heartbrokengal Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I am a newly halfway out of the closet lesbian. Sadly atm my gf and I are broken up. You can read a little more about my saga here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t252829/ We met online and talked in the past about meeting and maybe even moving to be closer to each other. She always said that I would come to her. I guess partly because of the area where she lives is much more open and accepting to the lgbt community, her friends and family are there, and she loves it. Well just like our personalities, I'm the opposite and those are the reasons why I want to move to a different state. I'm in a small town with very little roots. Anyways before we broke up I made arrangements to move and have successfully secured a job as well as been accepted into a university. I'm wondering if I should still make this move now that we are broken up. I have mixed feelings about it because in the back of my mind I'm hoping for reconciliation and we'd at least be closer to each other versus talking on messenger, cam. Then again I don't want to set myself up for rejection and getting hurt. I'm trying to practice nc atm so she doesn't even know about my plans. I've been struggling with breaking nc to talk with her about it and see how she feels. I figure even if it doesn't work out I'd at least be in a better position to meet other girls and distractions such as a new environment, work etc might be beneficial for me. I'm just trying to look at all angles and appreciate any advice on this
lapse Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 IMO, you should not make decisions based on your relationship (or lack thereof) involving this other person. So here's what it comes down to: [omitting her from the picture entirely] do you think the move would be positive for you and your life? It sounds like you do. If you think that all things happen for a reason, then perhaps that is her 'reason' in your life... you ended up making plans that will improve your life. I don't think it's best for you to decide to move there because of her or decide not to because of her. With her out of the picture, out of your mind - just suspend her for a moment - do you think the move is what's best for you?
paixe Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Okay, this really spoke to me so I'm going to try to formulate a response. I'm a month into my breakup with the girl I "went gay" for, my best friend in the whole world, my fiancee, who told me one day she wanted to be single. I'm still so completely lost on so many levels, but the one thing that's really helped me so far is thinking of the future. My vote is a loud YES, DO IT, but not for her. Do it for YOU. I don't know the details, but just the fact that you got into a university AND you landed a job that could support you on your own in this economy is a hell of an accomplishment that shouldn't be wasted. If we can no longer live for someone else, then we have to live for ourselves. There really isn't any other option. That's the thing that I've been trying to keep fixed in my head. I got so used to living for her that I convinced myself that my own goals and ambitions, acquired over a whole lifetime, were not as important as keeping my personal fairytale alive. I had wanted to go to grad school ever since I learned what it was. I had expected it of myself. Why did I ever let that dream get away from me? I'm sorry, I'm making this be about me and it's not what I intended. What I mean to say is, if you have the opportunity to better yourself and your life, your livelihood, then DO IT. It's what I'm trying to do, and it's really the only thing that's giving me hope. You deserve every opportunity you are given. Don't waste this one. BUT PLEASE, in the name of all you hold dear, DO NOT give in to making your move be about her. Keep checking in with yourself, keep an eye on your real motives. If you end up caring more about the fact that you'll be closer to her than the school/job, then I would have to change my vote. I guess, just.. Whatever you do, do it for you.
Author heartbrokengal Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 (edited) Thanks Lapse for your advice. You are right, we are no longer together so my decision should not at all be based on Her! Don't apologize, Paixe I appreciate your feedback as well. You're right, so often in relationships (I think in lesbian relationships especially!) we have a tendency to become such a 'pair' that we kind of lose ourselves. If I was to base my decision off of her it could kind of go either way though I'd lean towards not going. However I have decided to move and do this for Me because I am excited and feel that overall this will be a positive change. Sigh, it just so happens she texts me this morning asking how I'm doing, that I should call her so ah don't know how, if, when I should respond if at all. Edited November 22, 2010 by heartbrokengal
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