KarmasTestDummy Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 My exam and I had an understanding. FWB, because he couldn't offer more. He always said I was free to see other people because he couldn't rightfully stop me considering he went home to a wife every night. I told him he'd know if I was gonna date someone else because I would have to end it. Well i did a coue days ago as I met someone else who was single and worth pursuing. He agreed to step back and let me see where it could go. So i had my first date last night. So ex mm texts me just a few minutes ago and asks "so i guess it wasn't a total bust last night huh?" it wasn't...it was actually quite wonderful. I replied no, not a bust. And he actual got jealous and snotty and told me "nevermind, thanks for everything, I gotta go" when I asked him if he was okay. I asked if he was mad, upset? He just reolied bye. Uggggh if I ever has respect for him I think it's fading very quickly. Juvenile, jealous, like a spoiled child not getting his way. I don't know what brought this on so suddenly. Not like he suddenly offered me to leave...so what does he really want? Me to be alone and pining and content with the occasional booty calls? I think i care about myself a little more than that.
desertIslandCactus Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 It shouldn't be surprising that he is jealous. Sounds a little by his tone though, that he didn't think he could be replaced that fast .. And yes some men want two women and don't mind running back and forth and all of the drama that it takes for their pallet.
whichwayisup Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 He's just pissed that he's not the apple of your eye anymore. You've woken up, realized his sh&t does stink and now he knows YOU know, so he's throwing a hissy fit. So, let him. And forget about him.. He has a wife, his kids and he's chosen to stay married. His consquence for that is LOSING you. End of story! Go have fun and get to know this other guy, but take it slowly. Enjoy dating.
endlessness Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Firstly, good for you! You did something I couldn't even imagine doing while I was still seeing my MM (even though we had the same understanding). His reaction is unsurprising. You have a promise of a healthy, committed, happy relationship with someone else. And, after your exit, all he's left with is his broken marriage, which he is too juvenile to fully commit to and make an honest effort to mend. You're moving forward and he's still exactly where he started. That's certainly not doing much for his ego. I hope you will use this as an opportunity to put the A behind you for good.
Author KarmasTestDummy Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 It shouldn't be surprising that he is jealous. Sounds a little by his tone though, that he didn't think he could be replaced that fast .. And yes some men want two women and don't mind running back and forth and all of the drama that it takes for their pallet. I think for what it's worth he probably didn't think he'd ever be able to be replaced just based on the way I fawned all over him and jumped everytime he would ask. I wasn't even sure myself, but in the few days without him he's actually been the furthest thing from my mind. I blame him. He has pushed me from the point of being madly in love to not ever knowing when the next will be that he throws me under the bus. What's to hold onto there? To wait for? He has said time and time again he can't promise me anything. Well I couldn't promise that my happiness wouldn't ultimately be priority either. I know what he's thinking. His first instinct is going to automatically be that I slept with the guy. That I'm not "his" anymore. My oh my how their pride works. But its not my duty to correct him. I don't owe him rationalization, or even a promise that I won't. I don't owe him anything. That must be a hard pill to swallow. I can understand that. So why does it hurt my feelings to know I just hurt him?
Author KarmasTestDummy Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 I'm glad you had a wonderful evening, though! Will there be a repeat? Repeat in the works. :-) u know what else amuses me? Mm didn't so much as say, hey happy birthday before jumping right into his tantrum....whereas this guy bought me a present and was one of the first to say it right at midnight. It's pretty clear who is only thinking about himself versus who actually cares about whether I'm happy.
desertIslandCactus Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I think for what it's worth he probably didn't think he'd ever be able to be replaced just based on the way I fawned all over him and jumped everytime he would ask. I wasn't even sure myself, but in the few days without him he's actually been the furthest thing from my mind. I blame him. He has pushed me from the point of being madly in love to not ever knowing when the next will be that he throws me under the bus. What's to hold onto there? To wait for? He has said time and time again he can't promise me anything. Well I couldn't promise that my happiness wouldn't ultimately be priority either. I know what he's thinking. His first instinct is going to automatically be that I slept with the guy. That I'm not "his" anymore. My oh my how their pride works. But its not my duty to correct him. I don't owe him rationalization, or even a promise that I won't. I don't owe him anything. That must be a hard pill to swallow. I can understand that. So why does it hurt my feelings to know I just hurt him? Because he (like the little whiner that he is) has arroused your womanly maternal instinct.. Because we are so maternal .. we're just nicer, and more considerate.. If he challenges you about your new friend/relationship .. Just tell him: Put it this way, you lost out.
