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Americans: Multiple dating? Exclusivity talk?

moonandstars

By moonandstars
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moonandstars New Member

moonandstars

Posted
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Hi all,

 

Well I am so glad I found this forum, because I need help with my new man, who happens to be American. I live in the UK but have been raised in a small European country and have never been to US before, and haven't met lot of Americans in my life. So, there are a few things I have been thinking about lately, and I find them a bit weird (not in a bad way lol). Also, my questions are genuine and I am thankful for all the comments!

 

So, I have been dating this American man for about 3 months. We really like each other and are attracted to each other etc. About 2 weeks ago he suddenly said over dinner that he is not dating anybody else. First I did not understant what he was tryin to say, because he wasn't this straightforward, so I kinda didn't pay attention. The next day, again, he said he is not dating anyone else from now on... And then I went... Wtf???? (i mean in my head lol)

 

So there is another American girl working with me and I asked her is there anything like this I should now about. She said (about US people dating):

 

1. If you date someone, it most likely needs to be discussed when you want to take it to the next level. Maybe he wasn't sure that we are exclusive, so he brought it up. (note: from where I come this is pretty uncommon, so I find it strange)

 

2. Yes, when he said he is not dating from now on, it WAS the exclusivity talk (I also find this weird, I mean, why cant he just be straightforward and say, "I want to have the exclusivity talk with you"?)

 

So my questions are:

 

1. Is multiple dating that common is US (pretty much everybody does it)?? is it a possibility that he was seeing other girls earlier, while he was seeing me???

 

2. is there an exclusivity talk involved in most of relationships? was he trying to have this talk with me, when he said he is not seeing anyone else?

 

3. would he expect me to tell him the same (although it is obvious I am not seeing anybody else)??

 

Don't get me wrong I will talk to him about this, I am just very curious!!

 

And also, I went through some threads before, and would appreciate if you didn't bring the American/Foreign women thing here please. Thanks!

welikeincrowds Established Member

welikeincrowds

Posted
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1. yes, and yes

2. yes, and probably

3. probably, although he wasn't so straightforward about it

 

You will find all the answers to your questions and more when you clarify with him what he meant about it. :)

daphne Established Member

daphne

Posted
Posted

1-sadly yes. And probably yes.

2-Most likely yes.

3-yes.

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moonandstars New Member

moonandstars

Posted
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1. yes, and yes

2. yes, and probably

3. probably, although he wasn't so straightforward about it

 

You will find all the answers to your questions and more when you clarify with him what he meant about it. :)

 

 

Thank you, I appreciate the answer.

Although I hope he wasn't seeing anybody else. He seems like a decent guy. :o But if that's common over there, he may have.:sick:

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moonandstars New Member

moonandstars

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1-sadly yes. And probably yes.

2-Most likely yes.

3-yes.

 

Thanks for answering.

Well it's gonna be really funny if I tell him hey, I'm not seeing anyone else either... Because it was obvious for me from the start. :D

I really don't get this multiple dating thing though. I don't think I could go out with A on Monday, and then with B on Tuesday etc.

welikeincrowds Established Member

welikeincrowds

Posted
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Well, people may see other people, but it usually doesn't get very far.

You'reasian Established Member

You'reasian

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I would assume nothing. You should ask him if he was seeing anyone before.

 

If someone tells you that they are not seeing anyone, they may simply be telling you that they are single.

 

An exclusivity talk usually happens after you've been dating for a little while because dating culture here in the U.S. is sometimes not exclusive - meaning that men and women date around.

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moonandstars New Member

moonandstars

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Thank you all for answers.

Maybe somebody else is willing to share ideas as well?

Eeyore79 Established Member

Eeyore79

Posted
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I'd ask him if he was also seeing other girls earlier on while he was seeing you. If he's already seeing someone else, he has no business asking you out; it's disrespectful to you, and to the girl he's already seeing. For me it would be a dumping offence, since I'd class it as cheating.

sweetjasmine Established Member

sweetjasmine

Posted
Posted
1. Is multiple dating that common is US (pretty much everybody does it)?? is it a possibility that he was seeing other girls earlier, while he was seeing me???

 

Yes, it's pretty common. I wouldn't say everybody does it, but a lot/most probably do. And it's possible that he was seeing other girls earlier, but the only way you'd know is to ask him.

 

2. is there an exclusivity talk involved in most of relationships? was he trying to have this talk with me, when he said he is not seeing anyone else?

 

I think there is an exclusivity talk in most relationships. I didn't have one - we were both on the same page, and neither of us does multi-dating. It sounds like he was trying to have that talk with you or at least pointing out that he considers what you have to be exclusive now.

 

3. would he expect me to tell him the same (although it is obvious I am not seeing anybody else)??

 

Probably. He might not realize you're the type of person who assumes people date one at a time. I don't think it would hurt to tell him explicitly.

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

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I think him saying he isn't dating anyone else was his exclusivity talk.

As soon as you say you're not dating anyone else, I am sure he will feel there isn't anything left to talk about, discussion over.

 

I haven't had an exclusivity talk with a bf in ages. If a guy wants to talk about it, I let him bring it up, I never do.

 

Men think in simpler terms than women do. He's basically said he doesn't want to see anyone else, if you feel the same way, I'd give him the reassurance you aren't either and continue to enjoy your time together!

Mad Max Established Member

Mad Max

Posted
Posted

I am firmly against multi-dating. If a girl wants to date others, that's fine but she won't be seeing me any longer. I see it as disrespectful to date me and others at the same time.

Raderick Established Member

Raderick

Posted
Posted (edited)
I am firmly against multi-dating. If a girl wants to date others, that's fine but she won't be seeing me any longer. I see it as disrespectful to date me and others at the same time.

 

This is 100% me. Except I don't know if I'd LAUNCH because I haven't been in such a situation and I haven't done much, if any dating for a while.

 

1. Yes and sadly, yes. People like to get a little bit of everything and see what they like best.

2. Yes, if someone wants to be exclusive, they'll talk to you about it.

3. Eh, it depends. They're hoping you would agree, but to some people this means you're not exactly boyfriend and girlfriend, but just they've decided to date just you because they think you are relationship material.

Edited by Raderick
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