curiousnycgirl Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Although I "snapped" and I know it will never be between us, and I cannot trust him even as far as I can throw him - I still miss him so much I still cry. The reality is that my life really is better now than it was when I was with him. I am back to being more active than I was with him. I do more stuff, go more places - am getting involved with my favorite charities again (instead of just writing the checks, I once again have the the time to volunteer) - I'm taking a class once a week. No one is putting me down to make themself feel better anymore, my ulcers are clearing up (yes I was so stressed by him I had ulcers). But the honest truth is I laughed more with him. I am so much more alone now that I was with him it hurts. OMG I'm a sick f*ck aren't I?
xpaperxcutx Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 No you're not. You're only sick **** if you start stalking him. It's been a long time since I suffered a break up, but I can never forget how hard it is to move on. But one has to anyways. No matter how hard it is, you move on. Just take it a little step at a time. No one can make you forget him at the snap of a finger and it's even harder to let him go if you're unwilling to.
threebyfate Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 ((hugs)) It will take time. You've been with him for years. Give yourself a break. Forgive yourself. Love ya. You'll be fine.
Author curiousnycgirl Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 LOL no I am not stalking him - you couldn't pay me enough to do that. I just realize that he really was my best friend - only those we love completely can hurt us as badly and deeply and he hurt me. I have always been very reluctant to truly open myself up and let someone in, which is very surprising to anyone who knows me, because on the surface I appear to be very outgiong and open - and I am - to a degree. I would give almost anyone the shirt off my back - but G-d knows I would never take theirs! I opened myself up to him 100%. I assure you I won't be doing that again. Took me over 20 years to work up the courage to trust after the last heart break - and that one at least didn't intentionally hurt me - this one is way worse. And that's why I say I'm truly a sick f*ck - because how can I possilby miss him?! He very intentionally hurt me, he put me down to make himself feel better, Because had we never been romantic - he would still be my best friend. We have so many shared interests, inside jokes, etc. My mother used to tell me it would be embarrassing because we would be in a room full of people but only see each other - or only talk to each other. The bitch of it is that you can't go backwards can you? Now I sit in those same rooms with those same people alone with no one to talk to. UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH.
Author curiousnycgirl Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 ((hugs)) It will take time. You've been with him for years. Give yourself a break. Forgive yourself. Love ya. You'll be fine. Thanks TBF love ya back - it just sucks - and this is the only place I can really admit the truth, because my friends really had begun to hate him based on the way he was treating me. They are also absolutely stunned that it is taking me so long to recover. I've gotta tell you this girl has given up her dating ways - I'm going back to justbeing one of the guys.
threebyfate Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Thanks TBF love ya back - it just sucks - and this is the only place I can really admit the truth, because my friends really had begun to hate him based on the way he was treating me. They are also absolutely stunned that it is taking me so long to recover. I've gotta tell you this girl has given up her dating ways - I'm going back to justbeing one of the guys.You've got to be kidding? Not too many people can get over so many years of investment, quickly. Take your time and let the five stages of grief run through you. As long as you don't get stuck in one stage for years, you'll be fine. Relax.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 LOL no I am not stalking him - you couldn't pay me enough to do that. I just realize that he really was my best friend - only those we love completely can hurt us as badly and deeply and he hurt me. I have always been very reluctant to truly open myself up and let someone in, which is very surprising to anyone who knows me, because on the surface I appear to be very outgiong and open - and I am - to a degree. I would give almost anyone the shirt off my back - but G-d knows I would never take theirs! I opened myself up to him 100%. I assure you I won't be doing that again. Took me over 20 years to work up the courage to trust after the last heart break - and that one at least didn't intentionally hurt me - this one is way worse. And that's why I say I'm truly a sick f*ck - because how can I possilby miss him?! He very intentionally hurt me, he put me down to make himself feel better, Because had we never been romantic - he would still be my best friend. We have so many shared interests, inside jokes, etc. My mother used to tell me it would be embarrassing because we would be in a room full of people but only see each other - or only talk to each other. The bitch of it is that you can't go backwards can you? Now I sit in those same rooms with those same people alone with no one to talk to. UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH. Yes, you're right, the ones we love are the ones who can hurt us the most. But there's also a point where you have to say enough is enough. I think for anyone to completely place trust in another person takes alot of guts. You definitely open up yourself to being perceived as vulnerable. I remember when I was with my ex, I sacrificed almost everything I had to make him happy. Time, energy, myself. I came out of the relationship more scarred than I realized. One does heal. But that scar will still always be there.
Author curiousnycgirl Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 One does heal. But that scar will still always be there. Wow that is very well said.
Star Gazer Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I can only echo what TBF has said and give you a big huge hug. (((HUG)))
Author curiousnycgirl Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 Thanks Star - I had to chuckle just now, I realized that my thread title might make you think that I may have called him or something - you know I haven't even been tempted to do that one. thank G-d for small favors!
anne1707 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 You are taking so long to get over this because you care and are a good person. Do not think there is something wrong with you or that you are being unreasonable. You are perfectly normal, perfectly decent and perfectly right in taking as lomg as you need to get over this. (((hugs)))
Star Gazer Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Thanks Star - I had to chuckle just now, I realized that my thread title might make you think that I may have called him or something - you know I haven't even been tempted to do that one. thank G-d for small favors! I was more concerned that you were going to confess that you'd never broken up and had led us all astray (as others have done)!! I was so relieved when I read the OP!! I thought, "Awww, no biggie! This is to be expected!" Give yourself a break, woman! Your relationship lasted a LONG time and no one expects you to be completely over it any time soon. You'll laugh again, and even more often, soon. I know it. xoxo
Author curiousnycgirl Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 You are taking so long to get over this because you care and are a good person. Do not think there is something wrong with you or that you are being unreasonable. You are perfectly normal, perfectly decent and perfectly right in taking as lomg as you need to get over this. (((hugs))) Wow Anne thank you, you are too kind. But you must admit some part of me must be a masochist to miss him! But I do swear he was such a good guy. It just all turned bad way long ago. Deep heavy sigh. I was more concerned that you were going to confess that you'd never broken up and had led us all astray (as others have done)!! People have actually done such things? I mean I have, but certainly not intentionally! I thought I was done with him before, but went back - but not like this time. But I certainly never would think to type a whole sob story and then follow it up with a tee hee just joking post! Ok I stand corrected that's being a sick F*CK! I was so relieved when I read the OP!! I thought, "Awww, no biggie! This is to be expected!" Give yourself a break, woman! Your relationship lasted a LONG time and no one expects you to be completely over it any time soon. You'll laugh again, and even more often, soon. I know it. xoxo Heavens to betsy are you saying i'm GASP normal?! OMG shoot me now! And ghere I thought I was special!
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