andrea_forfun Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I'm new to LS and would love some opinions on this. I'm too emotionally involved to think clearly and need some guidance.. I'm a MW who was seeing a single guy. We broke it off about 2 years ago but I thought of him all the time, and we remained friends. We would get together here and there, but it remained friendship. Until last time. We were walking and he turned towards me and kissed me. I still felt the connection and loved every minute of it. We started kissing more and he said he was sorry and he never meant to hurt me before. I was thrilled we were back together and soon I had to go home (we live about 90 min. from each other). He wanted to check the weekends and see when I could come visit for the weekend. I texted him soon after that and told him I was available the first and third weekend in Dec. He texted me back two days later saying that he was busy the first and second weekend. So I asked him "I have the third weekend free. Are you?" He texted back "I'll be honest. I will be crazed that weekend with shopping so I rather not if that's ok." I couldn't believe my eyes...I was hurt. It seemed like he was picking shopping over me and all I stay is for a day with him!! So all I could text back is "Ok, got it." and I haven't heard from him since (2 days). What do all of you think? Yeah I got it...I got it that I'm not that important. Am I right in thinking I got slapped in the face? My thought is that if you really love someone, you want to see them.
bentnotbroken Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 So what you are saying is that you love this man and not your husband. Did you read your own words? What would you say to someone who wrote what you wrote about falling that fast and that easily for someone who was just a friend?
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 You are married, why should he put you first and jump through hoops? HE is living HIS life and making time for you. Why is it OK for you to tell him when it works for you, but when he tells you what works for him, you're upset?? Why are you cheating on your husband (again)? 2 years later.. Again? Sorry but yes, you are acting foolish. And selfish. Sorry to be blunt/harsh, but what is the whole point of this? TO cheat and have your cake on the side? What about your husband?
Author andrea_forfun Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 WWIS, I understand what you're saying but my question is...since BOTH of us are free that weekend, shouldn't he make time for me? How is that selfish? When all I spend is one day with him? And as far as my husband goes, we are separated and on our way out. He is a mean and nasty person and enough said about him.
4321sn Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Usually it us the other. The single person asking the married one to make time. I would just call him and have sn honest conversation. Maybe he doesn't want to get too attached. Maybe he's spoken to someone who said it was a bad idea.. I would just have an honest conversation... You can guess all you want but he can only give you the answers.
Mimolicious Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 (edited) I'm new to LS and would love some opinions on this. I'm too emotionally involved to think clearly and need some guidance.. I'm a MW who was seeing a single guy. We broke it off about 2 years ago but I thought of him all the time, and we remained friends. We would get together here and there, but it remained friendship. Until last time. We were walking and he turned towards me and kissed me. I still felt the connection and loved every minute of it. We started kissing more and he said he was sorry and he never meant to hurt me before. I was thrilled we were back together and soon I had to go home (we live about 90 min. from each other). He wanted to check the weekends and see when I could come visit for the weekend. I texted him soon after that and told him I was available the first and third weekend in Dec. He texted me back two days later saying that he was busy the first and second weekend. So I asked him "I have the third weekend free. Are you?" He texted back "I'll be honest. I will be crazed that weekend with shopping so I rather not if that's ok." I couldn't believe my eyes...I was hurt. It seemed like he was picking shopping over me and all I stay is for a day with him!! So all I could text back is "Ok, got it." and I haven't heard from him since (2 days). What do all of you think? Yeah I got it...I got it that I'm not that important. Am I right in thinking I got slapped in the face? My thought is that if you really love someone, you want to see them. Right. Also when you love someone you don't cheat on them. Where's your H? Does he know you are planning a get-a-way with your OM in the mist of the holidays? Edited after reading your reply about your H. Ok, so handle your business and move on. Maybe your OM doesn't want to be around this kind of scenario? Or maybe he is in fact busy! You are not the only person in his life... he probably has family to shop for. Edited November 17, 2010 by Mimolicious
bentnotbroken Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 WWIS, I understand what you're saying but my question is...since BOTH of us are free that weekend, shouldn't he make time for me? How is that selfish? When all I spend is one day with him? And as far as my husband goes, we are separated and on our way out. He is a mean and nasty person and enough said about him. Why should he? So what if you are free:confused: It is clear that isn't what he wants. It is selfish if he said he doesn't want to be with you that weekend. Move on.
