SandyB Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I have been married for 22years and my husband cheated on me with a co-worker emotionally. He refuses to take a polygraph test because he says it wasn't physical. So I told him by refusing to take the test he admits it was physical and he says no it wasn't. Well he gave me all his passwords to emails, facebook, etc. I even installed a keylogger on his computer and since March 2010 no contact with this woman other than at work. Oh and he has no clue I have this spy watch program on his computer. I am to the point that I love my husband but hey maybe I need to have some fun too... I'm in great shape and take care of myself. On the other hand I know what it feels like to be betrayed. Sometimes I want my husband to feel the kind of hurt I have endured. Ok now I feel better getting that off my mind..
quankanne Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 vengeance sounds really good ... in theory. The reality of it is, is do you really want to sink to that level to make yourself feel "good" about yourself? To feel desired? To prove to yourself that you still have it? because I guarantee, it's not going to make you feel better in the long run, especially when you realize you're no better than the lying, cheating scuzz bucket you believe your husband to be. Living well is the best revenge, because you don't lower your standards just to boost your ego ...
IfWishesWereHorses Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Try doing a search for a member by the name of aeh. She had a r/a on her H. She might have some words of wisdom from the perspective of someone who has been there. I can certainly understand the desire to do so, I'm not sure that it's the thing that will make you feel vindicated though. Unless you are honest with OM, then you also risk hurting an innocent bystander.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I am to the point that I love my husband but hey maybe I need to have some fun too... I'm in great shape and take care of myself. On the other hand I know what it feels like to be betrayed. Sometimes I want my husband to feel the kind of hurt I have endured. Ok now I feel better getting that off my mind.. Don't do it, or even think it. while I understand the need for revenge, its not wise to get it in such a way that one becomes what they despise. If you were to cheat, and really to even think you would want to have this "fun", would make you no better than him. that and you will no longer be in a position to get mad at what he did, not that you want to get mad, but you won't have anything to say about it after that. You are better than that, don't do it. But really if you are thinking it, and think that you would "to have some fun too" maybe the marriage isn't one at all? If you are thinking about doing it, maybe its time to go seperate ways.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 vengeance sounds really good ... in theory. The reality of it is, is do you really want to sink to that level to make yourself feel "good" about yourself? To feel desired? To prove to yourself that you still have it? because I guarantee, it's not going to make you feel better in the long run, especially when you realize you're no better than the lying, cheating scuzz bucket you believe your husband to be. Living well is the best revenge, because you don't lower your standards just to boost your ego ... I completely agree. I was already working out when I found out my xW was cheating, and in the month it took me to snap out of it before I divorced her, I really stepped up my time at the gym. That pissed her off. You know what she said? "who are you trying to look all good for". I told her myself and that was the difference between her and me. She didn't like me looking good. so yes, the best revenge IS living well.
Gfkr2 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I have been married for 22years and my husband cheated on me with a co-worker emotionally. He refuses to take a polygraph test because he says it wasn't physical. So I told him by refusing to take the test he admits it was physical and he says no it wasn't. Well he gave me all his passwords to emails, facebook, etc. I even installed a keylogger on his computer and since March 2010 no contact with this woman other than at work. Oh and he has no clue I have this spy watch program on his computer. I am to the point that I love my husband but hey maybe I need to have some fun too... I'm in great shape and take care of myself. On the other hand I know what it feels like to be betrayed. Sometimes I want my husband to feel the kind of hurt I have endured. Ok now I feel better getting that off my mind.. I will take the unpopular position in responding to your post. I did dip my toes in the water after my BW massive infidelity, which ended our 26 year M. I liked the A and it made me feel good to be very wanted and appreciated. The OW was a friend who I trusted and admired for years. I have no regrets about what I've done.
goingstrong Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 . I am to the point that I love my husband but hey maybe I need to have some fun too... I'm in great shape and take care of myself. On the other hand I know what it feels like to be betrayed. Sometimes I want my husband to feel the kind of hurt I have endured. Ok now I feel better getting that off my mind.. Yeaaaa sure that'll work. You'll just blow up what's left of your marriage. Besides, he is denying his, you have no proof, and then you go out and cheat and admit it or he finds proof....then who will be the bad guy here? You guessed it, you. If you go out and cheat, then you step in the gutter with him..a lose lose situation. Take the moral high road and don't.
wicar1 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I am to the point that I love my husband but hey maybe I need to have some fun too... I'm in great shape and take care of myself. On the other hand I know what it feels like to be betrayed. Sometimes I want my husband to feel the kind of hurt I have endured. Ok now I feel better getting that off my mind.. You are no better than your husband. I've always wondered if two cheaters got married to each other, how would that family be:laugh:, dont be an example.
