3 months gone...

[SimonSerenade]

The love of my life left me 3 months ago, We were together for around 3 years, We have a child together, I'm 23 and she's 20, We were deeply in love, I'm proud to say I took her virginity and we moved in together when she fell pregnant, She found it hard to cope with being a new mother and moved out on me to live with her mum and dad, We argued about it and she finished me for 2 months shortly after, We got back together, We still argued a lot and she changed a lot, Became an angry person who just didn't seem to want to show that she cared about me at all, I slowly fell out of her priorities and got pushed further away out of her and my son's life which in return caused even more arguments as I've always a family and I felt she gave it me just to take it away.

 

Basically time went on and she stopped hugging and kissing me and told me to go away a lot, I joined my friend on Vampire Freaks to talk to some friends from the old days as I was lonely in the house on my own and basically some random people on there decided to leave a fair few comments and they were quite flirty, I flirted back and she saw it, I regret what I did, I feel I only did it because people were making me feel like I was a lovable nice guy again, Something I'd long forgotten.

 

Anyway she finished me and ever since I've been asking for her back, I even begged and pleaded at one point, Tried so reason with her, Took the blame for things that weren't even fully my fault, Showered her with gifts and unfortunately did a bit of drunk dial, I suppose I bothered her more than anything now I think about it clearly, I was in a terrible desperate place with nobody to lean on or turn to, Even wound up in hospital after collapsing in work at one point, Worst of times indeed.

 

After a month and a half of trying so desperately to hang in there and cope, I asked for her friendship, We exchanged a few emails near enough everyday and became quite good friends but I just couldn't stop the feelings from coming to the surface, One day I thought I'd be nice and get her Fable 3 as she was going on about it for quite a while, I was ill that weekend I gave it her and told her there would be a chance I wouldn't be able to pick my son up on Wednesday for the day if it carried on this way, The following day she started bitching about me to my mum and step dad saying she couldn't care less if I came or not, This upset me and I said until I get an apology and an effort made at our friendship in return then I'd be taking some time away for myself as it just wasn't working.

 

I haven't talked to her now for over a week and I've had my step dad and nan pick him up and drop him off for me for now so I don't have to see her as it's just too hard at the moment to look her in the eye, I'm hoping she'll contact me eventually and show that she wants me in her life, She finished me over the phone and didn't really give much reason for it, I believe she said more than anything she was done with the arguments and wanted to be on her own as she didn't love me any more and wanted to experience the life she never had before she had our son, That hurt but it hurt more how she didn't do it to my face and give me real reasons and just something to go off that would of let me know I would of at least meant something to her after all this time, I worry about her a lot and just hope to god she's not degrading herself out there with a couple of players as many tend to do.

 

I haven't been with anybody else since her in any way what so ever, I just want to be a family man, I aim to stay loyal to her in hope that she'll come back one day even if it's just to give me some closure, I feel I never got that and though I'd like her to be in my life for my son's sake I know in my heart of hearts that it's just not possible, I feel if she came back asking to be friends I'd have to tell her it's all or nothing, Any advice on how to deal with this and if there's any way I could possibly change her mind?, It's hard knowing the right steps to take especially when I'm shut out from how she feels, I feel I just need a push in the right direction, Is there any hope do you think?

[jamiedd]

the best advice is just keep your distance man.. you seem to be ready for something that she is not ready for. COMMITMENT.... i myself am going through a similar situation minus the child though... and all i can say is there is nothing you can physically do, say, buy, or anything else for that matter that will make her change and come back to you and be the woman that you want.. she has to do that on her own, and the best road to that possibly happening is you stepping away for as long as it takes. you need to give her a sense of loss. how could she ever miss you if you just stay there calling and texting and emailing and buying her gifts. your value is going down in her eyes. i know this because ive made all the same exact mistakes myself.. none of it worked and if it did work, things only stayed good for a few days and then we were rite back where we started. so just recently i decided to really have the will power and not contact her for a long time 30+ days i dont care if she calls me either (your girl might too) but thats just to bait you, so you come running back. break the cycle man, just like i am.. its your best chance at getting her back securely.

[deadhead88]

Hello all I am new to this site but from reading peoples posts it has helped me a lot. It is very theraputic. My girlfriend also left me three months ago. We dated a little over 10 months but it was really serious. Right from the start we both felt a strong connection.

