Is being a confident plus size girl attractive anymore???

[taiko]

So what have we learned. Some women are not willing to settle for the men who will settle for them. After all they are losers. And if a man likes whatever makes someone unattractive to the larger population then he is not to be trusted because he doesn't really like that trait but thinks you are an easy lay since no one else would have you because of it.

[brainygirl]

This thread is depressing and I'm a guy.

 

I'm married so not in the market but these types of threads make me feel like a freak for seeing plus-size women as extremely attractive if she has a pretty face, stylish and confident. That applies to any women, and having extra weight doesn't change that for me as it does apparently for many others. Not only does it not change but I do see having a little more as adding to the allure. Thus I'm feeling like a freak reading this thread.

 

I'm not at all overweight (BMI= 23.5) and my wife is even lower in BMI but irony of all irony is neither of us have hung up about weight and would have no issue if one of us gains another 30 lbs, as long as we stay active.

 

Weight to women I feel is like penis size for guys in this culture. I have friends in other cultures and they have no idea why American guys in general are so obsessed with penis size, and women are so obsessed with weight.

 

its even more depressing if you are a woman who isn't a perfect size or shape. All the qualities I have don't amount to anything, because I'm not tiny. I didn't used to think this way, unfortunately being on LS has entightened me.

[Ruby Slippers]

I think some women need to wake up about this.

 

Fat is rarely attractive.

 

We have an OBESITY EPIDEMIC in this country. Between that and the twiggy models in the media, people's sense of what is normal and healthy is very distorted.

 

Now, I have a bit of a crush on a guy right now who's 30-40 pounds overweight. That doesn't diminish my attraction for him, but I think he would look even better, and certainly feel better, if he dropped the excess weight. His body is very nicely put together, but the gut hanging over the belt is just not attractive.

 

Men, by and large, prefer slender women. Maybe it's biology, maybe it's the media, maybe it's a combination. It doesn't really matter. (And the truth is that women, by and large, prefer toned, in-shape men with some muscle. It's just that we're usually much more willing to forgive physical shortcomings.)

 

The FACT is that if you want to attract men, you are going to fare far better as a slender woman than a fat woman.

 

And if you are overweight and in a relationship with a man who says you look great at any weight, 95 times out of 100, that guy is going to be more attracted to you if you slim down some.

 

If you're overweight and truly enjoy being at the weight you're at, so much that these facts don't sway you, GREAT. Work those curves and live it up.

 

But don't sit around whining about how men are shallow because they prefer slender women. It is just The Way It Is.

[OceanGirl]

I think some women need to wake up about this.

 

Fat is rarely attractive.

 

We have an OBESITY EPIDEMIC in this country. Between that and the twiggy models in the media, people's sense of what is normal and healthy is very distorted.

 

Now, I have a bit of a crush on a guy right now who's 30-40 pounds overweight. That doesn't diminish my attraction for him, but I think he would look even better, and certainly feel better, if he dropped the excess weight. His body is very nicely put together, but the gut hanging over the belt is just not attractive.

 

Men, by and large, prefer slender women. Maybe it's biology, maybe it's the media, maybe it's a combination. It doesn't really matter. (And the truth is that women, by and large, prefer toned, in-shape men with some muscle. It's just that we're usually much more willing to forgive physical shortcomings.)

 

The FACT is that if you want to attract men, you are going to fare far better as a slender woman than a fat woman.

 

And if you are overweight and in a relationship with a man who says you look great at any weight, 95 times out of 100, that guy is going to be more attracted to you if you slim down some.

 

If you're overweight and truly enjoy being at the weight you're at, so much that these facts don't sway you, GREAT. Work those curves and live it up.

 

But don't sit around whining about how men are shallow because they prefer slender women. It is just The Way It Is.

 

100% agreed. Rolls of fat are neither healthy nor attractive. That's the way it is. I don't truly buy that overweight people wouldn't want to be slimmer if given the choice.