ColdFox Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 He has to cheat and lie to deal with his marriage, you should probably have known he had no real emotional maturity.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 so what does he really want? Me to be alone and pining and content with the occasional booty calls? In a word, yes.
MorningCoffee Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 When I was deeply into affair with ex-AP/MW, she would get very jealous and possessive whenever I (single) would spend any time with any other woman, whether a friend or an potential lover (date). I remember her demanding I answer truthfully: was there a kiss? I mean it was ridiculous considering she was climbing into bed every night with her husband! Bizarre -- distorted thinking -- personified. And how bizarre was my thinking, to stop dating so as not to antagonize AP/MW. How messed up was that?? Better now,
carrie999 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Move on! Don't look back. Don't for a second hesitate to think about his feelings and him pining for you. You've been doing it all along with absolutely no reassurance that he cares about you enough to change his life. I really hope that things go amazingly well with this new guy, but even if they don't, don't lapse back into an affair with someone who is childish, petulant, and completely selfish. If there was a shred of hope in your situation with this guy, he'd at the very least be understanding, wish the best for you, and hope that there was still a chance things might work out between you. This guy is too self-centered to think that way, or to really give his love to anyone.
Woman In Blue Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 (edited) ...so what does he really want? Me to be alone and pining and content with the occasional booty calls? Yup, pretty much. His childish reaction has nothing to do with love and everything to do with his ego. You've been providing a tremendous ego boost for him fawning all over him like he's wonderful (he's NOT) and giving him sex on the side any time he wants it - pretty much what every selfish, self-centered man wants. But they like to think when they're home with their wives playing happy husband that you're home too - crying in a dark corner and pining away for them because they're JUST that wonderful (blech). When they find out differently - that you're not doing that - it's quite shattering for their pathetic egos. What an asshat. Here's a thought. Fall down and twist your ankle. Call both your new single guy and your married jerk, and see which one actually comes to your aid first and HELPS you. I guarantee it won't be Mr. Married because there's no chance of him getting a little on the side with that hurt ankle of yours, so the effort of getting out of the house just wouldn't pay off for him. Therefore, you'll get 1,000 different excuses as to why he JUST can't leave the house right now - ranging from, "wifey would never believe any story I tell her right now to get out of the house," right down to, "I have to take the kids to soccer practice - sorry!" But golly, if you can wait until Tuesday around lunchtime to get medical attention, he can sneak out of work and bring you right to the emergency room. You lucky girl, you. Gosh...decisions, decisions. Do you pick the married liar whose only looking for an occasional romp in the hay with you - no strings attached, of course - or the single guy who actually shows you caring and respect? That's such a tough one! :D:laugh: Edited November 18, 2010 by Woman In Blue
East7 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 ALL, absolutely ALL the married AP are jealous about their single AP, whether they are MW or MM. They patronize the AP for their selfish needs and instincts. I know what he's thinking. His first instinct is going to automatically be that I slept with the guy. That I'm not "his" anymore. My oh my how their pride works. But its not my duty to correct him. I don't owe him rationalization, or even a promise that I won't. I don't owe him anything. That must be a hard pill to swallow. I can understand that. So why does it hurt my feelings to know I just hurt him? Because you are still emotionally attached to him. You wanted so much to belong to him that even now you don't feel completely free. It goes without saying, you don't owe him any loyalty DURING the A and even less AFTER the A. You are hurting him? So what? Didn't he threw you under the bus ? Didn't he went back to his W each time you said bye ? When I was deeply into affair with ex-AP/MW, she would get very jealous and possessive whenever I (single) would spend any time with any other woman, whether a friend or an potential lover (date). I remember her demanding I answer truthfully: was there a kiss? I mean it was ridiculous considering she was climbing into bed every night with her husband! Bizarre -- distorted thinking -- personified. And how bizarre was my thinking, to stop dating so as not to antagonize AP/MW. How messed up was that?? Better now, It's funny how they all act the same way. Ex-MW used to go crazy each time I would see or meet another women even if they were just friends. They want us alone and depending on them but they don't want to have us in their lives in a decent relationship, how insane it is ? At the end the real loosers are them, because they go back to their marriage having hard time to put together the broken pieces, while AP starts a new life.