Our whole relationship was long distance due to us being at different unis. One concern we had while dating was that she would be done with school before me, however we would always say that we would fight through it and eventually move in together, get married, kids, etc. We talked about all of this frequently. However in August, just before school started she went on a week long vacation and came back acting very strange and distant. I knew something was wrong but she refused to tell me. So for a week straight I either got ignored or got half a$$ answers. So finally I said she had to tell me so I met her at her house. She then told me that she was moving after she graduates this year. I was in complete shock. Her reasons were that she was unhappy here and had dreams that she needed to accomplish. That was three months ago and I'm still devestated. She said it had nothing to do with her not loving me anymore so I stayed in contact with her while I was at school.

However, this lasted until about a month ago when she was at a bar where a friend of mine was at. She texted me and said that my friend was trash talking her and that she didn't know what I told him about her but she didn't appreciate it. I told her that my friend knew I was upset about the break up and her moving but I never said anything bad about her which is true. The next day I asked her something that was off subject and she just ignored me. That was the last straw for me. I stopped contacting her and deactivated my facebook account. So finally here is my question. Was she being out of life and irrational to get mad mad at me and ignore me for something my friend said to her? I mean I have no control over what my friends say and obviously people are going to state their opinions over a break up when alcohol is involved. Should I keep no contact going?

[SimonSerenade]

the best advice is just keep your distance man.. you seem to be ready for something that she is not ready for. COMMITMENT.... i myself am going through a similar situation minus the child though... and all i can say is there is nothing you can physically do, say, buy, or anything else for that matter that will make her change and come back to you and be the woman that you want.. she has to do that on her own, and the best road to that possibly happening is you stepping away for as long as it takes. you need to give her a sense of loss. how could she ever miss you if you just stay there calling and texting and emailing and buying her gifts. your value is going down in her eyes. i know this because ive made all the same exact mistakes myself.. none of it worked and if it did work, things only stayed good for a few days and then we were rite back where we started. so just recently i decided to really have the will power and not contact her for a long time 30+ days i dont care if she calls me either (your girl might too) but thats just to bait you, so you come running back. break the cycle man, just like i am.. its your best chance at getting her back securely.

 

 

Your absolutely right dude, I've been feeling a bit better since not talking to her, Getting up in the morning is still a hurtful experience mind but I suppose I've done everything I can possibly do to get her back, I come to the conclusion that I can't prevent what's going to happen, In my head I always said I'd take her back providing there was nobody else as I just wouldn't want to take someone back who could do that to meh after I've stayed loyal to my love for her, The hardest thing for me is that she walked away without giving me closure, She walked away knowing I was everything to her yet I'm left her with no a meaningful word said to my name, I feel like moving on but that wouldn't be fair to a new partner if I'm feeling this way, What happened between you and your woman if you don't mind me asking?

[SimonSerenade]

Hello all I am new to this site but from reading peoples posts it has helped me a lot. It is very theraputic. My girlfriend also left me three months ago. We dated a little over 10 months but it was really serious. Right from the start we both felt a strong connection.

Our whole relationship was long distance due to us being at different unis. One concern we had while dating was that she would be done with school before me, however we would always say that we would fight through it and eventually move in together, get married, kids, etc. We talked about all of this frequently. However in August, just before school started she went on a week long vacation and came back acting very strange and distant. I knew something was wrong but she refused to tell me. So for a week straight I either got ignored or got half a$$ answers. So finally I said she had to tell me so I met her at her house. She then told me that she was moving after she graduates this year. I was in complete shock. Her reasons were that she was unhappy here and had dreams that she needed to accomplish. That was three months ago and I'm still devestated. She said it had nothing to do with her not loving me anymore so I stayed in contact with her while I was at school.

However, this lasted until about a month ago when she was at a bar where a friend of mine was at. She texted me and said that my friend was trash talking her and that she didn't know what I told him about her but she didn't appreciate it. I told her that my friend knew I was upset about the break up and her moving but I never said anything bad about her which is true. The next day I asked her something that was off subject and she just ignored me. That was the last straw for me. I stopped contacting her and deactivated my facebook account. So finally here is my question. Was she being out of life and irrational to get mad mad at me and ignore me for something my friend said to her? I mean I have no control over what my friends say and obviously people are going to state their opinions over a break up when alcohol is involved. Should I keep no contact going?