[Mad Max]

With 2/3 of the population overweight to at least some extent and some states having a 1/3 obesity rate, people that are a normal weight are in demand. That doesn't include those that work out. I'm a fairly cut 165 pound male and out of every 10 people I pass, about 7 will be overweight. Out of the 3 that aren't, maybe 1 is into physical fitness.

 

In regards to women, if you're in a normal weight range, you'll be fine. The fewer of something that exists, the more in demand it is.

[D-Lish]

I think some women need to wake up about this.

 

Fat is rarely attractive.

 

We have an OBESITY EPIDEMIC in this country. Between that and the twiggy models in the media, people's sense of what is normal and healthy is very distorted.

 

Now, I have a bit of a crush on a guy right now who's 30-40 pounds overweight. That doesn't diminish my attraction for him, but I think he would look even better, and certainly feel better, if he dropped the excess weight. His body is very nicely put together, but the gut hanging over the belt is just not attractive.

 

Men, by and large, prefer slender women. Maybe it's biology, maybe it's the media, maybe it's a combination. It doesn't really matter. (And the truth is that women, by and large, prefer toned, in-shape men with some muscle. It's just that we're usually much more willing to forgive physical shortcomings.)

 

The FACT is that if you want to attract men, you are going to fare far better as a slender woman than a fat woman.

 

And if you are overweight and in a relationship with a man who says you look great at any weight, 95 times out of 100, that guy is going to be more attracted to you if you slim down some.

 

If you're overweight and truly enjoy being at the weight you're at, so much that these facts don't sway you, GREAT. Work those curves and live it up.

 

But don't sit around whining about how men are shallow because they prefer slender women. It is just The Way It Is.

 

I agree with you Ruby.

 

My brother married a a girl that put on a hundred lbs throughout their courtship. He loved her still, but as the wedding approached, he started having second thoughts. He called me out of the blue one day a few weeks before the wedding just HAMMERED, needing to talk to me. My brother never talks about anything, ever- so I went to see him immediately when he called. He was really broken up over her putting on that weight, and torn between loving her as a person and dealing with the weight issue. He was actually thinking of calling off the wedding.

 

I remember him saying "I love her so much D, but I don't know if I can rise above how much weight she's put on, it bothers me so much".

 

My brother is a bit of a health nut- he's tall, slender, he works out, and he totally values that lifestyle.

 

They did get married, and she did shed 75 lbs. She's about 170 now- 5'7". In my opinion she looks so much better. She's such a pretty girl- but she's so much prettier being curvy as opposed to obese.

 

There is a difference between being 30-40lbs overweight and being obese obviously. Obese is never attractive.

[Mad Max]

There is a difference between being 30-40lbs overweight and being obese obviously. Obese is never attractive.

 

 

Obese starts at 50 pounds overweight, so there's very little difference between 40 and 50 pounds overweight. Mordib obesity starts at 100 pounds overweight and that's a big difference from 30-40 pounds overweight.

[D-Lish]

Obese starts at 50 pounds overweight, so there's very little difference between 40 and 50 pounds overweight. Mordib obesity starts at 100 pounds overweight and that's a big difference from 30-40 pounds overweight.

 

I really have no idea what your point is in relation to what I posted.

[Mad Max]

I really have no idea what your point is in relation to what I posted.

 

 

You said there's a difference between being 30-40 pounds overweight and being obese. I said obese starts at 50 overweight, so the difference is minimal.

[Content]

Men like all diferent things, some Men i know wont date women over 100 pounds, some men i know like a women with some curves some like overweight women but i would say fat women are not high on most lists

 

Im a short guy i cant change my height and tall Men are what is considered a universally attractive trait on a Man by most women maybe even moreso or at least equal to weight with Men,i dont complain or whine about womens prefernces i do the best i can to be attractive and focus on the women attracted to me

 

I suggest fat women do the same instead of whining and demanding Men be attracted to you either focus on the group that is or work your ass off to lose the weight if you think your such a social pariah for being fat

 

But dont kick and scream and demand Men be attracted to you

[Citizen Erased]

I am happy with what I see in the mirror. If you can all say the same thing, screw what others think. No man or woman is the same, our preferences are different and when you find that person that none of this crap matters and they think you're gorgeous regardless, it'll all seem irrelevant.

