deebeechrisyo Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 At the age of 27, I've finally decided to start pro-actively dating. My previous relationships have either been short bar hook-ups, or the girl was already so into me that I considered her a girlfriend before our first date. I have been on lots of dates from when I started this new adventure, but this is still a new thing for me, so I have some questions for the ladies: 1. Lets say out of every 10 guys you go out on a date with, how many do you actually start "dating" for a period of time? 2. Is chemistry truly something you can't explain? I'm a very logical person, so I just can't believe that there is no reasoning behind finding chemistry with someone or not. Surely there are some common traits that generally lead to chemistry right? From my experiences so far, most of the women I go out with seem very excited to see me, the date goes well (so I think), but then things fizzle out. I have a hunch that this is the norm in the modern dating game: most first dates don't lead to successive ones and there is nothing wrong with the people involved. Finally, any advice you can give to me? I can definitely make a girl laugh, can relate to and keep conversations going, certainly have no problems playfully teasing, and DEFINITELY prefer learning about my date rather than talk about myself. Not to sound arrogant but looks and height are a strong suit. One thing I don't do is generally kiss on a first date (don't spank me Green!), unless I know for sure that she is very into me. Are you girls turned off with minimal physical contact/affection when you just met the guy an hour ago? Overall I'm enjoying this very much. I'm moving from the barren wastelands for men (Alaska) to a big city fairly soon, which should be amazing. Thanks.
AverageJoe Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 As your post implies; you are only looking for the ladies advice? Just wondering.
Author deebeechrisyo Posted November 19, 2010 Author Posted November 19, 2010 (edited) Nah, I'd gladly take advice from anyone, as long as it's not "be a dick". I'm pretty nice so I don't attract those kinds of girls anyways. The title is kind of misleading, I'm specifically asking women common traits they find in guys they have chemistry with. Dating advice is a free for all. Edited November 19, 2010 by deebeechrisyo
xpaperxcutx Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Mutual attraction and good conversations. Those are the two things that really entices me to go 2nd and 3rd dates. I don't believe anyone can head-over-heels the first date, thus I would be wary of people who are fawning all over me the first time we meet. Attraction normally starts out as curiosity for me. I get a vibe and I dig at it until I'm attracted to the guy enough that I think about what it's like having sex with him.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 1. Lets say out of every 10 guys you go out on a date with, how many do you actually start "dating" for a period of time? 2. Is chemistry truly something you can't explain? I'm a very logical person, so I just can't believe that there is no reasoning behind finding chemistry with someone or not. Surely there are some common traits that generally lead to chemistry right? And in answer to your questions- 1) I'm really picky about who I date. I don't just look at appearances, I also like to test out a guy's personality. When I was online dating, no matter how many guys contacted me, I always watch their language and attitude. I'm a firm believer that you don't have to meet up immediately to mesh. If a guy can't even be patient enough to communicate by email for the first week, I know there's no point in meetting face-to-face. 2)Since chemistry does not realistically exist, I call it compatibility. I tend to get along with people if we share the same likes and hobbies. There are just more topics to delve into and explore without tampering off into silence. As I've said before, I'm firm believer in great conversations. A person who is witty yet humble enough to laugh at himself is really attractive.
elastica Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 1. Lets say out of every 10 guys you go out on a date with, how many do you actually start "dating" for a period of time? I do not go on a date if I do not think about the guy as a relationship material. I don't think I have been on 10 dates with 10 different guys in my entire life (I'm late late 20s). When a complete stranger asks me out, I usually say no. Actually it has happened only once in my dating years to go out with a complete stranger (met him only once before the date). So if you already have a date with me, that means alot. Of course many times I withdraw after a few dates, for different reasons, but what I'm traying to say is that I don't think people date out of boredom with someone they don't like. Maybe there are different intentions, but the majority of genuine people are looking to date and have a relationship. 2. Is chemistry truly something you can't explain? Yes. Instant, crazy, unexplainable chemistry that makes you lose your mind entirely and do the weirdest things. I can describe it, but cannot explain it. There are people who state the opposite (aka there's no such thing). I usually tell them, the reason they are denying it is because they have never experienced it!!!! Let's hope they will. But this is just my opinion. I'm a very logical person, so I just can't believe that there is no reasoning behind finding chemistry with someone or not. Surely there are some common traits that generally lead to chemistry right? What do you mean by common traits? That lead to chemistry? I think (this is again, only me) chemistry is something that either exists or not. There is a biological explanation why do you chose a particular person, probably it has to do something with this.
kiss_andmakeup Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 It depends on whether you're talking about emotional chemistry or sexual chemistry. In my experience, emotional chemistry usually results from a combination of factors: having complementary personalities, similar political/social/religious beliefs, things in common, similar senses of humour, etc. Sexual chemistry is harder to explain. I've had sexual chemistry with guys that I've had no emotional chemistry with, and vice versa.
Star Gazer Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 1. Lets say out of every 10 guys you go out on a date with, how many do you actually start "dating" for a period of time? This really depends. Chemistry works both ways. I might feel it for them, but they don't feel it for me, and vice versa. Whether we end up "dating" really is a numbers game, and depends on chemistry flowing in both directions. It's not as common as we'd all like it to be. Out of 10 guys, they might all like me, but I won't like them. Or maybe I like all of them, but they don't like me. Usually, it's a combination of the two, and I'm lucky if it flows both ways with 1 or 2 of them. 2. Is chemistry truly something you can't explain? I'm a very logical person, so I just can't believe that there is no reasoning behind finding chemistry with someone or not. Surely there are some common traits that generally lead to chemistry right? Yes, it is something you can't explain. No, there is no reasoning behind finding chemistry or not. No, there are no common traits that lead to chemistry. No, there is nothing you can do to create chemistry. But yes, you can destroy whatever chemistry was there. Ever know twins, and "feel" something for one, and not the other? They look the same, have generally the same temperament and personality, but yet there's an electricity with only one of them. From my experiences so far, most of the women I go out with seem very excited to see me, the date goes well (so I think), but then things fizzle out. I have a hunch that this is the norm in the modern dating game: most first dates don't lead to successive ones and there is nothing wrong with the people involved. Doesn't sound like there's anything you're doing wrong, bud! In my experience, chemistry has existed most often when conversation flowed easily and I was physically attracted to the guy. As for kissing, I'm assuming you're talking about online dating with the whole "knowing you for an hour" bit. If it's a first online date, I NEVER kiss. If I already know you somehow (work, school, friends, etc.), to not get a kiss on the first date might disappoint me... or it might really intrigue me. Just keep going!
Recommended Posts