Jump to content

Age differences between siblings


While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

My son is 14 years old and there's a chance I may want to have more children in the next 2-3 yrs.

 

There are a few things in the mix affecting the decision, potential emigration to family on the other side of the world, or just moving 100 miles; if I stay in my job for X more months I get a deal which is significant to me... All these things I am weighing up in a very low key way.

 

My exH had a new baby this week, a half-sibling for my son. Now the impact will be minimal, my son is not considered a part of 'their' family, but it got me to thinking today about age gaps between siblings. If I have a baby the 2 children will be under the same roof 7 days a week... a 16 yr old taking exams and attempting to grow in to a man - and a rugrat!

 

My son is extremely placid, loving and cooperative (so far!), so it's not that I have an issue with his nature per se. But I'd be grateful for any thoughts or experiences you think would be of value to me. Many thanks in advance!

Posted

Personally I think if siblings were borne too close to each other, it would give a higher rise to sibling rivalry. Every child wants the affection of his/her parents. The birth of a second or third chld would play a significant change in the development of the elder child. Now if you were to have a child as your first son is about to head into high school, he will slowly learn to ease out of his childhood towards being more independent. I do think this would be a good thing on you, so your attention would at least be less divided when you're changing your 2nd baby's diaper.

 

But that's my opinion of course.

Posted

When my youngest daughter was born my kids were aged 11,14,16, and 18.

9 years on.... All the kids agree that having a baby in the house was a very steep learning curve and none of them have been tempted to add to the high rate of teenage pregnancy as they experienced 1st hand the effect a baby has on all involved.

There were lots of pluses and the family were all very involved with the baby but there was a lot of disruption in their lives too.

Despite making a conscious effort to allow life to go on as normal (she even slept through drum and guitar practice) inevitably a small child with teenagers meant that despite all my best efforts-there were times when we were unable to go places/do teenage things and that did cause a little resentment.

Having read your thread I wonder if you really do want another child- or is it the fact that your ex has a new baby that is colouring your thinking?

Whatever you decide ....Be happy:)

I wouldn't be without any of my kids and I'm glad to be their mum!

  • Author
Posted
When my youngest daughter was born my kids were aged 11,14,16, and 18.

9 years on.... All the kids agree that having a baby in the house was a very steep learning curve and none of them have been tempted to add to the high rate of teenage pregnancy as they experienced 1st hand the effect a baby has on all involved.

There were lots of pluses and the family were all very involved with the baby but there was a lot of disruption in their lives too.

Despite making a conscious effort to allow life to go on as normal (she even slept through drum and guitar practice) inevitably a small child with teenagers meant that despite all my best efforts-there were times when we were unable to go places/do teenage things and that did cause a little resentment.

Having read your thread I wonder if you really do want another child- or is it the fact that your ex has a new baby that is colouring your thinking?

Whatever you decide ....Be happy:)

I wouldn't be without any of my kids and I'm glad to be their mum!

 

Thanks for the replies. Really interesting.

 

Re the bolded - Oh god no! He can have as many as he likes!! I only had one, always wanted more. Had a miscarriage around my son's first birthday, and always thought I would have the chance to have more, but circumstances never went that way. I've always felt (this will sound silly) as though I was missing one. It's daft because lots of people have miscarriages but my exH and I always wanted 2 kids, but injury (mine) leading to debt etc just put us in a difficult position and it never happened.

 

I'm in a new relationship now and we both *ideally* would love to have children together, but it's not essential/make or break.

 

Also, I have a pretty demanding career and I like the idea of stepping off the gas as my son is going in to his exam-taking years, so I am here to help him with homework, feed him at a decent hour, and just be more available than I am now. With each year his dad is less available and I am pretty much his only parent-influence. I just wondered whether it would be a negative distraction for him. I feel that he has to be my number one consideration in my decision. :)

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

How kids relate to each other is always up to the way their parents teach, train and model for them. The thing that could happen is the oldest kid might become the new kids substitute parent - hopefully a good one!

It's up to you to raise your kids as friends or enemies, partners or advisaries, in love or animosity, etc.

Do the best you can and hope it's OK.

  • 1 month later...
Posted

On the bright side, for a sixteen year old, a baby sibling is an excellent form of birth control. :laugh:

Posted
On the bright side, for a sixteen year old, a baby sibling is an excellent form of birth control. :laugh:

 

I have two older brothers one is 13 years older than me and the older 13 months. I never had a problem with it lol it's great truth be told works out in my favor being the youngest.

Posted

Since the "boyfriend" is still married to his wife, I'm curious why the question is even being asked?

Posted

My sons are 10 & 13 years older than my daughter. There is nothing sweeter than the way they dote on her. I work full time so they have a lot of responsibilities their friends don't and see how much work taking care of a family is (excellent BC!). But my gruesome 12yo sits on the floor laughing letting a 2 1/2yo put jewelry on him and says he wishes we had more of her, and the almost 16yo will drop everything when he's with his friends to catch her running hugs. I can't imagine a child more loved than my girl. Your older child will be fine if you have another. They'd each benefit from the unconditional love of the other.

×
×
  • Create New...