myname Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 ALL, absolutely ALL the married AP are jealous about their single AP, whether they are MW or MM. They patronize the AP for their selfish needs and instincts. Because you are still emotionally attached to him. You wanted so much to belong to him that even now you don't feel completely free. It goes without saying, you don't owe him any loyalty DURING the A and even less AFTER the A. You are hurting him? So what? Didn't he threw you under the bus ? Didn't he went back to his W each time you said bye ? It's funny how they all act the same way. Ex-MW used to go crazy each time I would see or meet another women even if they were just friends. They want us alone and depending on them but they don't want to have us in their lives in a decent relationship, how insane it is ? At the end the real loosers are them, because they go back to their marriage having hard time to put together the broken pieces, while AP starts a new life. Yeah, their bizarre need for reassurance that you're not off with anyone else while they're married and sharing a life with their partner that you're meant to just accept. MM used to sometimes start fretting about a fictional future man who would take my attention away from him! Well, lets hope so, cos you'll still be sitting at home with your wife should have been my response.
Author KarmasTestDummy Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 Yup, pretty much. His childish reaction has nothing to do with love and everything to do with his ego. You've been providing a tremendous ego boost for him fawning all over him like he's wonderful (he's NOT) and giving him sex on the side any time he wants it - pretty much what every selfish, self-centered man wants. But they like to think when they're home with their wives playing happy husband that you're home too - crying in a dark corner and pining away for them because they're JUST that wonderful (blech). When they find out differently - that you're not doing that - it's quite shattering for their pathetic egos. What an asshat. Here's a thought. Fall down and twist your ankle. Call both your new single guy and your married jerk, and see which one actually comes to your aid first and HELPS you. I guarantee it won't be Mr. Married because there's no chance of him getting a little on the side with that hurt ankle of yours, so the effort of getting out of the house just wouldn't pay off for him. Therefore, you'll get 1,000 different excuses as to why he JUST can't leave the house right now - ranging from, "wifey would never believe any story I tell her right now to get out of the house," right down to, "I have to take the kids to soccer practice - sorry!" But golly, if you can wait until Tuesday around lunchtime to get medical attention, he can sneak out of work and bring you right to the emergency room. You lucky girl, you. Gosh...decisions, decisions. Do you pick the married liar whose only looking for an occasional romp in the hay with you - no strings attached, of course - or the single guy who actually shows you caring and respect? That's such a tough one! :D:laugh: I think I need to print this and reread it however many times a day necessary to let the guilt go. No truer words were ever spoken.
MorningCoffee Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 ALL, absolutely ALL the married AP are jealous about their single AP, whether they are MW or MM. They patronize the AP for their selfish needs and instincts. Because you are still emotionally attached to him. You wanted so much to belong to him that even now you don't feel completely free. It goes without saying, you don't owe him any loyalty DURING the A and even less AFTER the A. You are hurting him? So what? Didn't he threw you under the bus ? Didn't he went back to his W each time you said bye ? It's funny how they all act the same way. Ex-MW used to go crazy each time I would see or meet another women even if they were just friends. They want us alone and depending on them but they don't want to have us in their lives in a decent relationship, how insane it is ? At the end the real losers are them, because they go back to their marriage having hard time to put together the broken pieces, while AP starts a new life. Yes. Yes. Yes. So true.