 

If you don't like what you see, work on it. If you do, be glad you feel that way, a lot of people don't. You aren't going to please everyone so you may as well please yourself.

Edited November 19, 2010 by Citizen Erased

[LittleTiger]

I am happy with what I see in the mirror. If you can all say the same thing, screw what others think. No man or woman is the same, our preferences are different and when you find that person that none of this crap matters and they think you're gorgeous regardless, it'll all seem irrelevant.

 

If you don't like what you see, work on it. If you do, be glad you feel that way, a lot of people don't. You aren't going to please everyone so you may as well please yourself.

 

Great post CE!

 

Love the bolded bit.

[hydorclops]

There is something missing from this discussion.

 

Being fat is natural. There is no obesity epidemic.

 

My argument:

 

We store fat on our bodies because it helps us survive an uncertain food supply. It is as natural as breathing and blood circulation. Fat storage is not a disease process. Given our natural appetite and our modern food supply, it is inevitable that many people will store fat. Having extra weight is not always the result of neurotic binging, it is just the result of following a normal appetite. Being fat has nothing to do with morality or character. In fact, you could say that thin people are unnatural, because they fight their instincts, maybe because of a neurotic desire to be good looking.

 

 

An epidemic requires a contagious pathogen. Fat storage is nothing of the sort. It's a natural process. Calling health risks associated with obesity an epidemic is bad because it sounds scientific and also manages to vilify obese people. Fat people are not dangerous to be around.

 

Whether or not fat people are attractive to you, at least get some of the facts right.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Quote:

I guess we just need to crawl back into our caves – you know, since we're too fat to waddle even – and hide our hideous selves from the rest of mankind.

 

Yes you could do that. Your choice.

 

Or, you could lose weight. Also your choice.

 

OR, you could figure out how to be okay with yourself.

 

Realize that the standards of beauty in our culture are not in favor of heavy women.

 

Still, if you are fine with yourself the way you are, then you will require a man who also likes you the way you are ... right now. If you don't find him, at least you are good with yourself.

 

Lots of people love to say "if you're fat, lose weight." That's a good idea. Many fat people, however, have pretty serious barriers to losing weight. Getting to a point where one can rid themself of it can be difficult. There are reasons that those of us who've gained a lot of weight have done so. I'm not talking about thyroid conditions, pregnancy, etc; I am talking about relationships with food, with activity, perhaps depression or other emotional issues. A nice layer of extra fat can be a cozy safety net between ourselves and the rest of the world.

 

A person who is already struggling with something which has manifested in extra poundage is probably not in a place to respond to "either lose weight or be rejected forever." Such a person is likely to already feel like somewhat of a failure, and the ideal of "skinny" (see "skinny" thread) especially as we are fed it through the media, is an unattainable goal. It seems like perfection, and out of reach.

 

I KNOW that it feels better and is much healthier to NOT be overweight. I have experienced all sides of that. I do agree that overweight people would be well advised to get to a healthy weight. Still, I think that this can be accomplished best from a place of self acceptance - NOT from a place of "I am a fattie, nobody likes fat people, I am worthless and a loser unless I can lose weight."

 

Self acceptance is the place to be if you want to initiate change. Self acceptance INCLUDES a realistic look at ones weaknesses as well as strength.

[sanskrit]

There is something missing from this discussion.

 

Being fat is natural. There is no obesity epidemic.

 

My argument:

 

We store fat on our bodies because it helps us survive an uncertain food supply. It is as natural as breathing and blood circulation. Fat storage is not a disease process. Given our natural appetite and our modern food supply, it is inevitable that many people will store fat. Having extra weight is not always the result of neurotic binging, it is just the result of following a normal appetite. Being fat has nothing to do with morality or character. In fact, you could say that thin people are unnatural, because they fight their instincts, maybe because of a neurotic desire to be good looking.