 

I had a relationship like that once, Was with her for round about the same amount of time you were with your girlfriend, She lived in Kent and I lived in Manchester so there was quite a distance between us, Your doing the right thing by not talking to her, Even if it don't help you back together it'll put you in a better place emotionally till your at a place where you can see her and talk to her like nothing she says and does bothers you, I feel maybe when you get to that point you can start rebuilding unless of course she comes back.

 

I'd say your friend probably twisted what you said and made it sound worse than it did, I don't think she deserves kind words though so maybe she's shocked that your suddenly not saying any, I've been in many of relationships and they've always been long term, The one thing I'd take away from it all like I always did back then was "Well at least I haven't got any ties to her so I don't really have to look back or ever talk to her again", That's about all I'd take away from it, It still wouldn't stop the pain, My ex before my recent one had me so bad that whenever I went out I wound up crying into my beer.

 

It's hard having all those dreams and ambitions with someone, What's even harder is when your the only one left wanting them, I'd say... in time if you love this girl be her friend, Remind her of the good times and remind her of what you both shared, My ex came back eventually after around 9-10 months at one point but by this point I was with my current ex and wouldn't budge cause I loved her Maybe that's saying something? Like if you only try n get to know someone n move on then she just might come back and then it'll be up to you if you decide on taking her back or not, Good luck either way dude.

[deadhead88]

Thank you for the reply. I do love this girl with all of my heart and would one day consider a friendship. After the break up she actually brought up the idea but I denied it saying that I can't jump into a friendship with her right away. I also brought up the idea of no contact but found it hard to maintain until recently. Should I look any further into her getting angry with me for what my friend said and the ignoring me? Or should I just leave it alone? I just don't understand how she could get angry with me when I am the one she hurt. It almost makes me angry.

[deadhead88]

Also it would almost be pointless to be friends down the road because in less than a year she will be moving out of my state and life.

[SimonSerenade]

Thank you for the reply. I do love this girl with all of my heart and would one day consider a friendship. After the break up she actually brought up the idea but I denied it saying that I can't jump into a friendship with her right away. I also brought up the idea of no contact but found it hard to maintain until recently. Should I look any further into her getting angry with me for what my friend said and the ignoring me? Or should I just leave it alone? I just don't understand how she could get angry with me when I am the one she hurt. It almost makes me angry.

 

 

Your welcome buddy, I know how it is, I'm always looking for somebody to talk to about my problems but sometime's people just don't want to listen as they've heard it all before, Talking is all part of the process of healing in my opinion, I don't blame you for denying the friendship, I did the exact same with my ex and said it was just too hard and after a month and a half I started being friends with her for my son's sake but realised after some harsh words that came out of her mouth that I just couldn't do it any more.

 

I think your doing the right thing by not being her friend and keeping her out of sight for a while as I'm sure you'd only end up feeling like I did, Every time I saw an email from her my heart clenched up and every time I saw her face to face my heart just wanted to get the hell out of there and break down, She'd see right through your disguise, Every time I asked her how she was doing I'd always feel like I'd been pushed in the mud when she'd say she was good and I'd always have to bite my tongue from opening up about why I am the only person in pain and suffering like this while she's all good and living life.

 

Anger is natural right now after all she's put you through and how it seems that she couldn't give a damn but if you were her friend you'd unfortunately have the opportunity to direct that anger towards her and any sort of vibe of anger or feeling of desperation will do your chances no good with her.

 

It's best to steer clear of her and if she wants you in her life even if it is just as a friend then stay strong and wait till she comes to you otherwise you'll always wonder why she never gave a damn to make the effort and that sort of feeling don't do your self worth any good, I know it's hard, Your in hell right now but trust me I'm in hell beside you, If thing's are going to work out then she's gotta try, If you do wind up talking to her then be as nice as you possibly can and give her no reason to feel angry with you and if she starts off an argument again just keep it brief and agree with her, It's what I tend to do with people, Just say "Absolutely and smile :)".

 

For the record... If thing's do work out for you then you'll figure out a way to get past the distance, After all... We don't got planes and cars for nothing.

