Is being a confident plus size girl attractive anymore???

[quankanne]

I think its unattractive to just date a fat woman because you like her personality even if you don't find her phsyicaly attractive. I don't think there is anything ugly about not being attracted to extra weight.

 

If overweight people feel like losers when hearing that people don't find them more attractive then thats on them not me for answering honestly. You knew what I was going to say before I ever said it. When you saw a thread with this question you knew there was a good chance some one would say "NO" I don't like plus size.

 

but at what point do you learn to phrase your comments in a way that get the point across, not merely reflect the attitude behind it? Yes, I knew pretty much what you'd say, based on previous dialogue, but that doesn't stop me from hoping that you've made a personal evolution as far as learning effective communication. All opinions are appreciated, but it doesn't necessarily give a poster carte blanche to be cruel in their blunt responses. In other words, you can say the same thing but in a way that *is* constructive. Telling me that it's my fault for feeling like a loser when I read your words points blame away from you, because in all honesty, there are better ways to say what you have to say.

 

God would want you to treat your body like a temple (keep it clean make it last) so very true. But it's not your body that's getting you to heaven, it's your soul. And a spotty soul outweighs a fat body, IMO

[quankanne]

I won't lie to you, looks DO matter, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. THANK YOU!

 

I think we get so caught up in the idea of body image that we put what really matters on the back burner. So what if someone is heavy? Or the wrong race? Or from the wrong religious background? It's what is inside that counts, and thankfully, some people have figured that out, rather than use shallow observations to make blanket statements. Just my 2 cents ...

[sumdude]

All that's important is how you feel about yourself. If you're 90-100% fine with how you look and feel than you shouldn't give a rats ass about anyone elses opinion. But also be realistic, if you are more than just a little overweight fewer people will find you physically attractive and that's just the way it is.

 

Most of my life I've been a little overweight. Though in reality now I look back at pictures in high school and my 20's and I wasn't nearly as bad I felt at the time. I had a distorted body self image. Later in life at the end my my marriage I was pretty much obese. I didn't like how I looked or felt. I avoided looking in the mirror as much as possible. My self confidence was in the toilet. Once we separated I went crazy in the gym and dieting and lost 60 lbs in six months. I was in the best shape of my life and felt 100% better too. I also was getting way way more interest from the ladies. It was a choice I made. I've gained back about 15 after some injuries that slowed me down but I'm getting back on it again.

 

Only you can decide how important it is to you. But you also can't blame the rest of the world for what they're attracted to.

[allina]

 

The good news is that with this body type you are all out avoiding the guys that are just looking for a woman to externally validate him as some type of trophy he can show off that has no real value to him outside of that. You also avoid some of the other bad personality types that you wouldn't want in the first place but can be hard for a woman to detect. So, in that sense you have a great advantage at finding a guy that will think you are great, not just your body.

 

This is way over the top and out there People have preferences! Not finding a heavy persona sexually attractive (something important in a romantic relationship) does not mean that someone doesn't care about their SO! It is nonsense to suggest that dating someone you're attracted to equals viewing them as a trophy. Also, I hate it when people make it sound like a woman is either fat with a great personality or a skinny, bitchy idiot. People come in all shapes and sizes, they also come with a wide variety of personalities. One does not determine the other.

 

OP, I'm sure you're a great woman and being over weight doesn't mean that you won't find the perfect man for you. However, some men will overlook you based on your weight. It doesn't mean you aren't attractive, but extra weight is not a desirable trait for many people.

[irc333]

I usually claim not to be "shallow" at least not that shallow, it usually doesn't take much for me to be physically attracted to a woman actually.

 

But then someone throws out an arguement , "Well, what if she weighs 500 lbs, would you date her?

 

Obviously not

 

"Well, then you're shallow"

 

Personally, in that circumstance, I don't consider that shallow.

[OceanGirl]

I have struggled with weight most of my life and being thin is not natural for me. I have been eating junk for the last 2 month and have recently discovered that I heaviest I have ever been.

 

Having said all that, I don't find myself attractive like this at all. I don't find other heavy people attractive. I look at women that are thin to average but with good proportions and I think that they look way hotter (so I don't blame the men at all if they do too).

