Wow. New all time low for xMM.

[whichwayisup]

Trust me, him not knowing your reaction or anything WILL drive him nuts, so stay in silent mode. YOU have the power sweetie!!!

 

This is my place to rant and vent so that I stay out of contact with MM. To me it is like my diary or therapy. I am anonymous and so are you and I think it is ludicrous for you to say I am doing something wrong by saying my xMM was a lying, immature BSer.

 

Rant away anytime you need to, noone has the right to tell you what you can and can't say about your exMM.

[BB07]

Yes.........to the below!

 

Rant away anytime you need to, noone has the right to tell you what you can and can't say about your exMM.

[bentnotbroken]

I call them as I see them. I don't like name calling whoever does it.

 

 

Unless the name being called is split self.

[jennie-jennie]

In any case I don't think you really have a problem with anything but the fact that I walked away from xMM. You wanted me to hang onto him even when it was clear he wasn't giving me what I needed. Well sorry I didn't take your advice but it wasn't right for me. This is what is right for me. Just like getting out of an unhealthy and unhappy relationship which was slowly killing me inside was the right move for me, even though you encouraged me to stay in it for some reason.

 

I'm sorry, but I do not recognize the above as something that has happened. As far as I remember, I have not posted in any of your threads before.

 

Also I have nothing invested in whether an OW stays with her MM or not. What I hope to support OW in is to make a decision that is true to themselves, whether it is to stay or leave.

 

Concerning the name calling, I understand your need to rant. I have 3 daughters, one of them probably your age, and if they feel the need to rant to get over a bad relationship, I will point out to them too if they use foul language. There is no excuse for name calling in my opinion.

 

So rant away, but is the name calling really necessary?

[jennie-jennie]

Rant away anytime you need to, noone has the right to tell you what you can and can't say about your exMM.

 

Anyone can say anything on LS of course as long as it is within TOS, the question is is it good for the OP?

[whichwayisup]

Anyone can say anything on LS of course as long as it is within TOS, the question is is it good for the OP?

 

JJ, ANYBODY can say anything in a rant about a person in their personal life. It happens ALL over LS, not just in here. Noone seems to have a problem with, so I've seen.

 

I've never ever seen you get in someone's face when an OW is bashing and name calling the MM's wife. M can say anything she wants to on here about her exMM. This has nothing to do with TOS on LS. The TOS is for members to respect one another, etc..

 

Are you saying that her calling her exMM a name once in a while in a rant isn't a good thing?

[jennie-jennie]

JJ, ANYBODY can say anything in a rant about a person in their personal life. It happens ALL over LS, not just in here. Noone seems to have a problem with, so I've seen.

 

I've never ever seen you get in someone's face when an OW is bashing and name calling the MM's wife. M can say anything she wants to on here about her exMM. This has nothing to do with TOS on LS. The TOS is for members to respect one another, etc..

 

Are you saying that her calling her exMM a name once in a while in a rant isn't a good thing?

 

Yes, that is my belief. And my belief is also that you should not bash or name call the MM's wife either.

 

A reminder from LS' guidelines:

 

Language and decency

 

As a global community, it is important to recognize that not all participants are native speakers of English, nor are they all acquainted with colloquialisms popular in your particular area of the world. We expect that our community participants use language that not only reflects proper terminology, but that is in no way vulgar, profane, obscene, pornographic, demeaning, or pejorative to the subject being described or those contributing to the discussion. This is especially important to remember when dealing with sexual health issues.

[whichwayisup]

Yes, that is my belief. And my belief is also that you should not bash or name call the MM's wife either.

 

A reminder from LS' guidelines:

 

Then report it to the Mod's anytime you see anyone disobeying TOS. Let them decide if the post should be editted.

 

Anyway, BACK ON TOPIC..

 

I woke up feeling much better. My sister said if I ignore him then essentially it's like I had the last word and as much as he tried to get back in, he couldn't, and he'll just end up feeling pathetic

 

I agree 100%

[Silly_Girl]

Maravilla, glad you seem resolute. I like it!! Onwards and upwards!

[pureinheart]

What the??? How can anybody read this thread and say anyone BUT the azzclown MM is dignified?

 

What a joke. A sad one at that, because it shows just how little some OW will settle for. I suppose if she came here devastated and bereft over the same email, there would be more approval from the OW Club.

