darran Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 (edited) I'm 34, had 5 serious relationships and been married (divorced) too. I'm reading a lot of posts of serious heart ache and desperate desires to get back with the one who dumped you....listen, YOU WERE DUMPED...know what I mean? When you get dumped you feel like ****....BUT, you have to step back for a bit...REALLY ask yourself why you want her back. 1) what did she/he bring to your life? 2) what was your life like without her? 3) why do YOU think you are really hurting? 4) Are there any points about him/her which you can honestly say, just were not right for YOU 5) If your relationship ended for no other reason other than he/she was just not in love with you...ask yourself...why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? Seriously? My first breakup was easy...I didn't give a ****. The second was a NIGHTMARE and it went on and on for what seemed like an eternity. The 3rd, my marriage...well she just left me. I travelled a lot and got an email saying "Thanks for making me become used to being alone, goodbye." and that was that. Adiós and then divorce. My 4th...again...f'n NIGHTMARE...haha...amazing how you become when you get dumped. But ya know what...after about 3 months of 100% NO CONTACT (not to get her back but to clear my head and messed up emotions) I was ok! I never even fancied her any more. In fact I began asking why the hell I was with her in the first place!!!!! *** IMPORTANT *** If you were dumped because you're other half just stopped loving you, you know what I mean.... the, its not you its me...or I just don't love you anymore...that kinda nonsense.... Then... Absolute zero contact is a MUST because, almost always we start doing daft things, like writing love letters, sending flowers, calling to their door...driving past their house...you name we are capable of becoming absolute lunatics! Anyway... This one, my 5th...she left...however, not because she fell out of love...or cheating, just over me being a right dick to her. I again feel bad... but not too bad... just bad. I know I was to blame, I know I've a lot of work to do on myself. I know not to push anything, pressure her, blab how much I love her (I did that once, and ONLY ONCE, in an email which was in no way grovelling or desperate and it was SHORT). Seriously, grab a hold of yourself...and don't react to what your heart tells you to do because dudes... no one likes a clingy, desperate, mess of an ex calling them up all the time asking for forgiveness when it was THEM who dumped YOU because THEY fell out of love with YOU!!!!!!!! NO CONTACT - let em sweat it out and you'll get better in the process. 3 months guaranteed you'll feel a lot better I'll have to say... this is of course dependent on why you broke up in the first place! And talking it out, here for example or with a friend helps. Gives you clarity over the situation...but for goodness sake STOP GROVELLING FOR THEM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!! IT DOES NOT WORK!!!!!!!!!!! Edited November 17, 2010 by darran
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