jwi71 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I'm wrapping your reply (2nd post) into this as well... I'm new to LS and would love some opinions on this. I'm too emotionally involved to think clearly and need some guidance.. Think person in desert desperately needing water. OK, got it. I'm a MW who was seeing a single guy. We broke it off about 2 years ago but I thought of him all the time, and we remained friends. We would get together here and there, but it remained friendship. Until last time.Define seeing? Are you implying that this began as an A, cooled off, then, with your pending D, you have pursued him. Is that basically correct? Actually, have you filed for D? Or is this just separation? We were walking and he turned towards me and kissed me. I still felt the connection and loved every minute of it. We started kissing more and he said he was sorry and he never meant to hurt me before. I was thrilled we were back together and soon I had to go home (we live about 90 min. from each other). He wanted to check the weekends and see when I could come visit for the weekend.This makes it sound like you two DID begin as an A, cooled off, and have begun again. I texted him soon after that and told him I was available the first and third weekend in Dec. He texted me back two days later saying that he was busy the first and second weekend. So I asked him "I have the third weekend free. Are you?" He texted back "I'll be honest. I will be crazed that weekend with shopping so I rather not if that's ok." I couldn't believe my eyes...I was hurt. It seemed like he was picking shopping over me and all I stay is for a day with him!! So all I could text back is "Ok, got it." and I haven't heard from him since (2 days).Wow. I'd ask you to read this aloud. How does that sound to you? Does that sound like a normal reaction? Here's a hint: its not. Maybe he IS in fact busy and can't see you. So what? What's the big deal? And I can't figure out, at 90 mins apart, you can't see each other during the week. Hell, I used to commute that every day one way when I lived in NY. Its not THAT bad. If you LOVE HIM so much, why don't you drive it more often? Why can't he drive down to see you on Tuesday? I can only go by what you posted...but I'm not seeing how you think he LOVES you back. One kiss, a rekindled connection and you're in this emotional state... Are you two in a committed relationship? Have you confirmed this? O What do all of you think? Yeah I got it...I got it that I'm not that important. Am I right in thinking I got slapped in the faceI think you are effin' crazy to get all riled up because he is busy. I mean, schedules conflict and you freak out. If I were him I'd be handing you the dating "pink slip". So no, I think you are waaaaaaay off base. I have a GF. And our schedules conflict at times. So effin' what - I'll see her another time - and yes, if I don't have the kids, she makes the commute to see me, then back to her office in the morning (granted not 90 mins....maybe 50 mins...but SHE does it - and yes, it works in reverse too). Guess what...she sometimes passes on going out together so she can go out with HER friends. And I pass to go see the Stars or Cowgirls play (Yeah Jason Garrett!!) It has NOTHING to do with not loving each other. Its about having other avenues and friends and interests. Together but also separate. Remember that bit about being in a desert and finding water (any water)...that's what it sounds like to me. And you are clinging desperately. My thought is that if you really love someone, you want to see them.Are you sure he loves you back? Are you sure he is committed to YOU? Sorry...but I'm not seeing, from your posts, love. I see infatuation and fantasy and clinginess. Not much else.
maravilla Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Maybe he found someone else to date. To me it doesn't read like the two of you are in a committed relationship. It seems like he is someone you had an affair with (how did it end? Who broke it off?) and now that you are separated from your husband you want to start it back up again, and he may not, even though he's attracted to you. That's just my read on things. I don't understand your situation enough to know why this has you so upset. I am also curious to know your status with your husband... how long have you been separated, and have you filed for divorce, and when will it be final? These may be some of the factors your OM is considering as to whether or not he wants to see you. Many of us here are or have been in your OM's spot. I'm rather jealous of how he isn't too attached to you and he is living his own life. It is what I have strived very hard for. MM wanted to have his cake and eat it too. I hope you're not like that.
