I am having regrets breaking up with her.

[mickie]

I started dating this woman, she's 33 by the way, in March and it was great in the beginning and the middle. Then, out of no where, the end was very rocky. She started to be cold and very distant. She had some medical flare-ups which they placed her on new medicine. While on the new medicine, things got worse. She became very emotional, but distant. Her thyroid conditions acted up. Her digestive conditions acted up. She became unable to sleep at times. In addition, she has a teenage daughter, just finalized her second divorce and filed for bankruptcy. I honestly tried my best to stay in the game. I always included the daughter in whatever we did on Friday's and Sunday's. Then, her daughter and a couple of friends started to come along on Saturday date nights to the restaurant and movies. Granted, she paid for her daughter and the friends paid for themselves, I just felt more like a step father than a boyfriend; and this was only four months in to it. Adding with the coldness and then she gave me a big speech of our future. She said, Jay, where do you think we are going with this? Are you going to be here in five year? I doubt it she said. I just want it casual now, nothing serious. I am not looking to go away on weekends with you, not go and hang with your friends, not looking to move in to your condo with you. All I care for is my daughter, if you want to stay, then stay, if you want to leave, then leave. I said why can't we not predict the future and see how things play out? She looked at me, raise her eyebrow and left the room. I then left her place. The next day, I said we need to talk. She would not talk to me. Therefore, we had to break over text message. I ended it in July. She blamed it on timing and still wanted to be friends. I said of course.

 

I then contact her three months later to see how everything is going. She said good. All medical issues fine, out of her second divorce and bankruptcy cleared. Then started yelling at me that we should not had happened. Said I lied to her about my job and family. While I did not go into detail with my job, I did not lie to her about it. And I told her everything about my family issues. She said it doesn't matter anymore. Move on. I tried to clear everything up, cause, I do not want her to think that I played her in any way, which I did not, but she refused to answer the phone. In fact, less than a month later, she started to sleep with another guy. I could not believe it. She also told everyone that she broke up with me and it was cause I could not handle her and her daughter's relationship.

 

Can someone tell me why I am feeling regret? I cannot get her out of my mind, and I now think of her constantly and wonder if I was wrong to leave. I really do not know why she hates me, nor what I did to make her act the way she did. I never said anything bad about her and tried to be supportive as best as possible. Never trying to fix anything, just be there for her to lean on.

[goingstrong]

Dude, this is what happens with casual relationships with single moms in their thirties. Mickie, you didn't leave, she dumped you by your own description and then wanted nothing to do with you later...that stings. The reason why...When she asked and said this

 

She said, Jay, where do you think we are going with this? Are you going to be here in five year? I doubt it she said. I just want it casual now, nothing serious. I am not looking to go away on weekends with you, not go and hang with your friends, not looking to move in to your condo with you. All I care for is my daughter, if you want to stay, then stay, if you want to leave, then leave. I said why can't we not predict the future and see how things play out?

 

you didn't answer right.She sensed your hesitancy with her daughter, and her and her child are a package deal.

Then, her daughter and a couple of friends started to come along on Saturday date nights to the restaurant and movies. Granted, she paid for her daughter and the friends paid for themselves, I just felt more like a step father than a boyfriend; and this was only four months in to it

 

Most single moms are looking for the fast track to a replacement for what they lost, but you were not playing her game. The problem about their approach with replacement relationships and mother/child package deals, is that they are willing to settle to replace the family they once had, but when the kids are grown and gone, it is just you and her...and if you have nothing in common, it is the end.

 

Move on, there are better ones.

[mickie]

I think you misunderstood what I typed. I WANTED the LTR. She wanted, out of the blue to change our relationship which was approaching five months to just a causal nothing serious one. That is why I left. I had no problems with her or her daughter. I had a problem with being treated as a just a sex toy. Even when we reconnected, she now said SHE had not problems with me, I was the one who had a problem with her. If she did not say that causal thing and no future, I would had stayed. She said she just wanted to have a causal relationship down from a regular relationship with no emotional attachment it seems. This is coming from a woman who doesn't do ONS and is family oriented. So, I would had been more than happy, tickled pink, to move forward as it was. She was the one who was originally pushing for the relationship, which I agreed with whole heartedly. She was the one who wanted us and her daughter to spend three to four days a week with each other. When she changed her mood from serious to causal, I lost interest. Even the next day, we all hung out and she said what's wrong. I wanted to talk to her about it, but the daughter was in the car. When she texted me later, she said I sense something is the matter, so if you want to talk, you know where I am. I then said, yes I am very disappointed and wanted to talk in person. She wouldn't do it. Hence I went through everything via text. Then she said it's just bad timing. But, yes, I would had without a question in my mind stayed in the relationship if she did not give that speech. That was the straw that broke the camels back. The extreme mood swings, coldness, bitterness, and in my opinion, lack of respect made me leave. However, when she said, can I still contact you to talk, I assumed we'd take a break and she would contact me.