 

How freakin sad. And hypocritical while we're at it. Don't OW on this board say that this is a support board, and that their feelings should be respected? How is this different? She has now seen this man for what he really is, and is expressing her feelings about it, as she should.

 

Maybe some out there are afraid that they too will discover the true nature of their MM.

 

 

 

Maravilla, please don't bother yourself further trying to figure out why he wrote what he did. It's not worth your energy, so please use this thread to help put it behind you. I suspect that after the holidays, if he doesn't hear from you, there will be another email that does a complete 180. Take your steps now to block him. Purge him from your life so that you can move on.

 

This a concept that is difficult for some (discluding Mara), saying it right, choosing your words carefully as to not condemn or berate others, no matter what state emotionally you are in.

 

Everything is a process. Self control IMO is a learned behavior...some never master this and some do. Some learn how to say it right, some don't...ever.

 

There is a thin line between love and hate, I hope Mara can move quickly through the anger stage onto forgiveness as it sounds as if he hurt her dearly.

 

Why is communicating a better way to behave a problem, sad, hypocritical, and a joke?

 

For me, it hurts at times to let go of the anger and forgive. For me (ONLY) I saw my hateful words towards exDM as extremely unbecoming of "me"...

 

I am learning that saying demeaning words about or to another get me NO WHERE, except ME behaving exactly as I am communicating they are.

[pureinheart]

Maravilla, glad you seem resolute. I like it!! Onwards and upwards!

 

LOL, Mara...we have a poster called Onwards...so SG, your reply caught me funny....I have to catch up with the rest of the thread....

[pureinheart]

Thank you to all of you who have responded and helped me so much.

 

At first I was thinking he was writing the email for his wife to see or at her request, until I got to the end where he talks about taking a townhouse. I know that is utter BS. And oit doesn't show solidarity with his wife. It is written in the tone of, I don't want to be w/ her anymore and am getting divorced, but I don't want to be w/ you either. So I know what happened is this:

 

- He decided to go back home and didn't want to have to tell me that for fear of upsetting me, hurting me, looking like the bad guy, fear of me spilling all to his wife, etc.

 

- So he tried to blame it on me and act like he is still getting divorced yet he just doesn't want to be with me.

 

I he also felt rejected by me and wanted to strike back and tell himself and me that this was all HIS idea, not mine.

 

All three things are BS b/c he's just a BSer, through and through. I see right through him now. I honestly wonder what if anything his wife knows about us. On D-Day she called me very suspicious, but I didn't confirm or deny anything. He claims she knows he slept w/ me, but it's very possible he could have just told me that so that -I- wouldn't tell her anything, ever, b/c she supposedly already knows.

 

He is someone who does whatever it takes to cover his butt and get his own way and make it so that he is always the victim, never the bad guy. And I am someone who fell for it all. Past tense. Not anymore. Ever.[/QUOTE]

 

Bold...a lot of OW and OM blame themselves at first...how could I have fallen for this, that and the other...YOUR HUMAN.

 

This is my take on it...if you were real, THAT is the important thing. Personally, I think the best thing to do is to forget him and what he did or didn't do and focus on you and how you feel, felt and will feel in the future...

 

I'm glad your going to leave it alone...if you can, when you can, hope the best for him and his W....Gook luck Mara:)

[Dexter Morgan]

Then report it to the Mod's anytime you see anyone disobeying TOS. Let them decide if the post should be editted.

 

if that was the case, a majority of the posts on this site shouldn't be allowed due to being offensive.

 

I find alot of the stories and descriptions of bedding down other people's spouses, and cheating offensive.....should I report every single one of those?

 

realize I know you don't buy into the over-sensitive, alert nazi mentality, was a point based on which you were replying.

[woinlove]

This a concept that is difficult for some (discluding Mara), saying it right, choosing your words carefully as to not condemn or berate others, no matter what state emotionally you are in.

 

Everything is a process. Self control IMO is a learned behavior...some never master this and some do. Some learn how to say it right, some don't...ever.

 

There is a thin line between love and hate, I hope Mara can move quickly through the anger stage onto forgiveness as it sounds as if he hurt her dearly.

 

Why is communicating a better way to behave a problem, sad, hypocritical, and a joke?

