confusionstate Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 (edited) I'm sure there are people like me out there, who, for whatever reason, broke off a relationship because we knew it would be unhealthy in the long run...despite wanting so badly for it to work out, or despite how much it hurts to give up something you want so bad. For the people who stay strong, maintain NC, and goes through the usual ritual of deleting emails / pics / whatever else reminded you of your ex...you know what you need to do to move on, and you have no problem doing it. Its not my first time dealing with this scenario, but every single time it happens, I find it extremely difficult to cope. No matter how strong I am, how rational I am when I make the conscious decision to end a relationship...the aftermath is always the same. A mini plunge into depression, numbness, and very, very slowly picking up my life again. Its as if, my happiness rested entirely on the guy...and I gave it away. As a woman who tries to hard to remain strong, it boggles me as to WHY it impacts my life so much? Does anyone feel the same way? How do you effectively cope with such a scenario? Could we be truly happy single? I truly want to believe that I can, but my heart yearns otherwise... Edited November 18, 2010 by confusionstate
myhearthurtsbadly Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I know exactly what you mean hun. Of late every lost relationship has hit me particularly hard. I cant concentrate on work or doing anything else but thinking about the relationship and what ive lost. I guess your only response can be one of pain to start with. Everyone needs to greave for something they have lost, it is part of the recovery process. Unfortunately you just have to tough it out as i am trying now. Its so hard but try and focus on you, try not to even think what your ex might be upto.
Kic Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I read that a lot of what we feel after a breakup has to do with our dopamine levels in the brain. It's normal. Consider going out and and meeting new people (including just new friends) or pursuing other new, positive experiences that will help raise your dopamine levels. I met new people and picked an old hobby back up with my new free time. It helped immensely.
chuzzbug Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Some kind of balance between individual development and development as a couple is needed, so that in times when the couple isn't there, the individual has an internal, edified framework that they can rely in. In theory, at least. In practise, just now coming out of a 10-year marriage, which I have counted for *all* of my satisfaction, I know and empathize with your state. Through the fog, I suspect that the question "Who am I?" as opposed to "Who am I with you?" is a good one to check in with, while in or out of a relationship. The loss is staggering, paralyzing. Regardless of how much you've "worked on yourself", there's no way to avoid the emotional concussion. But (and again, in theory) the more you have invested in yourself through the years, the faster the healing process (I think). Hang in there.
fabio10 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Why did you dump him, do you mind me asking ? stay strong and keep
Author confusionstate Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 ladies - lets all hang in there! myhearthurtsbadly - yes...have been trying to remain focused, but its hard, like you said. I found that merely getting out of my house helps tremendously though in keeping my mind not focused. Maybe that will work for you too? Kic - I totally agree, and have also been going out and meeting new people! chuzzbug - wow, I really like your response...now, I don't think I can compare to your amount of loss when it comes to a 10-year marriage (I'm no where near that), but still...hang in there. I do agree that we need to work on individual development, but I wonder, just how much can we work on ourselves until we become satisfied? I find that no matter how much I work on my own development, I still feel that something is missing. The missing puzzle piece - the guy. Bad, bad thinking I know. The positive aspect though, is that with every breakup, I lose a little more weight because I'm *that* much more motivated to get my ass kicked at the gym =P You hang in there too! Fabio10: I met a man who had many qualities that I want and find extremely attractive in a man; I don't want to let him go, and I haven't dated for over a year. But a recent incident made me realize, all to well, that he is nowhere near getting over HIS ex. He was almost engaged to a woman earlier this year so...he has some serious baggages. Not wanting to make the same mistake as I did with my ex (holding onto an emotionally unavailable man), I let him go. Felt empowering at first, but now I just feel sad at the loss of what I *thought* could be the one.
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