Nkognito Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Honestly if your still on the fence about to do it or not then you should not. The reason being is because if she does not reply then you will just assume and drift. If she does reply then you will analyze it beyond need. But when you can send her birthday wishes and not care if she does or does not reply then I think you're ready. Sorry to say but any continuing contact you have with her Deadhead like this will make you a open branch. From your recent posts it sounds like your girl is a branch swinger. Sorry to make it sound harsh but considering how you hooked up originally well that is how she is and will continue to be until she decides she has someone she wants to settle down with. Right now she is just getting the attention she needs. Caving in and messaging her on her birthday is not going to do anything for you at all.
Author SimonSerenade Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 We just have to accept that no matter what's happening... There's just nothing we can possibly do about it unfortunately, It's just good to know we can talk to people who understand us and that's all we can do, I'd say you should still ahead with the birthday text, You got nothing left to lose after all, I'm still going ahead with my little plan tomorrow, Was going to do it today but been under the weather unfortunately, I know how you mean about her, It was must be terrifying to know she could do that again, My situation is a little different as I was her first time and I just wonder if she can resist trying it with somebody else, Lets just hope if they do that curiosity will kill the cats and with there last life they'll come back to the life they once knew.
bl22 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 We just have to accept that no matter what's happening... There's just nothing we can possibly do about it unfortunately, It's just good to know we can talk to people who understand us and that's all we can do, I'd say you should still ahead with the birthday text, You got nothing left to lose after all, I'm still going ahead with my little plan tomorrow, Was going to do it today but been under the weather unfortunately, I know how you mean about her, It was must be terrifying to know she could do that again, My situation is a little different as I was her first time and I just wonder if she can resist trying it with somebody else, Lets just hope if they do that curiosity will kill the cats and with there last life they'll come back to the life they once knew. Birthday text, maybe? im stil debating that 1 myself. But your plan of presents etc, trust me just wait on it. Post a topic on here about it and get some advice from people who have done the same thing your planning and see how it turned out for them.
Author SimonSerenade Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 I just wanted to say that I have read through your threads and it's nice to know that dudes feel the same way that girls do sometimes. Every other site I've been on has been about how wrong the "guy" is. From a girl's perspective, I feel for both of you. You never know what to do or what the future holds. It's seems like everything I get into just ends in me hurting and I just want to give up. NC is truly the only way to get over somebody, and then not until you are truly over them should you text, (even a happy birthday), sorry! Send her a happy birthday text next year... then however she responds won't hurt you either way. SimonSerenade- yours is a rough situation because you do have a child with her. You are kind of obligated to have contact. Keep it short and civil and make your conversations revolve strictly around your child. I know it's hard. I wish you both well and true love! <3 Thank you for your kind words, There greatly appreciated, I sometime's wish I was one of those men who could just get on with thing's and not give a rat's ass, Would spare me so much pain, In my relationship it felt like I may aswell of been the one wearing leggings lol, I hope the fact that we have a child together will encourage her to give us another shot, To me she's somebody who just can't be replaced and can't be thrown away, I'm going to start talking to her again over email's after I've sent her the neck chain and hopefully we can build a friendship slowly but surely and who knows... If given time to get over everything, A fresh start could be on the horizon.
deadhead88 Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Thank you all for your advice. I thought about it and I made the decision to send the birthday message. Her response was a thanks. Which is all I wanted to hear. Nothing more, nothing less. It shows that there is no bitterness between us. I am now back to no contact and healing. Messaging her for her b-day was just something I wanted to do for someone special I once had in my life. I am not overanalyzing it one bit. In regards to the gifts for chritstmas, I say go along with it. If it something you feel you should, then do it. I wish you the best of luck.
Author SimonSerenade Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 Cheers mate, That's what I'll be doing, Right now it feels like I don't have a life what so ever, Amazing how people can have this kind of affect on your life ain't it?, I feel I need to continue to be there and to be nice and just stay in the distant background to hopefully heal in time and be her friend, It's all I can do
deadhead88 Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 It's really all we can do. Today is a bad day for me. I have good days and I have bad days. This is one of the bad ones. I woke up from a dream where me and my girl were still together like nothing happened. These dreams where we're together get my hopes up and then I wake up and realize nothing has changed and I get very very sad like I am now and miss my ex even more than normally. These dreams always ruin my entire day.