 

 

An epidemic requires a contagious pathogen. Fat storage is nothing of the sort. It's a natural process. Calling health risks associated with obesity an epidemic is bad because it sounds scientific and also manages to vilify obese people. Fat people are not dangerous to be around.

 

Whether or not fat people are attractive to you, at least get some of the facts right.

 

OP, we live in a superficial, materialistic world. If you are exercising strenuously in a structured, habitual way, and following a strict diet, and those things don't bring results, you will just need to do more work in cultivating a broader social network, and meet more people. Good luck.

 

Disagree with the above quote. The biological process you speak of is from a different era of human existence, where uncertain food supply dictated heavy calorie consumption when food was available, storage in fat, and then use of that energy during high calorie energy output during heavy day-to-day exertion and times of less food supply. Automation of our lives, especially transportation, has changed the dynamic, and many modify their eating as a result. For example, the average breakfast used to be much heavier calorically to fuel a much more strenuous workday. People today who want to avoid obesity eat fewer calories because fewer calories are required in day-to-day living.

 

We live in an entirely different world today, there is indeed an obesity problem in the U.S. today, whether the proper term is "epidemic" or not. No one with any sense would believe that fat people are dangerous to be around per se, or contagious, though if you adopt a sedentary lifestyle or overeating due to building bad habits that you learn from friends with those habits, that can be dangerous to your health.

[somedude81]

Is being a confident plus size girl attractive anymore???

When was it ever attractive?

 

The vast majority of men are not attracted to "plus" size women. If you want to get mad at and blame somebody, turn towards mother nature, because men cannot control what they are attracted to.

 

Then people are naturally seen as healthier than bigger people, that's just the way it is.

 

Barring some genetic abnormality, everybody has the ability to control their own weight.

 

For me it's sad seeing an overweight girl with a pretty face. I know that if she just tried, she could be a knockout.

[D-Jam]

Hi everyone

 

Is it really all about looks now? If you're a fun, confident and averagely attractive plus size girl it seems no one wants to date you!!!

 

Im finding it very hard to find someone that isnt just all about looks, and being shallow and only choosing perfectly thin girls....

 

please any guys out there tell me your thoughts because im starting to lose confidence in myself when meeting new men and i really dnt want that to happen.

Two of my best friends are into larger women, and they're marrying them.

 

Unfortunately, both genders are into thinner and thus "plus size" is seen as ugly. I know with me, weight is the #1 thing I won't budge on when it comes to women. I'm not saying I want Kate Moss, but I'm not going to date Rosie O'Donnell.

 

I would tell plus size women to make sure they aren't looking "manly". I've seen them turn up the ugly-meter by chopping their hair all short, wearing thick glasses, and dressing very masculine. Um...just like women say they want MEN, we men want WOMEN.

 

Make sure you're also pursuing men who want plus size women. Biggest thing I see women who complain do is they keep shooting for guys who clearly want thin women. Seen even a few plus-size women who wanted athletic men, but complained when those men wanted thinner women.

 

I think larger women do better in the dating realm than the skinny ones...only because the larger women are willing to date more men while the skinny ones keep holding out for unrealistic standards.

[hydorclops]

Mme. Chaucer wrote:

 

OR, you could figure out how to be okay with yourself.

 

Realize that the standards of beauty in our culture are not in favor of heavy women.

 

Still, if you are fine with yourself the way you are, then you will require a man who also likes you the way you are ... right now. If you don't find him, at least you are good with yourself.

 

Lots of people love to say "if you're fat, lose weight." That's a good idea. Many fat people, however, have pretty serious barriers to losing weight. Getting to a point where one can rid themself of it can be difficult. There are reasons that those of us who've gained a lot of weight have done so. I'm not talking about thyroid conditions, pregnancy, etc; I am talking about relationships with food, with activity, perhaps depression or other emotional issues. A nice layer of extra fat can be a cozy safety net between ourselves and the rest of the world.

