musemaj11 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I realize that historically marriages were pure business agreements and even today it is still the norm. But am I being naive to think that there are actually people who decide to be together because they really enjoy each other's company even though they have better options? Sometimes I'm just worried that one day I'm gonna get into a 'business' marriage in which I'm in it because the girl is hot n she is in it because she wants someone to feed her and provides shelter for her. It is honestly the biggest fear I have for my future.
JohnnyBlaze Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 That's the joy of women nowadays. Many of them earn more than us guys do, so they don't need a provider. That leaves them free to want us for us and only us.
theBrokenMuse Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 But am I being naive to think that there are actually people who decide to be together because they really enjoy each other's company even though they have better options? Don't worry so much. LS can give you a warped perspective on things. The truth is that there are plenty of couples that happened to fall in love because they were kindred spirits. Watch and you'll see that true love does indeed exist and it can happen to anyone. I honestly wish it would happen for everyone.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I think your perception is warped. Even if many people get into these arrangements it does not mean it's the norm. There are many people who marry because of love but you hardly hear of these types of relationships because we're too influenced by the media to overlook a rich celebrity marrying yet another playboy bunny. When it comes down to it, everyone has choice. You choose to be in relationship. You choose to marry a girl you either love, or just want to have because she's a 10 in your books. The only reason money ever comes into anything is if you properly learn to protect your assets through a prenup or marry someone who is self- effecient at making her own money.
flying Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Don't worry so much. LS can give you a warped perspective on things. The truth is that there are plenty of couples that happened to fall in love because they were kindred spirits. Watch and you'll see that true love does indeed exist and it can happen to anyone. I honestly wish it would happen for everyone. Oh, thank you for that link. That was just beautiful.
810 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Don't worry so much. LS can give you a warped perspective on things. The truth is that there are plenty of couples that happened to fall in love because they were kindred spirits. Watch and you'll see that true love does indeed exist and it can happen to anyone. I honestly wish it would happen for everyone. it gives me hope. Thank you. The only reason money ever comes into anything is if you properly learn to protect your assets through a prenup or marry someone who is self- effecient at making her own money. personally i don't think i'll marry a guy who hands me a prenup and asks me to sign it before we're being wedded.
Mad Max Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 personally i don't think i'll marry a guy who hands me a prenup and asks me to sign it before we're being wedded. It's your call, but men have a valid reason to request one.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 it gives me hope. Thank you. personally i don't think i'll marry a guy who hands me a prenup and asks me to sign it before we're being wedded. Well, unfortunately I'm from New York and according to the laws here, divorce means an equitable division of assets. If I were to ever get married, I would still want to sign a prenup whether he brings it up or not.
GooseChaser Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 People look for someone who is attractive to them who seems to have a bright, successful future ahead of them. If they want a family, they will also look for traits that would make a good father or mother. If someone prefers a good-looking mate, a few good reasons for that would be their clear attractiveness sexually and their ability to pass their good genes to their children. If someone wants someone with money, a few reasons for that would be because they could provide for and support a family, and it also shows that they are a quality, intelligent person to be able to earn that much. It makes sense, doesn't it? Should they turn down these good qualities to seem less shallow? That seems silly to me. Of course, love is important in relationships, but there are other things to consider such as that. Good looks or money can make a relationship's future more plausible.
Eeyore79 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 But am I being naive to think that there are actually people who decide to be together because they really enjoy each other's company even though they have better options? I truly love my boyfriend If he was ill, I'd take care of him. If he lost his job, I'd feed and clothe him. If he lost his legs, I'd push him in a wheelchair. If he needed me for anything, I would be there. If he needed a kidney and I was a match, I'd give him one of mine. I won't deny that he's attractive, smart, and has a good career... I like those things, but that's not why I'm with him. I'd still be with him if he had a terrible accident and lost his looks and his job, which suggests to me that I honestly love him as a person, not just as a pretty face and a paycheck.
theBrokenMuse Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Oh, thank you for that link. That was just beautiful. It reminds me of my grandparents. They had a love like that. I am so envious.