 

Basically, people need to get real. All else being equal, a plus sized woman is going to look less attractive to MOST men.

[threebyfate]

Isn't it all within reason?

[theBrokenMuse]

This is way over the top and out there

or perhaps you misread what I wrote which I think is the case.

 

People have preferences!

Did anyone dispute that?

 

Not finding a heavy persona sexually attractive (something important in a romantic relationship) does not mean that someone doesn't care about their SO! It is nonsense to suggest that dating someone you're attracted to equals viewing them as a trophy.

Bad reading comprehension is indeed the issue here. I did not state that guys who like thin women don't care about their SO. I stated that by being fat you completely avoid the headcases that see beautiful, thin women as a trophy to validate their own worth, which is true. I said nowhere that ALL men who like thin women are like that or even MOST men but it is a subset that does exist which fat women are able to avoid entirely.

 

Also, I hate it when people make it sound like a woman is either fat with a great personality or a skinny, bitchy idiot.

This was not stated anywhere in anything I stated as well. I have no qualms or problems with thin women, at all.

[OceanGirl]

I also feel that statements such as "large women are beautiful" enable them to stay large. I also always wonder why do these people don't do something about their weight.

 

I am going to start going to a nutritionist so that I can get optimal nutrients with less calories which will hopefully help me lose the extra weight. I will also schedule a 5-7KM walk every day and weights 3x a week.

 

As you know, being large is also bad for your health, it's bad for your dating life, so why would you want to stay large? Doesn't it make sense to try anything within reason to lose the extra weight?

[theBrokenMuse]

As you know, being large is also bad for your health, it's bad for your dating life, so why would you want to stay large? Doesn't it make sense to try anything within reason to lose the extra weight?

I am a happier person now that I am not obsessing over the numbers on a scale. I try and eat healthy and exercise and take the rest in stride.

[krz12]

Really depends on distribution, I suppose.

 

I always thought the male body 'spreads' fat better than the female one. Combine that with being bigger and burning more calories.

[Surrealist]

or perhaps you misread what I wrote which I think is the case.

 

 

Did anyone dispute that?

 

Bad reading comprehension is indeed the issue here. I did not state that guys who like thin women don't care about their SO. I stated that by being fat you completely avoid the headcases that see beautiful, thin women as a trophy to validate their own worth, which is true. I said nowhere that ALL men who like thin women are like that or even MOST men but it is a subset that does exist which fat women are able to avoid entirely.

 

This was not stated anywhere in anything I stated as well. I have no qualms or problems with thin women, at all.

 

The poster you refer to in this post grossly misread one of my statements on here as well. Glad I'm not alone in seeing that.

[ColdFox]

I also feel that statements such as "large women are beautiful" enable them to stay large. I also always wonder why do these people don't do something about their weight.

 

I am going to start going to a nutritionist so that I can get optimal nutrients with less calories which will hopefully help me lose the extra weight. I will also schedule a 5-7KM walk every day and weights 3x a week.

 

As you know, being large is also bad for your health, it's bad for your dating life, so why would you want to stay large? Doesn't it make sense to try anything within reason to lose the extra weight?

 

 

I think that's kind of silly, a statement like that is just a refreshing break from all the endless criticism and slamming big people get from all over the place. Believe me for every statement a big girl hears that large women are beautiful, she must hear 200 statements about no fat chicks and how gross fat bodies are, it is EVERYWHERE. I had to kick some people out of a couple of my classes for being real bitches to the heavy girls who were dancing there too trying to get good workouts. A lot of people with eating disorders react badly to that kind of shame and eat more when they feel bad about themselves. My friend is like that and when she found a man who accepted her the way she was and thought she was sexy and cute, she lost 20 pounds because she didn't eat so much from stress and shame anymore.

 

Preferences are no big deal but I dont' see why people need to pick on overweight people all the time. It's just bullying.

[Surrealist]

So the question is about attractiveness and plus size women? Oveweight women to me are typically not physically attractive. Some heavier women do make a pretty good effort at times and IMO can be quite attractive. What is certainly not attractive, is very heavily overweight women who make no effort with their appearance, and often their hygiene. What I dont get is, these women as described, crying "Why doesn't anyone love me? Just for me?" Well maybe if you lost some weight and dressed better and so on, you might find you get more attention.

