Funf Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Hypothetical scenario: You're on an online dating site and ultimately looking for a LTR. You're dating 2+ (it doesn't really matter, as long as it's more than 1) girls at the same time. However, there is one girl in that mix that you like a lot more than the others. How many dates would you go out on her before you decide to cut the other women loose? I'm not necessarily saying how many dates do you have to go on before you decide to be boyfriend/girlfriend. I just want to know how many you would go on before you reach the point of only focusing on her. I'm just wondering because I'm going to be having my 4th date with a guy I met online this weekend. He's very upfront and blunt about almost everything and so he told me early on that it's too difficult for him to date multiple women at once and he's told me this a couple of times. I understand that because I was struggling when I was dating 2 guys at a time. However, he still occasionally logs onto the site. Four dates is too early to have the infamous exclusivity talk but at the same time, I feel very insecure that he's shopping around for someone else to replace me.
welikeincrowds Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Four dates is too early to have the infamous exclusivity talk Who told you that? Anyway, you're playing games with yourself. Exert some self-control and stop checking his profile. Remind yourself that you're not exclusive until you are, and for your mental well-being, assume he's dating other women, even if you have reason to believe that he isn't. There. Now it's not betrayal; it's friendly competition.
zengirl Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Hypothetical scenario: You're on an online dating site and ultimately looking for a LTR. You're dating 2+ (it doesn't really matter, as long as it's more than 1) girls at the same time. However, there is one girl in that mix that you like a lot more than the others. How many dates would you go out on her before you decide to cut the other women loose? I'm not necessarily saying how many dates do you have to go on before you decide to be boyfriend/girlfriend. I just want to know how many you would go on before you reach the point of only focusing on her. I'm just wondering because I'm going to be having my 4th date with a guy I met online this weekend. He's very upfront and blunt about almost everything and so he told me early on that it's too difficult for him to date multiple women at once and he's told me this a couple of times. I understand that because I was struggling when I was dating 2 guys at a time. However, he still occasionally logs onto the site. Four dates is too early to have the infamous exclusivity talk but at the same time, I feel very insecure that he's shopping around for someone else to replace me. My current boyfriend and I met online. By the fourth date, he'd already changed his dating profile to Seeing Someone (he didn't tell me about it; I'd just disabled mine temporarily, because I couldn't date him and keep up with the messages, which he now has too). I don't know that four dates is ALWAYS too soon for an exclusivity talk but it is if you feel it is. That said, I pretty much expect others to fall away by that point, if they're going to and it's not just a fling. It doesn't need to be discussed yet, but you can tell if you're someone's focus, I think.
sanskrit Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 No set number of dates, try not to worry too much about him logging on the dating site. Focus on how he treats you when you go out, whether he makes signs of wanting to include you in his life, says things that imply future plans together, shows you respect while at the same time expressing physical interest. Who knows what he is doing on the site, could be as you imagine, but he could also be looking at your profile and trying to guess what you are doing.
sfl Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I went on a single date with my girlfriend before responding to all other messages saying "Sorry, I'm seeing someone" and then disabling my profile, and she did the same (without it ever coming up, it's just something we did) - so if you like him, 4 dates really shouldn't be enough to ditch the other guys if it's going well. I'd just bring it up too if you want him to do the same, don't ask him to, just say "So I like you and was thinking of maybe disabling my account..." and see how he reacts. He could be thinking the exact same thing as you!
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 If I meet someone that I really like, I tend to focus on her straight away and don't date other people. If a date went really well and I already had other dates planned with other people, I will cancel them and stop visiting the dating sites.
Andy_K Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 If you've slept with him, it's definitely not too soon to bring up exclusivity. Otherwise you're massively increasing your chances of getting exposed to something.
Recommended Posts