I keep dreaming of her..

[SimonSerenade]

So lately I've been going to bed and waking up feeling really awful, Obviously I miss her and love her, It's been 3 months since she walked out, We were together for 3 years, We even had a son, Lately I pray every night before I go to bed and she's always the last thing on my mind before I go to sleep.

 

So I've been having awful dreams and though I know it's probably not possible to stop these dreams... I'm just wondering if anybody has ever had some luck in doing so with there's?, Basically I dream that we say lovely stuff to each other and I dream that we kiss and hold each other really tight and when I wake up, She's not there... It break's my heart every time, I dream I'm in a lonely place filled with fire screaming her name and apologising for everything wrong that I did and I wake up in tears but the worst dream I have is standing there like a ghost while she worthlessly gives her self away to random people, I was her first time and while we were together her only time, To me that was a bond and though I'd be happy for her if she found somebody who loved her... I just couldn't bare it if she gave herself away to somebody who didn't, I always wanted to protect her from that kind of stuff, I know that sounds selfish but she deserves better than all of that.

 

I just can't stop these dreams... I can't stop hoping she'll come back even though I fully know that she's never given a damn from the day she broke up with me, She's never shown one emotion to let me know she was hurting or even to let me know I mean't something after all this time.

 

Could my bad dreams be due to never having closure, If so how do I get it without her giving it to me?, Maybe it's because I haven't got peace of mind that she wouldn't be giving herself away to random people, She was never that kind of person when we met, Getting with her was so hard but so worth it at the same time, It took a while before we had sex but it was worth the wait because knowing I was everything to her at that moment mean't everything to me, I just wanted to know I mean't something to her, I just wanted her to care... How do I cope and get over all of this?.

[Kaylace]

I know the feeling. I have very vivid dreams and it feels so real. Right after my ex broke up with me I focused on myself and made sure I kept busy. I made myself happy even if at times it felt forced. Before going to bed I would watch a movie and whatever happened in the movie is what I would focus on hard before falling asleep. Sometimes I'd even fall asleep with the tv on and I'd dream about what I had last watched. Or I'd read a book that I had a lot of interest in. It worked for me. My ex came back around though and now for the 2nd time he broke my heart. The dreams are back but I'm trying my hardest to push through them. I know how much they hurt though, they even physically hurt when I wake up.

 

I'm sure you meant something to your ex as I'm sure I did to my ex too. But the bottom line is they picked a life without us in it. The minute they break up with us is the minute we have to focus on our wants and needs. I don't know about you but I want to be happy.. so I'm going to try my hardest to do that, even without him. Pull out any bit of love and respect that you have for yourself and focus on you. It's not easy but possible. You can do it!

[SimonSerenade]

I know the feeling. I have very vivid dreams and it feels so real. Right after my ex broke up with me I focused on myself and made sure I kept busy. I made myself happy even if at times it felt forced. Before going to bed I would watch a movie and whatever happened in the movie is what I would focus on hard before falling asleep. Sometimes I'd even fall asleep with the tv on and I'd dream about what I had last watched. Or I'd read a book that I had a lot of interest in. It worked for me. My ex came back around though and now for the 2nd time he broke my heart. The dreams are back but I'm trying my hardest to push through them. I know how much they hurt though, they even physically hurt when I wake up.

 

I'm sure you meant something to your ex as I'm sure I did to my ex too. But the bottom line is they picked a life without us in it. The minute they break up with us is the minute we have to focus on our wants and needs. I don't know about you but I want to be happy.. so I'm going to try my hardest to do that, even without him. Pull out any bit of love and respect that you have for yourself and focus on you. It's not easy but possible. You can do it!

 

 

 

I know what you mean, I tried that too, I keep myself busy enough, I play football (soccer) for exercise and I play on my playstation 3 quite a bit and just tend to keep my mind preoccupied, It's hard when I only work part time to keep my life totally in order cause I can't totally occupy myself with it, Sometime's it's hard to be around my son as awful as that sound's just because he looks the double of her and it reminds me of the family life I could of had and when I see other people I know with there kids and what not I just get so envious and wonder why I couldn't have had that in my life.

 

My ex and I have broken up once before this, She left the house after our son was born cause she couldn't cope without her mum and we argued about it a lot as I felt I should of been enough for her then she finished me and came back 2 months later, We still argued a lot cause she never did move back in and it felt little by little I was being pushed out of my son's life and denied the chance to be a good partner and father, Eventually she stopped hugging me and stopped kissing me and I should of seen all of this coming I suppose.

