Wow. New all time low for xMM.

[maravilla]

Maravilla, don't reply to him!! Ever! There is a good chance he will show the email that he wrote to his wife if she knows you were still around... which could possibly explain why he said those things about you. He is trying to paint you as bad as possible. He was just a happy go lucky married man until the evil alcoholic temptress came along and seduced him. HA! What a jerk!!! OMG, I am so sorry it has come down to this. But in a way I am happy he is being a jerk because it makes moving on that much easier for you.

 

Isn't it funny how quickly things go down? It was less than a month ago that you first came to these forums and was talking about how confident you were with him. Please don't fall back into his lies!

 

BTW, do you work with him?

 

Thanks, Lisalee, you (and a lot of other posters ) have been a huge help to me throughout all of this. You remained really objective and skeptical yet supportive. You pointed out his inconsistencies and helped me think through things clearly, without ever judging me or making me feel worse than I already did. So thank you, really.

 

It is funny how quickly things change! A month ago I was miserable wondering if I could believe him and why things were looking differently than what he was saying, and now I am really so much happier. Just coming here and posting about this makes me feel a lot better and helps me resist the urge to write him back, which I know is what he wants. It makes me feel really good to be free of him. Strong. I totally don't need him and that feels great.

 

No, I don't work with him. We work in the same career field so he is not out of my life forever, but, as close as possible. I certainly don't have to have any kind of contact with him, it's just that I could run into him in the future and I'll probably have to hear about him, blah, blah. Oh well. He is out of my personal life and that was the hardest step.

 

I wanted closure from him and I guess I got my closure. He proved he is an even bigger jerk than I was starting to think he was! What more do I need to know?!

[maravilla]

Maravilla.... Love DOES hurt. Love can last many decades and it is inevitable that it brings hurt, to a greater or lesser degree, at some point. Even the most precious of love. It is because we love someone that they have enormous capacity to hurt us.

 

Had you received such insults from an internet loner or an old school 'friend' it would barely have touched you.

 

I am not saying you DID experience true love, I am just pointing out that just because it has left you reeling does not mean it could not have been love.

 

Call me dopey, but I don't like the thought of you leaving this relationship believing that real love doesn't hurt. The anger is good, but you are allowed to mourn, also.

 

I know love can hurt but I don't believe it should hurt for these reasons (i.e., he is lying to me and saying mean things to me.)

 

I get what you mean though, thanks Silly Girl.

[whichwayisup]

He isn't worthy of ANY reaction. Silence is golden..

 

Though, if you want to write back.. fewer words said the better and make your point!

 

F.CK OFF and don't ever contact me again.

 

Though silence will drive him nuts more than anything you can say to him..

[Dexter Morgan]

I can't believe this. I am about to hit the roof.

 

I'm leaving tomorrow to go on a long trip with my out-of-state family for Thanksgiving. xMM knows this. We have been NC and he just sent me a really mean email where he says he has decided he no longer wants to be with me b/c he doesn't like the kind of person I am. He is just cruel in the email and says things that aren't even true about me. He claims I'm an alcoholic, when he is the one that drank every single day. I used to drink w/ him and at one point I told him I needed to cut back b/c it was affecting my running and my work. So he continued to drink, alone, every day. And now in his email he says I am at a party stage in my life and he is in a different and better place and he can't hang out w/ someone who needs to drink all the time. WTF?! This is just one example of the stuff he says -- he is cruel, he tries to make me feel bad for things that aren't even true, and he accuses me of doing stuff that he himself actually does. WTF?!

 

At first I was really, really hurt, and angry. I just started crying right in my office. I hate that he can still make me feel this way. At first I thought, how can he say all of this mean stuff to me when he claimed he loved me so much? Then I thought, wait a minute, I walked away from the A and now he's trying to make it look like it's his idea to end it b/c he hates me; maybe this is just to put on a show for his wife? Then I thought, this is just his way of getting me to respond before I leave for nine days. I am not going to respond b/c that is what he wants. But I really wanted to text him just what I thought right then and there. Or respond to him w/ all of the TRUTH about what happened b/t us so that if it's for his wife, she can see what a liar he is.

