Confusedme5 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Hello. My H left me about a month ago, he says we argue too much and thinks we will both be happier if we get a D. I think our issues could be solved through counseling but he has always been against counseling. We have had little contact since he left, when we do it's mostly about how bills will be paid etc. I have made positive changes in my life, my attitude, became more active and have basically been moving on but I still hope that he will want to try to work things out. We have been married for 4 years. He has not filed nor have we talked about the situation for about 3 weeks. He has been going out with friends a lot since he left. I really think he is doing this because he wants to do his own thing and be single like most of his friends are. Should I remain hopeful that he may return? I am already in the process of moving on but I am still unsure of what he is thinking.
goingstrong Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 We need more info. 1. How old are you two? 2. Any kids? 3. Did he lose a job, criminal issues, personal trauma(besides your divorce), lose your house, or something else? 4. Does he/you have substance abuse or alcohol issues? 5. Major lifestyle changes/health issues? Did either of you gain/lose a lot of weight? Sex life good? 6. Did he find some ex GF or something opposite sex related? 7. Are either of you religious?
Author Confusedme5 Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 We need more info. 1. How old are you two? 2. Any kids? 3. Did he lose a job, criminal issues, personal trauma(besides your divorce), lose your house, or something else? 4. Does he/you have substance abuse or alcohol issues? 5. Major lifestyle changes/health issues? Did either of you gain/lose a lot of weight? Sex life good? 6. Did he find some ex GF or something opposite sex related? 7. Are either of you religious? 1. We are both 24 2. no children 3. He was in the military, got out about 7 months ago, not working. 4. Neither of us have substance abuse or health issues. 5. Getting out of the military was a pretty major lifestyle change other than that nothing big no weight gain/loss. Sex life was good, not fantastic he wanted it all the time and I would push him a way a lot because it felt like that was all he wanted. 6. No other women that I know of, I am not really suspicious that he has/had another women. As far as I know he isn't seeing anyone now either. 7. We are not religious in a way that we go to church, we both have the same beliefs on religion. Thanks
goingstrong Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 CM5, being unemployed doesn't help matters in regards to rational judgement in regards to marriages, but I don't think that alone would make him run away. It sound like you guys got married too young at 20, and he is thinking that he made a mistake and wants to run around still. And at this point if he is going out a lot with his single buddies, you can bet that there are other women involved by now...which complicates things. However, I can't help to think that there is something missing here. Either way, you need to find out what he intents to do since you can't force it to love you and stay married.....You cannot change him, you can only change the way you react to him, which may or may not make him change himself. With that said, it sounds as if you have already did it and some form of the 180 already...too no avail. And if your the only one still working on the marriage, then it sounds as if it is DOA. Call him out about the divorce and move from there.
Author Confusedme5 Posted November 20, 2010 Author Posted November 20, 2010 Thanks for the reply goingstrong. The main reason we haven't talked for the last 3 weeks was because he had family in town and I decided it would be good to kind of put this on hold till they leave. Now I am just waiting for him to contact me, if he doesn't by the end of the week I plan on contacting him and asking him when he plans to move forward. I am not waiting around for him by any means, I am trying to look out for myself and make plans for my future but at the same time I wish he would try to work things out. I guess time will tell...thanks again.
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