irc333 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I know this may sound like a somewhat hurtful post, but I think I've seen a couple of other posts on here on where they liked the person's personality, but they just couldn't past their looks. I think I had that experience lately, and I am typically one of those people that find most women attractive where a lot of other men don't. I went out with this woman, an event open to the public...she was nice, decent personality, don't get me wrong....so I went out with her. But, she didn't really have a feminine looking body, she was built more like a guy, than a woman....and going to an event on a warm afternoon seeing all these "shapely women" in hot tank tops and apple bottom jeans just confirmed that. (even the chunky, but shapely women made me take notice of that comparison) And I just couldn't get past her non-feminine looking shape on herself. I think I had come to realize, not only do oveweight women turn me off (mostly extremely overweight), but now I'm realizing women with masculine physical features turn me off as well (or shall I say non-fem body?) That being said, gentleman, ever dated a woman that had such features or been turned off. Granted, she was not overweight, but her body just didn't seem to be that of even a woman's.
Eeyore79 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I used to date based on personality not looks, because I thought that judging someone on their looks was shallow. Imagine my surprise when one relationship after another turned into a passionless platonic friendship; I assumed I just had a low sex drive because I was constantly refusing sex, until I dated someone absolutely gorgeous and we were at it like rabbits. The passionless relationships were obviously due to me simply not fancying my partners! I still don't date based solely on looks, but I acknowledge that there has to be some physical attraction in order for the relationship to work. Nowadays, if I don't fancy someone I will decline a date, no matter how nice a person they are. The person doesn't have to be smoking hot, or even be considered attractive by other people - as long as I find that person attractive, that's enough for me to consider taking things further, assuming they have a great personality too.
sanskrit Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Are you talking flat-chested, narrow hips, no hip/waist ratio? Shoulders too broad, arms too thick, cankles, generally big-boned? How many different outfits have you seen her in? Clothes and underwear type can make a huge difference on a woman as far as how her shape looks.
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 There was this girl I was dating a year ago. Face-wise and personality wise, she definitely was my type, but I couldn't over the fact that I didn't find her body attractive. In particular, I am a leg man and her legs were pretty large. I would have continued seeing her, in the hope that she would lose some weight (she had lots of potential), but I ended up meeting someone else and choosing them over her.
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Nowadays, if I don't fancy someone I will decline a date, no matter how nice a person they are. The person doesn't have to be smoking hot, or even be considered attractive by other people - as long as I find that person attractive, that's enough for me to consider taking things further, assuming they have a great personality too. One of my exes used to say that she couldn't be in a relationship with someone unless they made her want to rip their clothes off. I think I live by that idea to this day. That's why I think it's never a good idea to get involved with someone unless there is some strong physical chemistry there.
Author irc333 Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 One of my exes used to say that she couldn't be in a relationship with someone unless they made her want to rip their clothes off. I wouldn't go as far as to say "ripping each other's clothes off" that's too Hollywood, kinda out there. Guess that's my low key personality, lol....but there has to be some kind of arousal there. Are you talking flat-chested, narrow hips, no hip/waist ratio? Shoulders too broad, arms too thick, cankles, generally big-boned? How many different outfits have you seen her in? Clothes and underwear type can make a huge difference on a woman as far as how her shape looks. I think someone I talked to a while back would refer to her as a "Carpenter's Dream" shaped like 2x4, flat on both sides. So yeah, no real hip//waist ratio...somewhat flat chested yes. Her sternum, seemed to stick out farther than her breasts (or maybe just as far) the placement in that area didn't seem typical.
sanskrit Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 So yeah, no real hip//waist ratio...somewhat flat chested yes. Her sternum, seemed to stick out farther than her breasts (or maybe just as far) the placement in that area didn't seem typical. Sometimes those types will surprise you with no clothes on, and that type may look great in a nice evening gown. Might give her another go and see how she looks in the next clothes you see her in.
810 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I assumed I just had a low sex drive because I was constantly refusing sex, until I dated someone absolutely gorgeous and we were at it like rabbits. ha. that makes a lot of sense.
Green Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 You're not doing the woman any favor by going out with her unless you are 100% attracted which includes looks and atleast the potential to lover her personality as that won't be clear necesarily in the begining. Going out with some one you are not physicaly attracted to and trying to have a physical relationship is just a bad idea for so many reasons. This person also ends up having a great risk of being used as a place holder till a truely good match does come around or the person who settled tires. It is not shallow to seek romantic relationships with people you are attracted to, its genuine.
Author irc333 Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 Sometimes those types will surprise you with no clothes on, and that type may look great in a nice evening gown. Might give her another go and see how she looks in the next clothes you see her in. Nah, I'm going with my gutt on this one, my gutt says move on.
Eeyore79 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 It is not shallow to seek romantic relationships with people you are attracted to, its genuine. I realise this now - but boy, it took me a long time to grasp it! It's sort of drummed into us from childhood that "you shouldn't judge a book by its cover", and that it's shallow and wrong to judge people based on how they look. My mother would say things like" There are a lot of good looking idiots", and "What's on the inside is what's important". All that sort of stuff is perfectly fine when it comes to treating people fairly in society, but it can't be applied to dating, otherwise (like me) you end up in platonic relationships with people you aren't attracted to.
Cee Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I've started dating someone I'm not attracted to because he's obese. Probably needs to lose 100 pounds. His personality, humor, social skills, and values compatibilities are superior to most men I've dated recently. I want to fall for him because we seem right for each other. And I'm not repelled by him at all- just not drawn to him physically. I doubt this will work out, but I've had two great dates with him. I think there's a chance I will fall for him. If I thought there was no hope, I wouldn't pursue it. I'm nervous about this because I don't want to mess with his head. Or with mine.