maravilla Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Just stop talking to him, he's not worth your time. Honestly it sounds to me like you're trying to make him jealous by telling him when you have dates. To me that is messed up. If you want to be FWB with him then just keep your dating life private. Or if you want to cut it off w/ him b/c you met a new single guy worth pursuing, then don't answer his texts after you cut him off. Otherwise you are just inviting drama. FWB is not supposed to be so drama-filled but this is obviously a very different relationship so to call it FBW and not expect drama doesn't make much sense. He DOES have feelings for you--misplaced feelings that he shouldn't act on but does--and it makes sense to me that he would be jealous just like you probably get jealous that he's with his wife. I don't know how this situation is supposed to work out at all? so I would just say leave him in the dust and go with your single guy! Good luck.
Author KarmasTestDummy Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 Just stop talking to him, he's not worth your time. Honestly it sounds to me like you're trying to make him jealous by telling him when you have dates. To me that is messed up. If you want to be FWB with him then just keep your dating life private. Or if you want to cut it off w/ him b/c you met a new single guy worth pursuing, then don't answer his texts after you cut him off. Otherwise you are just inviting drama. FWB is not supposed to be so drama-filled but this is obviously a very different relationship so to call it FBW and not expect drama doesn't make much sense. He DOES have feelings for you--misplaced feelings that he shouldn't act on but does--and it makes sense to me that he would be jealous just like you probably get jealous that he's with his wife. I don't know how this situation is supposed to work out at all? so I would just say leave him in the dust and go with your single guy! Good luck. I agree, I do not intend on continuing replying to him or instigating conversation around making sure he is okay. I do however disagree that I am deliberately trying to make him jealous. The deal was that I would be honest with him if I met someone. That was all it was. I told him only about the meeting of this guy to let him know it was time to step back. It was a very difficult thing to do. I knew it would be difficult to hear...I dreaded the conversation. Even contemplated waiting to see where it went first. He was the one who said he wanted to be able to check in and see where our statuses were along the way. He was the one who couldn't wait even 24 hours after my date to see how it went and if i was goin to come crawling right back. I gave him no indication I would but i also didn't feed into it saying anything about future dates or talk up the otter guy. It's private and none of his business. Do i understand why he's jealous? Yes...but I guess I expected a little more maturity and understanding, as much as I have given him in his circumstances.
maravilla Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I agree, I do not intend on continuing replying to him or instigating conversation around making sure he is okay. I do however disagree that I am deliberately trying to make him jealous. The deal was that I would be honest with him if I met someone. That was all it was. I told him only about the meeting of this guy to let him know it was time to step back. It was a very difficult thing to do. I knew it would be difficult to hear...I dreaded the conversation. Even contemplated waiting to see where it went first. He was the one who said he wanted to be able to check in and see where our statuses were along the way. He was the one who couldn't wait even 24 hours after my date to see how it went and if i was goin to come crawling right back. I gave him no indication I would but i also didn't feed into it saying anything about future dates or talk up the otter guy. It's private and none of his business. Do i understand why he's jealous? Yes...but I guess I expected a little more maturity and understanding, as much as I have given him in his circumstances. That's totally understandable. I guess if I were him I would feel used (yes, he used you too but still) thinking, well, so she's hanging around w/ me until she finds someone better (yes, single and available and all of that good stuff... but he would see it as 'better') and I could see how he worries that this is the guy you will leave your A with him for. It just doesn't sound like a good situation for either of you emotionally. I'm not sure how you ended things but if I were you I would just tell him, I must end this b/c it doesn't work for me, I need someone (not necessarily rub it in about a particular guy, just a general 'someone') who is really there for me. And then stick to it and don't go back to him even if the new guy doesn't work out. Otherwise you are just using him like he has used you. Sounds to me like you both need a re-start, independently of each other! Good luck.
lkjh Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Why are you dating while involved with a married man? Thats not very considerate towards the new guy
4321sn Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Why are you dating while involved with a married man? Thats not very considerate towards the new guy I don't think she's involved with MM anymore... Plus it's just a date. She doesn't own the "date" anything or any explaination until they are actually in a relationship. Dating will help her get over MM. She needs to build up her self esteem and begin to feel good about herself. She needs to do whatever it takes to get through this.