 

Then I got to the end of the email and it became clear as day why he was being so mean to me and pointing the finger at me. He claims-and this really makes me crack up laughing -that he took a townhouse closer to his kids instead of the house of my out-of-state friend that he kept telling me he was going to rent. OMG. I can't believe he thinks I'm so stupid to believe this. It's just an excuse b/c he knows I will find out from my out-of-state friend that he declined to sign the lease at the last minute (I hadn't asked her b/c I honestly didn't care, but I know he thinks I am checking up on him, just pining away dying to be with him). He also claims at the end that his wife has opened up the home to him to see his kids, but not her heart or arms. Whatever! I think he put that in there b/c he thought I would be stalking him and would notice he's staying at home instead of at the temporary place he was renting. The joke's on him b/c I have honestly not been caring where he's staying. I figured he would high-tail it back to wifey as soon as I said, 'stand on your own two feet and figure this mess out on your own,' and sure enough, his strange, mean, lying email shows me that's exactly what he did!

 

I have a really big urge to tell him I'm going to check w/ his wife to see if she confirms his lame-a$$ townhouse story and see how she feels about him telling me she hasn't opened up her heart and arms to him. But I know that is just inviting more drama and that is just not worth it. He is such an immature spineless lying cowardly little boy! How could a 50 year old man be so pathetic?!

 

I guess I learned a huge lesson. I think everyone who cheats is a lying cowardly wimpy person. He always has to play the victim and point the finger at other people and blame them for his own decisions! He hates to look like the bad guy but he is the bad guy! He would rather hurt me by slinging nasty words at me and telling me I'm not a good enough person for him, than just come clean and give me the truth, that he decided to work on things w/ his wife. WTF. I had always told him I would understand if he decided to stay married, I just wanted the truth.

 

Here I was begging for the truth from a known liar. WTF was wrong w/ me?!

 

I'm sorry for ranting, thank you all for listening b/c if I don't get all of this out here, I am going to write him back, and I really don't want to. I hate him. Hate him. How dare he ruin my last full day of work by sending me such a mean and cowardly email?! He really has no heart, and no other things either.

 

:(

 

Can I at least respond to the email and say good riddance, I'm glad you have agreed to leave me alone b/c you are a spineless b@st@rd?

 

Why do I feel so hurt, I want to not care. I was doing a great job at not caring about him- I really felt so happy and free. Now I feel like dog doo. And it's not b/c of the things he said abt me-really almost none of it is true!-it's b/c I loved someone who is capable of treating me this way, and it makes me mad at myself.

 

I hope someone on here can make me feel better b/c I don't know what to do.

 

 

let this be a lesson...stay away from married men. if not for the reasons above, then for the reason of not helping to cause pain to someone else.

[maravilla]

let this be a lesson...stay away from married men. if not for the reasons above, then for the reason of not helping to cause pain to someone else.

 

I have definitely learned my lesson. I realize that my pain is insignificant compared to the pain I helped cause his family. I wish there was something I could do to make it right, but, really I can only do what you suggest here, which is promise myself that I will never interfere with his marriage or anyone else's ever again.

[BB07]

The difference being that he is doing it to your face and you are doing it anonymously on an internet forum? That is a major difference I will agree with that.

 

It just amazes me how one can move from love to name calling, whatever the reason. I would never talk like that about any of my exes, and yet one of them did me a lot of harm.

 

I guess you and I are different in that sense, maravilla.

 

 

Why is it that I feel like that you've got it in for maravilla jennie jennie? Seems like you've been putting her on the spot quite often since she responded to you negatively over on this thread. post #28.

 

Anyway........Maravilla's issue is not that she didn't LOVE her xmm, the issue IS that he didn't love her or else he wouldn't have been lying to her and playing her and the wife both.

 

She is handling herself very well with xmm from what she tells us and handling herself well here at LS also.

[Carrot2000]

This email could have been one of two things:

 

1. He wrote it to prove to his wife the He ended things with you. As far as the content of the email, I've seen this kind of thing before with my man-whore cousin Brad. Whenever he gets caught cheating, he runs down all of the faults of the other woman (she's too fat/skinny, can't cook, keeps a dirty house, etc) to make his girlfriend feel that she is a better woman than the OW. Then he goes on about how he made a mistake, how lucky he is to have her, and that he would never leave his girlfriend for the OW who is too fat/skinny, can't cook, keeps a dirty house, etc. In essence, he makes the OW the villain and makes her look pathetic. This technique has proven highly effective for him. It wouldn't shock me one bit if MM said all of those cruel things to show his wife how horrible you are and how his relationship with you was a mistake. Essentially, he threw you under the bus virtually.