 

Settle? Hmm.. Let's see, I'm financially secure, own a condo, own a vacation home, have substantial retirement, in excellent shape, no medical issues all by 30. Her:

 

2 divorces

Bankruptcy

Foreclosure

Teenage daughter

No savings

3 severe medical problems

Past two marriages she was physically abused

Emotional issues

No retirement

 

All by 33.

 

Why I am still thinking about her still amazes me...

 

Anyway, after three months, not a peep so I contacted her. That is where she went off about me "lying" about where I worked. Which I did not. Also, my family had some problems, so I did not disclose them, which I did in detail. Her parents never liked me, so I knew it was an uphill battle. She's still talking about me as recent as last week to our friends. Yet, she started seeing, well sleeping, with another guy like a month after we broke. I think she's bipolar or something. I know she has some emotional issues from the past, but I think she blew it out of proportion. Even if she did reach out to me, I could not take her back after sleeping with another guy. BTW, I know of the guy she's doing, he's already cheated on her twice with two other women and he is actively on dating sites. So, I do not know what is up with that. Not a very good role model for her teenage daughter IMHO. But, what do I know.

Edited November 19, 2010 by mickie

[Joe Normal]

Who cares, you just need to move on and forget this women. She was not into you, she disrespected you, and was only concerned about her daughter. Just forget her and find someone who is going to put you first instead of a kid. There is a reason most guys don't like to date single mothers, and although there are exceptions, she obviously wasn't one of them.

[mickie]

Maybe so, but if she was not into me, as ya'll say, why was she asking my friends just last week, what's I'm doing? Is he seeing anyone? Has he said anything about me to them? They said to her, we did not even know you two were dating, let alone broken up. They then told me she got irate and anxious. Also started talking negative about me and how I killed the relationship. They even said, the person who is the dumper doesn't act like she did. She acted like the one who was dumped. I just laughed and said, that is certainly an interesting experience. Me, of course, took the higher road and said nothing negative about her to them. One asked so what happened to us, and I gave him the lowdown. He then asked, why did you one put up with it, two even date her in the first place. Just said, initially, we were great together. She went through some personal stuff and it was too much for the relationship to handle so I stepped out of it. Looking back, I can see how it was not the wisest decision I've made in my life. They said, yea well, she's even worse now. Said, sorry to hear. They said yea, she let herself go. She's not talking care of herself and spending money on stupid stuff, like buying things for her new crew. Hmm, not my problem and I changed the subject.

 

So, yea, I can see certainly how I was the one dumped. That is why she's asking about me and I never talked to anyone about her. Yea, it is a bit petty and high schoolish, but this is what happens when you ***** where you eat.

Edited November 30, 2010 by mickie

[goingstrong]

Maybe so, but if she was not into me, as ya'll say, why was she asking my friends just last week, what's I'm doing? Is he seeing anyone? Has he said anything about me to them? They said to her, we did not even know you two were dating, let alone broken up. They then told me she got irate and anxious. Also started talking negative about me and how I killed the relationship.

M, why do you even want this he said, she said drama? Believe none of what you hear, and half of what you see.

 

This part,

They even said, the person who is the dumper doesn't act like she did.

is their interpretation...not always the correct one.

 

Besides, you don't have a a lot invested in the relationship, and she has all this drama associated with her...move on. You can do better.

[mickie]

When one person says something, you take it in stride. When four or five say the same exact thing, then, it's a pretty good possibility that that they are saying is true. Again, they volunteer the info, I did not ask nor bring it up. But, it just shows she's still talking and bitching. Yes, I can agree that the drama she gave was uncalled for and unnecessary. However, like a good man, I held on until I felt it was a lost cause. When you do whatever you can to assist and help the other one in the relationship, you cannot help be feel resentful that one, they continue to treat you wrong, but you see their life is falling apart and you cannot do anything about it. And any way you try to leave you will look like the bad one in the relationship. Just don't understand how a woman can be so nice, sweet, sincere, and then, all of a sudden turn into a she-devil that seems to continue to hover around my life.