 

A person who is already struggling with something which has manifested in extra poundage is probably not in a place to respond to "either lose weight or be rejected forever." Such a person is likely to already feel like somewhat of a failure, and the ideal of "skinny" (see "skinny" thread) especially as we are fed it through the media, is an unattainable goal. It seems like perfection, and out of reach.

 

I KNOW that it feels better and is much healthier to NOT be overweight. I have experienced all sides of that. I do agree that overweight people would be well advised to get to a healthy weight. Still, I think that this can be accomplished best from a place of self acceptance - NOT from a place of "I am a fattie, nobody likes fat people, I am worthless and a loser unless I can lose weight."

 

Self acceptance is the place to be if you want to initiate change. Self acceptance INCLUDES a realistic look at ones weaknesses as well as strength.

I agree with this and the info I presented in the post right before yours gives some support. Being fat is not some terrible disease that people inflict on themselves. It does not say anything about a person's character.

 

Also as Mad Max pointed out there is a difference between obesity and morbid obesity. It's possible to be fat and suffer absolutely no quality of life or longevity consequences.

 

It can be good to strive for things, to become better, to become something good. But how much do you really gain if your goal is to be as good looking as possible.

 

Why not learn about how to have good relationships? Or learn about raising hot house orchids, Or Egyptian hieroglyphics, or 17th century French literature?

[somedude81]

Make sure you're also pursuing men who want plus size women. Biggest thing I see women who complain do is they keep shooting for guys who clearly want thin women. Seen even a few plus-size women who wanted athletic men, but complained when those men wanted thinner women.

That's a really good point.

 

A plus size woman, should have no problem settling for a plus size man and vice versa.

[hydorclops]

Sanskrit wrote:

We live in an entirely different world today, there is indeed an obesity problem in the U.S. today, whether the proper term is "epidemic" or not. No one with any sense would believe that fat people are dangerous to be around per se, or contagious, though if you adopt a sedentary lifestyle or overeating due to building bad habits that you learn from friends with those habits, that can be dangerous to your health.

 

Calling it an epidemic is worse than calling it a problem. It adds a subtle vilifying, shaming, quality.

 

As you point out, our modern food supply combined with our evolved biology leads to obesity.

 

Being morbidly obese is a problem for an individual. If you want to think of it and treat it as a social problem, it's important to get all the facts lined up. It's not a moral or ethical issue. It's a food supply issue as much as an appetite issue. It's an increase in the sedentary lifestyle as much as an increase in eating. It's an issue of social/economic class and an issue of pop culture.

 

Too bad so many fat and thin people think it's all about low character and weakness.

[quankanne]

fantastic post Mme. Chaucer!

 

Rolls of fat are neither healthy nor attractive. That's the way it is. I don't truly buy that overweight people wouldn't want to be slimmer if given the choice.

 

And therein lies the rub (for me): I really don't give a rat's *ss about being overweight. I've learned to accept that even at my fittest, I'm going to have real curves, I'm going to be top-heavy, I'm going to be too short and too dark, I'm never going to be the average man's ideal of beauty. And I think that's why the weight issue never really bothered me. I suppose I *could* put my butt into gear and get into shape to please others, but why bother? I'm still going to look like and be me ...

 

the only reason that I *do* care about finally doing something to drop the excess weight is because both my parents died of diabetes complications, and at 40-something, I'm not doing myself any favors by keeping the weight on. But again, it's about doing the right thing for *me* ... not giving into pressure from people who don't even know me, yet still pass judgment on my weight because they "know" what's best for me.

[theBrokenMuse]

I really don't give a rat's *ss about being overweight. I've learned to accept that even at my fittest, I'm going to have real curves, I'm going to be top-heavy, I'm going to be too short and too dark, I'm never going to be the average man's ideal of beauty.

 

Perhaps I am just socially retarded but I've never quite understood why people go so gung-ho about trying to fit that ideal in the first place. I understand about wanting to be able to snag a desirable mate however, if you can only garner someone's positive opinion after drastically altering the way you present yourself to the world then how are you selecting for the person that is the best fit for you rather than trying to change yourself into someone more suitable for them?