 

2. He said all that crap because he was angry and knows the best way to elicit a response is to be insulting. My man-whore cousin Brad also uses this technique. It's a way to reel some who is not communicating with you back in. If he says hurtful things, you have no choice but to engage and respond, right? Man-whore Brad then apologizes profusely to the woman he has insulted, says he only said it because he was hurting and vulnerable, blah blah blah and before you know it, the woman is back with his cheating, man-whore azz.

 

Whatever the case may be, I'm proud of you, girl, for not giving in!

[BB07]

This post cracked me up. A lot can be learned from man-whore cousin Brad.

 

I also believed Maravilla's MM's intentions was #1.

 

Me 2! To say the crappy things he said about her drinking and stuff probably made his wife feel better or he was trying to make his wife feel better. I think you got thrown under the bus hon.

[spice4life]

This email could have been one of two things:

 

1. He wrote it to prove to his wife the He ended things with you. As far as the content of the email, I've seen this kind of thing before with my man-whore cousin Brad. Whenever he gets caught cheating, he runs down all of the faults of the other woman (she's too fat/skinny, can't cook, keeps a dirty house, etc) to make his girlfriend feel that she is a better woman than the OW. Then he goes on about how he made a mistake, how lucky he is to have her, and that he would never leave his girlfriend for the OW who is too fat/skinny, can't cook, keeps a dirty house, etc. In essence, he makes the OW the villain and makes her look pathetic. This technique has proven highly effective for him. It wouldn't shock me one bit if MM said all of those cruel things to show his wife how horrible you are and how his relationship with you was a mistake. Essentially, he threw you under the bus virtually.

 

2. He said all that crap because he was angry and knows the best way to elicit a response is to be insulting. My man-whore cousin Brad also uses this technique. It's a way to reel some who is not communicating with you back in. If he says hurtful things, you have no choice but to engage and respond, right? Man-whore Brad then apologizes profusely to the woman he has insulted, says he only said it because he was hurting and vulnerable, blah blah blah and before you know it, the woman is back with his cheating, man-whore azz.

 

Whatever the case may be, I'm proud of you, girl, for not giving in!

 

LOL!! That is exactly what I was thinking (minus the man-whore Brad of course...lol). Maravilla, I think it is one of the two options above. So there ya have it...even more reason to stay no contact. Especially if it is option # 1 because that means his W wants a reaction from you too.

 

Thanks for the fabulous examples carrot...lol! And the laugh too.

[Carrot2000]

Glad I could add some humor to this crazy situation! I've got stories for days about Brad:years ago he left a woman he was dating for her daughter, then left the daughter for the best friend, and then left the best friend for another woman altogether. All of this happened over the course of 4 months and sadly, I know at least two of these three women would take him back in a heartbeat.

[fooled once]

I can't believe this. I am about to hit the roof.

 

I'm leaving tomorrow to go on a long trip with my out-of-state family for Thanksgiving. xMM knows this. We have been NC and he just sent me a really mean email where he says he has decided he no longer wants to be with me b/c he doesn't like the kind of person I am. He is just cruel in the email and says things that aren't even true about me. He claims I'm an alcoholic, when he is the one that drank every single day. I used to drink w/ him and at one point I told him I needed to cut back b/c it was affecting my running and my work. So he continued to drink, alone, every day. And now in his email he says I am at a party stage in my life and he is in a different and better place and he can't hang out w/ someone who needs to drink all the time. WTF?! This is just one example of the stuff he says -- he is cruel, he tries to make me feel bad for things that aren't even true, and he accuses me of doing stuff that he himself actually does. WTF?!

 

At first I was really, really hurt, and angry. I just started crying right in my office. I hate that he can still make me feel this way. At first I thought, how can he say all of this mean stuff to me when he claimed he loved me so much? Then I thought, wait a minute, I walked away from the A and now he's trying to make it look like it's his idea to end it b/c he hates me; maybe this is just to put on a show for his wife? Then I thought, this is just his way of getting me to respond before I leave for nine days. I am not going to respond b/c that is what he wants. But I really wanted to text him just what I thought right then and there. Or respond to him w/ all of the TRUTH about what happened b/t us so that if it's for his wife, she can see what a liar he is.