Eeyore79 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I've started dating someone I'm not attracted to because he's obese. Probably needs to lose 100 pounds. His personality, humor, social skills, and values compatibilities are superior to most men I've dated recently. I want to fall for him because we seem right for each other. And I'm not repelled by him at all- just not drawn to him physically. This sounds like my past relationships. I never looked at someone and thought "Eww, gross!" but equally I wasn't physically drawn to them at all. The end result was that I had no desire to kiss them or have sex with them, and the relationships ended up being platonic. Are you expecting him to lose weight, or are you hoping to eventually accept him as he is? I find it's always a bad idea to date someone who you think has potential - you should only date them for who they are now, not who you think they could be - because you end up feeling frustrated and turned off if the person never reaches the potential you were hoping for. I'd hate to think that someone dated me for who they thought I could be, not for who I was.
Green Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 This sounds like my past relationships. I never looked at someone and thought "Eww, gross!" but equally I wasn't physically drawn to them at all. The end result was that I had no desire to kiss them or have sex with them, and the relationships ended up being platonic. Are you expecting him to lose weight, or are you hoping to eventually accept him as he is? I find it's always a bad idea to date someone who you think has potential - you should only date them for who they are now, not who you think they could be - because you end up feeling frustrated and turned off if the person never reaches the potential you were hoping for. I'd hate to think that someone dated me for who they thought I could be, not for who I was. the guy is more likely to gain 100 pounds then lose them
Crazy Magnet Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 My motto isn't wanting to "rip his clothes off" but "lick his face" If I do not want to jump a guy's bones I don't consider dating him. My philosophy is that there are plenty of men that I find attractive who also have great personalities, etc. If I can easily get both then I'll take both please. I have accepted dates with men I was not physically attracted to but I typically ended things after one date. I couldn't justify messing with their head if I knew it wasn't ever going to work. I think part of dating is sexual attraction to your partner. I don't understand why people would pursue someone they weren't attracted to.
SteveC80 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Noooooo Physical attration is a huge part of datign and relationships and as important as anything,if its not there nothing else matters otherwise youd date any friend you have of the opposite gender if looks dont matter and all its about is common interests and a connection
Cee Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Are you expecting him to lose weight, or are you hoping to eventually accept him as he is? I find it's always a bad idea to date someone who you think has potential - you should only date them for who they are now, not who you think they could be - because you end up feeling frustrated and turned off if the person never reaches the potential you were hoping for. I'd hate to think that someone dated me for who they thought I could be, not for who I was. Obesity runs in my family so I have the good sense not to hope that he'll lose weight and keep it off. I must accept him at his current weight (or greater). He said that he's on an eating plan and has been losing weight slowly. But I'm not relying on that. My family has been dieting their whole lives and it's one roller coaster of loss/gain. I am recovering from an eating disorder (binge eating/exercise bulimia). I am concerned that dating someone with eating issues might trigger me. Also, I wonder how he would feel about me being weight conscious about myself. I try to eat carefully and exercise a lot.
Green Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Obesity runs in my family so I have the good sense not to hope that he'll lose weight and keep it off. I must accept him at his current weight (or greater). He said that he's on an eating plan and has been losing weight slowly. But I'm not relying on that. My family has been dieting their whole lives and it's one roller coaster of loss/gain. I am recovering from an eating disorder (binge eating/exercise bulimia). I am concerned that dating someone with eating issues might trigger me. Also, I wonder how he would feel about me being weight conscious about myself. I try to eat carefully and exercise a lot. heavier people can often be patronizing to people of lesser weight
Author irc333 Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 (edited) THere's this one cute, small petite girl, she probably doesn't weigh more than 100 lbs (maybe even less) She's actually moved in with her not obese but MORBIDLY obese boyfriend, I really can't see how she can stand even looking at him actually. I've seen overweight men that aren't "gross" looking...but there are some that make you go "Holy crap!! Just put him on a mini-bike and a cowboy hat, and take a pic for the Guiness. She's actually a rather cute girl...not sure what she sees in him, reason I say that is, she says she's met him ONLINE...I figured with the "online" barrier, she'd click "delete" but apparently not. I'm kind of scared for her, because he could never be on top of her, because if he had a heart attack, and fell on her, she'd never be able to get out from under him....yes she is THAT petite. Then I thought, "Heck, if he can get a woman to even look at him, I know I could" He better not mess up that relationship, because if he looses her in a break up....that might be curtins for him dating-wise...at least for a real long while or until he looses weight.....but if that should ever happen, I'll be there to "console" her. lol ;-) At first I was thinking she had to have met him person, but I that wasn't the case. I am seeing situations though where I see extremely skinny person with one morbidly obese person. I know of a skinny guy that married an obese women...I thought "Well, she probably put on the pounds after the marriage...and they had no kids either.....I saw their wedding portrait, that wasn't the case either" Edited November 18, 2010 by irc333
Sarah1977 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I once dated a guy who was dead, cold ugly. But, seriously, his personality, confidence and intelligence made me want to rip his clothes off. The sex was great! People looked at us funny, though.
AverageJoe Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Going out with some one you are not physicaly attracted to and trying to have a physical relationship is just a bad idea for so many reasons. This person also ends up having a great risk of being used as a place holder till a truely good match does come around or the person who settled tires. It is not shallow to seek romantic relationships with people you are attracted to, its genuine. This is pretty much on point. I have tried it, once. If I am not physically attracted to someone it is a no go, and the train leaves the station.
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