Author musemaj11 Posted November 19, 2010 Author Posted November 19, 2010 People look for someone who is attractive to them who seems to have a bright, successful future ahead of them. If they want a family, they will also look for traits that would make a good father or mother. If someone prefers a good-looking mate, a few good reasons for that would be their clear attractiveness sexually and their ability to pass their good genes to their children. If someone wants someone with money, a few reasons for that would be because they could provide for and support a family, and it also shows that they are a quality, intelligent person to be able to earn that much. It makes sense, doesn't it? Should they turn down these good qualities to seem less shallow? That seems silly to me. Of course, love is important in relationships, but there are other things to consider such as that. Good looks or money can make a relationship's future more plausible. Perhaps you are right. First and foremost that I want from a future life partner is that she is my best friend. Someone who makes me wanna get home as soon as possible every day. I care much less about anything else really. Beauty is a plus of course, but then again I dont exactly have that high a standard in terms of looks in the first place. I guess Im just naive. I truly love my boyfriend If he was ill, I'd take care of him. If he lost his job, I'd feed and clothe him. If he lost his legs, I'd push him in a wheelchair. If he needed me for anything, I would be there. If he needed a kidney and I was a match, I'd give him one of mine. I won't deny that he's attractive, smart, and has a good career... I like those things, but that's not why I'm with him. I'd still be with him if he had a terrible accident and lost his looks and his job, which suggests to me that I honestly love him as a person, not just as a pretty face and a paycheck. But then again, it is all still a big 'IF'.
ColdFox Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Sometimes I'm just worried that one day I'm gonna get into a 'business' marriage in which I'm in it because the girl is hot n she is in it because she wants someone to feed her and provides shelter for her. It is honestly the biggest fear I have for my future. I don't understand why your biggest fear is something you have so much control over. Don't marry someone you don't love. Simple. I truly loved my husband, and he truly loved me. I see love all around me, it doesn't always work out, but it is real.
Woggle Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 If you want a real marriage like the one shown in the video then find somebody who values that type of relationship as well. There have always been people who got together for superficial reasons and there always will be. If both parties are okay with that then fine but if you want something deeper then look in the right places.
theBrokenMuse Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 If you want a real marriage like the one shown in the video then find somebody who values that type of relationship as well. There have always been people who got together for superficial reasons and there always will be. If both parties are okay with that then fine but if you want something deeper then look in the right places. That's right Woggle. OP, if you don't want a business contract type of relationship then pay extra close attention to the woman's integrity, demeanor, moral compass, communication style and other important attributes to make sure it's compatible with your own. Wanting a pretty face or money may be fine for some people but for those looking to foster real emotional intimacy and companionship it's certainly not a good idea to marry someone on that type of basis.
Eeyore79 Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 But then again, it is all still a big 'IF'. Not really. I'm already there for him when he needs me, and I don't doubt that I'll continue to be, no matter what life throws at us. The only reason I'd change my mind is if he treated me badly. The only thing a man would want from a woman is how attractive she is. There is basically no other reason why he would need her. She's there for the sex. Boy, am I glad I'm not your girlfriend! Any man who only wanted me for sex, and who didn't care about me as a person and love me as a friend, would be dumped before he could blink. I feel sorry for you if sex is the only thing you're able to get out of a relationship.
skydiveaddict Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 The title of this topic is right on the money. Women want men with money, men want hot women. This cannot be said the other way . Entirely correct.............
jimbo Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Don't worry so much. LS can give you a warped perspective on things. The truth is that there are plenty of couples that happened to fall in love because they were kindred spirits. Watch and you'll see that true love does indeed exist and it can happen to anyone. I honestly wish it would happen for everyone. Go back to 1978 and you can find that. In 2010? In the US. Doubtful past a certain age. If you can stick with your high school or college sweetheart, it's possible. Late 20's with online dating, highly doubtful.