Author KarmasTestDummy Posted November 19, 2010 Author Posted November 19, 2010 Why are you dating while involved with a married man? Thats not very considerate towards the new guy I wasn't dating while with mm...the second I accepted the date I broke it off with mm. I haven't even met new guy other than through conversation prior.
Author KarmasTestDummy Posted November 19, 2010 Author Posted November 19, 2010 I don't think she's involved with MM anymore... Plus it's just a date. She doesn't own the "date" anything or any explaination until they are actually in a relationship. Dating will help her get over MM. She needs to build up her self esteem and begin to feel good about herself. She needs to do whatever it takes to get through this. Thank you. That's exactly what I'm trying to do. Believe me it helps knowing better is available.
fooled once Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 I think for what it's worth he probably didn't think he'd ever be able to be replaced just based on the way I fawned all over him and jumped everytime he would ask. I wasn't even sure myself, but in the few days without him he's actually been the furthest thing from my mind. I blame him. He has pushed me from the point of being madly in love to not ever knowing when the next will be that he throws me under the bus. What's to hold onto there? To wait for? He has said time and time again he can't promise me anything. Well I couldn't promise that my happiness wouldn't ultimately be priority either. I know what he's thinking. His first instinct is going to automatically be that I slept with the guy. That I'm not "his" anymore. My oh my how their pride works. But its not my duty to correct him. I don't owe him rationalization, or even a promise that I won't. I don't owe him anything. That must be a hard pill to swallow. I can understand that. So why does it hurt my feelings to know I just hurt him? How did you hurt HIM? By moving on with YOUR LIFE? By not sitting in your house waiting for the next time he can sneak away for a little FWB? Come on hon - worry about YOU - not him. what I don't get is why is it okay for him to have a WIFE, who he chose to stay with, who he chooses to sleep with each day yet you can't date? He has told you repeatedly he isn't leaving, he is giving her chances and he wants to keep you around for a little action. How that isn't utterly degrading and disgusting to you I don't get. Stop worry about HIM. Just stop talking to him, he's not worth your time. Honestly it sounds to me like you're trying to make him jealous by telling him when you have dates. To me that is messed up. If you want to be FWB with him then just keep your dating life private. Or if you want to cut it off w/ him b/c you met a new single guy worth pursuing, then don't answer his texts after you cut him off. Otherwise you are just inviting drama. FWB is not supposed to be so drama-filled but this is obviously a very different relationship so to call it FBW and not expect drama doesn't make much sense. He DOES have feelings for you--misplaced feelings that he shouldn't act on but does--and it makes sense to me that he would be jealous just like you probably get jealous that he's with his wife. I don't know how this situation is supposed to work out at all? so I would just say leave him in the dust and go with your single guy! Good luck. I had the same thoughts. But Karma has said before that she does enjoy the drama, which is why I thought that the whole 'telling him the truth' about going out was more to get this exact reaction out of him, which will let her know that he still cares for her. He does care for you Karma, but not enough. He cares for you, but he cares for his wife and marriage more. GO ENJOY LIFE!! Now I have to go find out where you posted about the date
4321sn Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 You do whatever you need to inorder to get "better". You have had your needs pushed aside for so long. You shouid be dating. See what else is out there and you just might find that MM isn't looking so good afterall! I have always said if I had one wish it wound not be that MM leaves his W. It would simply be that I would wish to be over him. I think it sounds like that's where you are at this moment as well. Go out. Date...have fun...do whatever brings you comfort and makes you happy!
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