 

Then I got to the end of the email and it became clear as day why he was being so mean to me and pointing the finger at me. He claims-and this really makes me crack up laughing -that he took a townhouse closer to his kids instead of the house of my out-of-state friend that he kept telling me he was going to rent. OMG. I can't believe he thinks I'm so stupid to believe this. It's just an excuse b/c he knows I will find out from my out-of-state friend that he declined to sign the lease at the last minute (I hadn't asked her b/c I honestly didn't care, but I know he thinks I am checking up on him, just pining away dying to be with him). He also claims at the end that his wife has opened up the home to him to see his kids, but not her heart or arms. Whatever! I think he put that in there b/c he thought I would be stalking him and would notice he's staying at home instead of at the temporary place he was renting. The joke's on him b/c I have honestly not been caring where he's staying. I figured he would high-tail it back to wifey as soon as I said, 'stand on your own two feet and figure this mess out on your own,' and sure enough, his strange, mean, lying email shows me that's exactly what he did!

 

I have a really big urge to tell him I'm going to check w/ his wife to see if she confirms his lame-a$$ townhouse story and see how she feels about him telling me she hasn't opened up her heart and arms to him. But I know that is just inviting more drama and that is just not worth it. He is such an immature spineless lying cowardly little boy! How could a 50 year old man be so pathetic?!

 

I guess I learned a huge lesson. I think everyone who cheats is a lying cowardly wimpy person. He always has to play the victim and point the finger at other people and blame them for his own decisions! He hates to look like the bad guy but he is the bad guy! He would rather hurt me by slinging nasty words at me and telling me I'm not a good enough person for him, than just come clean and give me the truth, that he decided to work on things w/ his wife. WTF. I had always told him I would understand if he decided to stay married, I just wanted the truth.

 

Here I was begging for the truth from a known liar. WTF was wrong w/ me?!

 

I'm sorry for ranting, thank you all for listening b/c if I don't get all of this out here, I am going to write him back, and I really don't want to. I hate him. Hate him. How dare he ruin my last full day of work by sending me such a mean and cowardly email?! He really has no heart, and no other things either.

 

:(

 

Can I at least respond to the email and say good riddance, I'm glad you have agreed to leave me alone b/c you are a spineless b@st@rd?

 

Why do I feel so hurt, I want to not care. I was doing a great job at not caring about him- I really felt so happy and free. Now I feel like dog doo. And it's not b/c of the things he said abt me-really almost none of it is true!-it's b/c I loved someone who is capable of treating me this way, and it makes me mad at myself.

 

I hope someone on here can make me feel better b/c I don't know what to do.

 

Sweetie, do not reply to him. Keep venting here. YOU ARE doing so good. His opinion of you means squat. I mean, put it in perspective --- he is a liar, a cheat, doesn't know the meaning of honor, he's a coward and he is a azzhead. His opinion of you makes no difference to those who know you and care about you. He is just pissed he lost his sweet young girl. You now see him for the loser he is. You were awestruck by this guy's attention. Deep in you, you knew the affair was wrong. But he was saying all these wonderful things to you. NOW, the gloves are off with him because you dumped him. You told him YOU DESERVE better and he hates that. He is just trying to provoke you. do not let him. ((hugs))

 

He is incapable of loving anyone b/c he doesn't love himself.

 

I am just reminding myself of that so that I don't feel so upset. It's just him. He's messed up big-time.

 

Ding ding ding -- you are right. He doesn't love (or even like) himself. What man can be okay with being a liar? what man can be okay with being a cheat? What man can be okay with being a coward? What man can be okay with knowing he betrayed someone who he promised to love and cherish? There is NO excuse for that type of behavior - IMHO. NO excuse. Sure, people will try to excuse it, make up 'reasons' for why these cheaters behave the way they do. But deep down, this behavior shows their true character and moral fiber. Shows they have very little respect for those they claim to love.

 

 

After the fact, I am embarrassed I was ever associated with him. The thought of it makes my skin crawl.

 

Have a wonderful trip, and don't let that azzclown have any free rent in your head!

 

Ditto! Ditto!

 

Maravilla, I'm sorry that asshat did this to you at such an inopportune time. I'm pissed for you!

I know you want to give him a piece of your mind, I so get it, but as others have said silence will be the best action and silence will be the thing that bothers him the most. To me silence is dignified and graceful, yes I know it's difficult to accomplish but chin up, you can do it.

 

As for that asshat....he is blame-shifting, trying to make you the bad guy so he can feel better about what he knows deep inside is the truth in that he has behaved very badly on all fronts to all parties.

