mistakesweremade Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I know this is a long shot.... Has anyone out there reconciled while being long distance? I'm going through it now and it feels at times like I'm trying to land a plane. I'll answer any questions if it will help, bit here's the quick backstory. Together 5-6 years Broke up 1.5 years ago, intiated by her Pretty much cut all contact in March of this year Send an email in june saying she hopes wecan be friends some day, to which I said I don't think so. She started sending light emails in august, to which I responded to some. Showed up in my city in September and apologized for everything saying she always loved me sidenote: she was in another relationship earlier this year. She ended that one as well. This really doesn't matter to me.
DustySaltus Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 What was the cause of the breakup? Do you think that the issues that led to the breakup can be rectified? When's the last time you received an email from her? What was the tone?
Author mistakesweremade Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 Sorry I should have stated we have been talking everyday since she came to see me. We visited each other a few times as well. What led to the break up? Distance coupled with my insecurity and her trying to assert herself in the world. Has it been remedied? You know I would like to think so, but there is something I'm still insecure about. I'm not sure what I'm insecure about though. The distance is actually farther because I moved after the break up. I'm really trying to approach this as something new. It just gets hard at times. Trying to build something with the distance there. I have no qualms about moving, except I don't like the city where she lives. I just want to be sure her motivations are sincere. That just takes time, right? Thanks, by the way.
DustySaltus Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Well, I think you need to figure out what you are insecure about, that's step 1. Also, why do you think things will be different this time around? Step 2 would be to figure out if she's also willing to do her part to make things work....maybe she just wants to be friends. Maybe she was reminiscing after a failed relationship. When things go sour, you often look back to the last thing you thought was sweet... Step 3 would be figuring out whether or not you could live in her city for the long term, or vice versa. I moved half way across the world to be with an ex. but at the end of the day the distance was the least of our problems. Remember, you are trying to build something significant here. You have to work on yourself first. I mean if you just picked up and left today to get back with her you would still have issues with insecurity and maybe grow to resent her if you feel "trapped" living in her city. If you could get past Step 1 & 2, you will be making a potential LIFE CHANGING decision, don't take it lightly....
Author mistakesweremade Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 I understand these are the things I NEED to do. I just don't know HOW to do them. I do thank you anyway. It does help to read what I've been thinking.
deuces Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 I'm going through a very very similar situation right now as well. I definitely understand what you mean by feeling like you're trying to land a plane. I really don't have any answers since I am wondering the same things that you are. Questioning the sincerity of her intentions is definitely a good place to start which is where I am and I guess since you know her and we don't, you would be the best judge for that. But I know it isn't always easy to tell. I think you should just sit back, let things unfold, and let her sincerity shine through her ACTIONS. Then after a bit of time has passed, you will be better equipped to make such life changing decisions. Good luck!
Author mistakesweremade Posted November 20, 2010 Author Posted November 20, 2010 Update: I crashed the plane.
deuces Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 Update: I crashed the plane. Omg....what happened?
Author mistakesweremade Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 Well basically over the 2 weeks it seemed that she was beginning to withdraw. I got the same feeling I had the first time she ended it. She said she was going out and would talk to me later. Later never came. So I just told her I couldn't do it anymore. It hurts now. Not as bad as the last time, but it still does. I'm not sure I was surprised or not, that she took it in stride. As far as I can tell it didn't effect her much. I guess her saying that wanting to work things out was more for her then for us.
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