Eeyore79 Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Women want men with money, men want hot women. This cannot be said the other way around Entirely correct............. I think it's true to a certain extent. Women still care about a guy's looks, and most won't date a hideous man no matter how rich he is. Wealthy educated men want respectable women who also have a decent education and job, not a high school drop-out who would bore and embarrass them. But I will acknowledge that women tend to prioritise money more than looks, and men tend to prioritise looks more than money. Go back to 1978 and you can find that. In 2010? In the US. Doubtful past a certain age. If you can stick with your high school or college sweetheart, it's possible. Late 20's with online dating, highly doubtful. I'm interested to know why you feel true love isn't around nowadays, but was there for the taking in the 70s. Do you feel people are more shallow and materialistic nowadays? Or more selfish? Personally I think it's still around, but as in the 70s, only some people are capable of that sort of pure unselfish love.
theBrokenMuse Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Boy, am I glad I'm not your girlfriend! Any man who only wanted me for sex, and who didn't care about me as a person and love me as a friend, would be dumped before he could blink. I feel sorry for you if sex is the only thing you're able to get out of a relationship. He doesn't 'do' girlfriends. He just sleeps around with lots of girls so one can only guess how he can infer what the only reason people have relationships is when he seems to have no real life experience at relationships, only avoiding them like the plague.
jimbo Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 I'm interested to know why you feel true love isn't around nowadays, but was there for the taking in the 70s. Do you feel people are more shallow and materialistic nowadays? Or more selfish? Personally I think it's still around, but as in the 70s, only some people are capable of that sort of pure unselfish love. Without a doubt. There is always a hidden agenda. A specific goal. After all, this is the ME generation. I used to be like that years ago. ME ME ME. I've always, put the relationship's interest best at hart first since then. Always cared what she wanted and needed. Would not let them walk all over me, but I do try to compromise. I've always tried to keep it a WE deal, not a ME deal. However, when compromise no longer works, I just leave. I am not a doormat and if I do not feel like I am being treated, I try to discuss it, but it goes back to the old ways and then I just leave. I do try though to work it out. Doesn't matter. They don't care. It's not what have you done for me, it's WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME LATELY.
Disillusioned Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 I think it would be less of a problem if people just called a spade a spade and put their cards on the table: "ok, these are the things I bring to the table, I'm looking for someone who (use your imagination), please step forward, no games, no porn, no spam, no beating around the bush." But NOOOOOO, love/attraction/romance/whatever you want to call it is way too counterintuitive for that. IMO it should be no different from shopping for a new car that has all the options you want. If someone doesn't like my assessment of how it should work, well screw 'em.
Knittress Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 So other than sex, why else would we need them? It seems to me that you need a woman to give you a hug and ask you how your day went.
AverageJoe Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 That's ALL any man would want you for. Men don't get with you to listen to your soliloquies about things. We get with you for what's between your legs, dear. That's right. I'm pretty sure you have a nice personality and all that stuff. I'll pretend that there's more to dating than just sex. And by the time she realizes that I used her for sex, I would've gotten what I already wanted. Now for other men who want to stick around to make a relationship last, it's still the case that you're only there for sex. In reality, women need us FAR more than we need them. Think about it. In today's day and age, we live with these modern structures such as child support, alimony, welfare, social security, and medicare. These are all artificial programs. If a doomsday senario happened, or if there was a virus that spread, killing 80 percent of the population, those structures would not exist. That will leave us back to where we used to be where women were completely dependant on men for survival. Not just for money or finances, but for sheer survival. Survival for life. That is how much women need us. And what do we need from women? It's that hole between your legs. That's it. I don't need a woman to cook for me. In fact, I can cook better than most women. I can clean my own house, I can use a vacuum cleaner. If something needs fixing in the house, I don't need a woman's help. If heavy things have to be moved around the house, I don't need a woman's help. If someone is trying to break into our home, with the intent of stealing and/or hurting someone, the only reason why I would need a woman is to call 911. I'm not going to send her off to fight off the intruder while I hide in underneath the bed. That's my job to go out there and fight him off. Even if you were by yourself, you dial 911 to get a group of men to save you. If the house is on fire, a group of men is needed to put it out. Men are the providers and protectors of women. So other than sex, why else would we need them? I was going add a reply to this thread, but I no longer need to. You absolutely nailed it.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 I was going add a reply to this thread, but I no longer need to. You absolutely nailed it. AJ, I'd thought better of you. I don't like the generalization made by Fourth Planet. Maybe sex is the driving dynamics behind dating, but what about the men who willingly settle down and start a family? How does that fit into the equation? And don't give me that excuse that they're forced into a marriage. Nobody pushes them down an aisle except themselves.
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