 

For me, it hurts at times to let go of the anger and forgive. For me (ONLY) I saw my hateful words towards exDM as extremely unbecoming of "me"...

 

I am learning that saying demeaning words about or to another get me NO WHERE, except ME behaving exactly as I am communicating they are.

 

I don't see anything wrong with you communicating what you see as a better way to behave. But, personally, I think the OW here who react in anger are having a perfectly reasonable response to the situation and how they were treated. Obviously, the hurt and pain associated with most affairs is difficult to deal with. However, just from reading the posts on LC, to me, reacting in anger is better than some of the responses we see -- despair, feeling worthless, feeling like dying, ...

 

Many MM who want to stay married and have an affair actually don't treat their AP very well and (from what the OW are posting) seem to be mainly interested in getting their own needs met and appear willing to say a lot of things that don't mean much in the end in order to get those needs met. Getting angry about this rather than sinking into feelings of worthlessness seems healthier. Of course, there is still a lot of pain there no matter how they handle it but, in time, that pain should pass. Meanwhile, this is a good place to vent.

 

As to it being "unbecoming" to express that anger towards MM, it's good to cut yourself (and others too) slack to let out some of the negative emotions as the affair is dying. Expressing anger in pixels here is not hurting anyone.

[fooled once]

Then report the thread and complain to Tony about Maravilla badmouthing her MM. It's not your job to jack her thread and police her.

 

 

Agree!

 

ENOUGH already.

 

As mara said, if you can't support her, don't respond.

 

Mara, you are doing GREAT!!! Keep going forward. You have a great life waiting for you to grab it! Have a wonderful vacation!!!!

[jennie-jennie]

Agree!

 

ENOUGH already.

 

As mara said, if you can't support her, don't respond.

 

Mara, you are doing GREAT!!! Keep going forward. You have a great life waiting for you to grab it! Have a wonderful vacation!!!!

 

I was giving support. I would have said the same thing to my own daughters.

[pureinheart]

I don't see anything wrong with you communicating what you see as a better way to behave. But, personally, I think the OW here who react in anger are having a perfectly reasonable response to the situation and how they were treated. Obviously, the hurt and pain associated with most affairs is difficult to deal with. However, just from reading the posts on LC, to me, reacting in anger is better than some of the responses we see -- despair, feeling worthless, feeling like dying, ...

 

Many MM who want to stay married and have an affair actually don't treat their AP very well and (from what the OW are posting) seem to be mainly interested in getting their own needs met and appear willing to say a lot of things that don't mean much in the end in order to get those needs met. Getting angry about this rather than sinking into feelings of worthlessness seems healthier. Of course, there is still a lot of pain there no matter how they handle it but, in time, that pain should pass. Meanwhile, this is a good place to vent.

 

As to it being "unbecoming" to express that anger towards MM, it's good to cut yourself (and others too) slack to let out some of the negative emotions as the affair is dying. Expressing anger in pixels here is not hurting anyone.

 

It depends on the depth of the anger.....I wonder if there would be this "support" if she were staying with MM and berating the W...I doubt it...the support is there for possibly one reason....

 

BTW, If you read my post I was referring to myself and not Mara...this is getting ridiculous.

[Silly_Girl]

It depends on the depth of the anger.....I wonder if there would be this "support" if she were staying with MM and berating the W...I doubt it...the support is there for possibly one reason....

 

That, Pure, is excellent food for thought!

[woinlove]

It depends on the depth of the anger.....I wonder if there would be this "support" if she were staying with MM and berating the W...I doubt it...the support is there for possibly one reason....

BTW, If you read my post I was referring to myself and not Mara...this is getting ridiculous.

 

What are you talking about? Have your read Mara's post? She describes the kind of behavior her MM is demonstrating and how cruel he has been to her while claiming to love her - and, all this, after Mara has loved him and tried to satisfy his needs. If Mara did stay with this MM and berate his wife, exactly how would that be part of healing from his treatment of her?

 

This attempt to try to twist the different roles in this triangle into a symmetric circle is ridiculous and makes absolutely no sense. Read Mara's post again.

 

And if some people may be supporting Mara specifically because she is attempting to end behavior that they see as hurtful to the BS and she places blame on the MM who they see as an unethical user, so what? Almost certainly those same people honestly believe that Mara will be happier without MM in her life and so also support her happiness.