 

BTW........I don't think you are looking at him or the relationship with anything less than clear eyes, you are seeing the man for what he truly is. A mixed up confused mess and a liar. Keep listening to your gut.

 

Have a wonderful holiday! I have complete faith in you and that in a few months you are going to be just fine, hardly scarred at all.

 

I completely agree. You are seeing him for the 'man' he really is. There is nothing wrong with having clarity when you are away from the situation. I mean, who here hasn't assessed something when they stepped away and realized what they thought at one time, isn't really true.

 

Do NOT think you have to justify your feelings to anyone. (hugs) You have so many of us in your corner, rooting for you. I mean seriously, how can we be wrong Stay strong my friend!!

 

Yes, to me there's a big difference between anonymous venting/doubting/seeking advice to find my way out of a situation I have a gut feeling is not what it looks like it is (and certainly turned out very different than how he was painting it!), and purposefully saying mean and nasty things to him to hurt him because I can't have him (which is what he did to me).

 

So yes I guess we are different in that sense, jennie-jennie.

 

I have realized it was never love. Love doesn't hurt like this and isn't selfish like this. It was fantasy, escapism, addiction, a bunch of ups and downs and good and bad feelings, but not love.

 

The good thing is that in realizing what real love isn't, I've come to have a better understanding of what it is. Love for myself, and for/from someone else. I'm working on the first one and eventually I'll find the second one.

 

Good response. But again, you do NOT have to justify your words or feelings. YOU have showed strength and maturity for getting out of a horrible situation. You have shown that you are a smart cookie!

 

Why is it that I feel like that you've got it in for maravilla jennie jennie? Seems like you've been putting her on the spot quite often since she responded to you negatively over on this thread. post #28.

 

Anyway........Maravilla's issue is not that she didn't LOVE her xmm, the issue IS that he didn't love her or else he wouldn't have been lying to her and playing her and the wife both.

She is handling herself very well with xmm from what she tells us and handling herself well here at LS also.

 

Completely agree! People who claim to love someone don't continue to hurt or lie to the person they claim to love. I stand by my sentiment that if a man loves a woman, he would move mountains to be with her. Men who are getting their needs met at home and with the mistress have no reason to change that situation. Sure, excuses can be made for WHY this man chooses to have the BEST of both worlds, but it doesn't explain why he stays married. If a man loves a woman, he wants to be with her...not webcam or talk on the phone. He wants to be with her - next to her - day in and day out.

 

We need to support these women who choose to treat themselves with respect. We need to support these women who get out of unhealthy relationships - no matter what the type of relationship it is. We need to support those that have ended an affair and let them know that a better life is out there for them. We need to continue to give them strength and encouragement, not belittle them or tell them they are doing something wrong. There is NOTHING wrong with demanding more for yourself and striving for it. If others want to stay in an affair, that is their business. But if they choose to end an affair, shouldn't they be able to come here and get support for doing that?

[jthorne]

Good Gawd. This thread isn't about love or not love. It doesn't take a genius to see that this clown is acting like a two-year old. Seems pretty typical of MM when the OW shows some self respect, and shows them the door in the process. Maravilla doesn't strike me as someone into bottle babies, so it's time for her to move on.

 

We got your back, chica.

[maravilla]

Thank you to all of you who have responded and helped me so much.

 

At first I was thinking he was writing the email for his wife to see or at her request, until I got to the end where he talks about taking a townhouse. I know that is utter BS. And oit doesn't show solidarity with his wife. It is written in the tone of, I don't want to be w/ her anymore and am getting divorced, but I don't want to be w/ you either. So I know what happened is this:

 

- He decided to go back home and didn't want to have to tell me that for fear of upsetting me, hurting me, looking like the bad guy, fear of me spilling all to his wife, etc.

 

- So he tried to blame it on me and act like he is still getting divorced yet he just doesn't want to be with me.

 

I he also felt rejected by me and wanted to strike back and tell himself and me that this was all HIS idea, not mine.

 

All three things are BS b/c he's just a BSer, through and through. I see right through him now. I honestly wonder what if anything his wife knows about us. On D-Day she called me very suspicious, but I didn't confirm or deny anything. He claims she knows he slept w/ me, but it's very possible he could have just told me that so that -I- wouldn't tell her anything, ever, b/c she supposedly already knows.