Andymack Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 I hate that. In the dream everything's perfect and your back to the way it was and then the moment you open your eyes your heart sinks and it like you back to square one all over again. That sucks
deadhead88 Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 I'm just having a very difficult time getting over her. She was my first serious relationship and my first true love. I thought I could spend the rest of my life with her and now I may never see her again. It's a pain that I can't describe. Even after three months I still feel miserable. And the fact that I feel this way while she seems happy and moving on makes it that much worse. I just wish I knew how much longer I have to go through this hurt.
deadhead88 Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 It sucks too knowing she is happy with her life and moving on because that makes me think that I was making her unhappy and that kills me. I thought she was happy with me and our relationship.
deadhead88 Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 (edited) Does anyone think that because her reason for moving away was because she wasn't happy here, and now that we're broken up and seems happy, then I was the reason she was unhappy here? It just kills me to think that, but it just seems like that must be the case. If she said that she still loves me then why is she so happy now? I really do just want her to be happy because I love her. It's just hard. Edited November 29, 2010 by deadhead88
dk.bnz.chi Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Simon,i'm very very proud of u having a child at such an early age and taking care of it,bravo bravo(that guy Don Ho would agree with me 2 i'm sure:)). u should focus on ur child and yourself and not somebody that doesn't deserve u. u are way better than that,and u know it but don't want 2 admit it right now
Author SimonSerenade Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 Simon,i'm very very proud of u having a child at such an early age and taking care of it,bravo bravo(that guy Don Ho would agree with me 2 i'm sure:)). u should focus on ur child and yourself and not somebody that doesn't deserve u. u are way better than that,and u know it but don't want 2 admit it right now Thank you, That mean's a lot and it's worth a lot, It's not very often I hear kind words such as these :') Make's me feel very positive about my situation. I think I wanted her back so much as I wanted my child to have a better start in life than this, He certainly deserves it, The no contact rule I initiated was the best thing I ever did, It made me see sense and made me realise with how she treated me that I deserved so much more than this, We both planned our son and it was the best plan we ever had, I don't regret a thing, My only hope is now that she is happy and live's a completely full-filled life as the last thing I want him picking up is something negative. I tried my hardest in and out of the relationship and put in 100% effort and got a 0% effort in return, I think one day she will change and she will return to want to give it another go, I hope on that day I'd of moved on and would be happy without her.
dk.bnz.chi Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 that day will only come when u want it 2 come 4 u,trust me. the more u deny the more u delay ur healing. actually healing sounds a little too medical 2 me,i would just say that u're jut delaying ur happiness ,does that make sense?
Author SimonSerenade Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 I think that day is nearing to be honest, I've felt miles better since sending her that letter, Feels like what was left undone has been done and I can finally move on, I don't think I'll be in a relationship for a good while, Just concentrating on me and my son at the minute as that's what matters most to me. She's attempted contact twice, Once by email and once by Skype and has asked about me to my step dad but I've ignored everything and carried on like normal, Feels like my self respect and self belief are returning.
deadhead88 Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 Congrats on your success. I wish you the best of luck. I too am starting to move on. I'm not over her but I know that I have to accept its over and let go. I was feeling down that she seemed so happy and that the break up wasn't affecting her like it was me, even though she said she still loved me. I realize now that if she is happy and moving on. I have to do the same.
sarahlove233 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Congrats! I also want to add, being a 20 year old female myself, she still is maturing and deciding what she wants in life. You said you guys were great before your baby came and then things got complicated. I'm sure she's confused about what she wants her life to be like. I absolutely agree that in time she will come to a realization of what she wants. It's hard to be in such a mature situation when you are still young yourself. Keep up the good work!
Coolsbreeze Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 It's really all we can do. Today is a bad day for me. I have good days and I have bad days. This is one of the bad ones. I woke up from a dream where me and my girl were still together like nothing happened. These dreams where we're together get my hopes up and then I wake up and realize nothing has changed and I get very very sad like I am now and miss my ex even more than normally. These dreams always ruin my entire day. I know exactly what you mean, it's been almost three months for me and I think I have a dream about my ex girlfriend every night I go to sleep. Today was a pretty bad one where I was dreaming her and her new boyfriend hanging out together and I was just sitting there watching. It felt like a nightmare, and it ruined the rest of my day. Yesterday was a dream where I saw her laughing and being all happy with her new guy. I just hope that these dreams will stop soon because I don't want to keep having bad days.
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