GorillaTheater Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I will take the unpopular position in responding to your post. I did dip my toes in the water after my BW massive infidelity, which ended our 26 year M. I liked the A and it made me feel good to be very wanted and appreciated. The OW was a friend who I trusted and admired for years. I have no regrets about what I've done. I have no issue with this, and might do the same in your shoes. The difference, as I see it at least, is whether you're headed for divorce court or an attempt at reconciliation. In the latter case, I don't see a revenge affair as being anything but destructive. OP, are you trying to reconcile? Do you think an affair will help or hurt that attempt?
Darth Vader Posted November 21, 2010 Posted November 21, 2010 I have been married for 22years and my husband cheated on me with a co-worker emotionally. He refuses to take a polygraph test because he says it wasn't physical. So I told him by refusing to take the test he admits it was physical and he says no it wasn't. Well he gave me all his passwords to emails, facebook, etc. I even installed a keylogger on his computer and since March 2010 no contact with this woman other than at work. Oh and he has no clue I have this spy watch program on his computer. I am to the point that I love my husband but hey maybe I need to have some fun too... I'm in great shape and take care of myself. On the other hand I know what it feels like to be betrayed. Sometimes I want my husband to feel the kind of hurt I have endured. Ok now I feel better getting that off my mind.. What if you did find another man, rode him hard and had mind blowing orgasmic sex with him, then found out your husband didn't have sex with this other woman at all, then how would you feel? Don't cheat!
road Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Whether your WH had a EA or a PA a RA revenge affair will hurt him unbelieveably worse then when you where the BW. You know the pain first hand yet you will make your WH exposed to the same level of pain. An RA always lets the BS feel lacking afterwards and can be enough to doom the marriage past recovery.
HalfAlive22 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 My husband cheated on me 10 different times..some affairs some one nighters, and after he ended the last one and wanted to make our marrigae work, he still thought about her, still saw her in the hall at work, and she showed up to several of his shows ( he's in a band) I went out and had an affair..very short, but told the man what was going on, and was very honest, and as much as my H deserved what I did , and he did deserve it, It did'nt make anything better, I felt good about the man I did it with, but now when the topic of my H's infedelity comes up in fights..he has amunition now because of what I did, he says I'm just as bad, i may not be just as bad, but I did go to his level...don't do it , esp since you are not sure what he's done!
NoLongerSad Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 OP if you want to have some fun, go to Disneyworld.
JAGeezer Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 I have been married for 22years and my husband cheated on me with a co-worker emotionally. He refuses to take a polygraph test because he says it wasn't physical. So I told him by refusing to take the test he admits it was physical and he says no it wasn't. Well he gave me all his passwords to emails, facebook, etc. I even installed a keylogger on his computer and since March 2010 no contact with this woman other than at work. Oh and he has no clue I have this spy watch program on his computer. I am to the point that I love my husband but hey maybe I need to have some fun too... I'm in great shape and take care of myself. On the other hand I know what it feels like to be betrayed. Sometimes I want my husband to feel the kind of hurt I have endured. Ok now I feel better getting that off my mind.. There's an old Chinese saying. "Before setting out for revenge, first dig two graves." It's very true. So just don't. You want justice for your suffering, and you're not going to get it short of divorcing him and taking him to the cleaners, and even then it isn't justice, it's just cutting the cancer out. Revenge isn't justice. It won't make you feel better, it won't hurt him enough to matter, and when it's all over, you've compromised your own ethics to become no better than he is. To quote my old man, "Hate long enough and hard enough, and you'll become what you hate." Either let it go, or let him go. JAG
love4me2c Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 I have been married for 22years and my husband cheated on me with a co-worker emotionally. He refuses to take a polygraph test because he says it wasn't physical. So I told him by refusing to take the test he admits it was physical and he says no it wasn't. Well he gave me all his passwords to emails, facebook, etc. I even installed a keylogger on his computer and since March 2010 no contact with this woman other than at work. Oh and he has no clue I have this spy watch program on his computer. I am to the point that I love my husband but hey maybe I need to have some fun too... I'm in great shape and take care of myself. On the other hand I know what it feels like to be betrayed. Sometimes I want my husband to feel the kind of hurt I have endured. Ok now I feel better getting that off my mind.. I did it. Do not go down that road. You need to rise above it. If it bugs you enough that it is eating away at you, you need to get a divorce. Once I separated, all of my revenge crap I was doing stopped right then and there. I am finally happy and it has only been a month. Either accept what happened/he tells you or don't. Do not stoop to his level. It is destructive to yourself. In the end, you feel disgusted with yourself, not with what he did. Trust me on this. No good comes from revenge affairs. None.
Distant78 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Don't do it. Take heed to what these folks are telling you. We betrayed spouses have all thought about doing it, but have kept our dignity. We want you to keep yours too. If you really think your husband is worthless (and you have good reason to think that way) then you should start the divorce process and find a man who will treat you better and will never cheat on you. Take care.
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