looked up to see this intriguing person looking over at me. He smiled, I smiled and we hit it off, it was the start of a relationship that lasted two years. We loved each other so much to the extent that total strangers would come up to us and say "glad to see that true love is still alive", and that kind of thing. It was kind of a whirlwind, he moved in after one month and we met each others families in different parts of the world. He even proposed to me at one point and I asked him to think about it to be sure since there was a 10 year age gap, him being younger. I am now living to regret that, and many other things. For my side I had great difficulty as I had just finished a 12 year relationship with someone else and it all happened too soon for me, I had not yet grieved and this reared its head in some unpredictable ways. a year in I was diagnosed with clinical depression in part due to grieving for the old relationship and not being able to cope. My new man was fantastic about it at the time, but for my part I could not drag such a young man through this and after years I dumped him, he did not want this outcome but I needed the time and the space to get through my problems without the burden of responsibility. I can now say I am through my bout with depression and have had been enjoying my life with friends and family although I never truly got over this man... ever since I thought about him often regretting my own decision to end it. I haven't really had any meaningful relaitonships since and this was 3 years ago that I ended it. Occasionally we would run into one another or one of us would make contact. All the feelings were still there from my side and I could see from his reactions that it was the same for him, although it could be very awkward at times. I had given up all hope of any further contact until recently when he befriended me on facebook. He said "I have so many questions to ask you" which I responded to and then I heard nothing for a week. He then messaged me to say he was on the doorstep of the old flat we had loved in together and I have since moved. He also asked if we could meet up at some other time, to which I responded yes, I have not heard anything since and this was 3 weeks ago. I am now very upset as I felt things were moving along and there could be a reconciliation of some kind but now I am losing hope. I don't feel I should chase him as I left that door open and now it is his turn to communicate. I can't stop thinking about it and what if is it just left like that??? My friends have advised me to just leave it based on their own experiences but my family say he is worth fighting for and that they adored him and would welcome him back, as would I. Any thoughts????
ARISthess Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Its hard to tell what his intentions are based on the communication. He may want to try again with you, he also may just want to be friends and reminisce. The only way to find out is if you meet with him face to face. Why don't you feel that you should 'chase' him? Don't you want to be with him?
Author juliette72 Posted November 19, 2010 Author Posted November 19, 2010 This is what is getting to me, that I don't know his intention. As far as chasing him, I do absolutely want to be with him but I feel in the normal way of communication it is essentially his 'turn' if you like and if he truly wanted to be in touch in person he would have jumped on the opportunity when I said yes I would like to meet up. Perhaps I am afraid at the same time... that it is just the friends and reminiscing he would want
ARISthess Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Its only natural to be afraid. You have no clue as to what he wants/expects, and if you have feelings for him you could possibly get hurt. BUT, I'm not so sure that the ball is completely in his court with your reply. Don't forget that you dumped him. I think its safe to say that you hurt him, and it probably wasn't easy for him to move on (it never is). He did initiate contact, but I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't sure about your intentions. Its logical for him to think that you said yes because you would like to be friends/reminisce. I'm not ruling out the possibility that its all he wants, but theres only one way to find out. This could just be a situation where both sides are feeling insecure, it has been a while. You spent plenty of time with him, so the two of you should know how to talk to each other. If i was in your shoes I would pursue a meeting (subtly of course), but then i'm the type of guy that likes straightforward conversation rather than playing games and reading between the lines.
Author juliette72 Posted November 19, 2010 Author Posted November 19, 2010 Thanks for your advice ARISthess, I think you are right and I have nothing to lose! It's better to know one way or the other rather than to keep on stewing about it. Life is too short, right? Have a good weekend!
Author juliette72 Posted November 29, 2010 Author Posted November 29, 2010 Well, I tried getting in contact with a very no-nonsense and reassuring email and... no reply???? I hate all this not knowing, all I wanted to do was to meet him face to face to get all of this out in the open and he can't even reply to me. I guess the only thing for it now is to cease speculating and get on with my life.
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