Confused100 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 (edited) At the start of the school year (1.5 months ago), I joined a school club. I've made a ton of awesome friends so far. In fact, they're probably already my best college friends since we hang out so often. It's quite a close group of people. Anyway, there's a girl in the club who I've been talking to quite a bit the past couple weeks: lots of texting, a few long phone calls, and hanging out at her place (also her roommate's. They're both in the club). Slept over a couple times but that's only because I stayed there really late and didn't want to walk home -- not like anything happened. There are other things we want to schedule for the future too, like movie nights. I said I'd make dinner for us on one of those nights. The weird thing is she's religious and conservative, and I usually never go for that. My guess is I'm not her type. Based on conversations we've had in larger groups, she's looking for someone else who's religious/shares similar social views. And because a lot of people in this club are quite close, it's made me reconsider what is normal in a male/female friendship. So on one hand, it seems like we've been talking a lot recently, but at the same time, it feels like that might just be normal within the group. I'm especially wary about making any sort of move precisely because of how close the entire group is. If indeed she didn't feel the same way, then it seems like that would make it rather awkward. Any ideas? Is there anything there? Or put this behind me and just leave her as a friend? Edited November 18, 2010 by Confused100
maravilla Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Well why don't you make her dinner like you previously suggested and see where it goes from there? But honestly IMO if she is conservative and religious and you're not then I would first ask yourself if it is really going to go anywhere. I know I could never seriously date a really religious/socially conservative guy because my values are very different and sharing similar values are important to me. So I wouldn't want to waste either of our time. But if you really think it wouldn't bother you, then maybe it won't bother her either (honestly most religious girls may not have any interest in dating a non-religious guy). I guess first figure out if you see it going anywhere long-term for you, then take the further steps to see if she does too, or if you guys should just stay friends (which is also nice. ) Good luck.
Author Confused100 Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 Well why don't you make her dinner like you previously suggested and see where it goes from there? But honestly IMO if she is conservative and religious and you're not then I would first ask yourself if it is really going to go anywhere. I know I could never seriously date a really religious/socially conservative guy because my values are very different and sharing similar values are important to me. So I wouldn't want to waste either of our time. But if you really think it wouldn't bother you, then maybe it won't bother her either (honestly most religious girls may not have any interest in dating a non-religious guy). I guess first figure out if you see it going anywhere long-term for you, then take the further steps to see if she does too, or if you guys should just stay friends (which is also nice. ) Good luck. I think I'd be okay with dating a conservative/religious person so long as they weren't overbearing/extreme. Yeah, that's why I'm reluctant. Like I said, she said that qualities she's looking for in someone are just that. So I clearly do not fit those criteria, which seems to make it a dead end on the face of things. If I recall correctly, she was the one who suggested movie nights, and I in turn suggested making dinner for them. I have no idea if she sees it friends just hanging out or something more. I thought I was understanding women a little more, but the whole dynamic of the group has made me realize how little I do know (making me even more clueless on how to pick up signs).
maravilla Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I think I'd be okay with dating a conservative/religious person so long as they weren't overbearing/extreme. Yeah, that's why I'm reluctant. Like I said, she said that qualities she's looking for in someone are just that. So I clearly do not fit those criteria, which seems to make it a dead end on the face of things. If I recall correctly, she was the one who suggested movie nights, and I in turn suggested making dinner for them. I have no idea if she sees it friends just hanging out or something more. I thought I was understanding women a little more, but the whole dynamic of the group has made me realize how little I do know (making me even more clueless on how to pick up signs). I think it's cool that you're up front about who you are and what you want. If she's made it clear that she only wants to date religious guys then I guess she sees you in the 'friend' category. But if those are qualities that she prefers, although she would consider dating guys that are the opposite, then it might work. I guess you just have to ask her. Yeah I know you stand the chance of being rejected but I guess it's better to take the risk. And I think you guys could stay friends if she says no thanks. This does seem like a sticky situation so just take things slow and naturally and try not to have many expectations, and be open and honest. That's my best advice. Good luck.
Author Confused100 Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 I think it's cool that you're up front about who you are and what you want. If she's made it clear that she only wants to date religious guys then I guess she sees you in the 'friend' category. But if those are qualities that she prefers, although she would consider dating guys that are the opposite, then it might work. I guess you just have to ask her. Yeah I know you stand the chance of being rejected but I guess it's better to take the risk. And I think you guys could stay friends if she says no thanks. This does seem like a sticky situation so just take things slow and naturally and try not to have many expectations, and be open and honest. That's my best advice. Good luck. That's a good point. I'm not sure whether they are necessary conditions or merely preferences. Alright. Any particular time I should bring it up? And in any particular way?
Author Confused100 Posted November 19, 2010 Author Posted November 19, 2010 Any ideas? It sure doesn't seem like i've been given the green light. It seems like people are pretty liberal in saying stuff like 'i love you' in the group too. So I never know if something is in jest.
D-Jam Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 My question though is do you see her making any notions that she likes you more than just a friend? Too many guys fall into the trap of thinking friendly behavior and "niceness" is some sign that she wants more. I've had many women who are nice to me, friendly, bought me a round of drinks, hugged me and kissed me on the cheek, etc... ...but they wouldn't date me. If this girl is really showing you she wants more, like she cuddles with you, holds your hand, does affectionate things that only a girlfriend would do, then I'd say make a move in the sense of trying to build this into dating. If you like her, tell her how you feel. She might be all religious/conservative, but it doesn't mean she's looking for a more saner version of Glenn Beck. She just might not be into the frat boy who expects sex on the first or second date. How do you feel about her? Make sure you're interested in her and not just seeing her as convenient.
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