ReturnToSender Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Last nite I realized something.... I just dont feel it anymore. Like, Ive felt so strongly about my ex, so sad over everything thats happened, have longed for him and have wanted nothing more than for things to work out for us somehow. When we started to reconnect, I was so thrilled...I was seeing that part of him that I fell in love with, and felt like we were directly on the path to having something between us again. But then Fri night when the girl he left me for walked into the room...I think that had a bigger impact than my initial outburst. It was only the 2nd time Ive ever seen her, the first almost 2 years ago before they got involved. I managed to never see them together ever....and there she was, standing in front of me, next to him, and you know what? She and what they did became *real*. Until that moment, it was just an idea that I could push out of my head and get past. But there she was...and there he was.... Ive been wrapped up about the nite itself, but now that thats fizzled away, I dont know, its like...so much of what I felt for him just...isnt there. Im just...not interested anymore. I havnt been able to manage NC, though I havnt met with or seen him. We talked for a bit yesterday over a family emergency, and when I got off the phone with him, I didnt feel that whole pang that I usually would when Id hear his voice. Also, we texted a bit last night, and he said something cheeky that Id usually find cute and sexy but....nope, sexual interest and attraction, just not there. When I think of him, now that Ive physically seen them standing together, I cant help but think of her too. And just like how my reaction is about any guy who is involved with someone...Im just not interested. Is this progress? Have you felt like this? I mean..would be great if thats what it is...but the whole complete void of feeling towards him, Ive never felt this before. Not sure if its a phase after the blow up, or if this really is it...
Sonolumino Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Could be a phase, could not be, it all depends with how long it lasts. Try your best to keep it though, which includes not contacting him in any way. Rejoice that indifference has found your heart, at least for a short time. I know a ton of the rest of us are searching for it on here. Good luck and keep posting
stopthemadness Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Indifference? I keep hearing that word on here. Soo I looked it up indifferent- neutral, unconcerned , of no importance. WOW ok I want that(smile) Could someone please tell me where to get that...
sacg Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 (edited) OP, it is! Most definately! I'll tell you why, almost the exact same thing happened to me on Monday. I think we blot out the reality for the fantasy we so desire. think about it, if you want your ex back, even if theyre with someone, you go thru the emotions of..."they wont last", " they will come calling", " they cant have what we had" yada yada yada. When it becomes VERY apparant that, what we push to the back of our minds and we see that our "love" is actually in love with someone else, and its real, what else is there? Reality for real. Like a switch, it clicks, and I COMPLETELY relate to what your saying. For one, Im grateful, truly thankful, and feel a real release and comfort, i've waited for this for a long time, just didn't know it. I genuinely wished her the best and bid farewell for ever. Now Im going to start living again. Good luck. Edited November 17, 2010 by sacg
Author ReturnToSender Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 Thanks so much everyone.. Yeah, I actually ended up seeing him this afternoon, he wanted to meet and talk over work stuff, though Im sure it was a ruse. and I said ok out of morbid curiosity over this whole weird feeling..and it is weird...3.5 years of being madly in love crazy and then...empty? He suggested a place near me and offered to pick me up and I said no, instead I took the trolly which was just a 5m ride. As soon as we said hi I lunged into a convo about the work stuffs, and the whole time thats all we talked about, except a bit about the family emergency of his thats going on now. As we walked along, there was some construction thing in front of us on the sidewalk, and he over-dramatically held me to "guide me to safety" and a few times he reached out to touch my back or just touch me in some way. Hrm...well, we stopped for a bite, sat across from each other, and just talked about the work stuffs. Afterwards he offered me a ride home, at first I said no then said alright. On the way home we passed my daughter walking home, so we picked her up. He told her he has a cd for her one that she really wants so shes all thrilled about that. When we got to my place, after kiddo popped out the car he leaned in and gave me this big hug and gave me all these kisses on my neck, and said thanks so much for meeting up with him... My face is an open book and I could tell when he looked at me he could see I wasnt feeling it...he went from big smile to kind of a disappointed look...and then he said hed really like to take me and kiddo out to this movie thats coming out soon. I didnt know what to say, so I just thanked him for the ride home and he just looked all disappointed and said bye. Im still fine....doing really okay actually. All this time, the thought of seeing her made me sick to my stomach, and I avoided it at all costs, and now, I wish I had gotten this out of the way months ago. Even though Im really not happy about it, that this is what we've come to....I feel better than I have in a really long time...
Eternity001 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Good work. You're just numb and hopefully over it. Maybe you've just an epiphany and realised you deserve so much better, subconsciously you probably always knew this but by nature this fella had that lure you couldn't give up. Be prepared to be constantly contacted, that look of "not feeling it" would have destroyed him on the inside, that look on your face is ALL his power disappearing before him. I'm happy for you
Author ReturnToSender Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 Thanks so much... I really do wonder what it is with that hold. I mean...it seriously is like a real power or hold to have... If I was superstitious Id swear voodoo is somehow involved Id never felt like this about anyone before...it didnt take me anywhere near this long to get over my ex husband ...like 2m after we filed for a divorce I met my next bf, who I lived with for 5 years and it only took me about 4 or 5m to get over him... I only dated this guy for 2.5y and my whole world fell apart for a year. What is up with that?! Maybe Im getting old and desperate or something Aye!
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