[deadhead88]

Thanks. It's true about talking things through. It helps a lot. I have another question. Since I haven't contacted her for around 40 days would it be ok to send her a happy birthday text (her birthday is this monday)? I just want to do it as a kind gesture but i'm worried that will lead to a lot more since i will be home for thanksgiving and she will be in town. I'm worried that will open the lines of communication and maybe ask me to hang out with her. I couldn't handle that right now. But I don't want her to get angry that I didn't acknowledge her birthday.

[SimonSerenade]

Thanks. It's true about talking things through. It helps a lot. I have another question. Since I haven't contacted her for around 40 days would it be ok to send her a happy birthday text (her birthday is this monday)? I just want to do it as a kind gesture but i'm worried that will lead to a lot more since i will be home for thanksgiving and she will be in town. I'm worried that will open the lines of communication and maybe ask me to hang out with her. I couldn't handle that right now. But I don't want her to get angry that I didn't acknowledge her birthday.

 

 

I'd send her a birthday text if I was in your shoes yeah, Just be sure to make it a brief text, Happy birthday only, If for some reason she asks to meet up just say "I'm busy", The last thing you want to do is tell her your not ready as she'll know your still hurting over her which in return will give her more power over you, I'm sending a Christmas present and card to my ex when the time comes as that's an occasion I can take advantage of, Saying something nice but subtle in a card with a present to go along with it, That's my next move and if I can make it that far without talking to her then I know I'm doing well, She don't deserve anything I do for her though, All I got for my birthday was some harsh truth's and plenty of tears to cry because of them, After all I did to help her, I didn't even get a card, Just make sure she deserves it.

[deadhead88]

Yea I think i'm going to. I've been doing good with no contact. She texted me a few weeks ago asking why i didn't have a facebook anymore and I didn't reply. I didn't reply because I was hurt that she ignored me and I thought I'd give her a taste of her own medicine. She hasn't said anything since. Was it wrong on my part to ignore her since she ignored me? I'm also just really confuses because she said she still loves me but it just deosn't make sense. If she really loved me she wouldnt be moving away from me. It's hard also knowing that all our dreams about marriage and kids will be with some other guy. Thanks again four your input. It is really helpful.

[SimonSerenade]

Yea I think i'm going to. I've been doing good with no contact. She texted me a few weeks ago asking why i didn't have a facebook anymore and I didn't reply. I didn't reply because I was hurt that she ignored me and I thought I'd give her a taste of her own medicine. She hasn't said anything since. Was it wrong on my part to ignore her since she ignored me? I'm also just really confuses because she said she still loves me but it just deosn't make sense. If she really loved me she wouldnt be moving away from me. It's hard also knowing that all our dreams about marriage and kids will be with some other guy. Thanks again four your input. It is really helpful.

 

 

I wouldn't feel bad about it as it's none of her business really, I too deleted my Facebook account as I felt it caused me the majority of my problems in and out of the relationship, My ex also asked me what happened to it and I just told her it was because I just couldn't be doing with it any more, Didn't mention anything else, Sometime's life's better without that kind of stuff, I think right now the more effort she makes the more she proves she care's. If she deserves you in her life then she will fight for you to be there until then you can't keep putting yourself out there and she will realise that one day.

 

 

It sounds to me that when she say's she still loves you, You find it hard to believe because of what she's put you through and everything she's done but her saying that is a good thing if you love her back, Give her some time, I'd say... around 28 days then ask her out for a coffee, If you want her back you have an opening with her saying she still loves you, When you meet for the coffee, Be polite and nice and make it obvious that your over her (Even if the truth is that your not", You have sometime to change her mind but take it slowly and when the time comes to ask her about how she was really feeling during the break up comes then tell her but for now stay cool and collected.

 

It's never easy to think about the one you love with somebody else, I constantly have nightmares about her with somebody else and my kid saying daddy to that someone, My ex before this one came back after 8 months, She too showed no feelings towards me what so ever and didn't care if I cried or was dying inside or anything... When she came back she owned up to the mistakes she made while we were apart and told me how she really felt which was pure sadness and finding it hard to live without me, That brought me comfort but since I was with my recent ex at the time it just didn't matter any more, Just try and move on and if she comes back then it'll be your choice to take her back or stay with the other person.

 

In the meantime do stuff you like to do as it's all you can do, I personally tend to play my guitar and sing some songs that remind me of her as a way of coping with the pain, Everything that needs to be said to her gets written down on notepad and for my eyes only, I also play football (soccer), The exercise make's me feel better in myself especially when there's other people watching, Just be the nice guy that you are and be proud of who you are, I accepted I've done everything I possibly could to get her back and the only thing left to do now is step aside and let her see for herself what life is like without me, I'd advise you to try and find peace in that too.