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 WWIS, I understand what you're saying but my question is...since BOTH of us are free that weekend, shouldn't he make time for me? How is that selfish? When all I spend is one day with him? And as far as my husband goes, we are separated and on our way out. He is a mean and nasty person and enough said about him. He said he ISN'T free that weekend. It's closer to Christmas and has stuff to do. He isn't putting you first, that's why you're upset. Also, he knows you are still technically married, so why should he put you first? He is looking out for himself first, rightfully so.. Sorry.. So you and your H are divorcing? you say on his way out, does he still live with you?
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 ...since BOTH of us are free that weekend, shouldn't he make time for me? But he said he WASN'T free that weekend. Getting ready for Xmas, is being busy. Why don't you cancel your plans during the other 2 weeks that HE has free? Again, why is it OK for you to be busy and not him? ??
BB07 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 WWIS, I understand what you're saying but my question is...since BOTH of us are free that weekend, shouldn't he make time for me? How is that selfish? When all I spend is one day with him? And as far as my husband goes, we are separated and on our way out. He is a mean and nasty person and enough said about him. I find it odd that in your first post you clearly stated that you were a MW, not you are separated???? Ummmmmmm:confused: Perhaps your "friend" thought more seriously about getting involved with you and decided it was not worth the risk. Perhaps he realized what he was doing was wrong and decided not to take it any farther.
Fieldsofgold Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I'm new to LS and would love some opinions on this. I'm too emotionally involved to think clearly and need some guidance.. I'm a MW who was seeing a single guy. We broke it off about 2 years ago but I thought of him all the time, and we remained friends. We would get together here and there, but it remained friendship. Until last time. [b[We were walking and he turned towards me and kissed me. I still felt the connection and loved every minute of it. We started kissing more and he said he was sorry and he never meant to hurt me before. I was thrilled we were back together[/b] and soon I had to go home (we live about 90 min. from each other). He wanted to check the weekends and see when I could come visit for the weekend. I texted him soon after that and told him I was available the first and third weekend in Dec. He texted me back two days later saying that he was busy the first and second weekend. So I asked him "I have the third weekend free. Are you?" He texted back "I'll be honest. I will be crazed that weekend with shopping so I rather not if that's ok." I couldn't believe my eyes...I was hurt. It seemed like he was picking shopping over me and all I stay is for a day with him!! So all I could text back is "Ok, got it." and I haven't heard from him since (2 days). What do all of you think? Yeah I got it...I got it that I'm not that important. Am I right in thinking I got slapped in the face? My thought is that if you really love someone, you want to see them. The bolded: just from reading that, it doesn't sound like a renewed love commitment to me. Was there more to it? More said? Because unless he specifically said he loves you/wants a committed relationship with you, I think you may be reading more into it than there is.
East7 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I will give you an xOM perspective : I'm new to LS and would love some opinions on this. I'm too emotionally involved to think clearly and need some guidance.. I'm a MW who was seeing a single guy (????) We broke it off about 2 years ago but I thought of him all the time, and we remained friends. We would get together here and there, but it remained friendship. Until last time. That's confuse: Are you separated, still married? Was it an EA or PA as well? So you kept seeing each-other that suppose that you know enough about each-other's life. Is he single ? I couldn't believe my eyes...I was hurt. It seemed like he was picking shopping over me and all I stay is for a day with him!! So all I could text back is "Ok, got it." and I haven't heard from him since (2 days). What do all of you think? Yeah I got it...I got it that I'm not that important. Am I right in thinking I got slapped in the face? My thought is that if you really love someone, you want to see them. The guy just had an temporary crush, nostalgia or whatever, you didn't leave your H for him, now he is backing off and doesn't want to resume anything with you. Being cold and distant he is showing you that he is not interested. I can tell you, if he was, hell, he would run to you in a heartbeat. Maybe you have hurt him before, we don't know much of your story, maybe he has lost interest on you over time as you stayed married, so why on earth would he want to take you back ? He has already moved on with his life, you didn't take the chance with him when you had the option, now the train has passed by, too late.
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