 

He is someone who does whatever it takes to cover his butt and get his own way and make it so that he is always the victim, never the bad guy. And I am someone who fell for it all. Past tense. Not anymore. Ever.

[Pokemon]

Actually, it can also sound like:

 

He is trying to provoke a response from you by saying mean and hurtful things.

 

Then, at the end of it he adds in that he's getting a townhouse on his own so you'll think he's alone. Then perhaps by putting this in your head, just perhaps, you would crawl back to him and continue dating him while he doesn't get a divorce.

[pureinheart]

Isn't this exactly what you are doing too, maravilla, insulting your MM's character and personality to get over the breakup? Seems like a common reaction to me. What is it they say: love and hate are two sides of the same coin.

 

Oh (bold) is so true...Jennie, my dear, what is it about you that you can say a few words and I totally loose it? Totally look at the way I do business and complete conviction falls on me and I get real?

 

Mara, I understand your hurt and rant...I have been on these boards ranting about exDM back and forth.

 

You see Mara, it doesn't matter what anyone does or doesn't do. It matters what we do, even if we are hurt, angry, whatever. The important thing is that we are healed because it appears as if we are not going to be in these relationships.

 

Our rants need to be in perspective. Being real, no matter what has happened to us...that is what Jennie is communicating. We will be no good for anyone in these states...release is good, although our releases even need dignity.

Edited November 19, 2010 by pureinheart

[jthorne]

What the??? How can anybody read this thread and say anyone BUT the azzclown MM is dignified?

 

What a joke. A sad one at that, because it shows just how little some OW will settle for. I suppose if she came here devastated and bereft over the same email, there would be more approval from the OW Club.

 

How freakin sad. And hypocritical while we're at it. Don't OW on this board say that this is a support board, and that their feelings should be respected? How is this different? She has now seen this man for what he really is, and is expressing her feelings about it, as she should.

 

Maybe some out there are afraid that they too will discover the true nature of their MM.

 

He is someone who does whatever it takes to cover his butt and get his own way and make it so that he is always the victim, never the bad guy. And I am someone who fell for it all. Past tense. Not anymore. Ever.

Maravilla, please don't bother yourself further trying to figure out why he wrote what he did. It's not worth your energy, so please use this thread to help put it behind you. I suspect that after the holidays, if he doesn't hear from you, there will be another email that does a complete 180. Take your steps now to block him. Purge him from your life so that you can move on. Edited November 19, 2010 by jthorne

[jennie-jennie]

Why is it that I feel like that you've got it in for maravilla jennie jennie? Seems like you've been putting her on the spot quite often since she responded to you negatively over on this thread. post #28.

 

I call them as I see them. I don't like name calling whoever does it.

[jennie-jennie]

Oh (bold) is so true...Jennie, my dear, what is it about you that you can say a few words and I totally loose it? Totally look at the way I do business and complete conviction falls on me and I get real?

 

Mara, I understand your hurt and rant...I have been on these boards ranting about exDM back and forth.

 

You see Mara, it doesn't matter what anyone does or doesn't do. It matters what we do, even if we are hurt, angry, whatever. The important thing is that we are healed because it appears as if we are not going to be in these relationships.

 

Our rants need to be in perspective. Being real, no matter what has happened to us...that is what Jennie is communicating. We will be no good for anyone in these states...release is good, although our releases even need dignity.

 

Exactly. In the end it is ourselves we have to live with.

 

I guess I got that habit in Al-Anon to always look at myself and what I could improve irrespective of how my SO was acting.

[jennie-jennie]

Because some OW have made it clear they support the MM, not the OW. They say they are supporting the ow, but by their posts it is clear they are supporting the MM. IMO

 

Well, I certainly don't support the MM in maravilla's case. His behavior was rude and out of line.

 

But just because a MM's behavior is out of line, doesn't give an OW, or a BS for that matter, a free card to not look at her own behavior.

[Silly_Girl]

Because some OW have made it clear they support the MM, not the OW. They say they are supporting the ow, but by their posts it is clear they are supporting the MM. IMO

 

Ooh, can you point them out? Or PM me? Genuinely interested as to what's been posted that could be read that way. Cheers ears!

[jthorne]

Well, I certainly don't support the MM in maravilla's case. His behavior was rude and out of line.

 

But just because a MM's behavior is out of line, doesn't give an OW, or a BS for that matter, a free card to not look at her own behavior.

Again, had she come here crying over that email, I suspect you'd have no problem with her behavior then.