 

Now here's the test to the OP or other overweight women. Would you date the equivalent overweight man who is equally as dress savvy and hygiene conscious as you? If not, then there is your answer.

 

I've encountered a couple of women like this since moving to Canberra, in particular, in my job. It is really difficult trying to balance a working relationship with these colleagues as they take everything as a sign of interest. I'm sitting right next to one now, though fortunately she got the 'hint' simply because once she started flirting heavily and made it as obvious as day, I put her on total ignore. There is no other way to deal with such people as I painstakingly discovered last year.

 

Anyway OP if you are overweight and you find yourself not being approached or attractive to guys who you like then you will have to lose weight and make the effort. Its the harsh reality. Be wary of your 'friends'. Like that woman I mentioned above, she was very frustrated that I did not reciprocate her flirt gestures or ask her out. She has freinds, incidentally colleagues, who told her things like how great she is looking and so on when she clearly didn't. I know they had conversations that made her very expectant of an outcome with me that only heightened her frustrations in the end. Sometimes friends are the worse critics because they dont want to hurt your feelings. Instead they can do you a huge disservice.

Edited November 19, 2010 by Surrealist

[theBrokenMuse]

What I dont get is, these women as described, crying "Why doesn't anyone love me? Just for me?" Well maybe if you lost some weight and dressed better and so on, you might find you get more attention.

 

Personally, I can understand wanting to be loved and accepted for the core of who you are as an individual as opposed to the outer wrapping. What I don't get is why people COMPLAIN about people not flocking to them. It's as though they are shocked that there are downsides and hardships that come with the territory of to sticking to the philosophy of "Take me as I am or p*** off".

[brainygirl]

 

Now here's the test to the OP or other overweight women. Would you date the equivalent overweight man who is equally as dress savvy and hygiene conscious as you? If not, then there is your answer.

 

 

Lets see, would I date a man as chubby as I am? Yes, I would, thin guys actually aren't attractive to me, and one of my ex's was a semi-pro weightlifter and I have no interest in being with a man that obscessed with his own appearance again.

 

Would I date a guy who dressed similarly to me? Well, I tend to wear jeans, tee shirts, slacks, button down shirts - all of which I am fine with on a man. The panties and bras not so much.

 

Would I date a guy with similar bathing habits? Well, I shower daily and use deodorant and a body spray, so yeah, no problem.

 

But I ALSO want a man who's smart, educated and can hold a decent conversation, who doesn't look at my desire to visit comic con and dragoncon with disgust and who is responsible, paying for his own home, vehicle, bills, and children (if he has any).

 

Those . . . are few and far between, but I'd rather wait.

[carhill]

Well, here's a real time anecdote. I've been away from LS for a few days doing electrical at my best friend's new production building a few hours away and got a chance to meet his new branch manager. Sharp gal. She started with the business two years ago as a *secretary*. She's a 'plus-size' gal. She runs a crew of 23 *men*, all blue collar greasemonkey's like myself, with a few salespeople thrown in. The reason why she has the job and salary she does is because of her skills, confidence and the ability to *lead* people. Her *size* is irrelevant. Yes, and she's mmmmmarried. 'Nuff said. Enjoy

[allina]

or perhaps you misread what I wrote which I think is the case.

 

Bad reading comprehension is indeed the issue here.

 

Your post was fueled by anger and misconception about those who seek out romantic relationships with people they find attractive.

 

But if it makes you feel better, feel free to take digs at me this wasn't the first time you've done so and I'm sure it won't be the last

[theBrokenMuse]

Your post was fueled by anger and misconception about those who seek out romantic relationships with people they find attractive.

No, I was trying to make a point dealing with positives surrounding not having to deal with potential negatives. The misconception was yours. Your misunderstanding the post made something that was explicitly about one small portion of the populace into a bastardized statement about my imaginary 'misconceptions' of the entirety of the male species that is attracted to thinner females which is hella annoying. I don't like having to defend myself from statements I never made.

 

But if it makes you feel better, feel free to take digs at me

Telling you that you misread what I said, jumped to conclusions and that your reading comprehension was not on par with your prior post was not making digs, it was giving a logical assessment as to why your post was addressing arguments that were non-existent. Can you think of another reason in which a person will make comments on points in a discussion that were never made?

