lkjh Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Im sorry but if you are still talking with the MM and about romantic things than you two are not over yet.
Author KarmasTestDummy Posted November 20, 2010 Author Posted November 20, 2010 You do whatever you need to inorder to get "better". You have had your needs pushed aside for so long. You shouid be dating. See what else is out there and you just might find that MM isn't looking so good afterall! I have always said if I had one wish it wound not be that MM leaves his W. It would simply be that I would wish to be over him. I think it sounds like that's where you are at this moment as well. Go out. Date...have fun...do whatever brings you comfort and makes you happy! Yes yes! Like you said, if I had only one wish right now in regards to mm, it would not be anything even close ro him calling me tomorrow to say he left w, filed for divorce and only wants to be with me. It would be that I was 100% detached and so was he and we were able to go about life almost as if it was nothing more than a fleeting good memory with no hard feelings. I feel that way right now, but I know me, and can honestly say that is because my emotional needs are currently being met, but alone is a big fear...if I would reach out. I want to say by that time I will have moved on enough that it will be a non-issue. I would have no desire to run back and initiate fwb again just to do this all over again. He'd ultimately lose respect for me. I want to leave him with the lasting memory that I was a great person but I deserved more than he could offer. It's not about a better person, because he knows the love I had for him, and that neither goes away overnight nor does it begin immediately for someone else that easily. I hate to think he would even for a moment believe I was merely using him, and I believe if it's crossed his mind deep down he knows it's not true...(yet another reason i couldn't run right back if new guy doesn't work). But the more I look at the big picture of mm, his emotional stability was never strong enough for me. He would always have socmany issues to concern himself with things like trying to make me happy. He doesn't even enjoy life. His joys come from sitting at home with a case of beer and being anti-social. He is the type of guy who chooses to stay home with the little one and let w go support his daughter at her volleyball game. He is the type who does things out of obligation but never out of it bringing him pleasure, from outings, to family gatherings, to shopping or birthday parties. I want someone who would want to share those things with me rather than someone who I feel like I'm burdening by waking up with an itch to just get up and go do something on a Saturday morning. The big picture is so huge...and yes ultimately, marriage aside, just looking at him as a man, its true, I want better.
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