audrey25 Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 I have been married to my husband for almost 1 year, no kids, but have been together 6 years before marriage. We had a really great, problem-free relationship, very little arguments, and got a long great. Never lived together before marriage. All that changed after getting married! I feel like my husband is turning into a nag. It's such a turnoff, and it makes me feel less motivated to have a conversation with him after a long day's work. Here's why: 1) Nags about small, unimportant things: After work, all I want to do is eat dinner, relax and do my own thing. That's when the nagging starts up, he nags about minuscule things, like why does the laundry smell different? what's that smell in the kitchen? when are you folding the laundry? (I always fold the laundry an hour after it's out of the dryer) What are you doing online? Have you cleaned the XYZ? (YES I HAVE!) I just want a peaceful night without being nagged at. When there's nothing to nag about, HE WILL FIND SOMETHING TO NIT PICK. I always drop everything I am doing, to solve the "problem" he is nagging about immediately in his face to shut him up. but he gets angry at me when I do this - he feels it's like I am giving him an attitude. I don't know what's his problem with an "attitude", as long as I did what he nagged me to do, what is there more to say??? 2) Nags about my job Sometimes I bring home work and get so into it and focused and he'll interrupt my train of thought and ask: what are you so busy with? ever since you started this new job, you have been so busy - you should change jobs! or the next morning he will say, "You need more sleep! ever since you started your new job you never have enough sleep." It annoys me because I love my job and he knows it, but still bugs me about it. On top of work, I do all the cleaning in the house, never asked him to chip in - what does he have to complain about? 3) He asks: Why are you so quiet? what are you doing? Are you okay? I know these questions are out of concern, but sometimes I just want to relax, watch tv, and wallow in peaceful silence after work. For him, he needs me to shower him with attention. I pretty individualistic, so I never expect him to shower me with attention when he needs his own time - this is something I don't understand. He doesn't understand why I need quiet time to myself. So when I get frustrated and annoyed from all that nagging, I just end up not talking to him for the whole night and give him short answers when he asks me questions. In turn, he thinks I am ignoring him and being unreasonable. I just don't want to talk after being nagged at for the fear of more nagging to come. I just think it's best to shut-up and don't instigate anymore! So here's my dilemma: I have never had this issue before we were married so I have no idea what's the best way to deal with this. I don't want to hurt his feelings, and I don't want to spend endless conversations with him talking about how I feel about his constant nags (to him, nagging = concern and care for me, so it's futile for me to explain my point of view to him). Should I force myself to spend more time with him after work? Should I practice tuning out his constant nagging? Should I start meditating after work to prep me for a night of complaints? I am looking for a solution where I can change and adjust myself without asking him to change. If he were to nag about serious issues, I would definitely give him my full attention. but when it's about asking me to get rid of things like this invisible smell in the kitchen (which I smell nothing - but he does) it becomes... well, a nag!
whichwayisup Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Just be honest and tell him it really irks that he is nagging you so much. That it turns you off, makes you feel like a child, and he is a father. Make it clear to him that he has to make a big effort to STOP nagging you, telling you what you should or shouldn't do. Have a real conversation about it, without it getting heated. let him know that you do love him and how can the two of you reconnect as husband and wife, not let daily routine, bordem, roommate syndrome get in the way. How to make things more exciting in and out of the bedroom.
SouthernSunshine Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Try talking to him about it first. My husband is also a BIG nagger... he's such a cry baby prick. I tell him he's naggin, and tell him to stop his bitchen, that he's giving me a headache. If he wants something done a certain way, he can do it himself. The other day he was bitching abt where I put the salad dressing... I told him he should have unloaded the groceries if he's so upset about it, and stop bitchin & griping like an old puss.
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