 

I don't see any other proof of LisaLee's statement is needed.

How sad.

[jennie-jennie]

Again, had she come here crying over that email, I suspect you'd have no problem with her behavior then.

 

Can name calling be included in crying? In that case, yes, I would have had a problem with it.

 

I don't see any other proof of LisaLee's statement is needed.

How sad.

 

On the contrary, I too would be interested in hearing LisaLee expand on this. It's not something I have noticed.

[jennie-jennie]

I must say I am surprised by some of the comments in this thread. I thought we all agreed that sometimes tough love is needed, that support is not always patting on the back.

[jthorne]

I must say I am surprised by some of the comments in this thread. I thought we all agreed that sometimes tough love is needed, that support is not always patting on the back.

I guess I'm confused then... your "tough love" is to bash the OP for ranting about finding out and being disappointed by the azzclown MM showing his true stripes?

 

I saw another poster's comment about not getting involved with a MM perhaps a better example of tough love, but ok.

[maravilla]

Jennie-Jennie,

 

This is my place to rant and vent so that I stay out of contact with MM. To me it is like my diary or therapy. I am anonymous and so are you and I think it is ludicrous for you to say I am doing something wrong by saying my xMM was a lying, immature BSer. He was all of these things and more, and I don't consider that name-calling him to hurt him (he isn't even reading this of course and neither is anyone who knows him) but because I have always been open and honest on my threads and that is how I see him. Before he sent me that cruel email I was thinking of him in a different light, as in, I felt sorry for him for not being able to happy because he lies to everyone, including himself, I understood him and 'got' him even though I didn't like what he was doing, I remembered many of the good times and wished him well in my heart (honestly I still wish him well just like I wish everyone well but he is nothing to me after he sent me such a mean-spirited and cruel email).

 

After I got the email, yes, I focused on all the negatives about him because I had no other choice, he was plain out showing me the very worst parts of himself, he was lying to my 'face' (in email), he was name-calling me when I had done nothing to deserve it, he was purposefully attacking me to make himself feel better. So yes, of course right now I think he is a spineless little wimp and I am going to shout that on my thread instead of at him because I feel it in my bones. I am not going to feel it there forever, I am purging it on here so that I can move on, and I'm already starting to move on from it, it's just something I needed to do, and I appreciate everyone else's support in helping me do that.

 

Jennie-Jennie if stating what I think about him helps me get over him, but bothers you, well, you don't need to read my threads. I am going to do what helps me get through this whether you like it or not. In any case I don't think you really have a problem with anything but the fact that I walked away from xMM. You wanted me to hang onto him even when it was clear he wasn't giving me what I needed. Well sorry I didn't take your advice but it wasn't right for me. This is what is right for me. Just like getting out of an unhealthy and unhappy relationship which was slowly killing me inside was the right move for me, even though you encouraged me to stay in it for some reason.

 

I don't want to fight with anyone so that is all I am going to say. I felt the need to defend myself and now I am moving on from that topic. To everyone else who has had my back, thanks, and it's not worth fighting over anymore.

 

So anyway...

 

I just wanted to update that last night I went for sushi with my girl friends and I didn't even mention xMM's email. (And they are my two close friends who know xMM and who have been supporting me in NC). I decided even bringing it up, at my nice last-dinner-with-friends before going out of town for the next week and a half, was giving him too much of a place in my life. I want to just have him be totally out of it. I did mention it to my sister and she said, like many of you, that he is just doing it to get a rise out of me; ignoring me didn't work so now he is throwing fire and hoping it catches me so that I lash back at him. She was like

 

DO. NOT. WRITE. BACK. ANYTHING. AT. ALL.

 

I'M SERIOUS. NOT A WORD.

 

in her texts, it was great. My sister has never liked xMM from the get-go and has had a lot worse names to call him than I have put on here. She always said he was a liar and a fake and why was I putting up with him? That really should have told me something (it did on some level but it took me a long time to listen). So thanks to the support from her and you all, I have virtually trashed that email. It's so not worth my time.

 

I woke up feeling much better. My sister said if I ignore him then essentially it's like I had the last word and as much as he tried to get back in, he couldn't, and he'll just end up feeling pathetic, like he is. I woke up this morning not even thinking about him, which was great, and then when I did think of him, I imagined him puzzled about why I hadn't responded to his last ditch effort to get me to talk to him by being cruel to me, and I kind of chuckled to myself.