 

If I were single, I could decide to diet until I lose tons of weight, start dressing completely unlike the tomboy I am, modify my behaviors to be more demure, flirty and feminine in order to lure a man... and that would get me more male attention then I'd get the way I am now. However, the men that were attracted to those traits would not like ME. They would merely like the facade that I was presenting to the world in order to lure them in. I think the sooner the human race stops trying to jam themselves into different molds the better. At least then people will know exactly what they are getting.

Edited November 19, 2010 by theBrokenMuse

[NoLongerSad]

I am happy with what I see in the mirror.

 

The way you look would make pretty much anyone's mirror happy.

[Surrealist]

Perhaps I am just socially retarded but I've never quite understood why people go so gung-ho about trying to fit that ideal in the first place. I understand about wanting to be able to snag a desirable mate however, if you can only garner someone's positive opinion after drastically altering the way you present yourself to the world then how are you selecting for the person that is the best fit for you rather than trying to change yourself into someone more suitable for them?

 

If I were single, I could decide to diet until I lose tons of weight, start dressing completely unlike the tomboy I am, modify my behaviors to be more demure, flirty and feminine in order to lure a man... and that would get me more male attention then I'd get the way I am now. However, the men that were attracted to those traits would not like ME. They would merely like the facade that I was presenting to the world in order to lure them in. I think the sooner the human race stops trying to jam themselves into different molds the better. At least then people will know exactly what they are getting.

 

I don't disagree with this or with the poster you quote. The problem is when such people expect to attract someone of the opposite sex who is athletic or similar when they themselves are heavily overweight. Now there's nothing inherently morally or ethically wrong with that, but when such people start complaining that the opposite sex is being 'shallow' for not liking them the way they are, then these people are also using ethics to shame the other person. It's a double standard the overweight people are setting.

 

The other reason why I dont disagree with it is because though I go to the gym and train and stick to a pretty good diet, I dont have a six pack year round or a tan - I already have problems with my skin and Im high risk to over-exposure in the sun. Wouldnt risk my health just to try and attract someone of the opposite sex. All the same, I wont go and try hitting on women such a very fit figure competitors for example, as I know they would be attracted more to the highly competitive bodybuilder type.

 

Also, people who are sedentary and overweight - Do you realise just how much hard work goes into maintaining a decent shape? For those of us not genetically gifted, we have to train, diet and exercise. So why, if we are not strongly attracted to overweight people, should we settle for someone who is sedentary themselves, who let themselves go? Why is this some diabolical moral or ethical issue? The very thing you blame people for, you are also guilty of? Looks, weight and everything about appearances aside, the double standard and hypocrisy alone is annoying enough and a turn off.

[theBrokenMuse]

I don't disagree with this or with the poster you quote. The problem is when such people expect to attract someone of the opposite sex who is athletic or similar when they themselves are heavily overweight. Now there's nothing inherently morally or ethically wrong with that, but when such people start complaining that the opposite sex is being 'shallow' for not liking them the way they are, then these people are also using ethics to shame the other person. It's a double standard the overweight people are setting.

I agreed with you earlier that if you are going to stick to the love me as I am philosophy that one has no right to complain. You know what you could do to make others more attracted and if you choose not to play along then you risk staying alone for the rest of your life. That is a big risk and should one hold fast to this particular mantra, they damn well better understand that no one OWES it to you to give you a chance, be attracted to you or love you simply because you will it to be so.

 

Also, people who are sedentary and overweight - Do you realise just how much hard work goes into maintaining a decent shape? For those of us not genetically gifted, we have to train, diet and exercise.

Not that sedentary but overweight so I hope it's okay if I chime in. I've done it before and I can honestly say that it's definitely no picnic and I can totally sympathize.

 

So why, if we are not strongly attracted to overweight people, should we settle for someone who is sedentary themselves, who let themselves go?

Absolutely not. People should only be with people that they are attracted to otherwise they do themselves and their partner a huge disservice.

 

Why is this some diabolical moral or ethical issue?

I hope that this was not aimed at me in particular as I really have no dog in that fight.