[deadhead88]

I do want her back but i'm almost 100% sure that it is over and that she's not coming back. She's made up her mind that her future doesnt include me. She will be moving either way in less than a year. I think that if she really loved me and wanted things to work, she would wait for me to finish school or atleast talk to me about everything. She made the decision to relocate and only told me about it after she had made the decision which means I wasn't even part of the decision. I also had a hard time staying on facebook because of pictures I saw of her with guys and other pictures where she looked really happpy and that the break up wasnt affecting her which really hurt me. She seems happy without me and that pains me. She also had a status that said how she couldnt wait to move away when she graduates. Again very painful. Also, us getting back together would mean her not moving away which she obviously doesnt want to do.

Edited November 18, 2010 by deadhead88

[SimonSerenade]

I do want her back but i'm almost 100% sure that it is over and that she's not coming back. She's made up her mind that her future doesnt include me. She will be moving either way in less than a year. I think that if she really loved me and wanted things to work, she would wait for me to finish school or atleast talk to me about everything. She made the decision to relocate and only told me about it after she had made the decision which means I wasn't even part of the decision. I also had a hard time staying on facebook because of pictures I saw of her with guys and other pictures where she looked really happpy and that the break up wasnt affecting her which really hurt me. She seems happy without me and that pains me. She also had a status that said how she couldnt wait to move away when she graduates. Again very painful. Also, us getting back together would mean her not moving away which she obviously doesnt want to do.

 

 

I know how you feel, I'm the same but you have hope, She said that she still loves you, You need to remember that and do what you can if you want her back, The last time my ex left she came back and I thought it was over for good, I'm hoping she does the same this time but in the meantime all I can do is do what I'm doing now... Which is nothing, I deleted my Facebook for the same reason, I didn't want to see her being happy, I never saw any pictures of guys but its the fact that that she was out and about and seemed happy, There's often a difference between what a woman says to what she feels, Your best bet would be to see how it goes and if you wind up finding a way back then see where the two of you can go from there.

[deadhead88]

Do you think that by whatever my friend said to her and then her ignoring me meant that she is starting to not love me as much or start to hate me? Also, regarding the happy birthday text, I feel she might respond in a negative way because she was mad at and because I haven't contacted her in so long. I'm just nervous.

Edited November 19, 2010 by deadhead88

[SimonSerenade]

Do you think that by whatever my friend said to her and then her ignoring me meant that she is starting to not love me as much or start to hate me? Also, regarding the happy birthday text, I feel she might respond in a negative way because she was mad at and because I haven't contacted her in so long. I'm just nervous.

 

 

If what your friend said got to her then it show's that she still cares about what you think of her, I know I get mad and upset when my ex say's bad things about me to my mum and step dad , I don't think she'd hate you, I think the two of you would have too much history together for her to ever hate you, I'd send her the birthday text anyway, Shows that you care and you shouldn't hide that part of who you are cause I'm sure that's what she fell in love with you for, If she replies with anything nasty just say "okay" and leave it at that.

[deadhead88]

Once again thanks for your replys. They have been very helpful. If i implemented no contact to help me me heal and start to move on as I feel she is, should I still break no contact to wish her happy birthday?

[SimonSerenade]

Once again thanks for your replys. They have been very helpful. If i implemented no contact to help me me heal and start to move on as I feel she is, should I still break no contact to wish her happy birthday?

 

I think wishing her happy birthday would be the nice thing to do, I'd just say "Happy Birthday :)" and leave it at that, I think its okay to break contact doing that, Many people will say not to as you want to be harsh on her but you can't change your ways just because of a break up, You wouldn't like it if she didn't wish you happy birthday plus she may complain if you don't wish it her, It's a lose lose situation but at least if you wish her happy birthday you'd be losing the nice way if anything, I'm always here to talk to you if you should need some advice or just someone to open up to buddy Hang in there.

[deadhead88]

Thanks. I'll let you know how it goes. If you need an opinion or have anything to share with me please don't hesitate to ask.