 

this wasn't the first time you've done so and I'm sure it won't be the last

Hmmm, sure I don't remember doing it. Have I had to call you out before for the same reason? Edited November 19, 2010 by theBrokenMuse

[AverageJoe]

Well, here's a real time anecdote. I've been away from LS for a few days doing electrical at my best friend's new production building a few hours away and got a chance to meet his new branch manager. Sharp gal. She started with the business two years ago as a *secretary*. She's a 'plus-size' gal. She runs a crew of 23 *men*, all blue collar greasemonkey's like myself, with a few salespeople thrown in. The reason why she has the job and salary she does is because of her skills, confidence and the ability to *lead* people. Her *size* is irrelevant. Yes, and she's mmmmmarried. 'Nuff said. Enjoy

 

Cool story, bro.

 

I wonder if she was that heavy when he married her.

[NoLongerSad]

Hi everyone

 

Is it really all about looks now?

 

Pretty much.

 

 

If you're a fun, confident and averagely attractive plus size girl it seems no one wants to date you!!!

 

If so, the obvious solution to this dilemma is to lose weight. Or to accept being undatable.

 

Im finding it very hard to find someone that isnt just all about looks, and being shallow and only choosing perfectly thin girls....

 

Tough. You don't get to set other peoples' preferences. Only your own.

 

please any guys out there tell me your thoughts because im starting to lose confidence in myself when meeting new men and i really dnt want that to happen.

 

It's not up to other people to provide you with self-confidence.

 

Sorry.

[NoLongerSad]

geez, thanks guys ... you're a real buzz-kill for heavier women.

 

Sorry, but the rest of the world doesn't exist to give "heavier women" a buzz.

 

I guess we just need to crawl back into our caves – you know, since we're too fat to waddle even – and hide our hideous selves from the rest of mankind.

 

Yes you could do that. Your choice.

 

Or, you could lose weight. Also your choice.

 

 

Because God only knows we could never attract decent men (personality- or looks-wise) because we're such losers, and we're better off being hidden away from society like a crazy aunt who is chained up in the basement.

 

If a person can't attract a partner, for whatever reason--excess weight, a crummy self-pitying personality, or for whatever reason--then it's up to them to try to fix what's wrong, not blame the rest of the world for not being attracted to it.

[carhill]

Cool story, bro.

 

I wonder if she was that heavy when he married her.

No idea; I only met her for the first time yesterday. She was dressed in business attire and greeted me as if she knew me. I've helped my BMF with some hiring decisions and remember, based on his stories, recommending her for the manager job when he had to let the current manager go. Happy it worked out the way it did. She took it upon herself to plan a Christmas party for the regional branches and everyone is invited so, if I get the nod to go, which I sometimes do, I'll question her more in the proper social environment. My first impression was that she was confident and attractive and her size was merely incidental to those aspects of who she is. If she were single, would I consider dating her? You betcha. Would she? Don't know. I'm probably way too old for her. Women have their standards, ya know

[ColdFox]

Your post was fueled by anger and misconception about those who seek out romantic relationships with people they find attractive.

 

But if it makes you feel better, feel free to take digs at me this wasn't the first time you've done so and I'm sure it won't be the last

 

I did not take her post as angry or bashing at all relationships thin people have. I read "the guys who..." as her saying "the subset of guys who...." not that all guys do that. There are guys who do that, we have all met them and they CAN be a pain, I think.

[nddb]

This thread is depressing and I'm a guy.

 

I'm married so not in the market but these types of threads make me feel like a freak for seeing plus-size women as extremely attractive if she has a pretty face, stylish and confident. That applies to any women, and having extra weight doesn't change that for me as it does apparently for many others. Not only does it not change but I do see having a little more as adding to the allure. Thus I'm feeling like a freak reading this thread.

 

I'm not at all overweight (BMI= 23.5) and my wife is even lower in BMI but irony of all irony is neither of us have hung up about weight and would have no issue if one of us gains another 30 lbs, as long as we stay active.

 

Weight to women I feel is like penis size for guys in this culture. I have friends in other cultures and they have no idea why American guys in general are so obsessed with penis size, and women are so obsessed with weight.