Katherineos123 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 (edited) I dated a guy from the ages of 19-22, it was a quite serious relationship... the first time I ever fell in love, we lived together for a few years. He left me out of nowhere, in the most hurtful of ways, broke my heart into a gajillion pieces, moved away to Florida, and I more or less never heard from him again. That was about 3 years ago. Needless to say, it took me a VERY long to get over him, and to be honest he did a number on my ability to trust men. Here comes the tricky part...... Ive recently come into contact with his older brother, who is now living in the same city as me... Hes a VERY good looking guy, funny, and intelligent. We get along really well. We're both single. Im not sure if its just that he doesnt know too many people in the area, or if he may actually be asking me out... But he asked me if I would like to get together for a drink sometime after Thanksgiving. I want to. But truthfully, I kind of like him. Is this a completely terrible idea, or fair game? What would you do!? Edited November 18, 2010 by Katherineos123
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Well the good news is that if the brother broke your heart into zillions of pieces then you don't owe any sort of courtesy warning about dating his brother. The bad news is that the both (likely/presumably) share the same genetics and the same environmental factors on the path toward you. Bode with caution, but if you wish to roll the dice, then go ahead and do so...
Author Katherineos123 Posted November 20, 2010 Author Posted November 20, 2010 Thanks for the response! I suppose I hadnt actually thought of the whole nature/nurture issue... But you're completely right. That is the risk I might be taking. Although, I will tell you, that he is a few years older than my ex, and when we did break up he told me that he thought his brother was "an idiot, and that I mightve been the best thing that ever happened to him." So, from how I knew him then, as well as what Im learning of him now (like I said, its been years) He doesnt seem ANYTHING like my ex. Which is part of the reason why Im considering it. But, do you think he's just trying to become friends with me? Or does it seem out of interest?
green_tea Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 If he thinks his brother is an idiot for breaking up with you then it's possible he's interested in you.. but there is only one way to find out, meet up and see how it goes.
sanskrit Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 No reason at all not to go on a date with the guy.
Author Katherineos123 Posted November 20, 2010 Author Posted November 20, 2010 I think I might!! ......But, its not.... kinda skanky?? this is my fear.
green_tea Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 I know what you mean about how you might look, but I say go with how you feel and forget about how it will be perceived by others. If you had broken up with the guy, then it would be bad, but since it was the other way around, I think it's fine. Good luck
JohnM Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 To return the advice favour. I don't think this is a particularly good idea; aside of the reasons of you coming together in a possible date scenario and you wanting to go out with him I think you need to consider the circumstances. Its never going to be a fresh start; there are pre-exisiting circumstances here. You would be going out with the brother of a former long term relationship partner. He would know the happenings between you and your ex I would imagine and the view of you he has will be altered by the side of the story his brother has told him I believe. If you were to go out with him, say it got serious. At that stage you have to consider the possible interaction with your ex who could one day become family to you. He would always be present and it would be weird between you two. The fact your boyfriend would be your exes brother seems a bit odd, if he is someone you will have taken time to get over then I think it would resurface old wounds and worries that you have worked to get over. If he was a friend's friend it would be awkward and an obstacle between the two friends, but this is family and they are brothers. This is a bond that lasts and you can't remove that kind of link and association of present and past so easily. You should try and think about the situation in a removed state. If your friend was in the same predicament what would you be thinking after all she had gone through with her ex to consider the same situation?
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