 

When did your ex come back if you don't mind me asking? Also I feel I should mention I compared her a lot to my ex and probably made her feel like she wasn't good enough, I wasn't with my ex for too long as when I got with her it was just after a break up and to cut a story short, She was a pot head but started on harder drugs, I had no idea she owed money to bad people and eventually she overdosed by accident probably due to the stress, We were best friend's for years and she mean't the world to me, Was always there when I needed a shoulder to cry on, I had the misfortune of finding her lying there after the overdose, I felt so powerless as there was nothing I could do, I prayed to god in desperation but that didn't help matters, She later died on arrival to hospital, I later found out she was pregnant with my baby, I've never quite stopped loving her or gotten over the desperation I felt that day.

 

Thank you for your kind words... I'm sorry to lay all this on you, I suppose I've always needed to talk about it as I couldn't with her as she got jealous and would make me take back every word I said as she'd like to think she was my first time... Do you think I need professional help?

[Yaz]

Do you think I need professional help?

 

Yes, talking to a therapist or counselor always helps. It doesn't mean you're nuts, it just means you need someone impartial to talk through your thoughts, and offer some unbiased words of guidance. Because they are a steady contact, it will give you some stability - as well as (hopefully!) the confidence to create your own stability.

You are hung up on someone that doesn't want you (I feel that!). If she is still capable of eliciting emotions from you, then you need to talk about it. Talk about her until your mouth falls off.

The counselor will refocus attention to you and help you get some of yourself back. By the time you figure you're capable of being a whole person without her, you'll figure you just don't care that much for someone who could be so cruel to you.

Seek help - so you can be free. And good luck!

[Kaylace]

I know what you mean, I tried that too, I keep myself busy enough, I play football (soccer) for exercise and I play on my playstation 3 quite a bit and just tend to keep my mind preoccupied, It's hard when I only work part time to keep my life totally in order cause I can't totally occupy myself with it, Sometime's it's hard to be around my son as awful as that sound's just because he looks the double of her and it reminds me of the family life I could of had and when I see other people I know with there kids and what not I just get so envious and wonder why I couldn't have had that in my life.

 

My ex and I have broken up once before this, She left the house after our son was born cause she couldn't cope without her mum and we argued about it a lot as I felt I should of been enough for her then she finished me and came back 2 months later, We still argued a lot cause she never did move back in and it felt little by little I was being pushed out of my son's life and denied the chance to be a good partner and father, Eventually she stopped hugging me and stopped kissing me and I should of seen all of this coming I suppose.

 

When did your ex come back if you don't mind me asking? Also I feel I should mention I compared her a lot to my ex and probably made her feel like she wasn't good enough, I wasn't with my ex for too long as when I got with her it was just after a break up and to cut a story short, She was a pot head but started on harder drugs, I had no idea she owed money to bad people and eventually she overdosed by accident probably due to the stress, We were best friend's for years and she mean't the world to me, Was always there when I needed a shoulder to cry on, I had the misfortune of finding her lying there after the overdose, I felt so powerless as there was nothing I could do, I prayed to god in desperation but that didn't help matters, She later died on arrival to hospital, I later found out she was pregnant with my baby, I've never quite stopped loving her or gotten over the desperation I felt that day.

 

Thank you for your kind words... I'm sorry to lay all this on you, I suppose I've always needed to talk about it as I couldn't with her as she got jealous and would make me take back every word I said as she'd like to think she was my first time... Do you think I need professional help?

 

My ex wanted me back a month later. I had no contact with him during that time. When we talked he told me he made a huge mistake, wanted me back, missed me so much. Things were great for a while until he totally changed again and now I'm back to the beginning which is why I joined the forum. When you say you had broken up once before.. when she came back, did you take her back really easily? I think that's the problem with what happened between my ex and I. I took him back so easily and when I think about it now.. if our ex's want us back then they need to prove that they are willing and ready to never break our hearts again. If the ex feels they can run back easily.. they feel like they can walk all over us, run off again, and come back whenever they please. Kind of have us hanging there while they figure out what they want.

 

After reading what happened with your ex.. wow, I'm sure that wasn't easy to cope with. That's something that sounds like you could definitely benefit talking over with a therapist.

 

Sorry you are having a hard time with the break up and dreams but know you aren't alone! I myself am dreading any dreams that might come up for me tonight. I really hope there's none. All of this will make us stronger people though. Hang in there!

[SimonSerenade]

Yes, talking to a therapist or counselor always helps. It doesn't mean you're nuts, it just means you need someone impartial to talk through your thoughts, and offer some unbiased words of guidance. Because they are a steady contact, it will give you some stability - as well as (hopefully!) the confidence to create your own stability.