[bentnotbroken]

It depends on the depth of the anger.....I wonder if there would be this "support" if she were staying with MM and berating the W...I doubt it...the support is there for possibly one reason....

 

BTW, If you read my post I was referring to myself and not Mara...this is getting ridiculous.

 

 

Yes, there would have...it would just come from a different source with different views of support. Each situation is judged by the readers whether support is "worthy" of their time. We all do it. When we read posts and don't respond. Their situations don't peek our interest enough to respond one way or another.

 

I have seen similar words aimed at former whatever that have been aimed at OP. Too much this, too much that, not enough this and so on. . Support is subjective. I don't know if JJ was being supportive or not. What I do know is that what I call support doesn't' look the same for each poster I respond to. I will never give warm fuzzy pats on the back for self inflicted pain, I will support a woman making her own decisions on keeping a baby no matter the circumstances of conception. I will not support insertion into any one's life. I will support a person looking for a way out of drama. I will not support children.. I will not support what I view as "stupidity".

 

I am sure each and every poster has a standard of what they view as support and I would bet my life that it is different than mine. What I view as rude is certainly different than what some one else views as rude. These things are all born from our own experiences. I was attacked for asking questions and making a statement about gaslighting. I was called judgemental(which I am stating to really like:)now that I understand the mindset a little better). No one knew what I was thinking when I wrote that post, yet OP was one who came to my defense.

 

Ahhhhh, the way of the world and the humans in it.

[jennie-jennie]

What are you talking about? Have your read Mara's post? She describes the kind of behavior her MM is demonstrating and how cruel he has been to her while claiming to love her - and, all this, after Mara has loved him and tried to satisfy his needs. If Mara did stay with this MM and berate his wife, exactly how would that be part of healing from his treatment of her?

 

This attempt to try to twist the different roles in this triangle into a symmetric circle is ridiculous and makes absolutely no sense. Read Mara's post again.

 

And if some people may be supporting Mara specifically because she is attempting to end behavior that they see as hurtful to the BS and she places blame on the MM who they see as an unethical user, so what? Almost certainly those same people honestly believe that Mara will be happier without MM in her life and so also support her happiness.

 

Unfortunately describing the WS in demeaning terms is quite common on LS, even by long term posters who one would expect to long ago have dealt with their most acute hurt. It seems to be a style of posting among some who oppose affairs.

[bentnotbroken]

Unfortunately describing the WS in demeaning terms is quite common on LS, even by long term posters who one would expect to long ago have dealt with their most acute hurt. It seems to be a style of posting among some who oppose affairs.

 

 

Unfortunately describing demeaning actions typically required demeaning terms, since there are very few ways to make a pig look like anything else other than a pig.

[spice4life]

Unfortunately describing the WS in demeaning terms is quite common on LS, even by long term posters who one would expect to long ago have dealt with their most acute hurt. It seems to be a style of posting among some who oppose affairs.

 

I am a former OW and I really don't understand why you see Mara's post as demeaning to the WS and the BS? What is wrong with her venting about him here on an anonymous formum if it helps her mourn the loss of the A? Some people here are coping with the A and all of the dynamics that go along with it and others are coping with ending the A. Just because posters support the ones who are ending doesn't mean they are bitter BS's.

 

Mara made a personal choice to end her A because it was hurting her too much - nothing wrong with that. I guess I don't really understand where you are coming from in regards to this thread. It doesn't really seem to fit the situation at hand here.

[jennie-jennie]

I am a former OW and I really don't understand why you see Mara's post as demeaning to the WS and the BS? What is wrong with her venting about him here on an anonymous formum if it helps her mourn the loss of the A? Some people here are coping with the A and all of the dynamics that go along with it and others are coping with ending the A. Just because posters support the ones who are ending doesn't mean they are bitter BS's.

 

Mara made a personal choice to end her A because it was hurting her too much - nothing wrong with that. I guess I don't really understand where you are coming from in regards to this thread. It doesn't really seem to fit the situation at hand here.

 

As I have already pointed out several times, it is the name calling that gets to me, not the venting and not the ending of the relationship. The name calling is not exclusive to this thread. It was just Mara's calling her MM out on this that made me reply.

[BB07]

My Xmm was a lying POS!!!!

 

It's fact........and hell no I'm not sorry to say it!

 

If it offends anyone..........then so be it.