[SimonSerenade]

Good luck buddy and thank you, I'll be sure to hold you to that, The next time I do anything for my ex will be Christmas, I'll be sending her a gift since I'll be buying gifts for my son anyway, Hopefully she'll appreciate it, For now I'm going to work on myself and working on forgiving her, I feel maybe letting go of these feelings will help me in the long run and one day may even help me start up a new relationship with my ex, No more if she did this or if she loved me that, I'm just going to forgive her and give her the benefit of the doubt and hopefully in time I'll be able to be her friend and hopefully one day more... I suggest you do the same buddy, It's all we can do... Even if it's just for now.

[deadhead88]

As you know i'm trying to do my best to heal. But every now and again I get these thoughts about her being intimate with someone else and it kills me. I know you mentioned how you've had nightmares regarding the same stuff and I have too. Very vivid dreams that I always wake up too with so much pain. Eve during the day I'll randomly have these thoughts. I was wondering how I can cope with all these negative thoughts of things that I can't control, ie. her being with someone else physically? Thanks once again.

 

PS. Tomorrow is the day I wish her happy birthday. There has been no contact for almost 50 days. I'll let you know how it goes.

Edited November 21, 2010 by deadhead88

[deadhead88]

I am now having second thoughts as to what I should do on her birthday. I keep hearing from people that I should say happy birthday but mostly everyone is saying that I shouldn't as it will just cause me more pain to have contact again which is true. I just don't know what to do. Part of me wants to be nice and do it and the other part wants to not do it and keep myself from getting hurt again. I'm just very conflicted. It's been so long since we've had contact and it is working somewhat. I fear that breaking it by wishing her a happy birthday will bring me back to square one.

[SimonSerenade]

I know dude, You got it rough at the moment, I've been in the same situation, Been so tempted to break no contact and in a little way I'm going to, I've decided I'm not going to live and die by the no contact rule, No contact is to mainly help yourself and to hope that she'll be missing you on the other end but nothing more than that, I myself am breaking the no contact rule to do one thing that I've been meaning to do... She won't give me closure so I'm writing her a hand written note and sending her a neck chain that say's "mother" on it as I was always meaning to when I was with her, I'm even doing her a mix cd just to get my feelings out there, The idea of the letter is to basically let her know that I'm letting go and in return that will make me feel better.

 

I know it's hard having to imagine stuff like that about the one you love, I had some hard time trying to get images out of my head, Every time I'd hear that she wanted my son back a little later than usual that's all that would pop in my head, I couldn't even talk about sex with people because of thinking about it, When I start thinking stuff like that I trust my better judgement of her and just know that she wouldn't be doing something like that without being with somebody as that's just the person she is, I don't know if that's the way it is but it's what I like to believe especially while I'm in this state of heart.

 

I think you need to trust your better judgement of her, In regards to the birthday text I'd just send it cause your a nice guy and that's just who you are, After all it's just a happy birthday then back to no contact like mine will be when Christmas time comes, I'll be there but I'll be silent, I'll buy her a gift for Christmas cause that's just who I am, I'm doing what I'm doing tomorrow for the simple reason that I need to do it and that's just who I am, I'm not expecting any reaction to it I just need to know it's out there.

 

No contact is a way for me to forgive her in my own time and allowing time to get me in a comfortable place where I'm okay to be around her and be her friend and what happens in the future is up to the man upstairs, When the road gets rough just got to keep on it mate.

[deadhead88]

Thanks. I have not sent the birthday message yet but once I do I will let you know what happens. I would love to use my better judgement with her but its very hard because in her past she has hooked up with guys without dating them. Her and I even hooked up before we started dating. That is why I can't get those thoughts out of my head. If she was able to do that before with guys without dating them, then what is stopping her now?

[AlisaMarie]

I just wanted to say that I have read through your threads and it's nice to know that dudes feel the same way that girls do sometimes. Every other site I've been on has been about how wrong the "guy" is. From a girl's perspective, I feel for both of you. You never know what to do or what the future holds. It's seems like everything I get into just ends in me hurting and I just want to give up. NC is truly the only way to get over somebody, and then not until you are truly over them should you text, (even a happy birthday), sorry! Send her a happy birthday text next year... then however she responds won't hurt you either way.

SimonSerenade- yours is a rough situation because you do have a child with her. You are kind of obligated to have contact. Keep it short and civil and make your conversations revolve strictly around your child. I know it's hard. I wish you both well and true love! <3