about girl I'm dating from work...

[NPRods]

I've never become involved with anyone at work specifically b/c it can end up getting messy. I met someone though and decided to chance it. Usually I would just end all communication if needed but obviously that isn't an option.

 

I started seeing her (she's 25) a few months ago. After saying how she was tired of being left by guys for no reason (after a month in) I told her I didn't plan on doing that (in all honesty b/c I can't even if I wanted to). She said she likes to take things slow before being in a serious relationship but that she was glad to hear it. I figured the possibility of a relationship was there and thought she should know that since it seemed to be of concern.

 

But after that, she started acting different. We've still been sleeping together and going out during the week, but she hasn't wanted to go out on the weekends or go out with non-work friends together. I brought that up a couple times and she just said it doesn't mean anything. We have still been hanging out during the week, having dinner and she sleeps over here and there. She also texts me quite a bit...so it's not like she just doesn't seem interested at all.

 

She's said she has guy issues and she's also hinted at a questionable past but I respect that she's (supposedly) changed.

 

So a few weeks ago, my doubts about her past got to me. She was texting a guy, which I just happened to notice, back and forth for awhile when we were alone together and I got ticked off, really about the texting in general. She has said flat out that she's not seeing or sleeping with anyone else and that it was just a friend of hers.

 

So to add to that, I just caught her in a lie. The other night she was texting me and around 11 said that she was home and going to sleep. The next day, a mutual colleague brought up that she talked about staying out pretty late to one of her friends...he didn't hear details just that she didn't get home till 3. I don't know why she would lie about that but it raises questions and I can't mention it to her because it was told to me in confidence. It's not about where she was or who she was with, just about the lie itself and what else it might mean.

 

We have plans tomorrow night. I have no problem going out and having fun and seeing how it goes. But I'm wondering what to do from there. I almost cut it off once before a couple weeks ago but she got disappointed and said that she was hopeful about where things were headed. Since she was showing that she cared, I relented because I like her.

 

But after hearing the lie, I just don't know what to think. Like I said it definitely makes me wonder...in my experience one lie is usually followed by another. And yes I get that we aren't in a serious relationship, but still, trust is the foundation for one. I really wish I could call her on it, but I promised my friend at work I would not and frankly if I say something about overhearing it, I don't want her thinking I was trying to spy on her.

 

I definitely feel like she's just playing games. Should I just cut it off and draw a line for her? If so, I guess I'll have to forgo giving her a reason. Makes me wonder if this is a pattern for her too, given that other guys have left "for no reason."

[CLS63AMG]

Maybe she was at the bar or out with friends. I know you think its this other guy, so I would try to find out more about him and her. If the results are not favorable then you know what to do (may be part of her past...F buddy or something).

 

Regardless, that is the exact reason why you dont date chicks from the workplace. I hope its just a "job" and not a "career".

[NPRods]

Well I'd be lying if I didn't think it was. I don't really care to find out more about him though. Doesn't matter. I guess I'm being naive. I realize that if we aren't serious she might go on dates with someone else. It's the sex that bothers me. And believe me it's not like she's the first person I've slept with.

 

Having hinted about her past, implying that she's been around and she wants to change, I wonder if it's not something she just says. Interesting though that she even brought it up, otherwise I wouldn't have really known, and to be fair, probably wouldn't even have any doubts about her.

 

So despite her reassuring me, it almost doesn't matter. I've already begun to doubt. The lie just reinforced that.

 

We are going out tomorrow. I'm planning on just enjoying it. But afterward I need to draw some kind of line...guess I'm just having trouble figuring out how, without caving, and without just being an A-hole. And I know I can't flat out call her on the lying.

[CLS63AMG]

Well I'd be lying if I didn't think it was. I don't really care to find out more about him though. Doesn't matter. I guess I'm being naive. I realize that if we aren't serious she might go on dates with someone else. It's the sex that bothers me. And believe me it's not like she's the first person I've slept with.

 

Having hinted about her past, implying that she's been around and she wants to change, I wonder if it's not something she just says. Interesting though that she even brought it up, otherwise I wouldn't have really known, and to be fair, probably wouldn't even have any doubts about her.

 

So despite her reassuring me, it almost doesn't matter. I've already begun to doubt. The lie just reinforced that.

 

We are going out tomorrow. I'm planning on just enjoying it. But afterward I need to draw some kind of line...guess I'm just having trouble figuring out how, without caving, and without just being an A-hole. And I know I can't flat out call her on the lying.

 

I'd call her out on it...It will tell you what you need to know. Why stay with her if she's sleeping around and being a whore? Seriously?

 

"Pay now or pay later...but later its gonna cost a lot more"

[NPRods]

I can't call her out on the lie. Two reasons: A) told my friend I would not, this is a career and he (thinking she's already acting childish) does not want to get pulled into any potential bull****, and B) Do not want to get into the possibility that she'll think I'm being weird and/or was spying on her. Just seems like a can of worms and I can see exactly where he's coming from. The less dramatic, the better.

 

And I did call her out on who the guy was (that's assuming her being out the other night is connected with him). She flat out denied it and actually said "I've never even seen him that way." Doesn't mean I believe her, but I can't beat a dead horse and expect not to come off as insecure, whether it be true, founded, or not.

 

But believe me, if I had proof that I could throw at her, I would. And it would make this so much easier.

[CLS63AMG]

OK but what about the next time she says she's off to bed? You'll never believe her until you get to the bottom of it.

 

Honestly I'd just drop her - the girl has issues, texting other guys, lying already etc etc.

 

Good luck on whatever it is you choose..