You are hung up on someone that doesn't want you (I feel that!). If she is still capable of eliciting emotions from you, then you need to talk about it. Talk about her until your mouth falls off.

The counselor will refocus attention to you and help you get some of yourself back. By the time you figure you're capable of being a whole person without her, you'll figure you just don't care that much for someone who could be so cruel to you.

Seek help - so you can be free. And good luck!

 

 

I think that might be just what the doctor ordered, Talking on these forums and knowing I'm not the only one helps , At the moment I'm trying to let go and just forgive, Even if she hasn't asked for forgiveness I know one day I'll have to give it her... Even if it's just to be a bigger person, I don't want to feel bitter towards her, I don't want to feel anything for her.

 

I've had professional help in the past and just when I was getting somewhere with it I cancelled of the sessions, I think it's cause I was scared of opening up and letting go of my emotions that I felt for my ex, It's almost like I skipped grieving, At one point I was seeing her all the time, Clear as day right infront of me though I know she's dead... It comforted me and I geuss I've never really gotten over what happened cause it would mean thinking about it and going through all that desperation again, I think sometime's its so hard letting of my recent ex because of everything I lost with the one who died.

 

You are right... She has been over the top where cruelty is concerned, I feel though I've made mistakes, She's made some too but I'm not exactly holding them to her and I wouldn't of treated her like this, I think I've got to the point where I don't care if she comes back or not and if she does, I'd only hope for an apology and some closure, Just be nice to know that I really wasn't in this world of hurt alone when we broke up, Can only hope she felt enough for me.

[SimonSerenade]

My ex wanted me back a month later. I had no contact with him during that time. When we talked he told me he made a huge mistake, wanted me back, missed me so much. Things were great for a while until he totally changed again and now I'm back to the beginning which is why I joined the forum. When you say you had broken up once before.. when she came back, did you take her back really easily? I think that's the problem with what happened between my ex and I. I took him back so easily and when I think about it now.. if our ex's want us back then they need to prove that they are willing and ready to never break our hearts again. If the ex feels they can run back easily.. they feel like they can walk all over us, run off again, and come back whenever they please. Kind of have us hanging there while they figure out what they want.

 

After reading what happened with your ex.. wow, I'm sure that wasn't easy to cope with. That's something that sounds like you could definitely benefit talking over with a therapist.

 

Sorry you are having a hard time with the break up and dreams but know you aren't alone! I myself am dreading any dreams that might come up for me tonight. I really hope there's none. All of this will make us stronger people though. Hang in there!

 

 

 

I'm sorry to hear about that, That's happened to me once or twice in the past and last time I took her back I took her back easily, Had a night to think about it and rang her the next day and said okay, I think she's always known that I'd take her back no matter what she said and did, She got treated like crap and cheated on in her last relationship before me, The guy never cared what he said and did to her, I tried to show her how much I loved her, How much she mean't to me and just how good we were together but it seemed to me that she started acting like that cause she knew she could and I think deep down it must of felt good for her to act like that as if she's getting revenge on that one guy, What hurts the most for me is when I met her she still wasn't over him and it had been like 6 months and the relationship only lasted about a month or something but she got over me just like that.

 

I think what your saying is right, If it was true love they wouldn't of left us or broken our hearts at all, Forgiving once was hard enough but twice is just ridiculous, She finished me a lot in our relationship over the smallest and most pettiest things and even though it was only over for like a day or two I'd still take her back every time, I made so many efforts when she left this time round, Did so much for her, Give her so much, Wasted time that wasn't really free and she couldn't even give me a moment of her time to tell me that I at least mean't something, I think some closure would of been fair at least.

 

I've left her be hoping she'll break this whole no contact thing and make an effort, Even if it's just an effort at being my friend cause when one person is trying to make thing's work... It just never works does it?, I think it would take a miracle of god for me and her to be friends though, Sometime's I wonder if the best road to go down is the lonely road of never seeing her face again and just letting my step dad pick up my son from now on, I hope one day she'll regret ever pushing me out of her life and I hope as she grows older and wiser she'll realise just how much she did to me and how much she threw away, I geuss I can at least walk away knowing I did everything in my power to get her back and everything in my power to be civil and maintain friendship, I mean... the last thing I did for her as a pure act of kindness was buy her Fable 3 for the 360 just so she could unwind on the weekends when I had our son over night, I'm tempted to buy her a Christmas present aswell, I know its wrong cause she don't deserve it but this is who I am inside and I can't stop being who I am, Maybe I care too much.